The Blue Lagoon
by letsgetdizzy
Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue.
1. Prologue 2011

**Someone asked for a retelling of the blue lagoon with Brittany and Santana as the abandoned children and I couldn't help myself.**

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><p>The girls were taken off the island the day after they had their fight, when Brittany left as soon as the sun came up to look for crabs and told Santana she would be back when it was almost dark. As soon as Brittany had gotten up from their bed and gone outside Santana scrambled up to watch her leave, and watch her long, strong legs – legs that meant that Brittany could climb higher and run faster then she could- bounce away over the sand. Santana had just finished getting them water and cleaning the fish from the day before when she saw a ship, shockingly close. She knew it was a ship because it was just like the one Will had told them to look for before died and they had to leave him. While she was standing there, the fish slipping out of her hand, the ship moved closer and closer and it was the biggest thing she had ever seen in her life and<p>

'BRITTANY! _BRITTANY_'

She screamed until her throat was raw and there were people coming out of the ship to stand at the top and look and point. She felt like a little insect as she stood there horribly exposed on the beach, and she ran into the house to be safe. As soon as she got in and brushed her way past the grilles and pictures and the photo she crawled under hers and Brittany's blankets and waited, sweating. It didn't take long until she heard Brittany running towards her, her long strides the only ones she knew the sound of except for her own. Brittany ducked into the house and locked eyes with her, scared.

'We have to hide. We have to go _now_.' Santana rose to her feet and tugged on her hand. Brittany didn't move.

'Why?' It wasn't fair that Santana was pulling with all her strength and Brittany had only taken one step towards the door. Suddenly Santana felt stupid. She should have gone to find Brittany and they should have hidden together near the sharp end of the island. Instead she had crawled into the bed like a coward snail into its shell, hiding from the thing that Will told them would happen, that she had waited for and been scared of since she was small enough to walk beneath the wings of the plane that had left them here. Her eyes filled with tears.

'Hey, don't cry. We decided we were going to do this anyway. This is good.' Brittany's eyes were wide and shiny, and Santana could feel the energy coming off her like a fever. Brittany removed her hand from Santana's, with some difficulty, and went to pack some of their things into a bag that they found in the plane. Santana stood in a corner and watched as Brittany threw in their one warm blanket, the three books that they had and Brittany guarded like a treasure, the faded green coat that Will had pulled off the pilot and a photo of their family. The photo was so old and worn that the faces could barely be made out, but the two had sat over it and traced their faces so many times that she felt like the pictures had been copied into the back of their brains. Brittany turned and saw that Santana had tears streaming down her face and was pressing her lips together to keep from crying, so she put the bag down and pressed her mouth on Santana's. The feeling of her lips made Santana feel dizzy as usual, like she was swooping and twirling in the sky like the birds that stole the fish they left out to dry if they weren't careful, and she felt her muscles relax a tiny bit. Brittany took advantage and gently steered Santana out onto the beach by her waist. Santana still felt nervous and scattered from when she first saw the ship, and she felt like she was going to be sick everywhere. The only thing that calmed her down was feeling Brittany's hand on her stomach tremble slightly, because at least she knew she wasn't the only one. They stood on the beach until the ship let a small motorboat that buzzed towards them, and the sound was so loud that Santana froze her muscles into place so that she didn't bolt. Brittany dug her hand deeper into her side.

A man that was the tallest she had ever seen (not that she remembered seeing many) stepped out of the boat, with two smaller (but still giant) men behind him. He walked over to them slowly, like he was afraid that they were the like the _very hungry caterpillar_ in one of Brittany's books. He stopped when he was a few feet away.

'My name is Lieutenant Andy Maguire. We saw your fire.' He spoke slowly, like he thought they wouldn't understand him. Santana could sense that Brittany was rethinking this whole dumb idea, because his big body looked so strange on their island, where the only people on it for the past several years were little and skinny, then tall and skinny. She wanted to push him into the water so he would swim away. He took a tiny step closer, and raised his hands when they took a step backwards together.

'Look, we're not going to hurt you, we're in the Navy. We just thought you might need some help.'

Brittany tilted her head. 'Is that like the police?' He looked confused, then like he was going to laugh, but he answered anyway.

'Yes, exactly like that. What are your names?'

Santana answered first. 'We're Brittany and Santana Pierce.'

The confused look came on his face again. 'You're sisters?' Brittany giggled.

'No, silly.'

He sighed, moving on. 'How long have you been here?' Santana furrowed her brow and started to count, adding and counting moons and how old they were before, but it was all so confusing and she couldn't remember...

'Seventeen?' That was the best she could do, without the counting tree to check.

He saw the distress on her face, and his eyes softened. 'How old were you when you got here?'

She knew this one.

'I was five,' she said, confident. He looked at her like she had said she was actually a monkey.

'Have you been here alone, all this time?' He looked so sorry.

'No,' she replied indignantly. 'I wasn't alone. I have Brittany.' She smiled and leaned up to press a kiss to her cheek, and felt Brittany's chest press against her arms. Brittany smiled and pulled her closer in. The man's eyes widened and his face went red. Suddenly he stopped looking at her eyes and turned around so he could gesture at the boat.

'So, we can, ah, leave now, ladies. Girls.' Santana could see that he was trying not to look at her chest, which made her feel strange, like he was crawling under her skin. She shivered and felt Brittany do the same.

'If you girls are cold I have a coat that you can borrow, to cover yourselves up. If you want.' Brittany shook her head, but Santana nodded at the man and took the bag from Brittany. She dug in to find the coat and draped it over Brittany's shoulders, because she didn't like the way the man kept on sneaking glances at her either. When he handed her a jacket that was so blindingly white it reflected the sun into her eyes she pulled it on, wincing as the material pulled at her skin. It had been so long since she had worn proper clothes that the material chafed and itched and she shifted irritably. The man seemed to relax a bit.

'Let's go, the ship is waiting.' Santana took a deep breath and walked towards the boat, Brittany matching her step for step, all the way into the surf.

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><p>Santana is five years and seven months old when they crash on the island the day after her mother sends her off with a kiss and a bag of treats and two colouring books. Brittany is four months younger. Will has exactly three hundred and twenty two days left.<p> 


	2. Brave New World 1999

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: none. AU.

**So the chapters are going to alternate between two parallel storylines: one starting from when they were first stranded and one from they were rescued.**

The first thing that Santana noticed was pain in her ears as the plane began to shake and wobble; the movement sent her colouring book off the table and onto the floor. The little blonde girl who they had sat next to her because she was the only other child who had to travel alone bent over to pick it up for her and cried out when her head snapped forward and hit the seat in front of them because the plane jolted forward. She began to sob. Santana didn't know what to do, because the movement of the plane was making her sandwich come back up, and the plane was tilting down and down and _down_

And the next thing she knew she was bouncing up and down in her seat, clenching her mouth shut to stop from biting her tongue. Sunlight was streaming in through the side of the plane where the left half had been, and the little blonde girl was quiet. The plane stopped suddenly, and she snapped forward in her seat with the force of it. Her left hand had come up automatically to cushion her blow, and she felt it bend painfully, trapped between the back of the seat in front of her and her head. Santana cradled her hurt hand in front of her closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to go down a little bit. When she had counted to eighty and the pain was still there, throbbing and shooting all the way to her elbow she opened her eyes and took a breath. Instead she felt her throat close up and a sob work its way out of her throat. Once she started she couldn't stop and she began to cry hard, holding her hand closer to her chest, but after a while the crying made her head hurt, and that plus the heat coming off her arm made her open her mouth wider and let out a wail. Just before she fell into a full panic attack she heard a little whimper come from right next to her. It was so soft that she thought she had imagined it, but she heard it again, right next to her ear. She turned her head and saw the other girl next to her. When she saw her face she almost wailed again, because she looked like a monster in a scary movie. There was a cut right above her forehead that streamed blood all the way down her face and even into her mouth, staining her teeth red.

'Can you stop shouting, please? My head hurts.' She was slumped into her seat, and her breath puffed out of her mouth quick, like she had been running. Santana considered telling her that she was going to do what she wanted because she hurt and something had gone very wrong with the plane but the blood on the girl's face was a little creepy and she didn't want to make her angry.

'Okay.' She tried to smile, but stopped quickly when the girl smiled back and she saw the blood in her mouth again. The girl tried to turn her head but whimpered before she had even turned it halfway. Santana watched a tear trickle down her cheek and turn redder and redder as it slowly moved down her face.

'I can't see what's happening,' she whispered. 'What can you see?'

Santana turned to look at the other side of the plane. She could see an unbroken line of yellow that stretched as far as she could see, and some patches of green that waved around the edges of the hole in the plane. The sunlight coming in was hurting her eyes, so she turned back around.

'I don't know. It looks like sand outside.'

The girl wrinkled her nose. 'Do you smell that? It's like salt.'

Santana sniffed, and a hot, sharp smell flooded her nose. She wondered how she had missed it before. Suddenly the plane creaked shifted down so that the girl, who had the window seat, was lower down than Santana. Santana felt a jolting shock in her chest when the plane moved and a painful pressure in her wrist, and when she turned around the girl was clutching her tight. She scowled and shook her hand loose, thankful that the girl had had grabbed the hand that didn't hurt. She was shaking and crying, tears streaming down her face and taking some of the blood with them.

'Hey, stop that.' Santana took her hand again. 'Emma says that crying makes your head hurt more.' The girl looked up.

'Who's Emma?' She looked interested. Santana was just happy she had stopped crying; and she tried to ease her hand out of the girl's, but she held on tight.

'She's our maid, and she takes care of me.'

'Why doesn't your mom take care of you?' Santana saw that her eyes were bright and shiny like blue M&Ms.

'She's busy. She works for a big company and she's the boss of everyone, so she needs someone to take care of me so she can work and go to other countries. My dad works with her too.'

'Oh.' She looked thoughtful. 'My mom takes care of me, and my sisters. She's the best cook ever.' She smiled again, and Santana saw that a lot of the blood was off her teeth. This made her feel braver, so she smiled back. The plane moved again until the girl was even further below Santana.

'I think we need to get out.' Santana gave the girl's arm a little shake.

'I _can't. _My head hurts. I can't move it. I can't leave.' Santana sighed.

'Hey, what's your name?' The girl sniffled, the snot mixing with the blood on her face.

'I'm Brittany Susan Pierce. What's yours?'

'My name is Santana Maria Consuela Marisol Leonora Lopez.' Santana smiled because she could say it all in one breath.

'Those are a lot of names. Why do you have so many?' Brittany managed to turn around so that she was on her side, facing Santana directly.

'I was named after both my grandmothers and my aunts, because I'm their first grandkid and niece and they all wanted me to have their names, so my mom said that they could.'

'Wow,' Brittany breathed out. 'That's so cool.' Santana shrugged.

'Not really. It takes me forever to write them all out.' The plane moved _again_, and Santana wanted to kick herself because she had forgotten that they were trying to get out.

'Um, Brittany. We need to leave the plane now.' She kept talking as she saw the other girl's eyes fill with tears. 'It's okay, we'll go super slow, I promise. Okay?'

Brittany nodded, and Santana pulled her hand out of hers so that she could undo her seatbelt. As soon as she did she tipped out of her seat and fell onto Brittany's, pushing her into the wall of the plane. Her wrist knocked against the arm of the seat and she cried out, realizing at the same time that her head had knocked into Brittany's and the other girl was cringing and crying against her. Santana felt bad for hurting her after promising she would be careful.

'Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to.' She was already pressed against Brittany, so she carefully moved closer and pressed her face into her neck. Her hair smelled like sweat. 'I'm so sorry,' Santana whispered.

'It's okay,' Brittany choked out. 'It was an accident.' Santana was scared and her hand was starting to hurt again, but she pushed herself off Brittany and tried to use her good hand to keep her weight off of her.

'Can you undo your seatbelt? I can't reach it with my hand.'

Brittany reached an arm between them and pressed the button, and the click echoed in the silence. Santana struggled to her feet and used the tops of the seats around her to pull herself up to the aisle. As soon as she got there she wrapped the elbow of her bad arm around the top of her seat and dangled her good hand down to Brittany so that she could pull her up. Brittany reached up and clasped their hands together, but as soon as she stood up and took a step forward a fresh wave of blood streamed down her face and Santana saw her eyes start to roll back in her head. She started to panic, because she could feel that Brittany was becoming dead weight and her other arm was starting to feel the strain of holding them up on an incline. She squeezed Brittany's hand as hard as she could.

'Brittany, _please_, we have to leave.' Santana wasn't sure if it was the pain or her voice that did it, but Brittany opened her eyes and started to move forward doing what Santana had done and using her other hand to pull herself up. She got to the top eventually, and they moved slowly down the aisle, slipping and sliding across the uneven footing. Suddenly Brittany stopped, yanking Santana backwards.

'_What_?' Now that they were moving Santana wanted more than anything to be out in the open air and out of the stuffy, smelly plane. When Brittany didn't say anything Santana stopped to look at her. She turned more to see what Brittany was staring at and felt dizzy. The three people who had been sitting in front of them in the plane were bleeding, and there was red coming out from their heads or backs or chests. Santana didn't stop to look anymore; she just clutched Brittany's hand even tighter and pulled her towards the hole in the plane. When they got there she stopped, because the hole was far off the ground, too far for her or Brittany to jump, even in the tiny plane that only had twelve seats in it. Santana looked around and saw that there was a door that was hanging open near the back, and she turned around and made for that instead. The ground was just close enough for her to hop down onto the sand. She barely managed to stand up when Brittany jumped and landed right next to her, hip checking her and knocking her down.

'OW!' Santana turned to glare, but Brittany had slumped to the ground as soon as she had landed and was curled up in a ball. Santana moved closer and rested her hand timidly on her back.

'Is it your head?' When Brittany nodded she moved closer and took her hand, and settled in to wait until Brittany stopped whimpering so they could go and find the people. But all Brittany did was lie there for ages, and Santana was starting to sweat under the sun. She could feel her skin prickle and burn, and when she looked over she saw that Brittany's skin, which had been milky white when they were in the plane, was now an angry red. The prickling grew worse and Santana remembered Emma taking her to the local pool and smearing some lotion on her, telling her that the sun could be like fire and burn you, so you had to be careful to stay out of its way. She didn't have any of that lotion with her but there were some palm trees not too far away where she thought they could rest, so she tried to shake Brittany awake but she didn't budge. In the end Santana grasped her arm firmly and just dragged her over to the trees, leaving a huge trench in the sand as she went along. By the time she managed to get her there everything ached; her arms, her legs and her back, and she flopped down in the sand next to Brittany and fell asleep.

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><p>She woke up when she felt something sharp and pointy dig into her back, again and again, and turned around to see the girl –Brittany- sitting up, poking her and saying <em>look<em>. She did, and almost scrambled backwards because there was something coming out of the water, lurching towards them. It was a lot darker than before she had fallen asleep, so all she could see was something tall and clumsy moving towards them, stopping every now and then to look around. She tried to run but she was so scared all she could do was hold on to Brittany's hand and try not to hide behind her. As the figure moved closer she could see that it was a man, tall and muscly with curly poodle hair. The man moved closer and closer, and Santana stood up because she had been taught what to do if she saw strange men coming, so she moved in front of Brittany and said STOP. The man stopped moving as soon as he saw them under the tree. His mouth dropped open and made a noise like someone had hit him.

'Were you on the plane?' Santana glared, because she wasn't going to talk to a stranger, but Brittany answered him anyway.

'Yes, we were. Santana got us out.' She turned to smile proudly at Santana.

'Brittany, don't talk to him!' She had dropped her voice so that only Brittany could hear her, but the man had moved a step closer, and now he was so near she could see his face. He had big greeny-brown eyes and a dimple in the middle of his chin. He looked kind. Still, Santana was stubborn (her mother told her so every day), and she wasn't going to be nice just because he didn't _look_ like he was going to steal her or hurt her. The man saw the look on her face and stopped moving forward. Instead he dropped to the sand and crossed his legs. Brittany stifled a giggle and Santana knew it was because he looked like a stick insect, with his long legs all tangled and sticking out funny.

'My name is Will. I'm not going to hurt you. I was on the plane just like you were; only I landed in the water. Have you seen anyone else around?'

'No. Not really.' Santana bit her lip as the man turned towards her. 'There were some people on the plane with us, but they weren't moving.' Will's mouth went really really wide.

'Jesus Christ. Were you travelling with your parents?' Brittany shook her head.

'No, my mom said I could travel alone by myself because I'm big now. I was going to go and see my auntie before we got back home from our holiday. Santana's alone too, because her mom is the boss of a big company.' Santana wanted to tell her to stop talking but it was getting darker and darker and she didn't know what to do or where to go and she wanted to be taken care of by a grownup, even if she didn't know him. Will moved closer again, and frowned when he saw the girls clearly. He moved close enough to touch them.

'Brittany?' He paused to make sure he had got the name right. 'What happened to your head?'

'I hit it on something when the plane was coming down.' Brittany's eyes were getting bigger and brighter as she spoke, and her chin wobbled. Santana patted her hand in sympathy.

'Um. Okay. Listen, I think we have to move from here. It's not safe.' Santana looked around and saw sharp pieces of metal and plastic scattered around them, and the hulking shadow of the plane a little way off. She thought about how lucky they had been not to land on something when they jumped, but Will was still talking, and she made herself pay attention.

'... We'll be rescued soon, they just realize that the plane didn't land and they'll come find us soon. We're just going to go somewhere safe until they come to get us, okay?'

Santana nodded, despite herself, and pushed up to a standing position. But Brittany didn't move.

'Brittany? What's wrong?'

'I tried to stand before, but I can't, I was too dizzy.' Brittany sounded really sad, and Santana sank down to the sand to drape an arm around her shoulder. She felt a tug and the next thing she knew Will had scooped Brittany into his arms and was carrying her away. She scrambled up.

'What are you _doing_?' She still wasn't sure she liked him, and he was taking away the one person that Santana had to be her friend. He stopped and turned around.

'I'm just going to carry her. She can't walk, because she's hurt.' Santana scowled.

'I _know_ that. I've been with her all day.' She ran to catch up with them, and grabbed hold of the only part of Brittany she could reach, her foot. It was covered with a purple sparkly sneaker. They walked down the sand until they came to a rocky flat part at the place where the sand started to turn into trees and bushes. He put Brittany down on a soft patch of grass next to the rocks and turned to Santana.

'I'm going to go and get some things from the plane. Stay here, okay?' He didn't wait for an answer, just went back the way he came. Brittany was sitting up, leaning against a rock, and Santana scooted next to her because all the trees were casting shadows on the rock, and she was afraid that she would see something she didn't like if she kept staring. She buried her face in Brittany's neck again, only this time she smelled less like sweat and more salty.

Will came back with a bunch of things in his arms, and he dumped them all on the ground. Santana could see blankets, some airplane snack, a few bottles of water and some pillows. He pulled a few of the blankets out of the pile and made a little nest on the ground.

'I thought you girls could rest here, for now.' Santana narrowed her eyes.

'Why? You said we would be rescued.'

Will sighed. 'Yes we will, but I don't think they would come tonight, when it's dark. They wouldn't be able to see us. So why don't you and Brittany sleep here, and I'll sleep over there.' He pointed to a patch of grass a few feet away. Santana tried to protest, but Brittany yawned, and Santana found herself copying her and rubbing her eyes. Will leaned over to carry Brittany the short distance to the bed he made, and as soon as she lay down Santana lay next to her, stiffening momentarily when Brittany wrapped an arm around her waist and cuddled into her side. Will covered them with another blanket and awkwardly patted her on the back before moving a few feet away and rolling up in a few blankets. She watched the stars for a little while, and the next thing she knew Brittany was breathing deeply, each exhale tickling the skin on Santana's neck, and Will was snoring. She did what she always did whenever she was in trouble, usually with her parents, and she said the prayer Emma had taught her.

_Our Father who art in heaven,_

_Hallowed be thy name._

_Thy kingdom come._

_Thy will be done... _

But she couldn't remember the rest and so she just repeated the same four lines over and over until she could taste them in her mouth and eventually the words started to sounds less like her voice and more like Emma's. She fell asleep eventually, and dreamt of red hair and castles on clouds and a God that looked a lot like Will carrying her into the sea and holding her under the water.

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><p>She woke up to sun on her face, a whimpering coming from somewhere behind her and an uncomfortable pressure on her bladder. She moved her face under the blanket to avoid the sun, but the whimpering and the discomfort only got worse, so she growled in defeat and sat up. Will was crouched in front of Brittany with a wet piece of cloth, and he was trying to clean the cut on her face. Brittany kept twitching her face away whenever he touched the cut with the cloth. She turned around when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and when she was Santana her face broke out into relief. Santana walked over to her and crossed her arms.<p>

'You're hurting her!'

'I have to. If I don't the cut might get infected and she'll get sick.'

'I don't want to get infected,' Brittany said in a tiny voice. Santana moved closer and patted her shoulder.

'Do you want me to hold your hand?' As soon as Brittany nodded she wrapped her hand around the other girl's and glared at Will if Brittany made too much noise. He finished quickly, though, and closed the cut with a tiny band aid he had gotten from the first aid kit he must have gotten from the plane. Santana tried to lift herself up but she accidentally put weight on her hurt hand and fell back down with a little cry. Will heard it and rushed over.

'Santana! Are you okay?' She shook his hands off.

'Yes. I'm fine.'

'No, she's not,' Brittany piped up. 'She hurt her arm on the plane.' Santana turned to glare, but she got distracted by Brittany's eyes. Now that the blood off her face they looked like a different colour; less like M&Ms and more like the jewel in the necklace her Papi got her last Christmas.

'Let me see.' Will held his hand out expectantly. Santana slowly laid her arm in his, wincing when he touched her swollen wrist with his other hand.

'Be _careful_! It _hurts_!' Will pulled his hand away.

'Okay. Santana, can you do this?' He bent and twisted his wrist back and forth, and motioned for her to do the same.

'I think so...' She mostly could without too much pain, so Will sighed in relief and dug through the things he brought back from the plane until he found a stretchy bandage, which he wrapped around her wrist to keep it steady. Brittany held her other hand until he was done to stop her from pulling it away. As soon as it was done he sat down and closed his eyes.

'... Will?' Brittany looked nervous.

'What is it? Are you hurt somewhere else?'

'Noooooo... I need to go to the bathroom.' Santana remembered that was one of the reasons she got up.

'Me too!' she chimed in quickly. Will looked like he had swallowed a bug, and kind of sat on the ground frozen until Brittany started shifting uncomfortably. He stood up quickly, looking panicked.

'Why don't you just go in the forest?' Santana wrinkled her nose.

'We can't do that, that's gross! What if something bites us?'

'Nothing will bite you,' he promised, but Brittany's eyes had already widened in horror. Will sighed, again.

'How about there?' He pointed to an outcropping of rocks about a hundred feet away. No one will see you and the ocean will take it away.' Santana frowned.

'If we have to.'

'You do.' Will said quickly.

He waited behind the rock until they were done, far enough that Santana could be sure that he wouldn't look, but close enough that he could hear if something went wrong. He could hear them chattering and giggling, and he wondered how on earth he had managed to maroon himself on an island with two little girls. They had only been stranded for twelve hours and he didn't know if he could handle much more of this. At least the rescue helicopter would get to them in the next few hours for sure. A day, at the most.


	3. Call me Ishmael 2011

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: none. AU.

Neither of the girls said a word to the lieutenant or each other on the way back to the ship; they simply twined their arms and legs together and watched the sea. The smaller, darker one, San- something, stared out into the water and looked like she was trying to stop herself from jumping into the water and swimming away from them, and the tall blonde one had her gaze fixed on the ship. The lieutenant couldn't help but notice that the smaller one had her hand wrapped around her friend's thigh and was stroking it absentmindedly. The tall one would occasionally turn round to smile and stroke her friend's cheek. No, who was he kidding, they clearly were not just _friends_, they were two insanely hot girls who had been stuck on a deserted island for the past God only knew how many years, and they had no one but each other for company... It sounded like the plot of a low budget porn flick. The thought made him smile. He cleared his throat and saw the other men on the boat snap their eyes away from the girls.

'We're almost at the ship now. The captain asked me to bring you to his office as soon as you board the boat.' The tall one –Brittany- jumped when he spoke.

'What should we call him?' She looked incredibly anxious. And despite the fact that she was one of the most attractive women he had ever seen, with toned, tanned legs that went up to her fucking chin and abs that he wanted to lick things off of, the expression on her face made him think of a lost child wandering alone after dark. Her friend's eyes were the same, only she looked like she was going to burst into tears at any second.

'Just call him sir. And don't worry, he won't bite. Hurt you,' he amended, as he watched her brow furrow. She turned around to the darker girl and whispered something, placing a gentle kiss near her ear. He looked away and tried not to stare, and he heard the men other men on the boat snicker.

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><p>Even though she had spent the last eleven years living on an island in the middle of some ocean- the Pacific, Will used to tell them- Santana still had some scattered memories of what it had been like before. She could remember the coolness of metal on her skin, but she had forgotten how it could get so cold it could <em>bite<em>. She could remember the clear and steady glow of light bulbs, but now she had to keep on blinking because the light seemed to be trying to burn her eyes out. She remembered the texture of thick carpet between her toes, but she had gone so long without shoes that she couldn't tell if what was under her feet was the same texture as the rug she had had in her room when she was little. She had forgotten what it was like to be towered over.

'Ladies.' The captain was huge, a giant, bigger than the man who came to get them off the island. He had power and authority coming off him in waves, and he moved like he expected everything else to move with him. Santana felt her tongue shrivel and wither away. Next to her Brittany twined their fingers even tighter and tried to stand still.

'You're extremely lucky we found you. No ship ever passes this way, since technically no one owns this area. If it hadn't been such a clear night, we would never have seen your fire.'

The fire. The night when Brittany set almost half the forest on fire in a rage, angry that Santana didn't want to leave, desperate to be away from the island. She had sent off a bigger signal than Will had ever dared to, and now here they were. Santana felt Brittany shift, and she knew that she was remembering the heat on her face, and the scramble to move and run and be safe from the roaring heat.

They stayed silent and the captain looked at the both of them, carefully.

'We're trying to contact your parents. As soon as we do they will make arrangements for you to meet them, and you can go home.' He waited for a response, and got none. He looked awkward, for the first time.

'The first thing we are going to do is take you to the medical centre, just to make sure you're healthy.' He pressed a button and a man entered the room instantly. Santana finally realized who the captain reminded her of; he was the alpha, the leader, like in White Fang, their other book. Will used to read it to the two of them to keep them entertained, and after he died Santana tried to go on reading it without him. She didn't get far, but she remembered the alpha. She kept this in mind as she backed out of the room, towing Brittany behind her.

The man led them up and down and through until Santana was completely dizzy and tired and she couldn't have led them back out of their lives had depended on it. Here was another thing she didn't remember, or never noticed before: claustrophobia. They had walked deeper and deeper into the ship, and there was less and less natural light, and Santana would have sworn that she could hear the ship creaking and breaking above her. She started to tremble, and as always Brittany noticed and slipped her arm around her waist until she could stroke her stomach. They were still only wearing the jackets they put on at the beach and what they used as clothes on the island, so it was easy for Brittany to sneak her hand past to touch smooth, soft skin. Santana sighed at the contact, and the person leading them cleared his throat and walked faster so that they had to hurry to keep up.

* * *

><p>The doctor in the medical centre was the first woman they had seen on the ship. She didn't look like Santana and Brittany at all; if anything she reminded Santana of her mother. Her hair was held back in a tight bun and her clothes so sharply starched that Santana could almost hear them snap as she moved. When they walked in the doctor turned to study them, her eyes gray, rock coloured, and she felt self conscious for the first time in years. The lady moved closer and Santana wished she could move away, so she could breathe. It was so weird to have someone so close in her space. Brittany didn't really count; she had always been with her, never further than a shout away. Luckily the doctor spoke like everyone else in the ship and her abrupt tone helped Santana snap back.<p>

'My name is Doctor Kenzie. I'm going to give you both physicals to make sure you're both healthy.' Brittany spoke for the first time since boarding the boat.

'We're fine, you don't have to. We're not sick or anything.' Brittany smiled, and Santana automatically broke into a smile as well. The doctor looked unimpressed.

'It's all part of the procedure. It's not going to take long; I only need to perform a few tests.' She gestured at Brittany. 'Why don't you get up on the table?'

It didn't sound like a question. Brittany exchanged a nervous look with Santana before hopping gracefully on the table, her legs swinging on the edge. Santana moved quickly to stand next to her and run her fingers up and down her arm. Brittany shivered and giggled. When the doctor turned around she had pulled on some gloves, and she glanced pointedly at the chair in the corner of the room.

'You can wait there.' Santana shook her head.

'I'll stay here.' The doctor shrugged and turned to Brittany.

'I need you to turn your head to the side...'

'Brittany,' Santana supplied.

'She's Santana.' Brittany smiled again.

'Brittany. This will be cold, try not to move.' Brittany turned her head to face Santana, and gave her a soft smile. About a second later she shrieked and jumped as the doctor stuck something in her ear. Santana pushed forward, forcing the doctor away.

'What do you think you're doing? Stop!' The doctor sighed.

'I just need to check her ears, that's all. I didn't hurt her.' Santana turned around to face Brittany who was looking sheepish.

'It didn't hurt, San, it was just cold.' Santana huffed.

'Fine. But just warn us, okay?'

The doctor kept on with the exam, and Brittany let her press down on her arms and legs and look at her eyes and test her muscles. Santana stifled a giggle when the doctor told Brittany not to let her bend her leg forward and Brittany almost kicked her across the room. Eventually she said she was done, and Brittany hopped off the table, smiling. The doctor looked at Santana and raised her eyebrow, and Santana dragged her feet forward and slumped herself onto the bed. Brittany jumped back up next to her and wrapped one arm around Santana's shoulders and let the other one rest on her knee. The doctor opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but just shrugged and moved on with the exam. Santana bristled every time the doctor prodded at her with some sort of instrument, and when she switched to using her hands only Brittany's arm stopped her from shrinking away from the alien feeling of the hands that were the wrong shape and size and feel all over her. When the doctor finally said she was done Santana breathed a sigh of relief. Brittany gave her a little kiss as a present, and Santana smiled.

'So you both seem to be in good condition, but you're a little bit malnourished, so I'm going to prescribe you some vitamins that you've been missing from your diet. I would normally just give them to you to take, but I think you should come back from tomorrow and I'll just give you the doses myself. You will also need to be immunised. All right?' Santana wasn't sure what she meant, but she nodded anyway.

'Can we go now?' Brittany asked. 'I'm really tired.'

'Yes, you can. Someone outside will show you to your room.' They turned to leave, but she called them back.

'You might want to watch that around here.' She gestured at their hands, clasped close together. They looked at each other, confused. She reddened slightly.

'The touching.' Santana looked at Brittany and she saw that she looked as confused as Santana felt.

'Aren't you allowed to touch anyone when you're in the Navy?' The doctor's mouth turned up a little bit at Brittany's question, but she didn't really answer.

'People here might give you a hard time about that. It's just that...' She floundered for a little bit, trying to find a way to explain to these girls why they couldn't, why they should probably stop, what she had overheard on deck.

_They were like, all over each other. I tell you, all those years alone together... I bet what they've been missing is some real action._

_Oh, like from you?_

_You fucking know it. __Lesbians, man. Fucking hot stuff._

And she knew it was only a tiny, almost nonexistent step from the awe and special treatment the girls would get the first few days to distaste and disapproval if they kept on the way they were going, and there didn't seem to be any point in adding to it. So instead of letting them go, which it was clear they both wanted to do – Brittany was shifting around on her feet and Santana's eyes were darting around the room- she stepped forward.

'If you have any trouble, you come to me. I'm usually here most of the day, okay?'

'Trouble?' Santana looked wary.

'If anyone bothers you,' she continued, 'Just come to me.'

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'We will,' Brittany confirmed.

'So, you can go now. If you like.' Santana turned to go, but Brittany stepped forward and gave her a short, sharp hug.

'Thanks,' she said, letting go quickly. She looked almost as surprised as the doctor felt about the sudden gesture.

'Bye, Dr. Kenzie.' They looked so young, framed in the doorway, shy smiles spreading across their faces. She nodded.

'See you later.'

* * *

><p>This time they only walked for a little while before they stopped at a little door set into the wall. The officer who had been leading them around opened the door for them, and the screech of metal set Santana's teeth on edge. It was pretty basic, with bunk beds in the corner and a small chest of drawers squeezed into the corner. Brittany moved forward and placed their bag on top it, and ran her finger slowly over the top of the smooth, shiny wood. The man who led them in backed out of the room.<p>

'So you can stay in here. I'll come and get you for dinner, so you know where the mess hall is. You can call me David.' He smiled nervously.

'So, ah, I'll leave you alone to get settled.' And he backed out of the room and shut the door.

Santana took a deep breath in and felt like she had sucked all the air in the room into her lungs. It was so small she felt like she was being smothered. She could feel the walls buckling and closing in behind her, and the rocking movement of the ship wasn't helping. Brittany was staring out of the window, running her finger around the edge and smiling. Santana felt nauseous and angry and completely off balance, and she didn't understand how Brittany looked so calm. She seemed like she had already settled in and adjusted while Santana felt like she was being attacked from all sides, never sure what was going to happen or what one of these people would say next. It was infuriating. She stomped over to the bunk and lay down on the bottom one, but the closeness of the other bed right above her made her antsy. She shifted around, trying to get comfortable. Brittany had taken her jacket off and was shimmying out of her skirt.

'What are you doing?'

'Trying to get comfortable.' Santana watched, mesmerised, as Brittany stretched and the muscles in her arms and stomach rippled. Brittany walked closer to the bed and tugged Santana to the edge. She made her sit up and pulled the sailor's jacket off her. As soon as she felt it rasp off her half her irritation disappeared, and she smiled up at Brittany.

'Doesn't that feel better?' Santana didn't answer; she just moved closer and dragged her fingers over Brittany's stomach, and she smiled when Brittany squirmed and moved a tiny bit closer. She grasped her hips and pulled until Brittany had to kneel on the bed.

'Come lie down with me,' Santana whispered into Brittany's skin.

Brittany pushed her down so that she was lying on her back, and she lowered herself onto Santana carefully so that she was lying flush against her. Santana wound her legs around Brittany's and pulled her head down so she could kiss her. Brittany hummed happily and moved one hand up to Santana's face so that she could cup her cheek as they kissed, and she let her fingers trail up and down her neck. It was just what Santana needed: slow lazy kisses that set up a slow burn all across her skin and sent heat pooling low in her stomach. Brittany shifted down slightly so she could kiss her neck and Santana moaned softly.

'I'm still mad at you, you know.' Brittany stopped kissing across her collarbone and lifted her head to stare at Santana.

'Do we have to talk about this now? Can it wait for a little while?' When Santana didn't move Brittany huffed, but she slid off her and lay on her side, tugging Santana's waist so they were facing each other on the bed. Santana trailed a hand down Brittany's neck and shoulder and watched Brittany suppress a shiver.

'I didn't mean to.' Santana's eyes snapped up when Brittany spoke. 'I'm not sorry about the fire, but I didn't mean what I said.' Santana was silent.

'I _didn't_, I was just angry, and... Santana, I love you. I love you more than anything. I would never leave you. I didn't mean it, I swear.'

'I know,' Santana said, keeping her voice low. 'I just don't know how much I want to be here. I know it wasn't safe for just the two of us to be on the island, after what happened to Will. I just don't know what's going to happen to us now. Our parents don't even live in the same town.'

'That doesn't matter,' Brittany said firmly. 'We're going to stay together.'

'But what if your parents want you back, and they don't want me?' Santana could feel her throat closing up.

'Then I won't go. We're family.' Santana chuckled softly.

'No, we're not. We're pretend. It doesn't matter what we think or what we say, Britt, it's not enough.' She leant forward and kissed her on the nose to try and soften her words.

'It matters to me. Doesn't it mean anything to you?' Brittany's eyes had lost their calm softness and had become as sharp as flint. Santana tried not to blink under her gaze.

'Of course it matters to me.'

'Then stop acting like it doesn't. Why are you trying to push me away?'

'I'm not, I just... I don't know what's going to happen, and I just want us to be prepared. We don't know anything about where we are or where we're going or who we're with-'

'We're with the Navy, San.'

'I don't know anything about them! And the doctor-'

'I liked the doctor.'

'Yes, but did you hear what she said? About people giving us trouble?'

Brittany frowned. 'It's probably just because we were on the island and stuff. It can't be normal to find people like us living all by themselves.'

'I don't know, Britt. I just need some time to adjust. I don't know how you can be so calm.' Brittany smiled.

'I'm not really. The ship makes my stomach feel funny. But I'm here with you.' She pulled Santana closer and nuzzled into her hair, and the next thing she knew she was sobbing into Brittany's neck. Brittany pulled back, alarmed.

'What is it? What's wrong?' Santana shook her head and cried harder, and Brittany just held her and stroked her back until she calmed down a bit. The boat rocked harder and Santana felt completely disoriented, like someone was holding her upside down.

'When you say things like that-'

'Like what?'

'You say you love me-'

'I do, San-'

'More than anything. You know that. What's wrong?'

'I just thought-' She paused to sniffle '-I thought I was enough for you. But then you set the forest on fire so you could leave.' Brittany kissed her softly, gently.

'I didn't want to leave you, I wanted to leave _with_ you. San, we couldn't have spent out whole lives there. We had friends and families who missed us-'

'_You_ have family who missed you.'

'No_, we_ have. I told you we could share.' When Brittany cracked a grin Santana did too, smiling so hard her face hurt.

'How could you have ever thought I wanted to get away from you?' Brittany was so close that her words were muffled against Santana's skin. And with Brittany's warmth and weight and love surrounding her and pressing her into the mattress, Santana had no idea.

'I don't know.' Santana yawned again. Her eyes were already closed.

'Okay'

'I love you.'

I love you too, Britt.'


	4. The Wild 1999

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: Sort of for the book White Fang. Otherwise none.

Brittany skipped along the line that separated the sand on the beach from the forest, singing softly and playing a counting game. It was pretty easy; she just had to count all the coconuts she saw so that she could tell Will, and they could all come back to get them later. She was up to sixteen when she slowed down and stopped counting for a minute, because she had counted lots already and she wasn't ready to go back to the beach, with the heat and the sting of salt and an irritable Santana. Brittany knew it was Will's fault, really, because anyone could see that telling Santana that she wasn't allowed to stay up late _when they were lost on an island_ was a waste of time and it was only going to cause trouble. Brittany figured that the best thing to do would be to wait until she calmed down then take her from Will for a little while so they could both stop being so angry. But in the meantime Brittany was happy to wander, and sing, and wait for birds to sing back.

She hadn't really done much exploring in the beginning, because the image from the first time she had seen the forest was stuck in her mind, when she had been dizzy and in pain and she could see things oozing out from between the trees and towards the beach where she and Santana had been sleeping. But with each day that had gone by (and Brittany wasn't sure how many those had been, all she knew was that her stomach was getting tighter and tighter with hunger, and she couldn't run her hands through her hair without her fingers getting caught) she had crept closer and closer to the tree line like a little baby bird being coaxed out of a nest, and on the sixth (or maybe seventh) day she had stood directly beneath the foliage and tasted the cool air, and she knelt down and pressed a fragrant pink flower that had been hanging off a tree into her face. Santana had found her there a while later, still holding the flower, her tears falling and dripping off the petals because she had walked into a strange and scary place by herself for the first time in her life and her mother hadn't been there to see it. Instead all she had was a dirty faced, raggy five year old who could only wrap a skinny arm around her and try to pull her back into the sun.

After that Brittany got braver, waking up before Santana and Will to taste the dew on the leaves and rub her hands across cool bark and every day she walked further in until all she could hear was the forest breathing and the settle of dirt against her foot. Will gave up on trying to stop her after a few days, and just asked her to tell him if she came across any fruit that she recognized so that he could collect it. She was happy to do this, because she was getting awfully sick of coconut, and it made her their Great Explorer, like a rescuer.

She walked into the forest, weaving and ducking until she felt the trees press in closer and closer, until the long shirt Will made them wear to keep the sun off kept getting tangled in branches. This was a new area of the forest, and there were completely new sounds and smells. She started to pick flowers to take to Santana and Will, but just as she reached for the biggest one (a red one with petals that exploded from the stem like a firework) she heard a new sound, a sort of shouty-growly sound that was too faint to make out properly. Brittany didn't think, she just turned and walked away back to the beach. She didn't run; because she knew if she let herself sprint away she would be too scared to come back next time, but her calves burned and she was out of breath by the time she got back to the beach. As soon as she was out she slowed down to a walk and headed to where Will was. He looked up.

'Oh, hi Brittany. Did you find any more food, or fruit?'

'Um, some coconuts. I found twenty.' He frowned.

'Only twenty? Are you sure you didn't find more?'

'I don't know. Maybe. I stopped counting.' He opened his mouth, and shut it again.

'Well, thanks Brittany. Could you do me a favour and grab some of that driftwood?' Will was crouched in front of a pile of sticks, rubbing two more sticks together feverishly. The wood had just started to smoke; and he let out a shout of delight when it suddenly disappeared and he shoved the sticks away angrily. Brittany could see that his hands were red and raw where he had been holding the sticks.

'Why do you want a fire?' He looked up at her and forced a smile.

'So we can keep warm, and cook things, and maybe someone will see us.' Brittany frowned.

'What would you cook?'

'I don't know, eggs, crabs...'

'I don't think I want to eat the crabs.'

'Look, Brittany, we don't have to talk about this now, okay? We don't even have a fucking fire!' He looked up, guiltily. 'Sorry.'

She wasn't listening. 'If we were home we could just use matches.'

'Yes, Brittany, we could.'

'Or a Zippo lighter.'

'Yes, we could.' He had turned away to start rubbing the sticks together again.

'Or a magnifying glass.'

'Yes, we – wait, what?

'My friend Puck used to burn ants with his microscope. I didn't like it.' He wasn't listening, just smiling for real this time.

'That's brilliant. That might work. I need to find glasses!' And he ran off to where he had dragged most of the luggage they had taken off the plane. Brittany watched, annoyed with herself because she had forgotten to ask him where Santana was. She walked down the beach, dragging her feet through the surf and happy that she had remembered not to put her sneakers on, and tried to think where to find Santana. She knew that she wouldn't be in the forest, because it scared her, but there was a little pool tucked right around the corner that had a few palm trees around for shade. Brittany figured that it was as good a place to start looking as any, and when she reached it she saw Santana hunched over the water in a pool, poking her finger in. Her hair was long, and curly, and knotted down her back. Brittany frowned and twirled a piece of her hair around her finger. It had gone so blonde that it was almost white, and for a second she wished that she had hair like Santana's, thick and dark like she had trapped some of the night in it. Santana heard her coming and turned around, breaking into a smile when she saw who it was.

'Hi.' She moved over to make space for Brittany.

'Hi. What are you doing?'

'Looking at that.' She pointed into the pool, and when Brittany peered in she saw tiny silver fish flashing in the light.

'Wow,' she breathed. 'They're so cool.'

'I know. Look.' And Santana stuck her finger into the pool again. The fish swam up to it and nuzzled around before swimming away, bored.

'Does it hurt?'

'No, here.' She took Brittany's hand and guided into the water. The little fish came back, and she giggled as they swam in between hers and Santana's fingers. The cool water on her skin felt good, and she shifted so that she could dip her feet in.

'Were you in the forest again?' Brittany nodded. 'Aren't you scared you'll get lost?' Brittany smiled.

'No, I just remember the trees and stuff, and then I remember my way out again.'

'But what if you go too far?'

'Then I just remember some more. Can we go back now? I'm thirsty.' Will had managed to find several bottles of water in the cargo hold of the plane, but they didn't have much of that so he didn't let them have too much at a time. On the third (or maybe the fourth) day they had discovered that green coconuts held water too, but it wasn't really enough and Will wouldn't let them drink sea water to make it up. He said it would make them thirstier until they died. Brittany didn't mind too much because the salt burned her throat, but her mouth was dry and it hurt a bit to swallow.

'I don't want to go back yet. I hate Will. He's bossy and he doesn't listen to me.'

'That's because you never do anything he says.'

'I don't have to do anything he says. I'm not a baby, and he's not my dad! Why can't we just stay here?' Brittany tightened her hold on the fingers that they still had twined together.

'We don't have to go back yet, but I don't want us to stay away, okay?' Before Santana could answer Brittany pulled her to her feet and led her into the forest. She pulled back on her hand.

'Wh-where are we going?'

'It's okay; we're just going in a little bit. I want to show you something I found today.' Brittany led her a little further in until she came to the fruit she had found early in the morning. She reached up and pulled two from the tree.

'What are these?'

'I think they're grapefruits. My dad gave me some once. Here, try it.' She handed one to Santana and used her teeth to rip into hers. The juice flooded into her mouth and she sighed with relief at the coolness. She looked over at Santana and saw that she was doing the same, red juice running down her chin. When Brittany finished licking the last of the juice from the rind she picked a few more and wrapped them carefully in her shirt.

'Do you want to leave?' Santana was shifting uneasily, and she nodded. Brittany led them back out.

'I should take these to Will. I meant to tell him before but I forgot.' Santana held onto her tight.

'Let's go back later.' Brittany's mouth opened to refuse but Santana had a stubborn look on her face and Brittany didn't want to fight.

'What do you want to do?'

'Let's play a game.' Brittany's eyes lit up.

'What do you want to play?'

'Hide and seek?'

'We can't, there's only two of us.' Santana arched her eyebrow.

'Okay, then what do you want to do?'

'I want to dig a hole.'

'Here?'

'Yes!' And Brittany ran down to the beach, stopping where the water touched the sand. The grapefruits spilled out of her shirt and landed in the sand. She dropped to her knees and started to dig, and felt Santana settle next to her.

'Why do you want to dig a hole?'

'Because it's fun, and we can sit in the bottom and pretend it's a clubhouse.' Santana smiled.

'Okay.'

They dug for hours, Santana a little slower because her arm was still sore, but the hole got deeper and wider, and seawater dripped in from the edges and formed sludge at the bottom. By the time Brittany was satisfied it was so deep only her shoulders showed over the edge when she was standing. They both sat at the bottom, Indian style, their knees pressed tightly together. All Brittany could see was the rough walls of their fort and the sky above them. They were just deep enough that the sun didn't land on her skin, and Brittany felt her skin start to cool down, the burned areas tingling. She could hear the sea roaring and crashing right above their heads. She turned to face Santana, and looked into her eyes. They were blacker than her hair.

'This was fun.' When Santana spoke she jumped a little.

'Yeah.'

'What do you want to do now?'

'I don't know, I'm pretty tired. Can we just sit?'

'Sure.'

They sat, and Brittany felt her eyes drift shut.

* * *

><p>The next thing she knew it was darker, and cooler, and there was water up to her waist. Santana was asleep across from her, slumped against the wall, but she woke up with a start when the sides of the wall started to collapse and sand landed on her face. She sputtered and coughed ad tried to stand up. Brittany tried to stand too, but wet sand was falling in faster and faster and she couldn't see or balance to get herself to her feet. Now water was spilling into the hole and the salt in her eyes stung them so she couldn't see, and the next thing she knew she was choking as she lost her balance completely and landed hard onto the ground. She tried to look up, but now the water and sand was up to her chest and filling the hole in with her still pinned to the bottom... she heard a shriek and when she turned around Santana was flying up and up, until she disappeared over the edge. The next thing she knew there was something warm and hard clamped around her, and she was flying up too. As soon as she was out she wiped the sand and water off her face and saw Will's face close to hers, his eyes wide with worry. He set her down on the sand next to Santana, and she promptly burst into tears.<p>

'What were you doing?' Will was angry now, and he had crouched down in the sand so that he was eye level with the both of them. 'I've been looking for you for hours! You could have died!' Brittany only cried harder and threw herself into his arms. He froze for a second, then he wrapped an arm around her back gently.

'Don't do that again, okay? You have to let me know where you are so you don't get hurt.' Brittany sniffled and nodded into his shoulder; and even Santana who had made a point of not talking to Will shuffled closer and nodded as well.

'We're sorry.' Both Will and Brittany turned in surprise when Santana spoke, but now she was crying as well. Will decided that they were probably traumatised enough, and they should probably just leave.

'It's okay, just please, don't do that again.' He stood up and reached out, grabbing the girls' hands and pulling them up carefully.

'Come on, let's go into the sea a little. You're both covered in sand.' They were: Brittany especially looked like someone had tried to bread her. They walked down into the sea and waded in until the water reached the girls' chests. They ducked and swam to try to get the sand off them, and Will kept close to make sure that they wouldn't be pulled out to sea by accident. It was weird; he hadn't really interacted with them since they had crashed, preferring to just make sure that they ate something and weren't injured, because they weren't his, and he wasn't even sure whether he even had the _right_ to try to parent them. But he supposed it was hard not to feel some responsibility after seeing them trapped in the bottom of that godforsaken hole and feeling Brittany's heart try to beat its way out of her chest as she clung to his neck, terrified.

After they had gotten most of the sand off their clothes and skin (their hair was a lost cause) all three staggered out of the water and went back to where they had set up camp. Will smiled when Brittany slid her hand into his and jumped, then smiled, when he felt Santana hold onto his other hand. On the way Will saw the grapefruits lying forgotten on the sand, and made a mental note to ask Brittany about them later. The sun had nearly set by the time they got close to camp, a few stray rays sending light sliding into the gaps between the trees, but it was dark enough that Brittany could make out a flickering in the distance. Brittany let go of his hand and ran ahead, not stopping until she got to the edge of the bonfire that blazed a few metres away from the pile of blankets where she and Santana slept. Will and Santana caught came up behind it, and Will was grinning.

'You started the fire!'

'Yep,' he said proudly. 'Thanks to your very clever idea, Brittany.' She gave a little giggle and skipped closer to the fire. The fire set off a happy glow, shooting warmth and light into the tiny space where they were living, and the rest of the beach was dark, and forbidding in comparison. Brittany shivered and moved closer to the fire, holding her arms out to watch the flames leap at them.

'Careful,' Will cautioned. 'Don't burn yourself.' Beside her Santana had picked up a bit of driftwood and was throwing it on to watch it burn. When it turned blue and started to crackle she gasped in shock, then ran around, trying to find more pieces to throw on. Brittany jumped and shrieked as Santana threw bigger and bigger chunks of wood in, as the flames grew bigger and roared. Brittany reached into the fire and picked out a piece of wood that was only on fire at the tip, and began to wave it around. Santana reached in to do the same, but Will stopped her.

'Okay, that's enough.' He frowned when they opened their mouths to protest. 'And it looks like we'll have to have a talk about fire safety tomorrow morning. But I have a surprise for you,' he continued hastily, wanting to avoid a fight. 'I went looking around the beach and I found something we can eat.'

'It's not more coconut, is it? Because I'm kind of sick of it now.' Will laughed.

'No, it's not.' He went over to the other side of the fire and picked up a shirt that had something wrapped in it. Whatever it was dripped water through the material, and when he walked back round to them a few stray drops that fell on the fire made it hiss.

'It's mussels!' Both Brittany and Santana looked at him uncomprehendingly. He deflated a little. 'They're like a shellfish. We can put them over the fire and they taste really good, I promise.' They still stared at him, unimpressed.

'You don't want to eat more fruit by itself, do you?'

Definitely not.

He watched their faces scrunch up simultaneously, and he smiled.

'So you can just try them, just to have a change.' He took their continued silence as agreement and got busy with the mussels, cleaning and straining them using seawater. In what he considered a stroke of genius, he used a roll of tin foil that he had gotten off the plane to wrap the mussels in, and he set them carefully at the edge of the fire. While he had been busy the girls continued to play and throw things at the fire to make it hiss, and when they got bored of that they sat down near Will to watch him work.

'Will?'

'Yes, Brittany?'

'Are you married?' He smiled.

'No, I'm not.'

'Why?'

'I suppose I haven't really met anyone I want to marry, yet.'

'Oh.' She thought about this for a while.

'Will?'

'Yes?'

'Do you have a job?'

'Yes, Brittany, all grownups need to have a job. I'm a teacher in high school. I teach Spanish.'

'I know Spanish,' Santana said. 'My _abuela_ taught me some when I was visiting her. I can say _hola abuela, como estas hoy_, and lots of things. She says that it is not right that my parents don't teach me, but they can't because they are busy being bosses, and Emma doesn't know any.'

'My daddy doesn't go anywhere; he just stays at home in his office all the time and writes on his computer. I think he writes books for grownups but he says I'm not allowed to read them yet. But he reads me other things, like Dr Seuss.' At that Brittany fell silent, and sniffled. After that the talking stopped completely and they sat almost completely still and quiet. Only Brittany moved occasionally, to wipe her eyes.

When the mussels were done Will took them off the fire and scooped generous portions into empty coconut halves to use as bowls. He handed one to each girl; and they waited until they saw him break the shell to get at the meat inside before they did the same, chewing happily. Brittany thought they were pretty good, just a little bit rubbery, and Santana finished all of hers and asked for more. By the time they were done, Santana was yawning and Brittany had almost fallen into the fire two times, so Will told them to go to bed. After about fifteen minutes of Santana arguing she wasn't sleepy through half closed eyes he got them to crawl into their blankets and curl up, and he retreated to the other side of the fire to watch the waves break white against the shore.

Brittany hadn't put up any fight about going to bed, instead of her body switching off like she had expected she felt her tummy twist into nervous knots.

'Santana.' She whispered so Will wouldn't hear. Santana didn't move, and she nudged her with her arm until she turned around to face her.

'What is it?'

'Why haven't we been rescued?'

'We will be.'

'Yes, but why haven't we been? We've been here for _so long_. Do you think they're looking for us?' Santana's eyes opened, bleary and unfocused.

'Maybe they just have to look in lots of places. The ocean is really big.'

'Yes, but what if they give up or they get tired of looking for us?' Santana's eyes sharpened and hardened as they reflected the light from the fire.

'They _won't_. They won't leave us here. Your parents love you, right?' Brittany nodded. 'And mine love me.' Santana's face was furrowed like she wasn't sure. 'Emma loves me,' she said, surer, 'so she'll come and find me. And you too.' Brittany still wasn't convinced, but Santana sounded so sure that she let felt herself nod, and Santana moved forward and gave her a one armed hug before turning around and going back to sleep.

* * *

><p>When Brittany woke up she didn't steal off to the forest as usual; instead she dug through her suitcase that Will had found (although he hadn't found Santana's) and she rifled through it until she found the shampoo that was the same brand as the one her mother used. She squeezed a drop onto her finger and rubbed it across her palm to try to catch the familiar home smell, but all she could smell was soap, thick and cloying. She curled back next to Santana and bit the inside of her lip to stop from crying too loudly.<p>

* * *

><p>'I need you to help me today.' Santana looked up from where she had been stuffing a banana in her mouth.<p>

'How?' Brittany had finished her bananas and was throwing the peels into the fire to watch them burn.

'If we're going to keep the fire going we have to collect some wood, and I need both of you to help me look.' The girls looked at each other and shrugged; it wasn't like they had anything better to do.

They spent the first few hours of the morning finding firewood: Will showed them how to identify the dead, dry parts of branches, and he even collected some green branches to make smoke in case they saw a ship. By the time they were done all three were scratched, hot and tired, and they all had a short nap under the nearest trees as the sun climbed to the top of the sky. When they woke up, Brittany took one look at Santana's hair and burst into giggles because she looked like an angry cat had spent the night rolling around in it. When she said as much Santana's face darkened and she opened her mouth to retort, but Will quickly intervened and suggested that they should both probably try to get the sand and tangles out of their hair. He handed them a bottle of shampoo and a comb from one of the bags and told them to find a shallow pool to use as a bath, but not to choose one with fish in it because it would kill them. He warned them not to go too far, his eyebrows knitting with worry, a new heavy, unfamiliar sensation settling into his chest as he watched them walk away.

By the time they found a pool with no fish in it Santana had forgiven Brittany: it was difficult not to when she was chattering and smiling next to her, asking if she wanted to find some flowers and make a daisy chain. They jumped into the pool together: it was deeper than they thought and they both disappeared under the surface, coming up sputtering and laughing at the same time. They swam over to where they could stand and started the long process of trying to untangle their hair. A few minutes in Santana gave up on trying to feel behind her head and just asked Brittany to do it for her. Brittany came over and used the comb and the shampoo to untangle it the best she could, and as soon as she was done Santana did the same for her.

Afterwards they got out of the water and lay on the rocks surrounding the pool, waiting for their clothes to dry. Santana had just started to doze off when she felt Brittany's gaze on her.

'What is it, Brittany?' Brittany had turned so she was facing her, and she looked very serious.

'You're my best friend, Santana.'

'I'm your only friend,' Santana pointed out. Brittany smiled.

'Still. ' Santana sat up, and felt a smile cross her face.

'You're my best friend, too.'

* * *

><p>When they got back to the camp, Will was there still. He was making more mussels and had managed to find pineapple and mango as well. While he watched the food Brittany asked Santana if she wanted her to braid her hair so it wouldn't get so tangled, and by the time dinner was ready both girls had matching, if crooked braids. They ate quickly and played I Spy until Will and Santana had given up because they couldn't find Brittany's 'S' (it wasn't her fault that none of them had pointed to the <em>exact<em> grain of sand that Brittany had been referring to. She never lost this game and wasn't going to start now). This time Brittany didn't stay awake; she fixed her eyes on the fire and let the leaping flames distract her until her eyes closed.

The next day was the hottest since they had gotten to the island, and no one felt like being on the beach. Will said that maybe today Brittany could show them around the places of the island that she had been exploring. Brittany was more than happy to; she hadn't stepped into the forest since she had heard that weird noise and she wanted the company. After a little persuading, Santana agreed to come along, but only if she could walk in the middle. Brittany started where she usually did, under a banana tree that was so weighed down and old that its branches bent towards the earth after shooting upwards, forming a large arch. Every now and then she stopped and pointed out a fruit that she had seen before.

'That one tastes really good. You should try it.' She pointed to a fruit that looked like a large raspberry, only it was green and its skin was leathery.

'Brittany, you can't have food that you haven't seen before! What if it's poisonous?' Will had stepped forward to stop her from picking one off the tree.

'I don't think it's poisonous. I saw the birds having some before so I did too.' Will sighed, but she seemed to be fine and he didn't push it. After an hour or so of walking Brittany had led them for what seemed like miles, and Will had taken off his shirt so that he could pick at least one of the fruits he recognised to come back for later.

'Brittany, where are the grapefruits?' She pointed back to where he thought the beach was.

'Back there.'

'Can we go back now?' Santana had been fairly quiet for the whole walk, but she was starting to get tired and annoyed. Her feet were sore, and there were only so many times you can trip over tree roots before you've had enough. Brittany turned to answer, but she froze as the same sound she had heard a couple of days ago floated over on the breeze. Will noticed her tense up.

What's wrong?'

'Listen,' she whispered, fighting the urge to run. They did, and they stood in silence for a minute until they could all hear it. But Will did a strange thing: the longer he listened the more he smiled.

'That sounds like water!' Brittany was doubtful. It sounded more like something roaring to her, but Will had started to move in the direction of the sound and both she and Santana scrambled to keep up, not wanting to be left alone if it turned out to be some type of animal. But as they moved closer and the roaring got louder Brittany realized it didn't sound like an animal at all. She pushed through some undergrowth and skidded to a stop when she found herself in a clearing. Light filtered in through the trees and beautiful tiny birds swooped around in the air, and bright yellow flower hung down in vines that grew from the tops of the trees. And right in the middle there was a large, clear, obviously deep lake. Off to the side a waterfall that pounded into the lake –the source of the sound, Brittany realized. Will was kneeling to the side of the lake and tasting some of the water. He looked up, his face glowing.

'It's not salt. Thank God. Thank _God_.' He sank to the ground; relief making his legs collapse under him.

Brittany moved past him to taste some as well, but he stopped her.

'Don't, it might make you sick. We'll need to find a way to boil it first.'

'_You_ drank it.'

'I just needed to check that it wasn't salt.'

Santana had inched closer to the water, and was dipping her foot in. Will pulled her away.

'Careful, Santana! We don't know what's in there.' Santana scoffed, but kept her distance all the same. They crept around the edge of the lake like ants for ages, until Will thought to tie a rock to a piece of vine and throw it in to see how deep the water was. It turned out not to be too deep, only about ten feet deep where they were standing, although it was probably deeper nearer the waterfall. They waded in a bit more, cautiously, but there weren't any sign of any animals at all except for some silver fish that scattered as soon as they came near, and eventually they relaxed enough to let themselves float a little further out. The water was almost too cold, but it felt amazing on their sunburns. After a while they got out and continued to explore the shoreline. Growing just a few feet away from the shore Santana found some watermelons clustered on the ground, and Will spotted some arrow root growing in the marshy area on the other side from where they had walked into the clearing, and they collected those as well.

Finally, exhausted and happy, they made their way back to the beach, lugging all of their bounty behind them (Will had Santana on his back as well because she had insisted on being carried). After the sun had gone down and the girls were huddled together under a blanket against the surprisingly strong wind that had sprung up, Will pulled out a copy of White Fang that he had found in someone's luggage and asked if either of them had heard of it before. They shook their heads, and he smiled.

'You'll love it.' He read his way through White Fang's birth and first kill by the light of the fire before he had to stop because both girls had slumped over in the sand, and Brittany was inadvertently attempting to set herself on fire again.

'We can finish the rest later.' He put the book down.

'Noooo,' Santana said, but she didn't protest as Will picked her up and put her down in her blankets. Brittany crawled to where she was and curled her arm around her.

'Can you also read my _Very Hungry Caterpillar_? It's in my suitcase.' Brittany could barely open her eyes as she spoke.

'Okay, 'Will said. 'But can't you read it yourself?'

'I don't read so good.' She stifled a huge yawn.

'I'll show you how.'


	5. The Pequod 2011

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: None. Very AU

Santana woke up to a loud shaking and banging and sat upwards quickly, bashing her head against the underside of the top bunk. She yelped and fell back against the mattress. Brittany had startled awake when Santana made a noise, and she reached out to pull Santana closer.

'You hit your head?' Santana nodded, her eyes watering.

'Poor baby.' Brittany pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead. The loud banging came back and Santana jumped again, but Brittany's weight kept her anchored to the mattress. They lay still and frozen on the bed until they heard a voice coming from just outside the room.

'Are you awake? They'll be serving dinner soon.' Brittany sighed in relief.

'It's the door.' She pulled a shirt on, and fiddled with the door for a second before managing to pull it open. She peered around the edge.

'Oh, hi.' She stepped out from behind the door, and frowned when he turned bright red and dropped a pile of clothes on the floor. She knelt to help him pick them up and he nearly passed out.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine, thanks.' He had fixed his gaze on the ceiling, which made him very difficult to talk to. He cleared his throat to speak again, and nearly dropped the clothes again when he looked at her.

'It's just - could you um, maybe just put these on?' He handed her the pile of clothes. She looked down at herself and realized that she had forgotten to button her shirt.

'Okay. Are these dinner clothes?' She had carefully positioned the bundle in front of her so that he could look at her, and to get rid of the uncomfortable heat in her ears that told her she had probably done something wrong.

'No, just... the captain asked me to bring them to you, since you probably don't have much, and stuff.' Now that he was talking again he was doing it very fast, and it was difficult to catch everything he said. She realized he was still talking.

'...So I'll wait until you're dressed then I'll take you down to the mess hall.' She didn't know if she wanted to eat in something that sounded so dirty, but she was really hungry and she figured they didn't really have a choice.

'Thanks. We'll be right out.' She closed the door in his face and moved back to the bed.

'I think we're supposed to put these on.' They spread the clothes out on the bed and found two pairs of trousers with elastic waists and long sleeved dark blue shirts. They had to use each other for balance as they stepped into the trousers, and Santana barely dodged being smacked in the face by Brittany's flailing arms when her head got trapped in the shirt, but they managed to get dressed in the end. Santana moved her hand forward to tuck a piece of hair behind Brittany's ear. Brittany held on to her hand, and she spent a second watching the fading light from outside ripple across Brittany's face.

'San?'

'Yeah?' The air was still and silent around them. Brittany's eyes shone bright and sharp.

'I'm really hungry.' Santana laughed and pulled her towards the door, managing to pull it open in less time than Brittany had, and frowning in confusion at the David guy who was clutching his nose. She didn't know what to say to get him to get moving, so she stood and glared and shuffled until he stopped whimpering and tearing and began to walk. They went further down, _again_ down a narrow hallway and suddenly it was a wide open space, a huge room, and _loud_. There was clashing metal that set her teeth on edge, and screeching chairs and speaking everywhere, and it all wound together a wall of noise, scraping her skin raw. David had disappeared, and she and Brittany moved off to the side and stood and watched until she had mostly stopped flinching when someone spoke near her and the smell of food coming from the opposite side of the room was enough to get her moving again. She felt a little silly. All they had done for the past few years was run after their food, hunt and trick and fight to get it and now it was lying there, all done, and she was too scared to go get it. She straightened her shoulders and watched how the other people were doing it, and she felt a little more confident.

'Hey, Britt, let's get moving. It smells really good.' It was easy; you just had to pick a tray up first (she handed one to Brittany as well); and put a plate on it, fine; (again, Brittany), and now all she had to do was put what she wanted on. Which was fine, in theory, but half the stuff in the pots smelled vile; heavy and thick, and the smell of the red meat made her stomach turn. So as soon as she figured out how to pick food up without it sliding off the spoon she loaded her plate with the only things that looked good, which turned out to be fish, fruit and French fries. Brittany did the same, only she added a piece of dark red meat to the side of her plate. Santana froze, because her plan hadn't actually gone further than acquiring food.

'Now we sit,' Brittany murmured into her ear. They sat across from each other at a table in the corner, their ankles crossed beneath the wood, and began to eat, slowly at first, getting used to the different tastes – the fruit was blander, the fish was oily and she hadn't had French fries in so long she was spending more time rolling the food in her mouth than actually eating it. There was a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye and she jumped as three people in uniform, two men and a woman sat down at the same table. They weren't right next to them, but they were close enough that they could talk, if they really wanted. And it looked like they did.

'So, we haven't really met. I'm Neil, and this is Freddie and Corrine.' The man talking had dark hair and eyes, and he looked friendly. The other two were hanging back a bit, but all three had their attention fixed firmly on Santana and Brittany. She realized the man was waiting for her to say something.

'Hi.' They all had forks on their plates. Why hadn't she remembered to grab them as well?

'So...' She snapped her head back up.

'What are your names?'

'I'm Brittany, she's Santana.' Brittany was becoming a champ at this name giving thing.

'Well, it's very nice to meet you both.' Now the other guy was speaking, the one with the brown curly hair. His eyes were the same colour as Brittany's and Santana found herself leaning forward, just slightly, to look, because it was just so weird to see Brittany's eyes fixed in someone else's face. Brittany squeezed her ankles under the table and she stopped staring, only then realizing that the guy was trying to talk _again_, and she had no idea what he was saying.

'So, what's it like being back?' What was she supposed to say to that?

'It's fine.'

'It's nice,' Brittany piped up. 'I missed mattresses.' The Navy people chuckled.

'I bet you did.' Freddie grinned big and the lady smacked his arm. He let out a yelp and glared at her, but she crossed her arms until her gave up and stared at his food.

After that the silence stretched on, which was a relief because figuring out how to answer other people's stupid questions was exhausting. At least Brittany's questions always made sense.

'Well, if you need anything, just ask.' The first guy to talk, the dark haired one, offered. Santana nodded and smiled, but she was tired, and she had already forgotten his name. Even Brittany, for all her willingness to mingle, was quiet, and when Santana glanced up at her she was what she imagined her own face looked like; tense and drawn, with little worry lines on her forehead. They left, and Santana resisted the urge to crawl under the table and sleep.

'Are you ready to go?' Brittany nodded and pulled Santana to her feet.

'Do you remember the way back?' She nodded again, and pulled Santana into the hallways. It was different, walking back with Brittany. The panic and the startle were gone; instead there was just quiet and calm. At each corner they turned it got quieter, until the silence pressed into her and she moved closer to Brittany and wound their hands tight together. She could feel the beat of Brittany's pulse thudding through her hands, and it calmed her. And just like that they were back inside the room and the door clicked shut behind her.

'That was weird.'

'Yeah.' Brittany nodded.

'I forgot how people do that.'

'What?'

'They just talk. They didn't have anything to say, but they tried anyway. What were we supposed to say?' Brittany had been undressing as Santana had been speaking, and she came over to tug Santana's top over her head.

'I don't know. My mom used to tell me about small talk, but I don't think I was any good at it.'

'We never needed it.' Brittany smiled and kissed her forehead.

'That's true. I never needed to be polite with you.' Santana raised her eyebrow. 'You know what I meant. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean, all the time, so being polite is kind of pointless. It's like, built in for us.'

Brittany switched off the lights and they slipped into bed, naked. Santana turned around so that Brittany could hold her from behind, and she laced their fingers over the middle of her chest. Brittany pulled the covers over their heads, and moved Santana's hair aside so she could kiss the nape of her neck. Heat flared in Santana's stomach again, but it was different than before. There was no aching need, just a feeling of rightness, and contentment so strong she felt she would die of it. How was it, she wondered, that she could be trapped in a cell in a metal box, with strangers, and Brittany could make her feel like this so easily?

She turned around so she and Brittany were face to face, and she pulled her tight against her, until she could feel Brittany's heartbeat shuddering through her body.

'What?' Brittany whispered.

'If I had been stuck with anyone else I probably would have tried to swim back by now.'

'You might have made it. You're a good swimmer.'

'You know what I mean.' Brittany answered her with a kiss and Santana dragged a hand down her back. It was slow, and sweet, and the longer they kissed the more she felt herself melt into Brittany, like they were two crayons left in the sun. The kiss wasn't going to go anywhere, because despite their nap earlier they were both almost trembling from nerves and exhaustion, but she still had a flare in her chest from earlier, and she wanted to make Brittany feel like she did.

* * *

><p>They woke up with the sun, as usual, and it was a while before either of them moved. Santana because she was still a little seasick, and Brittany because she realized she had absolutely no idea what to do next. What were they even supposed to do with their day now? Still, they had to get up sometime, because they had other, more pressing things to worry about.<p>

'What are you doing?' Santana sat up to watch Brittany walk around the room.

'I need the bathroom.' She pulled open a door that was flush against the wall and grinned triumphantly at the tiny bathroom squeezed into the corner of the room. She stepped in and closed the door, and she groped in the darkness for a moment before finding the light switch. She ran a finger across the tile, feeling the cool surface slip across her fingers. The bathroom had a tiny glass door shower cubicle, and she stepped in and turned the tap. The water blasted out of the hose and into her face, ice cold, and she shrieked. The door crashed open behind her and Santana rushed in.

'What? Are you okay?' She was flushed and panicked, her eyes wide.

'I just got water in my eyes.' The spray from the shower was making her shiver. Santana stepped forward and put her hand under the water, but withdrew it almost immediately.

'Ugh, it's like needles. And it's freezing.' She began to play with the knobs sticking out of the wall while Brittany went back to use the toilet. When she was done (and had flushed it at least three times to see how much tissue she could flush down at once), she stepped back into the shower with Santana, who had been alternately gasping and shrieking as she varied the air pressure and temperature. The water was falling softer and warmer, and Brittany shivered with delight as the warm water ran down her neck. Santana was next to her, ducking her head under the flow of water, and Brittany watched as the water ran down her face in rivulets, tiny pools collecting in the hollow of her neck. She leaned over and kissed the corner of her mouth, softly, and d she felt Santana's hand come up and hold on to her upper arm. She pulled back to look at Santana's face. She had opened her eyes, and Brittany was so close that she could see every one of her lashes.

'Santana...' Santana looked up and pecked her on the lips.

'You're so pretty.'

They used the soap they found in the tray to get themselves clean, and afterwards Brittany smelt Santana and wrinkled her nose.

'What is it?'

'You smell different.'

'Bad different?' Santana raised her arm to sniff it anxiously. Brittany looked thoughtful.

'No, not bad.'

* * *

><p>'So what do you want to do now?' Santana asked. They had gotten dressed again, and the room was starting to feel smaller with every second.<p>

'Eat.'

'I mean after that.'

'I don't want to come back in here.'

'Me neither. Let's go up to the top of the ship.'

'After food, though.'

'Yup.'

The mess hall was empty, and they stared around in confusion for a second before a guy who had been mopping the floor came over.

'Hey, what are you doing here?'

'We're here for food.'

'You're a little late for that. Breakfast's between seven and eight thirty, and it's ten now.' Santana frowned, and he seemed to light up suddenly.

'You're the island girls, aren't you?' He frowned. 'The brass told us we're not supposed to talk to you.'

'You're talking now,' Brittany pointed out.

'That's true,' he conceded. 'Listen, lunch is at one, okay? Just listen for the whistle and come back here then. Or just follow the stampede back this way. Hey, wait here.' He disappeared and reappeared quickly with two small, colourful cardboard boxes.

'Here, this will hold you until lunch.' Brittany took them both hesitantly.

'So, well... I have to clean now, so if you could...' he gestured towards the door.

'Oh, okay. And thanks.' They headed out.

'So, let's get some fresh air.'

There was less space at the top of the ship than Brittany thought there would be, because almost half the space was taken up by huge irregular lumps covered with cloth, and most of the remaining space had people swarming around, lugging things around and rushing around as other people barked orders at them. It was soon obvious that there was no chance of finding a quiet corner, so they slipped up a small side staircase to a smaller level right in the middle of the ship. It was a small room with glass walls and lots of machinery inside, but there was a small balcony that ran all the way around the room. They found the most inconspicuous corner and settled down side by side. Brittany inspected the boxes the guy gave them. There was an insane looking cartoon tiger on the front, and Brittany stared for a minute before remembering.

'It' Tony the Tiger!'

Santana just shrugged. She looked miserable.

'Are you okay?'

'I think the rocking is making my stomach hurt more.' She pursed her lips together and hooked her hand around the handrail, tight. It was true; from where they were sitting it felt like the ship was pitching back and forth a lot harder than it had been before. Brittany could feel her stomach jump whenever the ship rocked especially hard, and she felt even sorrier for Santana, who was clearly feeling it a lot more than she was. She prised her hand off the railing and gripped it in her own.

'Hey, here. Maybe some food will help.' Santana shook her head, but Brittany managed to rip open the top of one of the boxes, and she reached into the box and stuffed a few bits of cereal into Santana's mouth when she was off her guard.

'Britt, wh-' Santana's eyes lit up as she registered the taste. Brittany stuffed a few in her mouth as well, and the taste of sugar hit her taste buds, making her jaw tingle. She had _missed_ this. Before she knew what was happening both boxes were gone, and Santana had picked up one of the empty boxes and was trying to stick her tongue in the bottom to get the last pieces of sugar. Brittany giggled and she dropped the box sheepishly. Santana opened her mouth to say something, but they were distracted by a sharp rapping coming from the glass behind them. They turned around, and froze when they saw the Captain- man whose office they had been in the day before standing behind the glass, glaring. He opened a side door they hadn't noticed and stalked out.

'What are you doing here?' His face had darkened with anger.

'Here, where?' Brittany asked. He glowered

''You're on the bridge of my ship. This is a restricted area.' Brittany frowned.

'How is this a bridge? There isn't any water under this part.'

'It's a- I'm going to assign you a guide to let you know where you can and cannot go, and I would appreciate it if you listened.' They stood outside awkwardly until the same man who they had been following around yesterday came out, looking extremely cowed.

'Here you are, and be sure not to lose them this time.' The Captain moved back into the little room, and the man-David- glared before the three of them descended down the stairs.

'You don't have to look so angry,' Brittany said mildly. His eyes bugged out.

'You got me in trouble with the Captain! This is _not_ how I planned on him noticing me.' He looked so sad that Brittany felt a little twinge of sympathy, but it wasn't their fault that he wasn't around, and when Santana pointed that out he only slumped against the side of the ship.

'So, what do you want to do now? I don't think we want to stay on the surface.'

'Deck.'

'What?'

'It's called a deck.'

'Oh. Okay. Well, I don't think we want to stay here.'

'We could go see the doctor,' Santana suggested. It wasn't like they had anything better to do, and Santana was starting to look a little sick again, so Brittany nodded her agreement and David led them to her office (not that Brittany needed him to take them there, but he was already really cranky and she didn't want to make it worse).

She was just how Brittany remembered; straight and neat with her hair scraped back, but when she saw them she smiled a little and her laugh lines deepened and softened her eyes, and Brittany felt a little better.

'We're here for the things you mentioned yesterday.' Brittany had felt Santana relax a teeny bit when the doctor's office door closed (leaving poor David outside to wait), but she hung back slightly, wary. The doctor rummaged around and handed them both a few pills and a glass of water each in little paper cups. Santana eyed them suspiciously.

'What are these?'

'Vitamin B supplements. You've kept yourselves pretty healthy,' she gave them an appraising glance, 'but you've been missing some essential minerals that you didn't have access to. Just put them in your mouth and use the water to help you swallow.' That seemed like a good enough explanation, so Brittany swallowed the pills, and after a slight hesitation Santana did as well.

'I'm sorry, I realized I didn't write your full names down yesterday.' She pulled out a pen and paper and looked at them expectantly.

'I'm Brittany Pierce,' Brittany volunteered. Santana kept silent, seeming to struggle for a minute, but she spoke, in the end.

'I'm Santana Lopez.' She looked unhappy, and Brittany squeezed her hand.

'Okay, and how old are you?' Brittany shrugged.

'Seventeen?' The doctor nodded, writing the information down, then she froze and looked at them, her eyes fixed on them and wide with something Brittany couldn't identify.

'Santana Lopez? And Brittany Pierce? You're seventeen?' Brittany noticed uninterestedly.

'Do you remember what your parents do?' Brittany frowned.

'I think my dad writes for a newspaper.' Santana shrugged when the doctor asked her.

There was a poster on the wall of a man with lots of worms coming out of different parts of his body, and another showing a person's heart. She walked over to touch, running her fingers over the bumpy parts of the poster. The doctor went behind the glass wall to where her desk was, and Brittany could see her speaking into her phone and gesturing wildly.

'What's happening there?' Santana was staring at the doctor, confused.

'No idea. Hey, look.' Brittany picked up the ear thing the doctor had used to look in her ear and tuned on the light. She made it dance along the walls, and shone it in Santana's eye.

'Ow!' Brittany grinned.

'Don't let it touch you, then.' Brittany waved the light towards Santana, and she ducked weaved, trying to avoid the light. When the doctor came back in they were darting between the examining tables.

'Be careful!' She took the ear thing away from Brittany.

'Who were you talking to?' Santana had crawled out from under the table and was straightening her clothes.

'Just the Captain. We're going to set you down in Tahiti tomorrow, and a plane will fly you to Los Angeles from there.' Brittany felt her stomach clench.

'A plane?' The doctor saw the looks on their faces and smiled sympathetically.

'It's okay, you'll be safe. And you want to get back to your families, don't you?'

Yes, more than anything. But the idea of having to climb into a plane and just shoot off into the sky to do that felt as hopeless as the messages in a bottle Will had sent off. It sounded like a great idea at the time, until they found them two days later, further down the beach, brought back by the tide.

'So, you're free to go, that was all, really.'

'Can we stay?' Brittany asked.

'Here?' she looked confused.

'Yeah.' Santana shrugged. 'There isn't much to do on the deck thing, and our room is really boring.' She gave them a long look.

'Only if you promise to be quiet. I have work to do.'

They spent most of the rest of the day in her office. Brittany used the tongue depressors and ear buds to build castles, and she convinced Santana to play catch with her once the doctor showed her how to blow up rubber gloves to make a balloon.

Lunch and dinner were the same as the night before; they sat together, alone, and tried to ignore the ripples in the crowd of people as they walked past. It wasn't easy, though.

'San.'

'Yes?'

'I don't remember people staring when I was younger.'

'Me neither. It's creepy.'

'Definitely.'

They spent most of their time on the ship in the doctor's office, playing and talking and loving while she sat behind her glass partition and pretended to be completely absorbed in paperwork.

* * *

><p>They watched the ship sail further and further away, and as it moved further away Brittany felt like she was getting smaller instead. They were standing on the edge of the pier, an airport employee waiting to take them to the airport a few minutes' drive away where apparently they had seats reserved for a plane to Los Angeles. As they got into the car and as Brittany felt the strong, rich smell of leather flood her nose she felt dizzy, weak, because for the second time in as many days they were moving <em>away<em> from what they knew, and how many more times could they do that before there wasn't anything left to go towards?

Santana's seasickness had disappeared almost as soon as they had gotten off the ship, and she was staring out of the window, curious, as her environment changed for the first time in twelve years. The road in front of them stretched and shone in front of them as far as she could see, and the car's speed exhilarated her instead of making her afraid. They got to the airport, and a different person took them to a cool, dark room with thick carpeting and cool drinks on display. The few people in the room looked at them curiously, examining the obviously young girls with the odd clothes and the bare feet, but nothing gave a clue as to why they were in the business class lounge.

They sank into a couch in the corner of the room, and waited, again. Brittany was biting her lip and bouncing her leg convulsively, and Santana reached over to stop her. Brittany turned to her, panicky.

'I don't want to fly.' Automatically Santana's eyes flicked up to her forehead, where she still had a silvery scar right above her eyebrow.

'We won't crash this time,' she promised (stupidly). Brittany looked at her, and Santana could see the panic mounting.

'What are we going to do, San?'

She had no idea.

* * *

><p>They had been waiting at the airport for four hours<em>. Four hours<em>, although to be honest she was lucky they got the tip off so early, and had managed to get a decent spot in front of the airport door. She turned to the cameraman.

'Steve, let's record the intro now. I want to be ready to go as soon as their plane lands.'

'Got it.' The short, balding man set the camera up and raised his hand to let her know she could go.

'This is KNBC with a special report, and my name is Catherine Coulson, at LAX airport. It was reported this morning that two girls were found marooned on an island in French Polynesia. They had been living unaided for over twelve years, and were rescued by a passing Navy ship. The girls' identity has not been officially confirmed, but it is suspected that they are the daughters of Albert and Lenora Pierce, the internationally ranked bestselling author and model, and Carlos Lopez, the real estate tycoon. All this time the girls have been presumed dead, as both families used their considerable resources to find them but no trace of the wreckage has been found. Both girls, who were strangers until their ordeal, were travelling on a private plane back to the United States, unaccompanied, when the plane disappeared over the Pacific Ocean. Ironically the plane crashed when an unexpected storm flared up over their route. It is suspect-'

'Wait.' Steve was frowning.

'_What?_'

'That's not ironic. It's just bad luck. It might have been ironic if their parents put them on the plane to escape a storm and they flew into a worse one. Or if-'

'We'll just cut that part out, Steve.'

And they waited. And waited some more. When Catherine was starting to feel faint from lack of food, and her feet had started to swell from jostling other news stations away, someone shouted that their plane had landed. Almost everyone stopped talking, except for a few reporters recording opening clips, and the air seemed to hum in anticipation. The doors opened, and everyone shifted a tiny bit closer to the door. People started to walk out, and there was a squawk from somewhere to her right when CNN accidentally blocked NBC's shot and got an elbow in the ribs in retaliation. Soon the flow of people coming out slowed until there was only the occasional solitary passenger, and even those petered away after a while. Someone (a minor station) gasped, and Catherine watched as two figures stood behind the glass doors, their shaped distorted by the glass. The automatic door slid open with a smooth hiss, and the two figures were revealed clearly for the first time.

They stepped out into the sun, blinking and shielding their eyes.

The reporters charged.


	6. Time Is An Illusion 2000

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: White Fang again. Nothing glee related.

'Brittany, no!' Brittany threw the piece of metal she had been using to carve shapes into a piece of firewood and smiled sheepishly.

'Sorry, Will.'

'I _told_ you not to touch the metal! If you get cut the rust will make you sick, then what are you going to do?'

'I said I was sorry.' He walked closer, and not for the first time Brittany thought that she would have been a lot more scared of Will if she had seen him for the first time the way he was now. He was wearing a sun-bleached button up shirt and a pair of shorts that he had found in one of the suitcases, and he had grown a beard that was as long and thick as Santa's, only it wasn't soft like Brittany had always imagined that Santa's was. He tried to keep it short and neat, but his beard as well as his hair (long, thick and tightly coiled) made him look a little like Captain Caveman. Will gestured at the jagged pieces of metal scattered around the cove they were in.

'If you keep coming this way you might step on them, Brittany.'

'Then why don't you just put them somewhere else?'

'You're not supposed to be anywhere near the plane at all, Brittany. I told you I'm still cleaning up and I don't want you girls near here. Besides, I need them to make knives. Do you remember how hard it was to get the scales off the fish I caught with just our fingers? And it's a lot harder to cut cloth to make a shelter using your teeth. And-'

'I might go swimming now.'

'Okay, Just remember to bring back water.'

'I _know.' _She let him pat her head before she ran away into the trees, towards the freshwater lake. By this time they had all had walked back and forth so many times that a small path had been beaten into the undergrowth, leading straight there and back. She ran most of the way there, and as soon as she got to the edge of the clearing she jumped straight into the water and swam as deep as she could, feeling the heat from the sun slough off her body almost instantly. Will had hated them coming here by herself, because the pool was deep and dark, and far enough away from the camp that no one would be able to hear her if she called for help, but both girls had been unable to stop themselves from visiting it at least once a day, and in the end he let them pretty much go where they wanted as long as they told him first. The only exception was the sea; they were not allowed to go in at any time by themselves, and when Will told them that rule he had been so serious and solemn that even Santana had kept her mouth shut, and had nodded her agreement.

Brittany stayed in until she got tired; diving as deep as she could to collect the shiny stones that littered the bottom of the bottom of the pool. Afterwards she lay out on the rocks to dry off, and decided that it was time she looked at more of the island. She had done lots of exploring already; but there was a whole section of the island that started a little bit beyond the pool that she hadn't gone near, because the ground there was rocky and hard, and the trees had thorns on them. She preferred to stay on the pretty side of the island, which she knew well, and spend her time impressing Santana with her ability to walk around the forest with her eyes closed. Speaking of…

'Where have you been? I've been looking for you for _ages_.' Brittany swiveled around on the rock she had been sitting on, and there was Santana, glaring at her. Santana's hair had grown longer too, and it tumbled down her back in a messy braid.

'I don't know. Just around. Where were you?' Santana scowled.

'Will made me help him pick mussels again. I had to run away when he went back to check on the fire.'

'He's going to be mad.' Santana shrugged.

'What were you doing?' Brittany showed her the shiny rocks she had found at the bottom of the pool, and after Santana had made the obligatory appreciative noises Brittany hopped off the rock, filled one of the containers that they always left with near the edge of the pool with water, and waited for Santana to do the same. After the excitement of finding fresh water had died down, it had quickly become apparent to Will that there was no point in trying to organize any sort of water-collecting schedule, and in the end he decided that they would leave containers near the pool, and anyone coming back had to bring some back with them.

They took so long coming back that by the time they got back the sun had started to set, and Will had built the fire up big like he always did at night, because he said he thought it would be seen more clearly than in the daytime. It leaped and cracked, the flames a bright yellow from the driftwood. About ten feet from the fire, by the tree line were two lopsided tents. They were mostly made of the parachute material that Will had found in the cargo hold of the plane, and he had managed to cobble it together to create two teepee-like structures that had just about enough space for Brittany and Santana to lay side by side. Will wasn't back yet, so Brittany ducked into the tent to put her rocks down, and when she came out Santana was walking towards the sea. Brittany ran after her.

'Santana, stop! We're not supposed to!' Santana stopped, and huffed.

'I wasn't going in. I was just walking.' She sat down where she was, at the place where the sand had just started to get damp. Brittany sat next to her, and crossed her legs.

'What do you want to do?' Santana pointed at two moving figures scuttling towards them. 'Let's have a crab race.'

'How? I can't walk like that.' Santana giggled.

'No, you pick a crab, and I will too, and the person who picks the fastest one wins.'

'What do they win?'

'Um, the loser has to do whatever the winner wants for a whole day.'

'Okay, I pick the biggest one.'

Santana's crab won, and she was still grinning when Will came back. He was holding a tiny bag that was dripping with water and in his other hand was one of the pieces of metal that he had laid out further down the beach. He had wrapped a piece of cloth around the handle so it wouldn't cut him, and she could see that all the red was gone from it.

'What's in the bag?' Santana had come up behind her, and she was poking it with her finger, curious.

'I caught a fish.'

'How?'

'It swam into my shirt when I was swimming. We're going to need to find a way to catch them on purpose. We can't just live off mussels.'

'I like mussels.' Santana was just being difficult, and Will knew it, so he walked over to one of the benches (a log), pulled the fish out and began to scale it, cursing under his breath as he accidentally nicked his finger. Brittany picked a scale off the floor and slowly turned it in the light, watching as the dying light from the sun shone through and made a tiny rainbow in the air.

'Hey, why don't you two go and get some firewood, I don't think we have enough for tonight.'

'Why don't we do it later?' Brittany had picked up another scale and the two together scattered even more rainbows onto the ground.

'Do it now.' Will's voice had gone flat and low and harsh, and she dropped the scales, grabbed Santana's hand, and they walked into the forest, where a grove of old, brittle trees stood. When they dumped the pile of firewood in front of the fire, Will looked up, contrite.

'I'm sorry. It's just…. The fire can't go out. It can _never_ go out, do you understand?' She did, mostly, but she nodded quickly, because she could hear panic swimming just underneath his voice, and it made her nervous.

Dinner was the same as always, seafood and fruit and the weird purply-gray vegetable that he had found in the clearing. It was bland and a bit powdery, but it was a lot more filling than lots of mangoes, so she ate it anyway. Afterwards, Will read two chapters of White Fang to make it up to them.

'Will?' Brittany shifted on the ground. 'Why did his mother forget about him?'

'He didn't really. She had another baby to take care of, and she thought he could take care of himself.'

'But he was still only a baby. And she left him alone.' Will closed the book.

'I think it's time to go to bed.' Santana was quiet and Brittany didn't really want to be awake anymore, so she nodded and watched as Will stood up, walked to the huge tree a few feet away and slashed a line into the trunk. After they had been on the island for so long that everyone had lost count of how long they had been there, Will had begun to make a line into the trunk at the end of each day to keep track. The trunk was just wide enough that he could space thirty marks around the trunk before they met up, forming a ring. There were six rings on the tree.

'Remember, don't run off tomorrow. I want us to do some English.' He held up a hand to stop their (automatic) protests. 'You don't want to be behind when you get back home, do you?' He relented when he saw the looks on their faces. 'Okay, we'll do a bit of work and then you can do whatever you want. Is that fair?' They nodded, and he moved round to their side of the fire, took their hands, and led them to their tent.

'Get to bed now.' He waited until they both ducked in before he went to sit next to the fire, scanning the horizon for signs of a boat or a plane. He sat and stared until his eyes blurred and the fire had almost died down three times, but the sky was as dark and empty as it had been the night before that, and the night before that.

* * *

><p>Brittany was lying still while Santana shifted around, trying to get comfortable. In the end she rolled over and threw an arm around her, and Santana stilled. It was pitch dark inside the tent, and she could barely make out Santana's shape in the dark, her silhouette melding and melting into the uneven lines of the tent.<p>

'San?' Brittany felt her shift until they were lying face to face. Santana wrapped one arm around Brittany's waist. 'I didn't know mothers could forget about their children.'

'They didn't forget.'

'Then where are they?' Santana pulled away and stared at the roof of the tent. She was even harder to see now, blurring and shifting so that Brittany wasn't sure if she was there at all.

* * *

><p>They all woke with the sun, blinking and shifting as the rays broke through the slits in the material. The mornings were always a little bit chilly, and the girls huddled close to Will as he built the fire up. After breakfast he disappeared and came back with two notebooks and pencils.<p>

'So what do you want to start with?' Brittany shrugged.

'I want to do reading,' Santana piped up. 'I want to read White Fang.'

'Well, I'm not sure we can get to that right away, but how about both of you write your names and a sentence about what you like best about the island?'

'Okay,' Santana said agreeably, and leant over her notebook, gripping the pencil tight. Brittany shifted uncomfortably, and doodled on her notebook. Will noticed, and came over.

'What's wrong?' She shrugged, and drew a spiral in the centre of the page.

'I have an idea. Why don't I write a sentence down, and you can copy me? You can write your name at the top while I think of something.' She nodded, and pressed her pen to the paper, slowly forming the letters of her name, taking up more than half the page. When he was done, he pushed his notebook over to her. She carefully copied the sentence he had written into her book, and handed it over for inspection.

'This is good, Brittany. Do you know what it says?' She shook her head.

'It says 'I like to swim when it is warm.' I'm going to write down some sentences, and I want you to copy them down in your book, okay?' Brittany nodded, and he took his book back, carefully printed four or five sentences down, read them out to her and went to see how Santana was doing.

Brittany could hear Will and Santana laughing and chattering, and Santana was reading out a really long (and hard-sounding) sentence that she had made up. She shifted a little further away to try to block the sound out. The letters on Will's book were neat, and clear, and she copied them carefully, like she was drawing a picture. By the time Will came back to where she was she was finished, and was drawing designs in the sand.

'That's…. really good, Brittany.' He eyed her almost perfect reproduction of his sentences. 'Can you read what they say?'

She recited the sentences on the notebook without looking down. 'Today is a sunny day I like fruit mangoes are my favorite Santana is my friend I like to swim.' He blinked.

'That's very good… but can you read from the paper? Read these words here.' She looked down, and scanned the page. She could recognize some words, like 'my' and 'the', but the rest looked like lines and circles. She was aware that Santana had looked up from what she was doing, and her cheeks flamed red.

'Can I go now?' She stood up and walked off towards the tree line, breaking into a run as soon as she knew she was out of sight.

* * *

><p>Santana found her a few hours later, sitting under a tree that had vines growing all up and down the trunks and moss growing at the base, which made it feel like she was sitting in cotton. Brittany looked away when Santana sat next to her, cross legged, and began to play with the vines.<p>

'I was looking for you.' But she didn't sound a little bit annoyed like she had the day before, and when Brittany peeked at Santana's face she saw that her eyes were large, worried, soft.

'I'm stupid.' And there it was, the one thing that Brittany _wasn't_ when she was here had come back from over the ocean to find her, and now she was just the dumb kid in the class who couldn't write her own name again. She sniffled to stop the tears from sliding out.

'No, you're not.' Santana had a death grip on her hand.

'I can't do anything. I'm so bad at school-'

'This isn't school. It's just Will.'

'But I can't do _anything_.'

'That's not true.' Now she looked angry. 'You can go anywhere without getting lost and you know where all the food and everything is. Even Will doesn't know that.'

'But that's different.'

'No, it's not. You can't be stupid if you know the things that are important. Anyways, you're my best friend, and I'm not friends with dumb people.'

Santana's eyes were fierce, narrowed and so sure that Brittany found herself nodding. Santana leaned forward and reached out a hand to wipe her face.

'Do you want to make a jump rope with me?' Santana held out the section of the vine that she had been playing with. They added more vine to make it longer and stronger, and Brittany spent most of the afternoon trying to teach Santana jump rope tricks she had learned at school.

* * *

><p>'Why don't we try English again,' Will suggested. Brittany pursed her lips and kept silent. After she and Santana had gone back to the camp they had spent the rest of the day swimming and playing, and she had been hoping that they would leave the school thing alone for a little bit.<p>

'It's okay, I have an idea. Brittany, you said that you liked Dr. Seuss?' She nodded hesitantly.

'I thought we could copy the cat in the hat and play a game.' He opened his book and wrote a short word down, and showed it to her.

'Can you read that?' She shook her head. She didn't like this game.

'It says 'mat', okay?' Brittany was very aware of Santana standing nearby, watching. She nodded quickly so he would move on.

'So, the game is, you have to think of a word that sounds the same as 'mat', and then I'll show you how to spell it. Like 'mat' rhymes with 'hat', and see, you just have to swap the m for the letter h. Go on.' He looked at her expectantly until she copied both words down.

'Try and think of one.'

'Um. Sat?'

'That's right. So now just change the M for an S.' She traced a wobbly snake and added the 'at', and Will beamed.

'Cool, let's do more.' He sat on the ground next to her, and she copied him and settled in the sand.

'Polecat!' Santana said enthusiastically. Will chucked.

That's very good, but can you think of a shorter one?'

'Cat?' Brittany tried.

The letter C was easier than H, and definitely easier than S.

They played until Brittany's hand had started to cramp up from holding the pencil, and Will said they could stop if they wanted. Santana let out a whoop of delight and sprinted down the beach, weaving in and out of the trees. Brittany stood up to follow her, but Will put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She turned around.

'You did really well today, Brittany.' She shrugged. Her page was full of messy, crooked words, and Will had had to help her with half the letters. She had also seen what Santana had been doing the day before after she had run off; her book was packed with neat, long words that Brittany knew she couldn't read if she tried.

'Hey, no, really, you did.' He gave her shoulder a little shake. Santana began to yell her name from further down the beach.

'BRITTANY! LET'S GO!' She could see her jumping up and down and waving her arms frantically. Brittany turned to Will and squeezed his hand.

'We'll be back soon.' And she ran towards Santana, and as she got further away from Will she could hear him yelling about water again.

* * *

><p>'You still owe me a day of being my slave from yesterday.' They were lying on the rocks next to the freshwater pool, drying off. Brittany had fallen asleep almost as soon as they had gotten out of the water, and had only just woken up.<p>

'What?' She peered at Santana. While Brittany had been asleep she had managed to pull lots of vines down from the nearby trees, and she had manage to braid most of them together little loose blanket that she had draped across her knees.

'I won the crab race, so you have to be my slave.' She grinned.

'Okay. What do I have to do?'

'You'll have to play with me all day.'

'I do that anyway,' she pointed out.

'I'll think of something.' Santana grinned, her eyes glinting wickedly.

'What's that?' Brittany asked, gesturing at the rope on Santana's legs.

'I don't know. I was bored.' Brittany shifted on the rocks. The sun was starting to go down and the area around the pool was shaded, so it got cold quickly. Santana watched her.

'Do you want to go?' She slid off the rocks and grabbed Santana's hand in one hand and the rope- things she had made with the other.

'Why do you want to keep that?'

Brittany shrugged. 'I like it. Maybe we can think of something fun to do with it.'

* * *

><p>'Hey, guys, guess what? I thought of another learning game we can play!' Brittany stood up quickly.<p>

'No, thanks.' The day before had been kind of fun, but she didn't want to practice anymore

'Come on Brittany, it'll be fun.' Will looked at her all sad.

'That's okay.' And it was; playing learning made it easier, and less embarrassing, but it still made her feel like her head was going to explode. He sighed.

'Santana?' Will asked. Santana looked at her, then at the books, torn.

'It's okay,' Brittany said. 'I just want to go for a little bit.' Santana nodded, and settled next to Will with her book on her knees.

She headed into the forest, and found herself standing in next to the pool again. But it wasn't the pool that made her want to come back. It was the trees on the other side of it, dark and twisted together. She couldn't even see any food on them. But she already knew everything about the places near their camp, and the idea of walking into the trees on the other side made her feel like she had when they had first got to the island and she was too scared to go into the forest at all; scared, but excited, because this was what she _could_ do. She remembered that Santana was going to be gone for a while anyway, and before she could stop herself she was past the first few lines of trees, the thick undergrowth trapping her feet and the thick upper branches blocking out the sun.

It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be; it was quieter, and the bushes underfoot were rough and thorny, but it being in here made her feel brave and again, and she kept on going, pushing deeper in until the leaves were so close together that any movement she made caused all the leaves around her to rustle and whisper. She tried to move as slowly as possible, because the sound was creeping her out. The trees thinned out eventually, and she had to stop abruptly because there was a little stream running right across where she was walking. It was so small that she could almost have jumped over it, and she could see the rocks at the bottom. Along the edge were waist high bushes with pretty white flowers on it that she hadn't seen before. She moved closer, and she could smell them; thick, and with such a strong smell it made her jaw tingle. When she moved forward to pick one a bird flew out of the bush, startling her, and when she moved closer she could see the bush was full of them, all picking at the fruit that grew out of the bush. She reached forward carefully and picked a flower, rubbing her hand against the thick, waxy texture of the leaves. The fruits looked good, too; kind of like a nut, and she picked a few and ate them before carefully putting the flower in her hair.

She crossed the stream and went on, but she stopped when the ground got really rocky and she started to pass boulders almost as big as her. It was no fun going exploring in places that didn't have any plants or birds to look at, and she turned back.

She hadn't even made it back to the stream when her hands began to itch; and she had to keep stopping to rub them against the bark of the nearest trees. When she got to the stream she stumbled as she jumped and fell in, landing on her hands and knees, her head just above the water. She tried to get up and fell again, her head spinning and her mouth dry. She struggled up and got out of the stream bed, but she had barely managed to get past the tree line when she had to stop because pain was ripping through her stomach, and her eyes were starting to blur. She raised a hand to wipe at them and it came away wet with tears. She stumbled on, stopping periodically to retch and sit until her legs stopped trembling. It felt like she had been walking for a million years when she finally got back to the freshwater pool, and she made for the softest patch of moss before her legs gave out and she collapsed onto the ground. Her heart was beating so fast that she could feel it in her eyeballs.

* * *

><p>Santana found her curled up in a ball, and Brittany was vaguely aware of Santana's high pitched wails before she heard footsteps moving away from her; and the next things she knew she was swinging back and forth in the air, sickeningly fast. Her head spun, and she threw up. She heard Will swear.<p>

'What's _wrong_ with her?' Santana's voice was even higher than usual and Brittany could hear her voice trembling. She felt a warm pressure around one of her hands. Will walked faster, almost breaking into a run.

They got back to the camp, and he placed her on one of the blankets that lay in front of the fire. The sudden bump made her cry out, and the pain in her stomach came back so strong that she sobbed, making it worse. Will leaned over her.

'What happened?' His eyes were open very wide and he was trying to keep his voice calm. On her other side Santana was sat next to her, gripping her hand. Santana's hand felt as warm as the fire, and Brittany shivered. She realized she was speaking.

'I want my mom.'

'Brittany, you have to tell me what happened. Did you eat something?'

'It hurts.' She was crying again, and retching, and Will moved behind her to sit her up.

'Santana,' he said tersely. She looked up, her lip trembling.

'Take one of the shells and fill it with saltwater, and come back as soon as you can,' She nodded and printed towards the water, her feet kicking up fountains of sand. When she came back Will told her to fill another one, and he held the first coconut shell to Brittany's lips.

'Drink this.' She did, until she was full, but he made her drink until she couldn't anymore, and then he pressed down on her stomach until she threw it all back up. Santana came back with another cupful, and he made her drink again, holding her when she tried to squirm away. The second time she threw up lots of what she had eaten came out as well. He made her throw up one more time, and by the end she was crying from a combination of the pain in her stomach and the roughness in her throat, and her limbs were shaking from the effort and shock. Santana was crying too, quietly, sitting in the sand by her feet, her eyes locked on Brittany's face. Will let go of her, and she slumped backwards. He wrapped her up carefully in the blanket and held her loosely. Santana moved forward and took her hand again. Eventually her muscles stopped quivering and the pain in her stomach died down enough that she could fall asleep, and she did, quickly.

* * *

><p>She woke up when a particularly strong gust of wind lifted the corner of the blanket off her, and sand blew in, making her skin itch. She cracked an eye open and had to close it again almost immediately because the sun was right overhead and it was blinding her. That wasn't right; she was always awake while the sun was coming up, and the light shouldn't be coming through the tarp anyway. She sat up slowly, and found that she was lying by the fire, wrapped in a blanket, just how she had fallen asleep the night before.<p>

'Morning.' She turned her head and Will was there; his face pale and worried.

'How are you feeling?' Brittany stopped to consider.

'Hungry.' He handed her some food and watched her eat.

'You really scared us, Brittany. What were you doing?'

'I was just walking. I found this new place, and I was just looking around.'

'Did you eat something new?' She nodded, and he sighed.

'You're not supposed to do that, Brittany.'

'I saw the birds doing it.'

'We're not birds,' he reminded her gently. 'I don't want you going anywhere today. I want you to rest and get better.'

'Okay,' she said agreeably. She didn't feel as bad as the night before, but her legs still felt a little wobbly. 'But what am I going to do all day?'

'Well, Santana and I were talking-?'

'When?' Santana came out from the tree line, dragging lots of vines behind her.

'We all had a sleepover in front of the fire last night. You were asleep, so you missed it. Sorry.'

'What are those for?' Brittany asked, pointing.

'Santana told me about the jump rope you made, and she showed it to me this morning, and it's really good.'

'Okay…' she said slowly. 'Do you want us to make you one too?' He chuckled.

'No. I was at the plane and I found some cargo restraints inside… they're like nets to keep your things from moving around,' he explained. 'I was thinking that today you and Santana could stay here and help me mend them, and then we can try fishing.' Santana had already sat next to her, and had started pulling the vine through her fingers, so Brittany shrugged and joined in.

It took a while to get the torn netting to look like a fishing net; the gaps in the mesh were huge, and the girls couldn't concentrate for more than half an hour at a time, so Will wound up doing most of it himself. Still, they didn't go far, and Will found himself thinking it was all weirdly, horribly domestic.

* * *

><p>Brittany decided that she liked fishing. She still wasn't supposed to do anything that involved too much moving around, so she couldn't help; but sitting by the shore and watching Santana tangle the fishing net around Will's ankles so that he would fall over when the waves came in was pretty fun too.<p>

* * *

><p>'So, I was thinking, we need rules,' Will started. The sun had just set and the fishing plan had gone a little too well: there were fish in a huge pile near the fire and the smell had already started to waft through the camp. The girls looked at him warily.<p>

'Rules?' Santana wrinkled her nose. He ran a hand through his hair and frowned when it got caught in tangles.

'I haven't been responsible. You're five, and I've been letting you alone to do whatever you want. So, I've been thinking, some rules are a good idea.'

'What sort of rules?' Brittany asked.

'First, no going anywhere you haven't been without me there. And you have to let me know exactly where you're going even if you _have_ been there before.'

'Okay… Those weren't that bad.

'And you have to check in with me.' Brittany frowned.

'How many times?'

'I'm going to make sundials all over, and I'll show you how to use them, so you'll check in with me at least six times a day.'

'That's _lots_. I don't think we can remember to do that.' Santana nodded vigorously next to her.

'You're going to have to.' He held up a hand to stop their protests.

'Brittany, you could have died, and it would have been my fault if you had. I have to take more responsibility, until we're rescued.' He glanced at the horizon automatically.

'Fine,' she mumbled.

They kept near the camp the next day as well; Will was trekking around making sundials in all the places they liked to go, and even though Brittany felt better she was happy to sit by the shore and make a sandcastle. Santana was sitting beside her, tracing shapes in the sand.

'What do you want to do today?' Brittany shrugged

'Will said he wants to show us how to use his sundials.'

'No, I meant what fun thing do you want to do today?'

'I still have to be your slave for a day.' Santana's eyes lit up.

'I forgot about that. I know what I want to do.'

'What?'

'Show me how to do a flip while I'm skipping.'


	7. Mommy dearest 2011

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: None. AU.

Santana's hand was sore from Brittany holding tight the whole plane ride, and she shook it to try to get some feeling back into it. They were sitting in a cool, comfortable room, again, and the same flight attendant who had taken them to the plane was sitting in a corner of the room, watching them intently. She stared back hard, and felt a little burst of satisfaction when she looked away. The room they were in had a wall that was just a window, and just outside she could see people, walking so fast and in so many directions it made her dizzy. But she kept staring, because she kind of couldn't believe that she had probably seen thousands of faces since they were picked up and not one of them was the same.

'Why are we here?' Her own voice took her by surprise. It came out sharp, like she was angry. The attendant looked at her.

'Your parents are meeting you here.'

'Here, where?' She needed more than useless bits of information. The attendant looked surprised.

'The Juan Alvarez Airport. Mexico,' she added. 'It's written all over.' Santana scowled.

'Why? Why are we here? Why did we stop here?' Her voice sounded angrier, and now she was feeling it. 'You can't just keep dropping us off and taking us wherever you want! We don't even know where we are!'

'San.' Brittany's eyes were fixed on her knee.

'Listen, I'm just supposed to stay with you until your parents get here, I don't know anything else.' Brittany looked up.

'Our parents?' Brittany's voice was rough, desperate, wanting, and Santana felt her stomach twist in a way that it had been doing every day since they had been picked up.

'I have their names right here.' The attendant waved a piece of paper around. 'I was told they would be here in an hour or so.'

'Then what?' Santana asked. She tried to keep her voice neutral. The attendant looked surprised, again.

'I don't know.'

Brittany wasn't looking at her; her gaze was fixed firmly on the door, waiting. Her hand drummed nervously on her knee and she jumped when Santana reached out to hold her hand. Every time the door opened she jumped, and scanned each face for anything familiar. Brittany didn't move her head; she just stared at the door so hard Santana expected it to disappear from the force of her gaze. Instead it swung open, and she was so busy chewing her nails that it took her a couple of seconds to register the gasp, and Brittany being wrenched from her side into the arms of a very tall, very bearded man. A beautiful woman was standing next to him, crying and stroking Brittany's hair. Brittany still had hold of her hand, and it was stretched awkwardly in front of her, pulling her forward. She stood up, and the movement pulled Brittany away from the people. Brittany was crying too, and the twist in Santana's stomach doubled until she felt tears fill her eyes. She felt Brittany grab tighter onto her hand and pull her slightly in between her and her parents. They stared, looking at Brittany like she was made of the sun. Brittany blushed, and sidled behind Santana some more.

The door swung open again, and a woman rushed over to Santana, only slowing down when she saw her visibly stiffen and take a step back. She stopped in front and took Santana's hand gently, pressing it her cheek. Santana could see that her hand was shaking in the lady's and it took her vision blurring to realize she was crying, hard. The lady brought her hand up to cup Santana's cheek and she flinched, feeling her soft hand stoking her face.

'Mi hija.' She wasn't exactly how Santana remembered: she was shorter, her face soft and eyes crinkled with lines, but her eyes were the same dark and deep black that were the only thing Santana had never forgotten. A fresh wave of tears came up and she pulled away, because the lady- her mother- was holding on tight, and it didn't feel like it did when Brittany did it. It felt suffocating.

Brittany was staring at her parents over Santana's shoulder, her initial happiness starting to give way to shyness. Her parents still looked like they wanted to sweep her up again, but they were obviously trying to give her space.

'Hi,' Brittany whispered. It was the first thing she said since they had walked in, and just as everyone was about to start crying again a man walked in. He reminded Santana of the Captain; as soon as he entered the room everyone turned to look at him automatically. He ignored them, though, and moved to stand next to Santana's mom. He held a hand out, and she automatically took it. It was easier to interact with him, because she barely remembered him. He smiled.

'I've just finished talking to the consulate. We'll have to spend a night or two here, but they'll have sent over passports and travel papers before the end of the week. So we can go.' He looked at them expectantly.

'Where are we going?'

'To a hotel.'

'I thought we had to stay here.'

'No, not here in the airport. Just in the country,' he explained. 'I've already booked us into the nearest Hilton.' Brittany had to pull on her hand to get her to start walking, and her mother fell into step next to her. Now that the initial rush of emotion had died down the whole group was awkward, not sure what to do next.

The attendant, they had left sitting forgotten in a corner of the room rushed up.

'I'm sorry, I need to confirm your identification before you can leave, and I was told to give you this letter.' Santana's dad took it and scanned it quickly.

'What is this? Immunisation? Proof of guardianship?' The attendant looked like she was going to pass out.

'I'm sorry; these are the regulations for unaccompanied minors with no official ID.'

Santana could see that all the adults were gearing up for an argument, and she took the opportunity to pull Brittany away for a second. She could see Brittany's mom gesturing the same way Brittany did when she was angry, and her dad hadn't stopped lecturing the attendant yet.

'Your dad is really scary,' Brittany said. Santana stared out of the glass to the outside. She couldn't be sure, because the glass was warped and some parts were coloured, but it looked like there were lots of people standing right outside. She moved closer to get a closer look, and jumped when the glass hissed and pulled away, letting the sun in. She shivered, only now realizing how cold she had been inside the airport. Brittany stepped outside and tilted her face up to feel the sun. The doors hissed shut behind them, leaving them outside, and Santana managed to make out someone shouting 'no!' from inside just before the doors closed. The next thing she knew she was surrounded, people shoving things in her face and yelling questions. She couldn't see Brittany anymore and the people around her were talking too fast to catch what they were saying.

'Santana-'

'Tell us-'

'Parents are-'

They crowded in closer, and she began to lash out, trying to make them stay back. Instead everything just got louder, and there were flashes going off in every direction, blinding her. Someone scooped her up from behind and she thrust her head back, feeling it connect. The person holding her – a man- swore, but didn't let go, and started to speak instead. The people stopped shouting and to eye the powerful, angry man with his slip of a daughter hanging from his arms.

'If the pictures of these children are published,' He waited until everyone fell silent. 'I will sue you all for exploiting the likenesses of minors, and you will be lucky to find work developing photos at a booth.' She recognized the voice as her father's, and she stopped trying to hit him and looked around for Brittany instead. Santana's father carried her back in, and as soon as they had closed the doors he dropped her so he could hold his nose. She looked around and guiltily noted that his nose was bleeding. Brittany was being led inside by her father. She was panting, and all the blood had drained from her face.

'Let's go,' her dad said. She was still in shock, and she let herself be herded in the opposite direction, to a small door in the corner. They stepped outside onto a lonely stretch of tarmac, far away from where they had been ambushed. Two large black cars rumbled a few feet away. Brittany's mom was holding her hand, and pulling her gently towards one car, and Santana's mom had a hand on the small on her back, guiding her towards the other one.

'Wait.' Brittany had frozen too, just out of reach.

'We have to go, sweetie.' That was Brittany's mom, smoothing her hair back from her face. Brittany flinched away, and Santana took courage from that.

'I'm going where she is.'

'We're going to the same place, we just need to split up for a little bit to get there.'

'No.' She stepped forward so Brittany was in her arms, and honestly, it felt like getting all her air back. She shifted so that she could wrap her hands around her waist, and hold one of Brittany's hands in hers.

'Santana-'

'_No_.' If they thought that she was actually going to get in a car without her they were insane. Brittany was quiet, staring at the ground and still in Santana's arms. She only held her tighter. Santana could hear that their parents were having a whispered and heated conversation, but after only a couple of minutes they looked back at them, their faces strained.

'Okay,' Brittany's dad said. 'You two can ride in that car with your moms, and we'll take the other one and meet you at the hotel.' Santana nodded, and got into the back of the nearest car. Brittany got in next to her, and their mothers climbed into the row of seats in front of them. The car moved off with a jolt, and they sped away.

Santana's mom reached into the back, and Santana flinched. She stopped, and gestured to the back of her seat. 'Seatbelt,' she explained, and she leaned forward and snapped both Santana's and Brittany's seatbelts into place. Both the mothers were looking at them like that were afraid that they would suddenly vanish from the back of the car, and she shifted uncomfortably under their scrutiny.

'You look good,' Brittany's mom ventured. She fixed on Brittany. 'I missed you.' Brittany looked up and locked eyes with her. It felt weird to be looking when they were both so obviously unaware of anyone else, so Santana looked her mother instead. She looked so different from how she remembered; dressed in loose trousers and a top, not the pencil-thin suits she remembered, and she was smaller, older, softer. She took Santana's hand, and clasped it on both of hers.

'You look just like I did when I was in school. You're so beautiful.' She laughed low in her throat.' I must sound so vain.' Her hands were was soft and warm, and Santana could feel the rough parts of her hand rasping against her mother's. 'We left as soon as we heard... we didn't even wait to hear that it was you for sure. Were you really alone, all this time?' She looked so sad, and angry.

'I wasn't alone.' Her voice came out rusty, scraping against her mouth as she spoke. Words were hard when you had someone looking at you like you had saved them.

'I can't believe we stopped looking.' The hand that her mother was holding started to burn, and the movement of the car was starting to make her feel sick. This wasn't what she remembered. _Her_ mother didn't hold her hand, or run onto a plane just to see her. This wasn't what she had been preparing for, and it felt like a stranger was claiming her as theirs.

'You were looking?' Brittany had stopped talking to her mother to listen, interested.

'Of course, baby,' her mom said, surprised. 'We hired as many people as we could to look all around where you were supposed to be, but no one thought you had gone as far off course as you did. Did you think we didn't?' Neither girls spoke, and Santana watched the lines on her mother's face deepen.

The rest of the car ride was heavy and uncomfortable, and as soon as the car stopped Santana hopped out and began to walk away, only stopping reluctantly when she was called back. They walked into the lobby, where both her dad and Brittany's were waiting for them. Her dad's nose had stopped bleeding, but it had gone all swollen and bumpy.

'I'm sorry. About your nose.' He waved his hand dismissively.

They had been booked into the huge room that as full of rooms and soft couches, and was decorated in greens and yellows. Santana went over to the window, which took up most of one wall and looked out onto the ocean. The height and size of the window made her dizzy, and she leaned closer, pressing her hands against the glass. Brittany came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, staring out into the ocean. She kissed Santana's neck and tucked her chin into her shoulder.

'We were thinking about going out to get you some clothes, and shoes,' Brittany's mom said.

'Can we come?' Her mom looked at Brittany, surprised.

'We thought you would want to stay here.'

'No,' Brittany said, pulling Santana with her. 'I want to see where we are.'

They got back a little while later, loaded down with bags, and exhausted. It had taken a while to find things that would fit (you're so _skinny_,' Santana's mother had said sadly) and by the end Santana was jumpy and irritable, and Brittany had gone quiet again. As the shopping trip went on each mother had made a concerted effort to pull their child a little closer, but it only only made them jumpier and more tense, and they gave up eventually. Someone had ordered so much food that it was covering almost all the tables in the suite, and Santana hesitated before picking up a bowl of jellybeans and perching on a sofa. Her mother and Brittany's parents sat opposite as well, and Brittany squeezed herself in next to her. The room was silent for a while as she and Brittany happily made their way through the bowls of sweets.

'They didn't really tell us how they found you.' Brittany's mom said, startling her out of her sugar high.

'There was a fire,' she mumbled around a mouth full of jellybeans. 'The Navy saw it.'

'What happened?'

'Our fire got really big and it got to the trees.' Brittany avoided Santana's eyes as she spoke.

'How did you even have a fire? I can't even imagine what you've been living on,' Santana's mom added, watching her shovel jellybeans into her mouth. 'It's a wonder you didn't poison yourselves.'

'We weren't alone.' Santana said.

'I know, dear, you were together.'

'No, I mean we had Will_.'_

'Who's Will?'

'He was with us. He took care of us,' Brittany explained.

'There was someone else on the island with you? A man?' Brittany nodded, and her mother took a deep breath.

'Where is he now?' The questions were getting hard. Why couldn't they just ask easy things like they were doing before?

'He's gone.' The air had grown tighter, thicker, pushing them closer together.

'Did he leave? Why didn't he take you with him?' Brittany's dad sounded a little bit angry.

'No, he didn't want to, he's gone, he got hurt, he left. He didn't want us to leave him there.' Brittany wasn't making any sense, but she was clearly getting upset and. Her dad moved in swiftly to change the subject.

'Hey, Brittany, do you remember your sisters?' She nodded, and he continued. 'We didn't tell them that we had found you at first, because we wanted to be completely sure, but they will be so excited to see you.'

'Will they remember me?' He laughed gently. 'Of course they will. They never forgot. Katie's home from college now and Louise will come back as soon as she hears. She's...' He kept on talking and Brittany listened, rapt, hungry for details of sisters she had idolized. Santana listened too, curious about the people who Brittany had talked about constantly in the beginning. Brittany's father was a good storyteller, and as the day wore on the whole group relaxed.

'Where are we sleeping?' Brittany asked, because she had missed the nap they usually took in the afternoon and her eyes were beginning to droop.

'Well, the suite has three rooms, and they are all ensuite... have bathrooms in them,' Brittany's mom explained. 'So you two can have one. Brittany nodded, and stood up.

'Come on, San. Let's go have a shower.' Santana followed her into the room, and the adults blinked at each other.

'Did they just-' Santana's mom asked.

'Yup.' Brittany's dad rubbed his cheek. 'She probably just wants the company.'

'That's probably it,' she agreed. They were silent for a minute, and they watched the sun sink into the sea and turn everything in the room to gold.

'They are so beautiful,' Santana's mother said. 'Aren't they?' Brittany's mother turned to face her and she watched tears sliding down Maria's cheeks, glinting in the light. She reached over and grasped her hand, and let the crushing fear and gladness she had been holding in the whole day show on her face.

'They're perfect, Maria.'

* * *

><p>Santana was sitting on the beach and staring out into the sea when Will came running to her, smiling and waving. She got up to run towards him, but pulled up short when she saw that the flesh on his legs was splintered and cracked, and blood was running thickly down his calves. He stopped, and began to cry out, and she heard a wet crunch as the bones in his legs crunched and broke and popped through his skin. He began to cry, and scream, and she had just turned around to run when she woke up, thank <em>God<em>.

She shifted around, trying to get comfortable on the too-soft mattress that made her feel like she was sinking into the bed. She reached out for Brittany, and after a couple of minutes of letting her hand wander around the bed she gave up and sat up. The sun had set and ut was pitch dark outside, and the only light in the room came from a tiny lamp in the corner of the room. Brittany was perched next to the lamp, her hand hovering over the light and sending shadows fluttering over the room.

'What are you doing?' Brittany started a little.

'Oh, hi San. Look.' She covered the lamp with her fingers until her hands glowed red. 'Isn't that cool?'

'Yeah... Why is it dark?' Brittany laughed gently.

'You fell asleep for ages, and I couldn't wake you up.'

'Where are our... the-'

'They went to bed too; your mom came in to tell me.' Brittany left the lamp alone and sat on the bed, resting her back against the headboard. 'You were making weird noises when you were sleeping. It woke me up.'

'Sorry.'

'Bad dream again?'

'Yeah.' She shifted uncomfortably, and Brittany let it drop.

'Your parents seem nice.'

'I like yours.'

'My mom is shorter than I remember though. It's weird.' Santana raised an eyebrow.

'That's the thing you notice? Out of everything?' Brittany poked her in the ribs playfully.

'No, it's just what I noticed first. You know, before all the crying.'

'They all keep on crying whenever we look at them. It's super weird.' She yawned as Brittany nodded, and she felt herself begin to slide down the mattress.

'San.' She forced her eyes open.

'What?'

'I'm not sleepy.' Brittany grabbed her hand and tugged her closer, her eyes twinkling in the dim light.

'Well, I am.' She tried to pull her hand out of Brittany's and got a gentle pinch to the back of her hand for the trouble. Brittany used her other hand to trail her fingers down Santana's side.

'Do you think you could maybe be sleepy later?'

She was soon very, very wide awake.

* * *

><p>Maria was woken up by the sound of the door to her room squeaking open, and she turned around to see Carlos trying to sneak into the room. He saw she was awake and smiled guiltily.<p>

'Sorry.' She sat up and tried to rub the sleep from her eyes.

'Where were you?'

'Sorting out immigration. We left a bit of a mess behind, but we should be able to leave tomorrow.'

'That soon?' He caught the apprehension in her voice and frowned.

'We can't just stay here, Maria. This isn't a holiday.' His tone of voice sent a flare of irritation down her chest.

'I know, Carlos. I just thought we would have more time to...'

'What?' She gestured helplessly.

'Adjust. I don't know.' He opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by a faint noise coming down outside the room. They waited a second, but it only got louder. Maria climbed out of bed and walked into the hall, Carlos behind her. At the exact second she figured out what the noises were the Pierces came out of their room, sleepy and curious.

'What is that?' Nora asked, pulling at the ends of her hair irritably. Maria blushed, and after a moment Nora gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.

'It's not-' Maria nodded helplessly.

'What's going on?' Albert demanded impatiently.

'It's the girls, Albert. The noise.'

'What? What are they-' His eyes bugged out

'Oh. _Oh_. Crap. What do we do? Do we stop them? Oh, shit.'

'No, I really don't think we should go in, we'll all just get even more traumatised, and we'll probably freak them out.'

'Well, I can't sleep with _that_,' He gestured down the hallway, 'as background.' He looked like he wanted to bolt.

'Why don't we deal with talking to them tomorrow, and go into the lounge for a nightcap for now?' All the adults jumped at Carlos' suggestion and hurried into the living room. It wasn't long until they were all settled in the lounge with a glass of brandy. Nora spoke first to break the semi-awkward silence.

'So how did things go at the consulate today?'

'Good. They should be sending temporary passports by tomorrow.'

'Then we can take them home.' At the word home, Maria downed the rest of her brandy in one gulp, and when she put the glass down all everyone else was staring at her, curious.

'It's going to be hard. After all this time, having them live in different houses.'

'We don't live that far apart, Maria.'

'I know, but, did you see how she looks at me? She's never going to trust me.' The last words came out in a whisper, and she bowed her head in shame. The brandy had gone straight to her head, and she was blurting out things she had said out loud maybe once.

'Brittany will probably be the same, Maria.'

Maybe. Hopefully. No, that was a horrible thing to think.

'I think the, um, noise has died down. Shall we go to bed?' Albert asked.

Her bed was still warm, and it didn't take long for the burn in her stomach and the not-entirely-pleasant buzz to lull her to sleep.

* * *

><p>When they got to the airport the next day they went through the back, just in case, and Santana and Brittany made sure to stay close to the group. The consulate had delivered temporary passports to the hotel in the morning, as promised, but they had been warned that the girls would probably need immunisations before they would be let onto the plane. Neither set of parents had though it would be necessary to tell the girls beforehand. That decision went as well as could be expected, and by the time they boarded the plane Brittany was still sniffling and Santana was nursing sore knuckles.<p>

This plane was a lot bigger that the one that had taken them out of Tahiti, but most of their section was empty, and the group had a whole row to themselves. They settled in, and waited for the plane to take off.

Maria was watching as Carlos frowned and fiddled with his iPad.

'What is it?' He showed her pictured that had been posted online of the disastrous run-in with the reporters the day before.

'I hoped I had put a stop to this.' She rolled her eyes.

'Honestly, I have no idea why you though that threatening the press was a good idea. You're just lucky that they didn't print that little speech of yours. He grunted and put the iPad away as the pilot's voice began to broadcast through the plane.

* * *

><p>As soon as the plane landed in LA they went straight into a private lounge to wait for the car service to bring the car around to a back entrance.<p>

'How did they find us _again_?' Brittany's father asked, exasperated.

'Someone must have leaked our flight details. It used to happen all the time to me, when I was working,' Brittany's mother said wistfully. After a couple of minutes of sitting around aimlessly Santana plucked up her courage and sidled over to Brittany's mom.

'Um, Brittany's mom...'

'You can call me Nora, dear.' She smiled warmly at Santana, who shuffled her feet.

'And you can call me Albert,' Brittany's dad added.

'Okay. Where are we going now?'

'Well, we were thinking that you and your parents could come over to our house for lunch.'

'Our house?'

'Albert's and I. And Brittany's house too.' This didn't sound good.

'Then what?' Nora quickly picked up on where things were going.

'It's not far, Santana. Your parents have a house pretty near where we are. It's only half an hour away.'

That meant nothing to her.

'That's not going to work.' Santana turned around as she heard someone speak behind her. Brittany had stopped playing with the hem of her dress, and she was looking right at them, her arms crossed.

'Brittany, we live in separate houses, that's how it has to work.'

'Why?'

There was silence, and Brittany jumped on the opportunity to speak more.

'I'm not living separate from her.' It was a good thing Brittany's voice was so strong and steady, because Santana could feel her throat closing and her vision had started to blur.

'Brittany.' Her dad was talking slowly, clearly. 'That's just the way it is. You belong to your family, and Santana belongs to hers. We don't live together. You can see each other all the time, and talk on the phone, and go to the same schools-'

Schools?

Santana's mom put up a hand to stop him. 'I think that's a bit fast. The point is, it just doesn't work to have you two in the same house. I'm sorry. We'll do everything we can to keep you two close together.'

Brittany stood up, finally, and stood next to Santana. 'We didn't come back to be separated, and if you try, we'll run away.' Her voice was calm, and still, but sure.

'Brittany-'

'_She's_ my family. She's been my family for longer than you have.' She ignored the hurt that streaked across their faces at that sentence. 'Think of another plan.'

Nora made a quick decision, and took a deep breath.

'Maria, would you and Carlos like to coma and stay with Albert and I for a while?' She locked eyes with Maria, trying to let her see what she was thinking. _We can't lose them this soon. _She didn't really have a choice.

'I would love to, Nora.' She made herself smile, and all the adults took a breath.

'We can go now, the cars are here,' Carlos said, and everyone stood up hastily. On the way out Santana grabbed Brittany's hand.

'Thank you,' she whispered. Brittany looked at her, a little confused.

'What for?'

There were a couple of reporters who were hanging around the back, and Santana's dad slung an arm around her to shield her. She let herself relax, and felt like she was being hugged by a bear.

Brittany's house was pretty big, and was full of bright, warm colours. Santana left the adults standing awkwardly in the entryway and wandered into a big room that had pictures of blonde, happy people all over the place. She recognized the littlest person in one of the huge family portraits hanging on the wall, and moved closer to examine it.

'I remember you,' she whispered. Brittany looked almost the same in the picture as she had the first time Santana had ever met her, only she looked a lot nicer in this one, without all the blood on her face.

'It's weird, she looks just like her older sister now.' Santana jumped and whirled around to see Brittany's dad -Albert- smiling. 'Come on, you can take your stuff upstairs.' She followed him upstairs, and she saw Brittany standing in a room with her mom looking forlorn. She stopped at the doorway.

'What is it?'

'Everything's different. My mural used to be right above here,' she pointed to a blank space on the wall, 'and all my dolls were on that shelf.' The only shelf in the room was covered with dusty books. The whole room looked like no one had been in it for ages.

'We cleaned up, after you disappeared.' Nora looked guilty.

'Brittany was still frowning, so Albert clapped his hands and put on a smile.

'Why don't you unpack as quick as you can. Katie will be here soon, and then we can have dinner.' Brittany nodded.

'San, go get your things, and we can unpack.' Nora opened her mouth to say something, but Albert shook his head and pulled her out of the room. Santana went downstairs to get her stuff from downstairs, and on the way back she could hear Brittany's parents talking softly and urgently.

'I thought you said we were going to try to put them in separate rooms.'

'Not, today, hasn't it been stressful enough?'

'But they-' He stopped when he saw her coming, and she smiled weakly as she stepped past them and slipped into Brittany's room. She shut the door, and turned to face Brittany, who was drawing circles on the window.

'They took everything down,' she murmured. Santana wrapped her arms around her.

'We'll put it back up,' she promised.

'No, I don't think I want to. Do you think they'll let me paint in here?'

'Probably. What do you want to paint?' Brittany turned to kiss her gently, and smiled.

'I want it to be a surprise.'


	8. Do Not Stand By My Grave and Weep 2000

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating:R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: not mine

Spoilers: For the very hungry caterpillar. Otherwise none

**I don't like to post warnings because it gives away what's going to happen, but I should mention that there is some fairly graphic description of injury/ character death in this chapter.**

It had taken at least two weeks of planning, then collecting materials and experimenting, but as the sun went down Will secured the last post and sank to the ground, exhausted, and closed his eyes winced as his muscles began to stiffen and burn from all the lifting and strain of the past few days. He had just begun to drift off when he felt sand hit on his feet, and a little giggle drifted by his left ear. He stayed still, and kept his eyes closed, and when he felt more sand hit his chest he lunged up and grabbed the person –Brittany- by the middle and pulled her down gently to the sand. She shrieked and giggled, and began to thrash when he started to tickle the bottom of her feet. There was movement at the corner of his eye, and the next thing he knew he was bowled over by Santana, who had taken it upon herself to rescue Brittany. She had tangled her hands in his beard and was determinedly tugging on it when he called truce and let Brittany up, his eyes tearing up. She scrambled up and stood over him, grinning.

'We win!' She held a hand out to help him, and he got to his feet.

'So what were you guys up to today?'

'Climbing trees.' Santana held her hands out to show him. They were rough, cracked, and had blisters all over the palms. He frowned.

'I hope you're being careful. If you-'

'Break a bone you'll be all crooked forever,' she finished for him, impatiently. 'I know. Is it finished?' He grinned triumphantly.

'Yup. Girls, I introduce you to... your house.' He bowed low and gestured at the little hut he had spent the last few weeks putting together. They ran inside, and he flopped back onto the grass, spent. Despite all his efforts the hut was a barely vertical structure that he had cobbled together using strong cloth and wood that he had managed to scavenge from around the island, and it had taken him at least a week just to figure out how to get everything to stand safely. He was proud of it, though, and it had kept him busy, which was worth it for that alone.

'Will, it has beds in it!' He had ripped and re sewn the seats from the plane into rectangle shapes, and stuffed them with dry grass. It made him sad to think how low their standards had fallen. Brittany came running out and barrelled into him, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

'Thanks, Will.' He gave a little hug back, and focused on putting something together for dinner before the sun went down completely. The girls got busy moving all their things into their new house, which only took a little while, and they crawled into bed just to see what it was like. It was scratchy, and uneven in places, but it felt good to not have to sleep with sand blowing in their faces. Now that the sun had mostly gone down it was dark inside the hut, much darker than outside, and Brittany groped for Santana's hand to make sure she was still there.

'It's nice to have a room again.' Santana squeezed her hand.

'Yeah, like a house-room. We should put stuff in it to make it look nicer.'

'Like what?'

'I don't know. Shells and stuff. Do you want to do that tomorrow?'

'Yeah. After reading.'

Dinner was a mix of all the fruits and vegetables that will had found (and pre-tested), and some little shrimp that had gotten caught in the nets the last time they had gone fishing. Brittany ate hers quickly so she wouldn't have to look at its black eyes bulging out of his head.

'Will?'

'Hmm?' He was staring at the sea again

'Don't you want your own house?'

'I do. There are just some things I want to do first.'

'Like what?' She yawned, and Will smiled.

'I'll tell you tomorrow. Why don't you go and try out your new beds?' They stood up and gave him a quick hug before heading into the hut and falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

><p>'Tell me about your mom again,' Santana said. They had just climbed up one of their favourite trees and were tucked into a wide fork several feet up. Brittany took out some braided vines and some of the shiny stones she found in the pool, and carefully laid them across the flattest part of the branch.<p>

'Okay, but let's start making decorations for our house.' She picked up a piece of vine and started to try to make a necklace. 'My mom is the most beautiful lady in the world. She sells clothes-'

'What, like in a shop?'

'No, she walks wearing clothes and then people like them and buy them, and she has to take pictures all the time. Sometimes she lets me come with her and I get to take pictures too. It's really fun.' She finished looping some vine around a pretty red shiny rock and frowned when it immediately fell apart.

'She took you places with her?'

'Yeah, all the time. We're her three musketeers.'

'Who, your sisters?' Brittany nodded, frowning as the necklace she was trying to make fell apart again. She glanced over at Santana, who had someone managed to knot the stones into the vine. She was now tying it together to form a sparkling net.

'How are you doing that?' Santana reached forward and showed her how, her hands weaving around Brittany's gracefully.

'Tell me about your sisters.' Brittany grinned.

'They're really fun, and nice. They play with you all the time.'

'All the time?'

'Sometimes I have to ask and ask, but they always say yes in the end. Look, I'm a princess.' She had picked flowers off the branch and braided them together to make a crown.

'Princess of what?' Santana asked sceptically.

'The island. You can be my royal helper. Or,' she added, watching Santana's face darken, 'we can take turns. I'm the Princess of Islandia!'

'That's a silly name.'

'You're silly. Why do you always ask me about my family?' Santana didn't answer; instead she shimmied backwards away from the trunk until the branch they were on began to shake and shudder in protest.

'My mother doesn't like me.'

'Why not?' Santana shifted again, further away, and the branch began to shiver.

'She forgot my birthday. And she likes to sleep in her office instead of at home with me.' Brittany inched out towards Santana slowly, mindful of the creaks that were coming from the branch.

'Maybe she's just really busy.' Santana looked like she wanted to argue, but she just nodded her head.

'So who did you play with?'

'I play with you.'

'No, before.'

'Oh. Emma. She took care of me when my mom was working.' She began to bounce up and down on the branch gently, unconsciously, and Brittany gulped.

'Come back this way.' Santana looked at her, her eyes all dark and sad. 'If you come back, I'll let you be Princess first.' Brittany unwound a length of her crown from her head and held it out. Santana sighed and started to move back, but she had only just started to shift along the branch when she realized how thin the branch that she was sitting on was, and Brittany watched her freeze up. She held her hand out as far as she dared, and Santana held it tight, closed her eyes and moved back to the safety of the fork where they had been sitting before. She opened her eyes.

'Thanks.' Brittany nudged her gently with a still-shaking hand.

'Don't _do_ that. You're going to _fall_.'

'Sorry.'

They climbed down the tree, and Brittany held Santana's hand tight the whole way back home.

* * *

><p>Will had been busy the whole day, spreading bright orange pieces of cloth across the sand and weighting them down with rocks at intervals along the beach. As soon as he was done he was going to have to start building a hut for himself, although to be honest he wasn't in any hurry to do that and run out of things to do.<p>

While he was cooking dinner when he pulled out the sweet potatoes that he had found when he had gone exploring, and he carefully cut and spread them out onto a hot stone near the fire to roast. Brittany and Santana had quickly gotten over their distrust of new foods, and they happily tasted all finished most of everything he made.

'Where did you get that from?' Brittany asked, wiping her mouth. 'I liked it.'

'It's sweet potato. I found it today when I went looking around.'

'You went exploring by yourself?' He chuckled.

'I don't need an escort to look around. I'm the adult.' She didn't smile, though.

'I don't want you to go to new places without us.' He leaned over and gave her a little side hug.

'You don't have to worry. I'll always come back.' He waited until she nodded before he reached behind him.

'Now, who wants some kiwis?'

* * *

><p>The next morning was hot, so hot that even Will wore his shirt buttoned up to protect against the sun and they had to sit under the trees at eh edge of the beach for morning lessons. To everyone's surprise Will's idea of spending the mornings doing some schoolwork had actually stuck, as both Santana and Brittany found themselves needing routine and familiarity. Will tried to throw in other subjects like history and geography, but they were almost impossible to teach without any books, context or maps, so he settled for reading and arithmetic.<p>

'So, read that again, Brittany.' Brittany hefted her copy of _the very hungry caterpillar_ onto her knees and read aloud.

'On Tuesday, he ate two... pears.' She looked up at him anxiously for confirmation.

'That's pretty good. Why don't you go back and pick your favourite sentence, then you can read that for me again?' She nodded, her tongue peeking out the side of her mouth as she concentrated.

By the time the sun got to the top of the sky it was so hot that no one could concentrate anymore, and Will let them go early.

'Hold on a second,' he called, just as they started to run off. 'I'm going to go and look around a little more today, so I probably won't be back until the sun sets.'

'No, wait are you going?' Santana had pulled up short, and Brittany skidded to a stop beside her.

'I'm not sure, really. I just want to look around and get a better idea of the island; I was actually thinking of making a map. I promise, I'll be back soon.' He grinned and strode away across the sand, quickly disappearing into the trees farther down the beach

As the day went on they kept forgetting that he wasn't around and after the fourth time they had ran back to the camp to check in with him Brittany flopped onto the ground, exhausted.

'I don't want to walk anymore,' she said, closing her eyes. They had spent the day running around on the beach and her skin felt hot and tight. Santana handed her a grapefruit, and she bit into it gratefully.

'I hope Will gets back soon, I'm hungry,' Santana said, wiping her mouth and smearing juice across her face.

'Me too. Today's been boring. And itchy.' She picked at the skin that was peeling off her shoulders.

'You're all burned,' Santana said. 'See, that's what happens when you don't cover up.' Brittany stuck her tongue at her and kept picking at her skin.

The sun had just started to set, and the fire had almost completely disappeared before Will came out of the forest. They immediately ran up to him, and he caught them as best he could with his shaky, rubbery muscles.

'Hey, it's okay,' he soothed, as Brittany began to sniffle. 'What's wrong?'

'You were gone for a really long time. And it's getting _dark_.' She wiped her eyes and glared up at him accusingly. He sighed.

'You're right. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.'

After dinner Will got up to mark the tree- he was halfway through his eleventh ring- and he had an idea. He turned to where the girls were staring gloomily into the fire, which he had built up as big as he could.

'Santana, when's your birthday?

'Uh, May 26th.'

'And yours, Brittany?'

'September 26th.'

'That means we missed both of your birthdays. How would you like tomorrow to be yours? Both of yours, I mean.' They looked at each other, surprised.

'What would we do for our birthdays?'

'Whatever you want, Santana. We can come up with some ideas tomorrow, okay?'

'Does that mean we'll be six tomorrow?'

'That's right.' He glanced up. 'It's getting late; I think we should go to bed. The faster you go to bed, the faster tomorrow will come,' he said quickly, and they almost sprinted to bed.

Brittany settled down first, as usual, and she waited for Santana to stop shuffling around.

'We're going to be six tomorrow,' Brittany whispered. She didn't want Will telling them to go to sleep.

'I don't feel six,' Santana said, curling against Brittany's side. Her head fit neatly under Brittany's chin.

'Maybe you will tomorrow.'

* * *

><p>Will woke up to a weight on his chest and pain in his feet. When he opened his eyes he saw Brittany carefully piling rocks onto his chest and Santana pulling his toes. The sun had only barely begun to rise, and the air was chilly.<p>

'It's our birthday! You need to get up!' He groaned and sat up.

'I'm up.' He huddled around the fire trying to keep his eyes open as the girls threw little bits of wood on it to make it flare and chased each other in circles like puppies.

'Are you awake yet, Will?' Brittany had come over to stare at him sympathetically.

'Almost, he grumbled. 'Here, sit down for a second.' They dropped to the ground in front of him and stared expectantly. 'So, like I said yesterday, today can be your birthdays.'

'What day is it today?' Brittany asked

'It's the 15th of October today, I think.'

'So we can have two birthdays?' Santana asked.

'Sure. So, we can do whatever you want to do today, but we have to get some things done first.' They both looked at him warily. 'Not much; we just need to bring in the fishing nets I put out last night.'

'_Okay_.'

They spent the day swimming, and running. Will let them dress him up as a monster, and he spent a good few hours chasing them around the island and making the best dinosaur noises he could. He climbed up to the thinnest branches of the highest trees to pick Santana's favourite fruits, and he made a special trek to a cool freshwater pool to take them to look at colourful fish that he knew Brittany would love. By the end of the day he was so tired he could barely see straight, and he settled the almost comatose girls into bed before falling asleep almost immediately after. He had done well, and he knew it, and he let the pride from that carry him off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Brittany woke up because something was pulling at her hair, and when she raised her hand to swat it away the uncomfortable feeling only doubled. She cracked an eye open to see Santana's face hovering over hers.<p>

'What are you doing?' She could barely get the words out, she was so tired, but Santana only took her hand and tried to pull her upright.

'Shhh.' Her eyes were wide and alert, and excited. 'You'll wake Will. Come with me, I have to show you something.'

The urgent tone in Santana's voice had managed to erase most of Brittany's sleepiness, and she sat up quickly.

'What is it?' Santana only smiled and stood up, pulling Brittany with her. They left their house and tiptoed past Will who was snoring on the sand, and Santana began to lead her away from the campsite into the darkness. Brittany stopped and pulled on her hand.

'No, wait.'

'What's wrong?' Santana looked like she was trying not to just pull her along.

'I don't want to go so far away.' The beach was dark and loud, and the leaping fire was casting shadows on the ground and along the trees.

'It's okay, we're not going far.' They only went a little further before Santana stopped and sat Brittany down on the sand. She went over to a tree right on the edge of the beach and reached into a hollow in the trunk of a tree. Brittany watched her nervously, not happy with how she was half blending into the shadows. Santana gave a triumphant squeak and bounded back, clutching something in her fist. She made Brittany close her eyes, and she heard a rustling before she felt something touch her lips.

'Open your mouth,' Santana said. Brittany hesitated before complying, and as soon as she did she felt an intense sweetness on her tongue, so strong that she felt the edges of her jaw prickle and her eyes flew open.

'What was _that_?' Santana was grinning, her teeth shining bright in the darkness. She held up a small white packet.

'It's sugar.' She spilled a little into her palm and tipped into her mouth. 'Here.' She took Brittany's palm and poured some into her palm. It was so sweet it almost made her eyes water, and she licked at her palm to get the rest of it.

'Where did you get it from?' Santana's smile went slightly wicked.

'From the plane. I didn't go in,' she added, watching Brittany start to scowl in disapproval. 'I was just near the plane and I saw them on the ground. I was going to give them to you anyway, but I decided it should be our birthday present.'

'It's a good one,' Brittany said. Santana grinned again, reached behind her back and pulled out another packet.

'How more do you _have_?'

* * *

><p>The next morning Will woke up to blissful, calming, surprising silence. After taking a minute to appreciate not being woken up by screeching children, he dragged himself up to make sure that they hadn't accidentally suffocated themselves or wandered away. He found them curled up in their hut, fast asleep.<p>

By the time they got up he had scaled the fish, cut up fruit and steamed the mussels, and he was feeling pretty damn accomplished. He set their breakfast in front of them with a flourish and frowned when Brittany turned green at the sight of the food. Santana seemed to be swallowing convulsively.

'Are you guys okay?'

'Yes. We're fine,' Brittany said quickly, and very unconvincingly.

'Are you sure?'

'We're just sleepy,' Santana said, giving the biggest yawn she could.

'Well... all right.' I didn't seem like they were going to tell him any time soon. Maybe he could bribe them with something later.

'What are you doing today?' Santana asked, nibbling on a piece of mango.

'I want to look around a little bit more today, and you could come with me if you like,' he offered. Brittany glanced at Santana.

'Okay. When do you want to leave?'

'Soonish. Let's just get some water and fruit and things, then we can set off.'

Will packed a backpack that he had found with everything he thought he would need; food, water; an incomplete map and various warm clothes. Brittany and Santana carried a coconut each and a ball made out of socks to play with.

It wasn't long until they were deep into the forest, and at some point the trees grew so close together they had to walk in single file, but Will was careful to keep to a straight line so they didn't lose their bearings. When they passed the little stream with the white flowers on the bank Brittany hurried ahead until she reached the rocky place she had got to the last time before she stopped and waited for the others to catch up.

The vegetation continued to thin out, and it wasn't long before almost all of the trees had disappeared and they had to stop to rest and take shelter from the sun, which had come out in full force.

'How long do we have to keep going?' Brittany asked. They had drunk most of their water already and the constant walking was making her both tired and bored. Will took a swig of water.

'Only a little further. I just want to get to the top of that cliff. I should have a pretty good view of the whole of the island from there.' He pointed to a enormous outcropping of rock that overlooked the water.

The base of the cliff looked a lot less intimidating close up, and Will left the girls and his bag at the bottom, and began to climb, carefully. The slope was gentle enough that he could walk most of the time, but the way was so narrow that he could see almost straight down to the ground if he leaned too far to the left. He fixed his gaze upwards and climbed slowly, trying not to look down.

It was taking longer to reach the top than he had anticipated, and as he reached the halfway mark he started to seriously consider giving up. Just as he made up his mind to make his way back he spotted something embedded into the rock several feet away. He moved closer, and he saw that it was a curved, smooth piece of metal, with numbers stencilled across one of the edges. He moved around the side of the cliff as fast as he could to try to find where the piece of metal had come from, and when he saw the plane partly buried in the side of the cliff face his grip slipped and he felt his feet start to slip out from under him. He caught himself, and shouted down reassurance to the girls, who had started to screech his name.

The impact the plane made as it hit the rock had deformed and warped the cliff face and destroyed most of the foot and handholds, and he had to use his fingers and toes to cling on. It was a small plane, incredibly rusted and old fashioned. When he peered into the cockpit he could see that it was full of ancient, broken dials that were covered in cobwebs and random debris. He couldn't see inside the cockpit properly from where he was, so he shifted to get a better view and the bleached and cracked bones of a very small skeleton came into view, crumpled into the corner nearest him. He reeled away, barely catching himself, and he waited until his hands stopped shaking before he peered in again. He took a deep breath and leaned closer, carefully avoiding looking down and remembering how high up he was, and he saw that the skeleton was dressed in what looked like tattered leather and old fashioned flying headgear. Something glinted in the light, and he risked leaning a hand on the edge of the cockpit so that he could see what it was. He finally got close enough to see the letters _A.E_. glimmer and reflect the sunlight that filtered through the broken window. _A.E_...

'No. No way.' He laughed out loud in disbelief, and just as he reached a hand into the cockpit, the ground beneath his feet shifted, his hand slipped and slid along the plane, and he felt his centre of gravity slowly shift to the empty space to his left. He free fell for several feet before he hit the slope, and he began to roll, faster and faster until he was bouncing off the cliff, first against smooth rock, then he was hitting boulders, and he might have been okay except his leg had got caught between two rocks and he had felt the _crack_ it made as it was pulled free in his teeth; and then his back hit a corner of a particularly sharp rock and _Oh fuck_ he was breaking in half, he couldn't breathe, he was being ripped apart and there were red-hot knives searing into his skin. His head hit something hard, and he felt himself start to black out. He welcomed the darkness; he ran towards it and let it cradle him and carry him up and away from the broken mess that was lying at the bottom of the cliff.

* * *

><p>They had been sitting on the ground, idly tossing the ball between them when they heard the thump and smash of the rocks rolling down the cliff, and they glanced up to see Will skidding and bouncing off rocks, and being thrown around like a doll; he hit a big boulder and the scream he let out made Brittany feel sick to her stomach, but he didn't stop, he was still rolling down the cliff, faster and faster until he rolled out of sight and she heard a <em>crunch<em> made her knees weak.

The only sound that Brittany could hear was hers and Santana's breathing, loud and raspy. She couldn't even hear the birds call.

'_Will_! Will.' Someone was calling his name, but it wasn't Santana, it was her, she was crying and she wasn't stopping, but Santana had grabbed her arm and she was pulling her over to the edge of the cliff. She peeked over, wiping the tears from her eyes so she could see, and she saw him sprawled out on a narrow ledge several feet below them, bloody and bent in a way that made her start crying again. Santana had scrambled over the edge and was climbing down as quickly and carefully as she could, feeling for handholds and tiny ledges until she felt brave enough to jump the rest of the way down. Brittany followed her quickly, not wanting to be left alone. The place where Will had landed was terrifying; it only barely had space for the three of them to fit, and one side dropped off straight down to the ocean, which was so far below them that she couldn't even make out waves, just a uniform blue. She looked away quickly before she got dizzy, and turned to where Santana was pulling Will's arm, trying to get him to wake up. He didn't move, and she shook harder.

'Wake up. Wake _up_.' Santana was shaking him frantically, and Brittany could see that she was crying, now, the tears streaming down her face and mixing with the dirt and blood caked on his chest. She shoved him, hard, and he made noise that sounded like tearing metal. He tried to say something.

'T hus.' Santana touched him gently. Her hand was trembling. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. 'It hurts. Shit.' He began to breathe hard and Brittany could see tears trickle out of the corner of his eyes. 'My legs... they... I can't' he shifted and cried out again. 'I can't, oh god, it hurts, please...'

Brittany looked at his legs, and she immediately wished she hadn't. They were lumpy and misshapen, and one had something white sticking out at the shin, splitting the skin and spattering the ground beneath him in blood. He moved again, and more blood streamed down his leg. She crept over to Santana and pressed herself tight against her side.

'I don't think he's awake,' she whispered.

He had gone quiet, and they squeezed into an indentation in the cliff face. Will didn't move or wake up until the sun had gone down and the air had started to chill. When he moved his hand Brittany had been sitting still for so long that she felt the muscles in her legs cramp as she tried to move. Santana pried her hand from Brittany's and crawled near Will's head. She could see his lips moving, and Santana started to look around, frantically patting the ground.

'What is it?'

'He wants water.'

The pack that he had been wearing had somehow stayed on his back as he had rolled off the slope and it was hanging off one of his arms. She pulled it off carefully and rifled through it. A lot of the food that was in it had been squashed and scattered, but she found one bottle of water, and she hurried to his side quickly.

'Here,' she whispered, and she went to put the bottle in his hand, but he couldn't grip it. When she tried to pour it into his mouth the bottle tipped over and the water splashed on his face, making him sputter.

'Sorry.' She whispered, and she tried to be more careful. He opened his eyes properly and looked at her. His eyes were wide and scared, but he looked like he was trying not to fall asleep.

'Can you look for a blanket in the bag?' His teeth were chattering, even though it wasn't that cold. She found one in the bag and draped it over him.

'Thanks.' She began to inch away, closer to Santana, but he gripped her arm, tight. She didn't know how he could be so strong when he couldn't even hold a bottle of water before.

'I'm so sorry.' His eyes had brightened up and he was looking right at her. 'I'm so sorry I did this.'

'It's okay,' Santana said. 'It was an accident.' He laughed, and coughed.

'Yeah, an accident. I fucked up and I've screwed you over. Shit, it hurts.' He laughed, which made her a little angry because swears weren't funny, and it was cold, and his grip on her arm was starting to hurt her.

'Will, let go,' she whispered, and he did, but only because he had fallen asleep again. She went back into the bag and pulled out another blanket. She threw one end over Santana's shoulders and cuddled close. There wasn't any moon tonight, and the night was pitch black. The only light came from the reflection of the waves below her, and she had to be careful not to go too close to the edge, because she would _fall_, and be broken like Will.

'Britt, what do we do?' Santana's voice was so low she could barely hear her.

'I don't know.'

* * *

><p>Brittany only woke up because the sun was burning her skin and her mouth was parched. She shifted and sat up, and she found that her foot was dangling over the edge of the ledge into nothing. She stifled a shriek and rolled over to wake Santana, who opened her eyes, instantly awake.<p>

'I'm going to go and get water, come with me.' Santana scrambled up and they climbed back up as carefully as they could. They went back to the stream with the red flowers and Brittany picked as much as she could, before following Santana up the nearest mango tree to get breakfast. When they got back Will was awake, and he looked angry to see them. He waited until they both had their feet firmly on the ground before he spoke.

'I wish you hadn't come back.'

'Why?' Where else were they supposed to go? He smiled sadly.

'I'm not going to be around much longer.'

'Where are you going?' Will had dragged himself a little so that he could prop himself upright, and the bloodstains from his legs had left dark stains on the ground.

'When I die,' he said carefully, 'I want you to leave here and go back home.'

'When are you going to die?' Santana asked, sniffling.

'I don't know. Soon.' He closed his eyes for a second. 'I don't want you to hang around here. I want you to go back and not come back here, okay?'

'But I don't want to leave you.' Santana was crying so hard she could barely breathe, and Brittany felt her eyes start to prickle.

'You listen to me. You have to keep the fire going. Keep it bright. And for God's sake's don't go in the ocean, don't go near it, don't... keep an eye out for boats and planes. You listen to me, you have to _leave, _okay_?_' His eyes were fixed right on her and it made her shift uncomfortably. She looked away.

'Brittany. Say you'll leave.' He sounded so angry. He had never sounded like that before, and it scared her into obeying.

'I'll leave.' She said it so quietly if he hadn't been so close he would never have heard it. He looked at Santana, who was watching with tears streaming down her face.

'You say it too. You _promise_ me.' His voice was raspy, and strong, and if he hadn't looked so pale and trembly Brittany would have expected him to sit up right there and then.

'I promise I'll leave.' Santana didn't sound six anymore, she sounded like the three year old who lived down the street from Brittany's old house.

'And you'll never come back. Don't come back.'

'We'll never come back.' No sound came out of her mouth when she tried to speak, but Will saw her lips moving and nodded. His eyes closed, and his breath slowed down to a rattling wheeze.

That day was the quietest day she could remember. She and Santana didn't leave the whole day; they just sat and watched Will, and occasionally peered over the edge at the ocean. The sun had just started to set when Will took a deep breath and his head slid off the rock it had been propped up against. Santana reached for his hand. It was warm, but heavy and floppy.

'Wake up.' He didn't move. She pulled on his arm mercilessly, and when he still didn't move. Santana made a fist and hit him in the chest, again and again.

'_Wake up_!' Santana was shouting, her voice echoing off the wall behind her and bouncing back towards them. When she hit his leg and he still didn't move her whole body seemed to go boneless and she slid down to the ground, wrapping her hands around his middle and burying her face in his chest. Brittany grabbed the hem of Santana's shirt and pulled her away from him.

'Don't,' she whispered, and she waited for Santana to wrap her arms around her before letting herself cry out the knot in her chest.

* * *

><p>Her mouth was dry when she got up, and when she tried to talk all that came out was a raspy croaky noise. Santana was sleeping next to her, her fingers tangled painfully in her hair, and just past her there was Will.<p>

'Wake up,' she whispered, and she felt Santana wake up and stiffen next to her. 'Let's go.' Santana shook her head stubbornly.

'I don't want to.' Her lips were chapped and cracked, and Brittany could see that she had really bad sunburns on both her arms. She looked at Will again. Something had happened to his face when they were sleeping. His face was thinner and his eyes looked like they had sunk into his head. She shivered.

'He told us we need to go.' Santana stepped forward and pressed a hand against his chest; she held a hand against his nose and Brittany watched her face crumple. Santana looked at her, desperate.

'I don't want to.' Brittany grabbed onto her wrist as tight as she could, and tugged her up and away from Will. Santana didn't fight her, and she let her pull her all the way back to the tree before they stopped. The trees were bigger than she remembered; they towered over her and for a second she was afraid they would fall on her. Santana stopped pulling back on her hand and walked next to her silently. By the time they got back to the camp her mouth was dry and her head felt fuzzy, and she climbed into the hut to lie down. Santana crawled in next to her and held her tight.

'I'm going to sleep now,' Brittany murmured.

When she woke up Santana was gone, and she scrambled up and out of the hut, and stopped short when she saw her next to where the fire used to be. She sat next to her and shoved her a little.

'I was looking for you. I didn't know where you were.' Santana scowled.

'I wasn't going anywhere, I was just here.' She softened when she saw Brittany's chin quiver. 'Sorry.'

'I'm hungry.'

'Me too. I don't think we have any here. Let's go look.'

The routine of getting food was familiar to them, and it helped settle their nerves, though Brittany was careful not to let Santana out of her sight, and Santana spent a lot of time glancing around to reassure herself that Brittany was still close.

Brittany tried to get the fire started when they got back, but it had burned down to almost nothing while they had been away with Will, and she couldn't get it to start no matter how hard she tried. She gave up, threw the glasses to the side and moodily accepted the orange Santana handed her.

'It's getting dark,' she said. The last of the sun had just disappeared and the shadows of the trees behind them had lengthened so they were sitting in the shadows. Brittany looked down the beach and saw how big it was, how everything around them was bigger and taller than she and Santana put together, and she pulled on Santana's arm.

'San, I don't want to be outside anymore.' She had never really noticed how empty and huge the beach was, how it had hundreds of little dips and valleys where anything might be hiding and waiting now that they were all alone, and she felt horribly exposed.

'Okay,' Santana said. 'Just wait a minute.' She got up; carefully picked up one of the knives they weren't allowed to touch and went over to the tree to make a mark next to all the others. The knife slipped slightly in her hands, though, and she left a deep, wobbly cut down the side of the tree. She threw the knife aside, and Brittany followed her back into the house.

Brittany lay down and turned away from the entrance so she didn't have to look at the creeping blackness outside, and she waited for Santana to stop twisting before she spoke.

'What are we going to eat tomorrow?'

'I don't know. I'm getting sick of fruit and stuff.'

'We can try and use the fishing nets.'

'But we aren't allowed to go alone.' Santana was nearest to the door, but she didn't seem to mind being so close to the outside.

'I think we should try.'

'Okay. Santana was already dozing off, and it wasn't long until she fell asleep. Brittany tried to fall asleep as hard as she could, but she had never noticed how _loud_ it was at night. She gave up on trying to sleep after the wind blew something against the side of the hut and it made a sound like someone was scraping against the outside, and she bolted up so fast she hit her head. Instead she got out of bed and sat by the entrance to wait for morning.

* * *

><p>She woke up to Santana poking her in the face. She swatted her hands away.<p>

'_Stop_, what are you doing?' Santana took her hands away, looking guilty.

'You weren't waking up.' Brittany got to her feet, stiff. She had fallen asleep on the round and her neck felt really twisted.

The sun had already risen and it was burning hot by the time they had finished nibbling on whatever they could find to ward off hunger. Afterwards they dragged the fishing net behind them to a part of the beach that was partly sheltered by some rocks. Will had called it a cove, and it was the only part of the beach they could go in when he wasn't there. They threw the net in, and they sighed simultaneously when they pulled it in and nothing was in it. They tried again and again, and by the time they got anything Brittany's muscles were trembling and her eyes had gone blurry with fatigue.

It was only when they got back home when she remembered that they didn't have any way to cook anything they had caught, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek hard to stop from bursting into tears.

'Maybe we can just eat them the way they are,' Santana suggested.

That turned out to be a terrible idea. The mussels and shrimp made her feel sick, and the fish taste was so strong she had to run down to the water to rinse her mouth out. When they decided to give up and go to sleep her stomach was cramping with hunger, because they had spent the whole day trying to catch fish and they hadn't thought to get anything else.

Santana didn't fall asleep the way she had the night before, and Brittany noticed that she was as jumpy as she was. The night was a little brighter than yesterday, but it was still so dark she couldn't see far down the beach, and the rustling in the trees kept her tense and alert. When Santana said she was ready to go to bed, they both ran as fast as they could to the house and jumped under the covers.

'I wish we had a door,' Santana said, and Brittany nodded fervently.

* * *

><p>The next day Brittany suggested that maybe they should forget about the fishing and get some other food, and Santana agreed. It was hard walking all over and climbing trees and digging, but it didn't take too long until they figured they had collected enough and collapsed on the sand to rest.<p>

'This is _hard_,' Santana said, and Brittany would have nodded if she had the energy. As soon as she got the feeling back in her legs she got up and tried to start the fire again, using the same pair of glasses that Will had used the first time her ever made a fire. The most she got was a wisp of smoke that went out as soon as she moved the glasses away.

She was a little less scared when it got dark, and even though they both went to bed almost immediately after the sun went down she didn't glance outside every time she heard a noise from outside.

'Will's not allowed to leave us alone,' Santana said.

'What?'

'Emma used to spend the night all the time because she had to wait for my mom to come home before she could leave, because children aren't supposed to be left alone.' Brittany turned onto her side so that she could see her face. 'She said that she could go to jail if she left me alone.'

'Will can't go to jail. He's dead now.'

'Still. He fell and he _left us_.' At the last word Santana smacked her hand on the ground and hissed in pain when the welts on her palm stung. Brittany grabbed her hands and held them in hers.

'It's not fair,' Santana said softly. It wasn't, but there wasn't anything she could do about it except try to breathe past the weight on her chest. She couldn't cry anymore; she had been crying on and off the whole day and her eyes felt like she had rubbed sand in them, and besides she was too tired to cry.

'Let's just go to sleep,' she said, and the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Santana looking straight at her like she wasn't sure if she would open them again in the morning.

* * *

><p>After what felt like a million hours of hovering over a small pile of wood with the glasses a small twig finally caught fire, and Brittany shrieked and dropped the glasses before she remembered that it might go out and dropped down again quickly to surround it with more small stick. When the fire caught and grew bigger she sprinted down the beach to where Santana was, and she picked her up and spun her around until she got dizzy and had to drop her.<p>

'What is it?' Santana asked. She was staggering around and using the trunk of a tree to keep her balance, but Brittany was already halfway back to the camp. When she got back the fire was burning strongly and she carefully out more wood around it before she stepped back to watch it. Santana had just caught up with her, and the irritated look on her face melted off when she saw the little fire.

'You did it!' She screamed and hugged Brittany so hard that they both fell over. Santana got up and skipped around the fire, and as soon as Brittany got the sand off her face she joined her, and they only stopped when the fire began to shrink.

'Hey, Britt.' Santana was hurriedly throwing dry leaves and small branches on the fire to rescue it.

'What?'

'Now that we got the fire back, let's try fishing again. I can't eat any more mango.'

Figuring out how to cook what they caught took a little while, because it took them a while to find and set up the curved engine parts that Will had used as makeshift pots, and it took even longer to scale the fish, and by the time Brittany laid the fish in to cook both she and Santana were nursing cuts all over their hands. She was afraid to take the fish out until it had cooked down to a mushy mess, because she remembered the food poisoning Santana had got once from what Will had said was undercooked food, and she thought that getting sick was probably the worst thing that could happen to them without anyone to take care of them. She wasn't so worried about the arrowroot and the sweet potato, so she spent most of her time sticking her finger into the fish to see if it was done. By the time she decided it was done she had a fairly painful burn blister on her finger.

It was so nice to have lots of different, non-mango and coconut food that she didn't even notice what it tasted like, and she wolfed it all down and leant back to enjoy feeling full for the first time in days. Santana had finished eating and she was staring into the fire, a small smile on her face.

'What is it?'

'We made food with fire all by ourselves.' Her smile grew, and Brittany felt the corners of her mouth turning up.

'Yeah, because we're awesome.'

'You're awesome.'

'No, you are.' Santana only smiled, and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder.

'That's true.' Brittany poked at her playfully, and stared at the fire.

'You're my best friend,' she said softly.

'I'm your only friend.' This was truer than it had ever been in the whole of Brittany's life, but she turned and kissed Santana's cheek softly.

'Doesn't matter.'


	9. The Song is Not the Same 2011

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating: R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: Not mine

Spoilers: None. Very AU.

Brittany completely refused to give Santana any idea about what she planned to do with her room, and she only laughed when Santana tried begging to get her way. She gestured at the backyard that they could see from her window.

'I want to feel the grass,' she said, and she was out of the room and around the corner before Santana could take more than a couple of steps. Santana only caught up with her when she was already in the garden, swirling her feet around.

'That's not fair,' she said, huffing. 'Your legs are longer than mine.' Brittany only smiled and twirled around a few times, the skirt of the yellow sundress she was wearing fluttering in the breeze. She looked like a bird, or a butterfly, and it took Santana a little while to stop staring and reach forward to grab her hand.

'So, are we done now?' She swiped at the ground with her foot. Brittany only tugged on her hand and led her deeper into the garden, along the rosebushes and further away from the house. The whole place was perfect; all the flowers neat and in line, and the hedges formed a neat curve all the way to the bottom of the yard. It was beautiful, but it made her feel like she was in a painting. Brittany stopped walking, tired of having to practically drag Santana around.

'Do you _want_ to go sit in the house?' Brittany grinned triumphantly when the Santana shook her head. 'Then stop being a spoilsport.'

The very end of the yard had a little patch of daisies growing, and Brittany sank down on the ground and leant against the hedge. Santana copied her and picked a flower, twirling it between her fingers. She looked up to see Brittany watching her, a little wrinkle on her forehead.

'What wrong?'

'I was going to ask you the same thing.' Brittany picked the flower away from her and tangled their fingers together.

'Nothing's wrong.' Brittany stared at her, unimpressed. 'Nothing. I'm fine.' Brittany let it go, but not before eyeing her suspiciously.

An ear-splitting screech hit the air, and Santana was up and in front of Brittany before she had even realized her legs were moving, but whatever had made the sound had moved faster, and when she whipped around to see where Brittany was she was wrapped up tight in someone else's arms. She whipped through about twelve emotions in the time it took Brittany to let go of the person who had thrown herself all over her; alarm, when she saw Brittany stiffen at first; relief when she saw that she recognized whoever it was (it helped that she had been sobbing 'it's _Louise_' over and over) and jealousy, when she saw Brittany wrap her sister up and press her face into her neck. It didn't make any sense, because Santana _knew _that this was her family, but seeing Brittany hug someone else and love someone else left a bitter taste in her mouth that she couldn't quite get rid of. She looked away to try to fight the jealousy and rising awkwardness because they were crying, and she could feel tears prickle at the corners of her eyes, which was so stupid. She wasn't _her_ sister.

Brittany pulled away and wiped at her eyes with her hand. The words 'I missed you' and 'I love you' had been thrown around so much the past few days that Santana understood when Brittany didn't say anything, only took a step back and looked at her sister, really looked at her, and Santana did too.

Louise was shorter than Brittany was, and she looked less like her parents than Brittany did, but her eyes were the same colour as Brittany's- blue, and deep. Santana could see Brittany bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet, and she looked like she was about to take off. This was the part that worse than the waiting and the too-tight hugs: the moment right after when you stood back and you realized that you had nothing to say.

After a beat of awkward silence Louise looked at Brittany and fixed her gaze on Santana. She was wrong; her eyes weren't like Brittany's. They were sharp and clear, and she tried not to fidget.

'I'm Louise,' she said.

'Yeah, I know. I mean, hi,' Santana stuttered. 'I'm Santana.' Louise finally smiled.

'Mom mentioned you. Listen, dinner's ready and they asked me to come get you. So... ' she gestured back towards the house and the three of them traipsed inside.

As soon as they walked in Frank scrambled to turn the TV off and ushered them into the dining room to help set the table for dinner.

Brittany's dad's lasagne was delicious, thick and rich, and Santana picked at the edges of the cheese with her fingers.

'So, we were thinking tomorrow we could go out to the store and get some stuff to brighten your room up, Brittany,' her dad said. Brittany looked intrigued.

'Like what kind of stuff?' He waved his hands around expansively.

'Whatever you want is fine. We kind of let the room go to waste.' It was true; the room was relatively clean and tidy, but it was bare and a little dusty.

'Can we get paint?'

'I suppose we can get someone in to redo the walls, if you want...'

'No, I'll do it myself,' Brittany said firmly. He looked dubious.

'If you want to, that's fine.' They ate in silence until Nora spoke.

'So, what do you want to do tomorrow?' They looked at each other, confused.

'We don't know,' Brittany said. 'What are you going to do?'

'I don't think any of us have any plans for this week. We could spend it just... hanging out.'

'Hanging out? With all of you?' Brittany looked at the six people at the table.

'Well, not all of us at the same time. It would just be really nice to spend some time with you.'

'So, we're going to do that all the time?' Santana's stomach was starting to roil, and a sick feeling started to creep up her throat.

'Not exactly,' Santana's dad rumbled from the other side of the table. 'We'll have to go back to normal at some point. I have my job... not that I'm thinking of that right now,' he added hastily as Maria glowered, 'but we'll have to get back into our routine eventually.'

'We don't have a routine,' Brittany said.

'Yes, well, we can always find a school, or a tutor for now.' He replied.

'I think it's a little early to be talking about that now, Carlos,' Maria scolded, and he opened his mouth to reply. Santana didn't hear what he said because her stomach was starting to hurt even more, and there was a sick oiliness that was creeping up her throat and making it hard to speak.

'I'm-' she managed before she felt her stomach clench, and the next thing she knew she was retching and she was closing her eyes from the pain. When she opened there was sick all down her front and on the tablecloth in front. Next to her Brittany twitched and threw up too.

There was complete silence at the table for all of two seconds before Nora swooped out of her seat and gingerly placed her arm on Brittany's elbow.

'Get Santana,' she ordered Maria, and they marched the girls off to the bathroom. Everyone left in the dining room stared at each other across the table.

'I told you adding your 'special sauce' would be a bad idea, dad,' Louise said, getting up to find the paper towels.

* * *

><p>Santana's mother took her by the hand and led her into the smaller bathroom on the first floor of the house.<p>

'Brittany's in the other one,' her mom said, noticing her fidgeting. 'We just want to get you cleaned up.' She still felt like she might be sick again, and only nodded and slumped down on the closed toilet seat.

'Why don't you get out of that shirt, and I'll get you another one,' her mom suggested. She nodded again and pulled her shirt off her head. By the time she managed to wrestle her arms out of the holes her mom was back with a bright yellow shirt clutched in her hands.

'Here,' she said, and she handed it over and watched Santana struggle to negotiate the arms for a little bit before she stepped in and helped her untangle herself.

'Thanks,' Santana muttered.

'You're welcome. Do you still feel sick?' Santana shrugged, and Maria watched a faint blush work its way up her neck.

'I'm sorry, about the...'

'It's okay. It was probably our fault. We should have been more careful with what you ate.' Santana shrugged again, and watched as her mother –Maria- wet a cloth and wrung out some of the moisture.

'I'm just cleaning you up a little, it's okay.' Maria waited until Santana looked less like a frightened colt before she continued to wipe her skin clean.

'There,' she said softly. Santana flinched away.

'Do you want to brush your teeth?' Maria rummaged through a cabinet and pulled out a new toothbrush. Santana took it from her and proceeded to clumsily brush her teeth as Maria kept herself busy reorganising the shampoos and conditioners in the shower.

'Would you like me to make you something else? I mean, if you're hungry?'

'Actually, I'm really tired. I think I want to go to bed.' She watched Maria –her mother's- eyes soften before she pulled away and gave her space to leave the bathroom.

'So... I'll see you tomorrow?' Maria nodded.

'Of course.' Maria walked her to Brittany's room, and she stepped in and closed the door. Brittany was already in the room and sprawled across the bed on her stomach, and Santana let herself drop to the bed and flopped onto the pillow. Brittany turned onto her back and peered at her.

'Are you okay?'

'No.' Santana said. 'I feel like I ate rocks. What was in the stuff your dad made?'

'He makes it all the time. I never got sick from it before though.' Santana shuddered.

'That was horrible. Hey, are you okay?' Brittany was paler than usual, and she was biting her lip. She shook her head, and Santana dragged herself up so she was sitting upright.

'Your stomach hurts?' Brittany nodded, and Santana pulled Brittany's shirt up to expose her stomach. She dragged her fingers across the ridges and pressed down gently. Brittany sighed and lifted a hand to press Santana's more firmly against her skin. Santana smiled.

'Britt, I'm not going to. I just want to make you feel better.'

'It _would_ make me feel better.' Brittany was running her other hand up and down Santana's side, and her voice had dropped to a low purr. Santana swallowed and gently lifted Brittany's hand away from where it was tickling her ribcage. Brittany huffed.

'Fine. But you'd better make me feel a _lot_ better.' Santana smiled and lowered her head to brush her lips against the skin of Brittany's stomach. When she looked up Brittany's eyes were closed, and her breathing was shallow. She pressed one more kiss against her skin and sat up, gently digging her fingers into her stomach and massaging gently.

'It was a little bit funny, wasn't it?'

'What was?' Santana asked

'When you threw up and your dad looked like he was about to fall off the chair.'

'I don't remember. I was too busy trying not to be sick all over you.'

'It was pretty funny. He looked like this,' she scrunched up her face and opened her eyes wide, 'and I think I heard him praying when we left the room.'

'You did not.' Santana kept her voice steady, but she could feel the edges of her mouth start to turn up in a smile.

'I did.' Brittany grabbed her hands where they were still resting on her stomach and pulled gently. Santana let herself fall forward, and she nuzzled her face into Brittany's neck. She smelled different from what she remembered: less sweat and musk and more powdery sweetness that she remembered from her mother's closet before the island. She inhaled deeply and Brittany giggled as the air tickled her skin.

'What are you doing?' Santana sat up, grinning.

'Nothing.'

There was a knock on the door and Brittany's mother walked in, carrying a tray.

'Hey girls, how are you feeling?'

'Better,' Brittany said.

'That's good. I brought up some fruit and water and things, so eat if you can, okay?' She waited until they nodded.

'Thanks,' Santana said, 'but I'm pretty sleepy.'

'Well, if you need anything just come and get us. We'll come in and check on you in a bit.' Santana nodded and waited until she had left the room before she crawled under the covers.

'Why did you say that? You're not sleepy.'

'I know. I just didn't want to talk anymore.'

'You're talking now.'

'I mean to other people. Come on.' She held the covers open and waited until Brittany was next to her before she let herself relax. She felt under the covers until she found Brittany's hand, and gripped it tightly.

'What is it?' Brittany asked. She only held on tighter. She felt like she had been thrown out to sea and Brittany was the rope pulling her back in. She felt uprooted, unbalanced, like everything was spinning faster than she could see and it was making her dizzy (or maybe it was all the throwing up she had done earlier, she couldn't tell).

'Do you remember when the plane crashed?' she asked.

'Of course I do,' Brittany replied. 'That was one of the scariest days of my life.'

'You scared me,' Santana said. 'All that blood. I thought you were one of the dead people, right next to me.'

'Until I started talking.'

'That was even scarier,' Santana said, and she winced as Brittany pinched her hand.

'I was never scared of you,' Brittany said.

'Really?'

'Yeah. I thought you were so brave. And really pretty.'

Despite herself Santana felt her eyelids droop and she yawned.

'You can sleep if you want,' Brittany said.

'No,' she said, and forced her eyes open. She shifted onto her side and waited for Brittany to do the same. She wound an arm around Brittany's waist and looked into her eyes and the spinning finally stopped. The room was so quiet the only thing she could hear was Brittany's breathing.

'Sleep,' Brittany said, and she did.

* * *

><p><em>She was colder than she had ever been before and she was alone in the dark<em>

_Why did you leave?_

_No- you said-_

_I waited for you._

_Stop-_

_There was pain and pressure around her arm and she was being pulled under, why wasn't he letting go no they promised they had to she couldn't breathe-_

Her eyes flew open and she bolted upright because she still couldn't see anything at all. She stifled a scream when she felt something shift next to her, and she twisted her head around until she could see a little, just a few shapes and outlines, but enough to tell her that the person next to her was Brittany. She sighed in relief but it came louder than she meant and it woke Brittany up.

'Sorry,' she said, stroking the hair off Brittany's face.

'S okay,' Brittany mumbled. 'I was going to get up anyway.' Santana smiled at the blatant lie. 'What is it?' Brittany asked, trying and failing to sit up.

'Nothing,' Santana mumbled.

'Stop saying that,' Brittany said sharply. 'Did you have a nightmare again?' She nodded and Brittany got up and turned the lights on. 'It's so cool that we can do that even when it's dark,' she commented as light flooded the room and Santana blinked reflexively.

'Blinding me isn't cool, Britt,' She opened her eyes to see Brittany looking at her sympathetically.

'You must be hungry.' She opened her mouth to protest before she realized that she was, and Brittany picked up the tray that her mother had left them the night before and balanced it on Santana's lap.

'Here you go.' She sat back and watched Santana pick at the food on the plate.

'So I talked to your mom last night.' Santana choked on a piece of grapefruit and Brittany took the tray off her lap until she stopped coughing.

'When?' Santana rasped out. Brittany passed her some water.

'Last night. After you fell asleep. I got bored and I went downstairs to see what was happening.'

'And?'

'I saw your mom in the kitchen. She's nice.'

'I never said she wasn't.'

'Santana.' She avoided eye contact and got busy looking at her hand through the bottom of the glass she was holding.

'What?'

'Don't snap at me. I'm just saying she's nice, that's all.' Santana sighed.

'I know she is, Britt. Can we talk about something else?'

'Okay,' Brittany said agreeably. 'I want to go outside.'

'What, to the garden?'

'No, I want to go outside properly.' Santana sighed again.

'I'm not so sure that's a good idea.'

'Why? I'm really bored with being stuck in here and I want to go.'

Santana was torn. She really didn't want to leave when she had just gotten herself comfortable and go wandering off on one of Brittany's wild adventures, but she also hadn't spent this much time inside a building in years, and she was starting to feel as if the roof was slowly inching towards her head. Besides, the sun was starting to come up.

'Fine. But not for too long, okay?' Before she had finished speaking Brittany had vaulted off the bed and pulling Santana off it as well. She yelped as she jerked forward and the water from the glass spilled on the bed, but Brittany had already left the room, and she hurried to keep up.

The front door had a huge, complicated looking lock on it, and Santana caught up to Brittany right as she was tugging and fiddling with the mechanism.

'San, help,' Brittany said pathetically, motioning at the lock. Santana took a minute to figure out what to do to get it open, and they stepped outside.

It was still early morning, and it was still chilly enough that Santana shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Brittany threw a careless arm around her shoulders and they walked along the road, the cool asphalt freezing their feet.

'Where did you want to go?'

'I don't know,' Brittany said distractedly. 'Let's just see where we end up.'

As the sun rose higher more people started to appear on the street, and she flinched every time someone brushed by her. She concentrated in making sure that Brittany watched where she was going. She had never seen her so distracted; she jumped at every noise and it was an effort to get her to pay attention to more than one sentence at a time. Eventually Santana's patience ran out.

'_Brittany_,' she tugged on her arm until Brittany stopped snapped her attention away from traffic lights. 'Did you hear anything I said?'

'Sorry San.' Brittany looked excited, exhilarated, overwhelmed. 'There's just so _much_.' She jerked Brittany away as another car flashed past. The guy driving the car leaned out and waved. Brittany waved back.

'Watch where you're fucking walking! Get out of the road!' He sped away and Santana tried not to throw a stone at him.

It grew hotter and hotter, and after they were nearly hit a few more times Santana finally understood what everyone was shouting and pulled herself and Brittany up to the higher part of the road, where everyone was running around. The ground beneath her feet started to heat up and she shifted uncomfortably.

'Britt, can we go back now?'

'Soon,' Brittany said. 'I just want to look at that.' Santana followed where she was looking and saw a glimmer of green. It turned out to be a pretty big area of grass with some flowers and trees dotted all around. There was a tiny pond near right in the middle with some birds swimming around. The birds quacked and honked and swam near the edge when they saw the girls, and a couple started to get out of the water

'This is pretty nice,' Santana said. The birds came out and started to peck around their feet, and she giggled and pulled her feet away. Brittany smiled and pulled her close, pressing a soft kiss at her temple.

They sat by the pond until it got so hot that they had to dip their feet in to cool down a little. Soon there were all kinds of people around, mostly sitting under the trees and relaxing, but a few people were running around with little kids. Her neck twisted round trying to keep count of all the people constantly walking by them. It didn't take Santana long to notice that almost everybody who passed near them was staring, and after an old lady actually stopped to gawk for a couple of minutes Santana gave up on trying to ignore them and nudged Brittany.

'What?' She asked.

'Everybody's staring,' Santana muttered. Brittany only flicked some water at her, and she retaliated by dumping a handful on her head. The next thing she knew Brittany had her by the ankle and was dragging her into the pond, and something slimy as tangling itself in her hair.

'HEY!' She untangled her hands from Brittany's shirt and looked up at to see a short man in dark clothes scowling at her. 'You're not supposed to swim in there. Didn't you see the signs?' He gestured at a board in front of the pond.

'No,' Brittany said. 'We were too busy.'

'Well, get out.'

'Why?' Brittany asked. She was standing next to Santana and twirling her hands through the water.

'Because it's against the rules. Do you want to be banned from the park?'

'I don't know. Maybe. What's banned?' The man glowered even more.

'That's enough, now. Get out or I'm going to call the police.' Brittany gripped Santana's hand under the water, and Santana felt her tongue loosen.

'Fine, we will, but only because we want to. We could totally drag you in here if we wanted.' She carefully negotiated them back to shore while the man waited at the edge of the water.

'You can go now,' she said, and watched him sputter before she stalked away, throwing dirty looks over his shoulder. She waited until he was gone before she and Brittany sat under a tree to let their clothes dry.

'Ugh, look.' She held up a slimy plant that had wrapped itself around her arm and threw it at Brittany. 'That's your fault.'

'I'm sorry,' Brittany said, blinking innocently at Santana.

'No you're not.'

'Nope,' Brittany agreed, and she leant over and kissed her. Her lips were slightly slimy from the pond water, but they were so cool and soft that Santana relaxed into the kiss, and gently sucked Brittany's top lip into her mouth. Brittany made a tiny noise and shifted so that she could wrap an arm around Santana's middle. She started to stroke straight lines down Santana's torso, leaving streaks of heat where her fingers had been, and Santana felt herself whimper as Brittany gently nudged her mouth open and slipped her tongue inside. This was it, the heat was making her skin sizzle, and she could swear that it was fizzling out through her skin and drying out her wet clothes, it was-

There was a neat cough right behind her, and she twisted around to see the same old lady that had stared at them earlier standing above her.

'I'm sorry to disturb you... but this is a family area.' They didn't say anything, and the lady coughed again.

'I'm going to have to ask that you keep your...affection... to yourselves.' Santana turned to look at Brittany to see if she had any idea what she was saying, but she looked as confused as she felt. The lady walked away, and she might have gone after her to find out exactly what she meant but she had just noticed that the people nearest them were looking, some casually, and some were staring so hard that she could feel it tickling her skin. A little further away there a few little flashes that twinkled like light off the ocean, only it wasn't, it was more like when she was at the airport

'Let's go.' Brittany didn't argue; she just pulled Santana up and they walked out of the area as fast as they could.

* * *

><p>It was only after Santana had seen what she was sure was the same tree three times in a row that it occurred to her that they might be lost.<p>

'Brittany?' She ventured.

'Yeah?' Brittany was frowning and glancing around them, which basically answered the question she was about to ask. Still, it was worth a try.

'Are we lost?' Brittany looked at her with her eyes all big and sad, and she wanted to kick herself for asking.

'I don't know what happened San, I swear, it's just there's so much, and I don't know what I should remember and what I should leave alone and San there's so much-'

'Hey.' She stopped their aimless wandering to rub a hand along Brittany's spine. 'It's okay. I don't know where we are either. We'll just figure it out.'

It turned out that it was nearly impossible to figure out a plan or get help when neither of them had any idea about the phone numbers or address of the house that they had just come from, and they had moved so far from where they started that she didn't even know how to get back to the pond. Brittany had started to chew on her lip sometime around the middle of the day and she had just started on her fingers when Santana called quits on the walking and made her sit down on the side of the road.

'I don't think we're getting any closer. We might as well sit here until we think of a plan.'

'Right,' Brittany agreed. 'Okay. A plan. Do you have any ideas?'

'I bet we'll have some soon,' she promised.

In the end they were rescued by the fortuitous arrival of Nora Pierce, who had spent the day canvassing the area and asking passersby if they had them. A marathon runner in training had told her that she had seen what appeared to be two young homeless girls on the side of the road, and she sped to the place the jogger had described so fast that she left a not insignificant cloud of exhaust smoke in her wake.

As soon as she got to them and confirmed that the two urchins by the side of the road in damp, dirty clothes and bare feet were the ones she was looking for, she parked the car on the side of the road, jumped out, and sent a mass text to the other members of the household to let them know that the search was over.

They looked up when they saw her stalking towards them, and jumped up in relief.

'Get in the car.' Her tone wasn't what they were expecting; it was curt and tough and tired.

She had only driven for a couple of minutes before she stopped the car and pulled over to the side of the road, and it took a second for Santana to realize that she was crying. They sat for a minute in awkward silence before Nora spoke.

'Don't you ever do that again. Ever.'

Santana sat frozen in her heat, but Brittany nodded solemnly.

'Do you know what we've been thinking, all this time? Do you know how dangerous that was?' Santana was pretty sure that Nora wasn't even talking to her, but she felt her stomach twist in what felt like guilt and she swallowed hard. Brittany reached a hand into the front seat and timidly patted her shoulder.

'I'm sorry. We just got lost.' Nora wiped at her face with her hand and took a deep breath.

'Let's just get home.'

Home was just more of the same, with lots of hugging and some crying, and the guilt twisting Santana's stomach intensified until she felt like she was going to cry. Or maybe be sick again.

After a shower and a change of clothes they went downstairs to find it deserted except for their mothers, who were on the couch watching TV.

_Some amateur video of the modern day 'Robinson Crusoes' has been submitted showing what appears to be-_

Maria turned around suddenly and saw them, and her eyes widened.

'Turn it off,' she muttered to Nora.

'Sorry,' Santana said, shuffling her feet. 'We were just, like-'

'It's okay. Why don't you sit down?' Nora gestured to couch and waited patiently until they had gotten comfortable.'

'We just wanted to have a quick talk with you.' Maria looked at Nora for help, and Nora sighed.

'There are certain things... behaviour...' she looked at Maria for support and she nodded encouragingly, 'there are some things you can't do in public.'

'What do you mean?' Santana asked.

'Like kiss, for example.' She watched as Nora flared a bright red.

'Why?'

'We know you love each other. We do. But not everybody knows it like we do, and you have to be careful.' Maria saw the question forming on Santana's lips and jumped in to answer.

'Because some people may not be very nice to you about it, and we don't want you to get hurt.'

'Why would they care?'

'I think we should talk about that tomorrow. Just for now, please, as a favour to us, try to... just keep it in the house.'

'Keep what in the house? The kissing?' Now even Santana's mother had a visible blush.

'Yes. Among other things.'

Luckily everyone else in the house came down to the living room and broke up what was starting to become a very awkward silence, and the rest of the evening was filled up with dinner and listening to Louise and Frank chatter at each other.

Eventually everyone started to drift off to bed until the only people left downstairs were Brittany, Santana and Louise.

'Listen, I'm pretty tired, and mom told me that I can't go to bed before I make sure that you guys are all tucked up and safe, so let's go.'

Their room was just how they left it, and as soon as the door closed Brittany kicked at the wall.

'I'm not sleepy,' she said sadly.

'Me neither,' Santana said. 'What do you want to do?' She squeaked in surprise as Brittany launched herself at her and pushed their lips together.

'Wait,' she whispered. Brittany lifted her head to look up at her, her eyes glazed with want.

'What?'

'What are you doing?' Santana asked.

'I'm still not sleepy,' Brittany said, grinning in the dark.


	10. Wrecked 2005

Author: letsgetdizzy

Rating: R

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Summary: A retelling of the blue lagoon. Santana and Brittany are marooned on an island for years and struggle to readjust to society after their rescue

Disclaimer: Not mine

Spoilers: None. Very AU.

It was hot, and Brittany was hungry. Really hungry. She was thirsty too, but that took second place to the gnawing pain in her stomach.

'Maybe we should look again.' Santana was lying next to her on the sand, drawing tired, aimless circles on the sand. Brittany wanted to point out that they had already picked all their usual areas clean, and they probably weren't going to find anything to eat by looking again, but the thought of all the energy she would need to use to speak made her head spin and she settled for shaking her head.

'We're not going to find anything if we just lie here. Come on.' Santana sounded sharp and angry, but there was a thin line of fear running through her voice that made Brittany push herself up to a sitting position.

It was a good thing they had the sense to collapse under a tree, because it was hot, one of the hottest days she could remember, so hot that she could feel her mouth dry up and her feet twinged with pain every time she stepped on the sand.

'Let's go.' She pulled herself up so she was standing next to Santana, who had got to her feet at some point.

It was easy to get moving once she had started, and as soon as they got to camp they packed what they would need for their outing (Brittany had stopped calling them adventures after Santana had torn her foot open on a sharp rock and she had to carry her back). It didn't take long; all they needed was the bag itself and a flask of water and they were pretty much ready to go. Santana glanced at Brittany.

'Don't forget your shirt.'

'Oh, yeah.' On an even hotter day Brittany had decided that clothes were too hot and restricted her fun, and she spent the whole day swimming topless in one of the pools. She had spent the three days after that curled up a ball in bed while Santana cooled her red, sore skin with a wet cloth. She buttoned the collar up to her neck and waited impatiently while Santana did the same.

She reached for Santana's hand as they started walking, and it wasn't long until they were mostly covered by trees. They had walked this way so many times that she could have done it in her sleep, and each tree felt like a friend (that she ate). They walked on, first checking the usual places, where there wasn't an edible plant in sight. They walked deeper into the forest, until the trees were so tightly packed together that she unbuttoned her shirt and sighed as the breeze flowed over her skin.

It wasn't like they didn't find anything. There was tiny tomatoes and a couple of carrots and there were as many water melons as they could carry, but eating that stuff was like eating air sometimes, and it only made her more frustrated when she felt her stomach start to tug at her when she was just finished. Besides they hadn't even been finding enough of that stuff to keep them strong, and now, on the fifth (or maybe sixth) day of almost nothing her limbs were starting to feel like water.

Her head was so fuzzy that she almost didn't realize when Santana started to nudge her in a slightly different direction from where they had been going. As soon as she realized where she was taking them she stopped and nearly fell over as Santana stumbled and nearly pulled her over.

'No.' Santana trying to tug her along and she pulled back harder. She tried to tamp down the feeling of satisfaction she got from watching Santana jerk back like she was on a leash.

'Brittany...'

'No.' How had she not noticed it before? It was a really _really_ long way from the beach to the stream with the little white flowers and the cliff, how had she not noticed where they were going?

'This is the only place we haven't looked, Britt. I bet there's lots of food and stuff we've missed.' Brittany only heard about half of what Santana was saying because they were there, almost, and the trees were coming down on her head and-

'Hey.' Santana was shaking her shoulder. 'I know you hate it but we can't just not go to like _half the island forever, _and Brittany_, I'm hungry._'

Santana's eyes were all big and watery and sad and Brittany wished she had just stuck to trying to drag her along.

'Okay,' she said, and her breath came out in a big wobbly sigh.

It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, as long as she didn't look near the cliff, and Santana was right; there was lots of food everywhere. They picked as much as they could and threw it into the bag (which was just a buttoned up shirt with the arms tied shut). They found carrots –_don't look_- and a couple of potatoes –_I said don't_- and some of the thick starchy stuff buried just under the soil. When they had got enough to last a while, at least, Brittany turned her back and walked away as quickly as she could. She could hear Santana running behind her to catch up and she wiped the heel of her hand across her face to wipe her face.

'Wait for me.' Brittany didn't slow down, because she was angry that Santana had made her go, but more than that she was guilty and sad that she had made them be so hungry for so long because she was scared of a stupid cliff, but that was it, she was _scared_, and she could feel goose bumps skating up and down her arms. She decided it would be better if she just didn't say anything to Santana until they got back to the beach.

Their night time routine was so solid that they didn't even have to talk as they got the food ready, and the familiarity lessened the nervous buzz in Brittany's stomach so that by the time they were ready to eat she wasn't so scared and angry anymore. When Santana sat by her and pressed by her side she shifted to out her arm around her and she felt her sigh in relief.

Then they ate, and it was a long time before she could stop.

As they had grown the house Will had made for them before had shrunk (or maybe they had grown), so that her feet brushed the edge of the door and she had to manoeuvre her head carefully to make sure she didn't hit it against the wall. Santana hadn't grown as much as she had, but between the two of them it was starting to be a tight fit.

The night was hot and sticky, and they were laying side by side on their backs. The pieces of driftwood that had made up the roof had started to fall down, and Brittany could see a couple of stars through the gaps.

'I'm not sorry,' Santana said. Her voice was so soft Brittany could barely hear her and she turned onto her side so she could look at her.

'I mean. I'm sorry you were sad. But I'm not sorry I made us go.' Santana was still staring upwards, but Brittany could see the moisture in her eyes sparkle in the starlight.

'Okay,' she breathed out. She didn't know what exactly she was saying was okay, but it was hot and stuffy and she could feel Santana waiting for her to say _something_.

* * *

><p>She woke up in the middle of the night with awful cramps in her stomach and the taste of bile in her mouth, and she curled herself around Santana's sleeping body and buried her face in her neck to dull the pain.<p>

* * *

><p>It's hard to stay angry at a person when that person makes up your entire social circle, and by the next morning Brittany decided to forgive Santana. Today was going to be a <em>work<em> day; a hard, long day that was all about fishing and picking and climbing, but Brittany couldn't feel too bad about it, because anything was better than lying on the sand thinking about what it would be like to have to eat it.

They went to the cliff first while Brittany was still in a good mood, and she kept herself distracted and occupied by singing all the nursery rhymes she could remember. Santana picked up on the words quickly and sang along, her stronger and lower voice melting with Brittany's as they worked. By the end of the day her muscles were sore and her vision was hazy, but Santana was still humming next to her and she felt _strong_ again.

Santana finished hanging up the last of the mangoes and nudged her.

'What?'

'It's your turn.' She gestured at the bulging, fishy-smelling bulge they had dropped by the fire.' Brittany shot her the best sad face she could, but Santana only shook her head and smiled.

'You know that doesn't work on me anymore.' Brittany let her lower lip wobble, and Santana sighed.

'Fine. But you do double next time.' She threw herself down on the ground, and got a knife out of the store they kept. She pulled a fish out of the bag and began to carefully shear the scales off, knitting her eyebrows in concentration. Brittany watched her for a little before she got bored, and got up and pottered around so she looked busier. Only, there wasn't much she could do. They had built the fire up so hot that she had to shield her face if she moved too close, and she had already decided what else they were going to have for dinner. She wandered around until she was just out of the ring of light that the fire threw out, and she traced her fingers down the small vertical marks that covered almost every available space on the huge tree in front of her.

She was pretty sure they hadn't missed more than a couple of days since they had started keeping count and now the tree was blanketed with tiny vertical slashes all the way up and down the trunk, some even extending onto the branches. Neither of them had kept count after where the big, long jagged mark was, because by the time it occurred to Santana to do it there were so many that just the idea of actually figuring out how any there were was exhausting. She scratched at one with her fingernail and ran her hand across the scarred surface. This was one of the last things they had left that Will had done, and every time she ran a hand across one of the marks he had made her hand warmed up a little, like he was holding onto it.

She wrinkled her nose as the smell of fish wafted into her nostrils, and she turned to see a very annoyed looking Santana, covered in scales and weird blobs scowling at her.

'What are you doing?' She reached out to hold on to Brittany's hand but spotted the fish blood on it and crossed her arms instead.

'Just looking.' Santana was still scowling, and Brittany felt a teeny bit guilty because technically it was supposed to be her turn and Santana smelled really bad. She picked a scale off her arm and angled it so that it scattered small rainbows in the air.

'Look!' Santana finally cracked a smile and Brittany pulled her over to the sea so they were standing up to their ankles, and she carefully got the worst of the mess off her skin.

After eating they walked a little way away from the campfire so they could see the stars properly. Santana was curled into Brittany's side, scratching something into the sand while Brittany tried to see how many times she could find a fish shape in the stars. When she looked at Santana she saw that she had traced lots of letters and numbers into the sand.

'What's that?' She swiped her hand through the writing quickly.

'Nothing.' Brittany wanted to push more and find out exactly what that was, but something else was distracting her.

'San, how old do you think we are?' Santana shrugged.

'I don't know.'

'Do you think we're teenagers?' Santana giggled.

'Definitely not. I think we would know if we were teenagers.'

'Really?'

Yeah. Besides, we don't look like teenagers.' Santana threw a quick glance at her and she watched as her cheeks flushed red.

'Yeah, you're probably right,' she agreed. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she wanted to skate over it as quickly as possible. 'Come catch crabs with me,' she said, and the faint embarrassment on Santana's face melted into a smile.

* * *

><p>Santana was quiet for the whole of the next morning, and when the sun began to sink down into the sea Brittany's patience finally ran out and she demanded that she tell her what was wrong.<p>

'Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking…'

'Yeah?'

'I think I can figure out how old we are.' Brittany pulled Santana back into the pool they had been sitting next to and swam behind her.

'How?' She undid the long braid that hung down Santana's back and ran her fingers through her hair. Santana winced.

'Sorry. So, how?'

'You know all the marks on the tree? I was thinking, if we could count them all then we would know how many days we've been here.' She gently pulled Santana's head backwards so that her hair spread out in the water and she pulled her fingers through it, combing the tangles out.

'That sounds like a lot of work.' She traced her fingers around the tiny hairs at Santana's temple, and Santana sat up, lifting her head out of the water. She swivelled around to face Brittany.

'Don't you want to know?'

'I guess.' She turned Santana back around so she could put her hair back in a braid.

'It'll give us something to do tomorrow,' Santana waited until Brittany let go of her and they exchanged places. Santana's fingers were cool and damp in her hair, and she felt goose bumps rise on the back of her neck as water dripped down off her fingers.

* * *

><p>Counting was <em>hard<em>.

It was a good thing Santana was doing most of the work, because she kept losing count and every time she tried to start again her eyes went fuzzy and a few more numbers slipped out of her head.

'I think that's five hundreds.' Santana said, squinting at the section of the tree she was counting. 'What do you have?' She glanced over to at Brittany, who was leaning against the tree and drawing aimless patterns on the trunk.

'Britt?'

'Maybe I should go and get us some water.'

'Britt…'

'I'm not really helping. Maybe I should go do something else.' Santana crossed her arms.

'You _are_ helping.'

'How?'

'You're keeping me company.'

'That doesn't count.'

'But if you weren't here I would be lonely, and then I would definitely stop.' Santana rounded the tree until she could look at Brittany properly. 'You don't have to be actually _helping_ me to help me.'

* * *

><p>'I'm done.' Brittany looked up from the outline of a flower she had been drawing on the sand. Santana was gazing at the tree and swaying on her feet. Brittany tugged at her arm until she sank down next to her, and she wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Santana tucked her head under her chin and sighed.<p>

'And?'

'Two thousand and twenty.'

'Are you sure?' Santana raised her head to glare at her and Brittany patted her head in apology.

'So what does that mean?'

'I don't know. That we've been here for ages. I don't know.' Santana yawned.

'We can figure it out tomorrow.'

'Yeah.'

They didn't. They went tree climbing instead, and when Brittany slipped off a branch and nearly landed on her head they decided to go it was probably time to go and see what they could get for food. They wound up back on the part of the island that was just past the stream and Brittany found that the best way to stop herself from looking at the cliff was to sing, and work quickly, and not look left. She noticed that Santana was distracted too, now that they weren't so desperate, but she wasn't looking away and keeping herself busy like Brittany. She couldn't seem to help herself from glancing up and stretching was the only word she could think to describe it, _stretching_ herself towards the cliff like she was using half her muscles to stop the other half from tearing towards it.

They stopped for a break just as the air was starting to cool, and Brittany reached a hand forward and nudged at Santana's knee.

'You can if you want.'

Santana snapped her head around to face her.

'What?'

'If you want, you can go.' Santana's eyes widened and Brittany saw what looked like guilt flash by across her face.

'Britt…'

'It's okay.' She patted the ground next her with a slightly shaky hand. 'I'll wait here for you.'

'Brittany…' it was definitely guilt, the small part of Brittany's brain that wasn't busy trying to stop her from crying noted. 'I don't even know why I want to go, I just do… I know he isn't there, I know, but...' A fat tear dropped down her face and Brittany wiped it off.

'I just _have_ to.'

'I know.' And she didn't, really, but she knew that Santana had spent the last however many years keeping away from here to protect her, and the least she could do was sit here for a little while and wait.

* * *

><p>She spent what felt like five days trying to get comfortable against the tree she was leaning against and mentally slapping herself for offering to wait. Being this close to this place when it was starting to get dark made her think of screaming and falling and <em>oh no don't touch his legs <em>and no amount of singing helped her not think of it.

The last of the sunlight was filtering through the trees when Santana reappeared from between the trees. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and when Brittany held out her arms she fell into them and lay as still and limp as a dead thing _no __not__ like a dead thing_ like she was sleeping, and she didn't make a sound. When Brittany's back began to get sore from the angle she was sitting in and the strain of holding Santana up she nudged her gently until she looked up, slowly.

She still wasn't crying, but her face was pale and strained looking, and her mouth was pressed in a thin, hard line. She only shook her head and clamped her arms around her neck like a vice when Brittany tried to get her to talk, and in the end she gave up and pulled them both to their feet.

'I'm going to take you home.'

Santana wouldn't speak while Brittany built up the fire and got food ready and tried to feed her, and she only nodded when Brittany suggested that they go to bed.

It was only when they were nestled into the covers and Santana had clasped her arms tightly around Brittany's waist that Brittany felt a tickle on her neck around about where Santana's lips were. She unwound her arms from Santana's waist with difficulty and scooted back a little so she could see her face.

'What did you say?' Santana's eyes were hard and dark and glittery, and _deep_. It made Brittany feel like she was looking into the ocean at night, and she blinked to get her bearings.

'It's not important. I'm sorry I left you.' She stroked off a lock of hair that had fallen into Santana's eyes.

'I told you that you could.'

'I know.' Her nails were digging into Brittany's back, and she shifted uncomfortably. 'He wasn't there.'

She squashed down on the tiny spiteful part of her brain that wanted her to ask Santana what exactly she thought she would find and concentrated on keeping very still.

'I didn't want to leave,' Santana confessed, 'but you were waiting.'

I don't have anywhere else to be. I'm always going to be here.

She didn't realize that she had spoken the last sentence out loud until Santana nodded and said 'I know.'

* * *

><p>It had started to rain at some point during the night, and when they woke up in the morning everything was soaked and she was shivering. The rain was so strong that when they tried to leave to get something to eat, but the rain and the wind was so strong that they were driven back before they even got halfway.<p>

'Let's just stay in for a little bit,' Santana said once they had run back inside. Her hands were shaking, and Brittany nodded and pulled them both away from the entrance. There was nothing to do but listen to the rain throw itself against the walls and try to dodge any particularly big raindrops that fell in through the cracks on the roof. Santana pulled out one of their empty notebooks, and began to scribble.

'What are you doing?'

'How many days are in a year?'

'I don't know?'

'Me neither. How many months are in a year?'

'Um. Twelve. I think.'

'Okay.' She scribbled something out and wrote a twelve in its place. Brittany watched her start to scribble, and she watched her, interested until she had filled up a whole page and it was clear she wasn't going to stop any time soon, so instead she amused herself by trying to catch the raindrops falling through the roof with her mouth. She was interrupted by Santana throwing the book to the other end of the room and growling in frustration.

'What?'

'It's too hard.' She ran a hand over her eyes and sighed.

'Let's do something else then.'

She was about to win her fourth staring contest in a row when Santana looked away and scooped up the book she had thrown away earlier.

'Sa-a-an.' Santana only looked at her, her eyes burning with excitement.

'How many days are there in a month?'

'That counts as a blink. I win.'

'_Brittany_.' She sighed.

'I don't know. Thirty?'

'Are you sure?'

'I think so.' Santana's eyes brightened.

'_Awesome_.'

* * *

><p>'I think I got it,' Santana announced a little while later. Brittany was having a staring contest with the ground and she jumped when Santana spoke.<p>

'Really?' Santana nodded smugly.

'We… are…' she paused for dramatic emphasis and Brittany threw a book at her.

'Ow! We're eleven, Britt.' Brittany's eyes widened.

'Are you sure?'

'Of course I'm sure. What-' she was interrupted by a roll of thunder that Brittany's knees shook. Without another word she dashed outside and Brittany could hear her screaming her name. She followed her outside and ran straight into her back.

The rain was as heavy as ever, so strong that it was flying straight into her face and she had to hold her arm up to protect her face.

'What is it?' Santana pointed at the ocean, and Brittany felt her stomach swoop and clench as she saw what had Santana so scared.

The water had darkened to blue black, and the usually calm waves were bigger than she had ever seen them, roiling and frothing like a monster was thrashing around just beneath the surface. Lightning striped across the sky in jagged forks, and the deep, booming thunder that followed almost immediately after made her teeth vibrate. She grabbed Santana's hand and dragged her inside, out of the rain.

They backed away from the doorway a spray of rain soaked them even more, and Santana turned to Brittany, her eyes wide.

'Wow.'

It wasn't like it hadn't rained before, or they hadn't had to wait storms out, but this was different. It felt like there was an angry person standing in the sky and throwing a storm at them, and Brittany was pretty sure that they wouldn't be able to get away.

'Maybe we should wait until it's gone down a little,' she said.

They waited.

And waited. And the storm only grew louder and more violent until there was no point in trying to talk over the roaring sound the sea was making. It was only when something hit the side of the house with a loud _thud_ that they peeked ventured outside again to see what was going on.

Almost as soon as Brittany stepped out she was almost ankle deep in water, and she looked up in horror to see that while they were waiting for the storm to go down the sea had crept up almost to their doorway.

The sky was full of dark grey clouds that blocked out the sun completely and only lit up when lightning flashed through, and she staggered as a particularly strong gust of wind almost knocked her over. She might have gone on staring in horror forever if one of the giant waves speeding towards them hadn't sent a flood of water that easily came up to her knees, and she turned and dashed back inside as soon as she was sure that the retreating water wasn't going to pull her in with it. Santana was right behind her, and without a word they grabbed as many things as they could and stuffed them into anything that looked like it could be a bag.

She realized that she had picked too many things, and she sorted through them, quickly.

'Brittany-'

No space for books.

'We have t-'

Warm things. They needed warm things. How had she not noticed how cold it had gotten?

'Let's go!' Santana grabbed her arm and dragged her out, and they were almost bowled over by a wave of water that came out of nowhere and reached up to her hips. They struggled through, until they reached the treeline and stopped to gasp for breath. The branched on the trees were whipping madly in the air, and some kept whipping fruit at them. She ducked a particularly well aimed coconut and turned to Santana.

'Where do we go?' She shouted as loud as she could, but she could see that the sound barely reached Santana. The wind died down for a second and Santana took the opportunity to scream 'the pool!' and point wildly into the foliage.

'Okay, let's-' She was stopped short by Santana, who clapped a hand to her mouth and jumped to her feet.

'The nets!' Her voice was so loud and shrill that Brittany had no problem hearing her, but she sat frozen in horror as Santana sprinted back to the sand, across the surf, in the direction of the little cove they used for fishing.

'SANTANA!' She screamed so loud she felt like her throat was bleeding, but Santana only turned round and waved her arms, her lips moving frantically. Brittany realized, too late, that she was saying _go back_, and by the time she stepped forward to run after her Santana had already disappeared around the bend and another wave crashed onto the beach, the very edges of it skimming her toes.

She scrambled backwards just far enough that the water couldn't touch her, and she pushed down the panic that was starting to bloom in her chest.

What do I do?

_Get her_

But how

_Go._

She picked up the pack that Santana had dropped when she ran off, balanced it on her free shoulder, and moved as quickly as she could in the direction of the cove. The trees above her continued to whip around, and she got hit by loose branches so many times that she knew that she would have bruises the next day, but she kept on going as fast as she could, fighting off the rising fear that came with the knowledge that the water was rising and Santana was still probably on the beach.

She reached the surf just as another wave crashed onto the shore and pushed the water up so high that she had to hold on to a nearby tree trunk to keep her balance. Her chest clenched when she didn't see any sign of Santana anywhere, and it nearly stopped when she spotted a tiny figure balanced precariously on one of the outcroppings of rocks around the cove, something clutched to its chest.

Santana spotted her by the treeline and waved frantically, and Brittany cried out inaudibly when a tall wave smashed into Santana's back and swept her off the rock. She held on by her fingertips, though, and Brittany watched as she struggled to get back on. She noticed that the waves had gotten slightly less violent, and she waded into the surf and waved at Santana. Santana's eyes widened in horror when she saw Brittany coming closer, and her face wrinkled in confusion when she saw Brittany waving her forward. She looked back, saw that the waves had pulled back for a little while, lessened and jumped into the sea, swimming for the trees as fast as she could. Brittany went out as far as she felt stable and held her arms out, waiting for her to get close enough that she could pull her in.

Santana was a few feet away when another wave crashed over her head, disorientating her, and even Brittany felt the tug when the water began to retreat and swept Santana off her feet and back to the open water. She barely had time to open her mouth to scream when something hit her in the face, hard, and she grabbed onto it before she was completely sure what she was holding. When she had blinked enough water out of her eyes that she could see that it was she dug in her feet and _pulled_, because Santana had thrown her one end of the fishing net she was still holding on to.

She yanked on the net as hard as she could, and she could see that Santana was kicking her feet and straining forward, but the sea pulled her back just a fraction harder than they could, and she felt her feet start to slide forward in the wet sand.

She thought she was crying, but she couldn't feel it over the burn in her muscles and the expression on Santana's face was the worst thing she had ever seen in her life, it was sad, and defeated, and tired, and the net was slipping out of her hands…

_Hold on_

Her arms were starting to shake, and her feet were slipping.

_Hold on_

Santana was crying too, she saw, and she felt her heart shatter.

_Don't you let go._

She pulled again, almost experimentally, and she felt Santana shift just slightly towards her. Her muscles gave out and Santana slipped away from her again.

_Pull. PULL!_

There was a lull in the waves and she wrenched the net towards her so hard that she clipped herself in the chin, but Santana had held on and she was close enough that they could clasp hands and stagger away from the shore, behind the trees.

As soon as they were away from the water Brittany turned and shoved Santana, hard. She hit a tree and slid down the trunk, stunned.

'You _idiot_!'

'Brittany-'

'You stupid- why did you _do_ that?' She was so angry she wanted to shove something again, but Santana was still cowering against the tree trunk so she kicked a tree instead.

'OW!'

'Brittany-'

'If you ever do that again, I will never speak to you! I'll move to the other side and we'll never-' The next thing she knew she was crying, big, loud sobs that shook her chest and shoulders and made her knees weak. Santana approached her carefully, like she wasn't sure if she was going to get shoved again, and carefully put an arm around her when Brittany didn't move.

She cried until she couldn't anymore, and when Santana offered her hand to help her up Brittany accepted it and blew her nose on her sleeve. Another branch whizzed out of the sky and hit her thigh.

'We should go,' Santana said. They picked up their things and headed towards the direction of the pool.

'I'm still mad at you.'

'I know.'

* * *

><p>The next morning was almost offensively bright and clear, and Brittany blinked and opened her eyes as the sunlight crept its way up her face. Next to her Santana mumbled and sat up, wincing as the she felt the bruises from the day before.<p>

'You okay?'

'Yeah.'

They were curled up at the base of a tree that stood at the edge of the freshwater pool that near the inside of the island. It had almost no damage from the storm, and she got up to find something to eat. She found a watermelon half buried in leaves near the edge of the pool and brought it back to Santana. They split it with a rock and buried their faces in it, the cool sweet juice soothing their throats and the dryness in their mouths.

'I'm still hungry.'

'Yeah. Me too.'

'We should go.' They had tied their packs together and used the nets to haul it off the ground to keep them from getting any wetter than they were already, and she swung herself up into the branches to let it down. She was just inching her way across a thin branch so she could untie the knot and let their things loose when she saw something out of place in the branches. When she had forgotten close enough to see that it was a nest she peered inside, and carefully picked out the three eggs that were nestled in the centre. She wrapped them in her shirt and climbed down carefully.

'Britt, I think you forgot to untie the bags- what's that?' Brittany showed her one of the eggs, and her frown only deepened.

'What do you want to do with those?'

'My mom used to make them. I think.'

'We can't cook them though. Our fire's definitely gone.'

'Yeah, but once my mom was on this weird eating thing and she ate them without cooking them or anything for _ages_.' Santana looked at her sceptically.

'Okay, you eat it then.'

She cracked it gently on her palm until she heard a crack, and tipped the yellowy-white stuff into her mouth. It didn't really taste of anything, just kind of slimy and slick, but it filled in a hole that the watermelon hadn't and she grinned triumphantly.

'You try' Santana took one of the other eggs from her, and Brittany watched as her face changed from suspicious to neutral to sort of pleased and surprised.

'I was right again.'

'Fine, yes you were.'

'Because I'm always right.' She said in a singsong voice, and she ducked as Santana threw an empty shell at her head.

The house was gone and only a few pieces of wood sticking randomly out of the sand showed that it had ever existed at all. There were assorted articles of clothing and objects that they hadn't been able to take with them scattered on the sand and in the trees. Brittany slumped against a tree as the enormity of the damage that had been caused hit her hard.

'It's okay. Britt.' Santana was standing next to her, her face grim, but she tried to smile when she saw that Brittany was looking at her. 'We can build a bigger house. A better one.' She considered that for a second.

'With like, some shelves?'

'Sure.'

'And a skylight?'

'I don't think-'

'I think it would be really cool if we had stairs. Or maybe a rec room.'

'Brittany…'

'I'm kidding, San.' She smiled and pulled her into a hug. Santana relaxed into her and she felt skinny arms wind around her ribs.

'But we should definitely have a door this time.'


	11. Who You Are 2011

**I'm sorry this took a little longer; the chapters are starting to get trickier to write. Thank you for still reading this/giving me attention. I'm an only child and I love it : )**

**Also I apologize to any reporters reading this. I probably exaggerated some stuff for dramatic purposes.**

* * *

><p>Brittany was lying under a tree in the backyard when a flash of brown streaked across the yard. She sat up quickly to try to see what it was, and she spotted it slinking along the hedges that she was sure that there was something there. She lifted her head up to get a good look at it and it soon as it saw her move it ran under a bush. The tip of its tail was sticking out and whipping fiercely back and forth, and she its yellow eyes glared at her from between the leaves. She inched closer and it hissed and bared its sharp shiny teeth. The sound sent her scrambling back before she remembered that it was just a little cat, and she moved back and carefully stroked its tail with a finger.<p>

It didn't like that, she saw, as a thin paw flashed out and scraped at her hand. She waited until it settled down and she touched its tail again, gently, until it stopped rasping and growling at her. She sat as still as she could and scratched at its tail, and when it finally slipped out she had to stop herself from gasping and scaring it away because it was probably the ugliest thing she had seen ever. It had a horrible squashed face and only one ear, but its eyes had lost their fierce anger, and it was batting at her knee with one of its paws. She ran a hesitant hand down its back and pulled away when her fingers snagged on the snarls in its fur and it yowled.

'Sorry,' she murmured. The cat looked at her_. It's okay, but don't do it again_, it looked like it was saying, and she nodded and ran a hand down its side, carefully. It didn't move, so she ran a hand over its head and jumped when she felt a low humming vibrating through its body. She pulled her hand away again but it nosed her palm until she stroked its head again and it started rumbling again. It wouldn't let her pull it closer, so she contented herself with running a hand down its side and watching its eyes close in contentment.

They stayed where they were until the cat got up and started to nose around her again.

'What is it?' It didn't do anything except let out a tiny meow and look up at her expectantly. 'You have to tell me what's wrong or I can't help you,' she said gently, and the cat pawed at the ground and meowed a couple more times before she understood what it was wanted.

'Oh! You're hungry!' The cat only stared at her and batted at her palm, so she got up and ran back into the house to find something to feed it.

The kitchen was Brittany's favourite room in the house, because it was bright and cool and airy, and she liked the cool feeling of the tile under her feet. Today the sun was shining through the windows and reflecting off the taps, and she was staring transfixed at the pretty light of it when she heard someone walk into the kitchen behind her and she jumped and dropped the apple she had grabbed from the fruit bowl.

'Sorry,' Nora said, holding her hands up. 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

'I was just-' she gestured at the door that led to the back yard.

'Oh. Okay. Or, I was just coming in to make some dessert for tonight. You could help me.' Her mother's eyes were hopeful and nervous and Brittany cast a longing glance at the open door before she moved nearer the counter. It was quiet for a minute as her mother opened the cupboards, pulled out different packages and containers and set them on the counter.

'What are you making?' She snuck a finger into one of the packets and licked the white powder that stuck to her finger. She quickly pulled her finger out of her mouth and wiped it on the front of her shirt as Nora turned around to face.

'No, that's not it's for, sweetie,' she said, walking forward and wiping Brittany's face. 'I was going to make some brownies.' She bustled around the kitchen, flipping switches and filling stuff with water and Brittany stood by the counter and tried to keep out of her way.

'So, where were you going?' Brittany was distracted by thoughts of the little cat waiting for her outside and it took her a second to realise she was being talked to.

'I was just going outside. It's a little cramped in here,' Nora nodded understandingly.

'You need some space.' Brittany let out a breath, glad that she wasn't asking more questions, and she inched closer to the stove. Whatever was in the pot had started to let off a rich, delicious smell that made her mouth water.

'Can I help?'

'Sure. We just have to wait a little longer for the chocolate to finish melting.' They both fell silent, and Brittany soaked up the wonderful smell that was wafting in the all around her.

'Where's Santana?' Nora asked finally, when what felt like half an hour had gone by and Brittany was still seemingly staring into space.

'She's upstairs. She doesn't feel very well.' Nora raised her eyebrow at that, but she left it alone.

'Well, tell her I hope she feels better soon.'

'I will. Can I ask you something?'

'Sure.' She took the melted chocolate and butter off the pan of hot water and began to carefully measure out the flour and cocoa powder.

'What do I call you?' Nora's hands stilled, and the flour continued to pour into the measuring bowl. Brittany felt her face heat up again, but she had started talking already and it seemed silly to stop now.

'It's just, you're my mom. But I haven't seen you in forever, and I don't know if you like, still want me to, and stuff.' She turned to look at Brittany, who had grown more and more nervous as she had kept on rambling. Her teeth were clamped down hard on her lip and Nora reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. She stopped moving when Brittany flinched.

'You can call me whatever you want,' she said, careful to keep her voice steady, 'but if you wanted to call me mom I definitely wouldn't mind.' Brittany let out the big breath she had been holding and released her lip. 'Now here, hold this,' she gave Brittany the bowl full of chocolate to hold and quickly measured the flour again. 'Mix this in.' She watched as Brittany moved the mixing spoon around the bowl in jerky movements and spilled some of the flour on herself. Brittany looked up at her with tragic eyes.

'I don't think I'm doing it right.'

'No, you're doing fine.' She motioned for the mixing spoon and stirred it gently.

It didn't take long until Nora had whisked out most of the lumps and put the brownie mixture in the oven to bake. Brittany kept herself busy licking the bowl while Nora stacked the dishwasher and when she started to feel like she was going to be sick she put it into the sink.

'How long until they're ready?'

'About twenty-five minutes.' She elaborated when she saw Brittany frown. 'When the oven makes a ringing noise then we can take them out.'

'Okay.' She took a seat at the kitchen island and laid her cheek down on the cool tile to wait, and Nora resisted the urge to stroke her hair off her face and sat down next to her instead.

'Santana's not really sick,' Brittany said suddenly. 'She just doesn't like being around lots of people.'

'She's probably just having a hard time being back.'

'I know. But if she had come down then she could have helped us make the brownies.'

'Maybe you can take one up to her later.' Brittany's eyes were still the same startling blue they had been when she was a baby, and the twisting disappointment of everything she had missed while they hadn't been looking for their children wound its way around her chest,. She took a second to blink back the tears that had been hovering at the backs of her eyes for the past two weeks and plastered a smile on her face.

'Really?'

'You can take mine. I'm not supposed to be eating too much sugar anyway.' She took a risk and laid her hand gently on Brittany's arm, and she let the muscles in her arms relax when she didn't twitch away. Her skin was warm and smooth and _there_, because she was real, and here,_ finally_.

'Why?'

'I might be semi retired, but I'm still a model and I have to keep fit.'

'I remember that.' Her smile dimmed and she looked nervously at Nora. 'Do I have to keep fit too?'

'No,' she said quickly. 'You're just fine.'

* * *

><p>In the two weeks they had been back all the adults had worked hard to figure out what they could feed the girls without having a repeat of the first dinner, and in the end they had all given up to trying to adjust the meals they already knew how to cook and they settled for grilling almost everything. It also hadn't taken them long to notice that Brittany in particular had trouble relaxing when she had to sit inside for too long, and they ate most of their meals under the gazebo in the back yard.<p>

The sun had set a little while ago and Brittany was just scraping the last of the food off the plate with her finger when her mother, who was sitting next to her, gave her a nudge.

'Why don't you go and get the brownies you made, Brittany?' She shook her head slightly and her mother smiled. They were whispering, and she had to lean her head in close to hear what she was saying. 'Go on. I left them on the counter.' She shot her an encouraging smile and Brittany pushed her chair back so she could stand up.

'Where are you going?' Santana asked. She had been listening to Brittany's conversation with her mother with great interest, and her foot brushed against Brittany's under the table as she spoke.

'I'm going to get dessert. I'll be right back.' She untangled their ankles and went to get the brownies. When she got back to the table everyone was waiting for her, and she blushed.

'Um, I –we made brownies today. For you. For dessert.'

She hadn't really helped make them, but she'd helped to mix the icing together and spread it onto the top of the brownies, and she figured that counted. She carefully set the plate onto the table and sat back down next to Santana.

'Well, I'm definitely having one,' her dad announced, and he reached over the table and plucked one off the plate.

'Dad, you can't just lunge across the table,' Katie said, but he only waggled his eyebrows at her and she sighed and reached for one herself.

'These are really good, Brittany,' Katie said.

'Yup, they are,' her dad announced.

'Thanks.' She shot up a quick smile and when they all smiled back she felt herself glow even redder. She didn't know where to look, so she settled for looking at Santana, who was busy licking the icing off her fingers and grinning at her with brown-stained teeth.

* * *

><p>'Do you think it's weird?'<p>

'What?' Santana asked lazily. She was almost asleep and Brittany pressed her fingers into Santana's stomach to wake he up a bit.

'I didn't know what you were doing today. That's weird.' Santana yawned and turned so that her face was tucked into the crook of Brittany's neck.

'I didn't really do anything.'

'I saw a cat. And made brownies. Kind of.'

'They were really good, Britt.' Santana's lips brushed across her lips every time she spoke, and she could feel goose bumps skimming up and down her skin. 'I didn't really not do anything,' Santana said, and Brittany was still trying to figure out what Santana had meant when she continued. 'My mom came in for a little bit.' Then she felt silent, and Brittany had to resist the urge to get her to talk.

'She quit for me.'

'Quit what?'

'Her job. When we crashed she said she stopped working so she could look for me. Can you believe that?'

Yes I can, she wanted to say. Who wouldn't look for you, if they lost you? But Santana was still talking and she didn't want to interrupt.

'And she showed me some pictures and stuff of my family. It was pretty boring.' Brittany tightened her hold around her waist and buried her face in her fair. The heady smell of her hair surrounded her and she breathed in deep.

'I'm glad you talked.' Santana shrugged and Brittany could feel her dragging her fingertips down her back. 'Does this mean we don't have to hide from her anymore?' Santana shrugged again and Brittany breathed a sigh of relief. Her house was pretty big, but it had been hard trying to find new places to avoid Santana's mom every day.

* * *

><p>Brittany had never been good with rules, even back before they landed on the island. They always seemed to slip from her head the second they got in the way of what she wanted to do, and they were even harder to follow now that her parents couldn't really explain half the rules they wanted her to follow. Some made sense, like<em> flush the toilet when you're done<em> and _remember to put pants on before you leave your room_. Most of them didn't. It wasn't any good to try to write a list, so she ran them through her head as much a she could and trusted Santana to help her when she forgot.

She opened a big wooden door at the end of the hallway and peered in to see what was in it, and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized someone was already in the room.

She waited until she heard him call from inside before she let herself in, and he beamed when he saw who had just walked in.

'Brittany!' Her father was sitting behind a desk scribbling something in a notebook, but he stood up when he saw her.

'I'm sorry,' she blurted out, because she had forgotten another rule (knock before you open a door) and she wasn't sure what happened exactly if you broke one.

'Don't worry about it.' He was still smiling kindly and standing behind his desk, so she took a tiny step closer into the centre of the room. He didn't move from where he was, so she inched forward until she was within arm's reach of the giant bookcases that lined almost every wall in the room. He appeared next to her suddenly, and she bit down on the impulse to jump away.

'These are mine,' he said, running his hand across at least fifteen books. They were all thick and dull looking, and she raised a hand so she could trace the raised letters with her finger.

'All of these?'

'Yes, all of them.

'You wrote them?'

'I did.' He pulled the thickest one out and flipped through its pages. 'The critics like to call me a writing machine.'

'I don't remember the ones you read to me being so thick.' He chuckled.

'They weren't. But I kind of stopped writing children's books… and I switched to different stuff.'

'Why?'

'I don't know. I wasn't really feeling the kids' books anymore.' He gave a funny shrug and put the book back on its place on the shelf.

'What kind of stuff did you switch to?'

'Oh, it's a long story,' he said, but she leant against the book shelf and stared at him expectantly. He sighed. 'It's about a man. A painter. He's very good and very rich, and his wife dies right in the beginning of the first book.'

'That sounds really sad. Why did you write such a sad story?'

'It gets better,' he said quickly. 'I said he was a painter, didn't I? Well he keeps on painting and one night he paints his wife because he misses her so much, and the next day it comes to life and walks right out of the picture and it's his wife, right there.'

'So it's happy?' She asked doubtfully.

'Not quite. She disappears the next day and he has to keep on trying to paint her so that she'll come back to him.' Brittany shivered at the image of a woman pulling itself out a painting.

'I don't think I like that story very much. Sorry,' she added hastily. He chuckled.

'It's okay. I don't think I liked it too much either.'

'I think he should have just asked her where she was, so he could be with her.'

'I think he wanted to, but he had a little daughter he had to take care of.' He smiled again, but he looked sadder than if he had been crying.

'Maybe he should have made a paint swimming pool so he could jump in and visit her.' She made a diving motion with her head to demonstrate. The sad left his face and he laughed a big belly laugh like she remembered from when she was little. He slung a heavy arm over her shoulder and she staggered a little under the weight.

'Oh, baby girl. This is why you were always my favourite.' He winked at her. 'Don't tell your sisters I said that.'

* * *

><p>She woke up in the middle of the night because Santana was thrashing around next to her.<p>

'San, wake up.' She pressed down on Santana's arm gently, but all she did was whimper in response. She held her hand and started when Santana cried out and pulled her hand away. '_Santana_. You need to wake up.'

'NO!'

'San-'

'Go _away_!'

Santana cried out again and hit her fist against the headboard. Light from the hallway filtered through the bottom of the door as the hallway light was switched on, and Brittany shielded her eyes as the door to their room flung open and what seemed like twenty people ran into the room. Santana bolted upright and froze, her face fixed and blank.

'What's going on?' Someone asked, and Brittany tried to answer, she really did, but having so many people barge into their room (which really wasn't that big when she thought about it) sucked all of the air out of her lungs and left her as frozen as Santana.

'What's going on?' The someone asked again, and Brittany had just managed to unfreeze her throat enough to ask them to please move back a little, they were okay, when Santana spoke next to her.

'_Brittany?_' Her voice was weak and shaky and more than a little scared, and Brittany automatically wrapped an arm around her waist.

'We're okay,' she said to the circle of people huddled around their bed. She felt Santana stiffen as she realized how hemmed in they were and she felt a flash of irritation. Couldn't they see that she needed space?

'We heard screaming,' Santana's mom said, sounding unsure.

'It was just a nightmare. We're fine,' she said, and she breathed a sigh of relief when they all backed off a little. Santana had started to tremble slightly and she didn't know how long she would be able to hold her together if they stayed in the room.

'Are you sure you're okay?' Santana's mom asked.

'Yes, I'm sure. I just really want to go back to sleep, please.' The adults looked at each other and seemed to come to some sort of agreement, and they moved backwards at the same time.

'If you're sure...'

'Yes,' she said firmly, and she kept her face calm until they were almost all out of the door.

'If you need anything we're just down the hall,' her dad said, and she nodded fervently until she heard the door click shut. The hand she had around Santana's waist was damp with sweat and she turned her gently so she could see her face.

'San?' She leaned forward and kissed the tear tracks on her face. Santana's face crumpled.

'Oh, _Brittany_.'

* * *

><p>Santana had another nightmare the next night, and the one after that, and it went on until they were both exhausted; Santana more than Brittany because she began to fight falling asleep after the second night. As a consequence she spent a lot of the day lethargic and snappish, lying in bed trying to catch up on lost sleep while the sun was still up. Brittany decided that she would stay with Santana and keep her company while she tried to sleep.<p>

It was great at first, because she spent the whole day cuddled up to her and kissing her to stop her from getting too grumpy, but every time someone walked in the room would change from fun and soft and warm to awkward and uncomfortable. Their eyes would drop and they would stammer and blush and close the door behind them even when they had clearly come up with something for them. Brittany would have to climb off Santana because it was hard to concentrate on kissing her and touching her when your mother had just walked in and dropped a stack of books on her foot.

It was lucky that her dad had finally got around to picking up the paint he had promised, because planning her project was turning out to be a great distraction.

Santana was asleep on the bed and she was mixing two different types of blue in a little pot trying to get the colour she needed. When it looked like it was getting close she picked up a paintbrush and carefully tested it out on the wall in front of her.

She grinned when she saw that it was the exact shade she needed, and she picked up another pot and started to blend blue and white together.

The problem with some of the rules was that some of what she was sure were the most important ones were never actually said out loud, and she had to try to figure out what people wanted from her by paying attention to if they were upset when she did things. The longer she struggled to figure out what she was supposed to be doing the more it dawned on her that lots of the rules were more about keeping other people happy than keeping her safe like they had told her, and it got even harder to make herself pay attention to what she was supposed to be doing.

There. She swiped some down the wall to make sure and mixed more in. The walls she wanted to paint were pretty big.

Hard, but not impossible, because it was clear that her family loved her

_You were always my favourite _

A lot

_Call me whatever you want_

And she didn't want them to stop, because having them still care about her and want her after all this time was more than she had hoped for. So if that meant she had to do stuff that didn't make sense then she figured she could handle that for a little while, except what was she supposed to do if it meant she couldn't love Santana and hold Santana the way she wanted?

There was a noise behind her and she turned around to see that Santana had sat up.

'Hi,' she said, and Santana only grunted at her in response. Brittany could see that she was breathing hard and her fists had curled up into balls. She waited until her breathing had evened out before she put the paintbrush down and walked over to the bed. She sat next to Santana and took her hand.

'They've never been this bad before,' she said, playing with Santana's fingers. She raised her head so they could make eye contact and Santana flinched away. She held her other hand.

'It wasn't so bad this time,' Santana muttered, and Brittany didn't bother to address the blatant lie.

'I think we should go outside. We shouldn't be stuck inside all day. And,' she continued, seeing Santana open her mouth to object, 'I could really use the fresh air. The paint smells weird.' Santana sighed and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

'Whoa, Britt, what's that?' She followed Santana's gaze to the wall where she had been testing the paint out. From where she was sitting the area she had been painting- which was about the size of a door- was covered in tiny vertical brush strokes, all squeezed together and all a different shade of blue. She shrugged.

'I was bored. Let's go.'

There wasn't anyone down in the yard and she took the opportunity to pull Santana under her favourite tree and kiss her until she felt the tension start to bleed from her muscles.

Later on her dad and Santana's mom came out into the garden with a plate full of food, and they spread an old tablecloth onto the grass and had a makeshift picnic. Her dad was making funny faces at her over the plate and Santana was talking and even smiling at her mom, and Brittany let herself drift off as the sun warmed her skin.

Dinner was loud and lovely, and Brittany started to think that maybe it wouldn't be so hard, if she could just figure out how to keep everyone this happy.

* * *

><p>She woke up because she could feel Santana stirring and before she could turn around to face her Santana was screaming like she was on fire and Brittany was so shocked she rolled herself out of the bed.<p>

She scrambled up as quickly as she could and ran around to Santana's side of the bed. She was thrashing around in the covers but Brittany could see that she was still asleep and she grabbed onto her arm to try to get her to wake up. It didn't work, and the screaming went on and on until it felt like someone was scraping at her ears with sharp fingernails.

The door to her room flung open and Santana's mother rushed in.

'Wake up!' Brittany shook her again, but it didn't do any good. Santana's mother dropped to her knees beside her.

'She's not waking up,' Brittany said, and she gripped Santana's hand tighter. Her mom leaned over and gripped Santana's shoulders gently.

'Santana, you have to wake up. It isn't real, okay? Wake up.' She touched a hand to her cheek and pulled her closer-

'No- don't-' Brittany said quickly-

Santana twisted away violently and flailed away from her mother, and one of her hands connected with her face with a loud _crack._

Her mother fell away from her and landed on the carpet, her hands over her face. Brittany stared as blood began to seep from between her fingers. Her parents ran into the room –how long had they been standing at the doorway? - and her mom put a hand under Santana's mom's elbow and helped her up.

'Come on,' she said, and they were gone. Brittany heard the door to the bathroom open and close.

Santana had woken up, and she was tugging on Brittany's hand. Her face was sleepy and confused and Brittany pulled herself back into the bed next to her.

'What just happened?' She asked, and Brittany realized that she must have woken up in time to see her mom being led out. 'Brittany?'

'You had another nightmare.'

'Yeah, I know,' Santana said impatiently. 'What happened?' Brittany realized that not saying anything was making her even more panicky and she stroked a hand over her clammy face.

'Your mom tried to wake you up and you hit her in the mouth. It was an accident,' she added quickly, as Santana's eyes widened in horror.

'Is she okay?'

'I think so. She's in the bathroom-' Santana was up and off the bed before she could finish her sentence, and Brittany got up quickly so she could follow her out of the door. She got to the bathroom right behind her and she watched as Santana shrank against the bathroom door at the sight of the bloodied towel pressed against her mother's face.

'I'm sorry,' she said quietly, and she cringed as Maria took the towel away and they got a look at her already swelling face.

'It's okay,' she said, and tried to smile. 'It's just a little bruise.'

'Can I help?' Santana asked. She was playing with the hem of her sleep shirt and she looked like she was going to cry. Her mother hesitated, and nodded.

'Sure.' Santana stepped forward and her mom let her hold the wet towel against her face. Brittany backed out of the room, but not before she heard Santana whisper 'I'm really sorry.'

She had just stepped back into her room when her mother followed her in and shut the door behind her. 'Are you okay? She didn't hit you too, did she?' She shook her head quickly.

'It was just an accident.'

'I know it was, honey,' her mom said, and Brittany carefully searched her face to make sure she really did.

'It was an accident,' she said again, just in case. 'Is her mom going to be okay?'

'She'll be fine.' The next thing she knew she was lying down in bed and the covers were being pulled up to her neck. 'Do you know why she's having all these dreams?' She shrugged and her mother sighed. 'Brittany, if you know what's bothering her you should tell us, so we can help. Do you know anything?'

'No.'

'Does it have anything to do with that Will man you talked about before?' Brittany kept silent, and Nora took a deep breath. 'Brittany, did he ever hurt you?' Brittany finally looked at her, confused.

'What? No, Will never hurt us. He took care of us.'

'Are you sure? Because you can tell me, if he did.' Her mother was looking at her very seriously and earnestly, and she thought carefully because she felt like she was being asked something very important.

'Yes, I'm sure.' Nora's face relaxed for the first time since they had been woken up and she squeezed her hand.

'Can you tell me about what happened when he... went away?' Brittany felt her face smooth into a mask and she shook her head.

'No. I don't remember anything.'

'Brittany...'

'I don't.' She rolled onto her side, away from her mother. 'I'm really tired.' She closed her eyes and didn't open them until she felt a weight lift from the bed and the door opened.

'Goodnight,' her mother said, and Brittany mouthed the words back before she remembered she was facing the wall and she couldn't see her. She closed her eyes tight and curled up in a ball to until she was sure that she wasn't going to remember.

* * *

><p>She woke up still curled in a ball and Santana pressed against her back. She turned around so she could cuddle before they had to get up for breakfast and she jumped a little when she saw that Santana was already awake and staring at her.<p>

'You scared me,' she said, and her voice came out hoarse with sleep.

'Sorry,' Santana said softly. She trailed her hand down Brittany's face and smiled. Brittany pulled back so she could see her and she frowned when she got a good look at her face. Her eyes were bloodshot and slightly glazed, and she had huge bags under her eyes.

'You look terrible.' Santana snorted.

'Thanks.'

'Did you sleep?' Santana only rolled her eyes and shrugged.

'San...'

'I have to go to the doctor today.'

'We went already.' They had a list of tablets and things they had to take every day. More rules.

'My mom said they can give me something to help me sleep.'

'But you hated going to the doctor.' It had taken her fifteen minutes to convince Santana get out of the car the last time they had to go.

'I know.'

'So why do you want to go now?' Santana cupped her face in her hands.

'Last night I hit my mom,' she said.'

'That was an accident,' Brittany replied almost immediately.

'I know. But what if I had hit you?'

'I would have been okay.' Santana sighed.

'But it wouldn't have been okay. It would have been less okay than hitting my mom-which was pretty bad. And Britt, I'm so tired.' She said it like it was almost too much effort to get the words out and Brittany brought her hand up to cover Santana's.

'When are we leaving?'

* * *

><p>The car was cool and dark and Brittany closed her eyes and pretended she was in a cave. They were speeding along a long and twisty road and her stomach seemed to be twisting and turning with every movement that the car made.<p>

'Are we there yet?'

'No. Soon,' her mom replied. She was sitting in the back seat with Santana, who was slumped against the door, and both their mothers were sitting in the front of a car. The outside was somehow even more interesting and dizzying than it had been the last time they had been out, and the sheer everything of all the things she had to look at filled her head so much she could hardly hear what everyone was saying. It was just like the day when they went out to the park; she couldn't concentrate on one thing because there was just so much begging to be looked at and thought about. In the end she closed her eyes until she felt the car stop because she could feel a headache creeping up on her.

The doctor's office was decorated in cool greens and blues and Brittany followed her mom's lead and sat on the squeaky plastic chairs as Santana and her mom went up to talk to the lady behind the desk. They were led in almost immediately and Brittany watched Santana's retreating back.

'She'll be okay,' her mom said, patting her knee, and she nodded absently. There was a TV on in the corner of the room that had some sort of animal show on. She let the calm voice of the narrator distract her while her mom read one of the magazines that were lying around on the table, and he had just pointed out the lioness that was hiding under a bush and watching a baby deer play with a butterfly when Santana finally came out. She stood up.

'How was it?' Santana sighed.

'I have to go to like... some other kind of doctor.'

'Why?'

'I don't know. They want to ask me about why they're happening, and stuff.' She looked miserable and Brittany gave her a quick hug.

'We have some time before we have to go to the next appointment, so why don't we go for lunch?' Santana's mom suggested. Her mom agreed, and they found a small restaurant near where the other doctor's office was.

Lunch was good, except for the white stuff she had to scrape off her salad before she could eat it and the same tickling uncomfortable feeling she had at the park.

'People are staring,' she whispered.

'It's okay, just ignore them.' Her mom looked calm, but Brittany could see the strain in her face.

'We should go,' Santana's mom said. 'We'll be late.' Brittany stood up to go with them, but her mom stopped her.

'It's okay. They'll be just across the street. You can watch her from here.' She wanted to argue, but her mom's face looked pretty set and arguing with her when she was like this never really ended well. She sat down again and watched as Santana disappeared into the building.

'-some dessert?'

'What?'

'I was asking if you would like some dessert. The cheesecake looks good.'

'Um. Yeah. Okay.'

The cake was so sweet it made her mouth tingle, but she was paying much more attention to the building across the street. There was a quick flash of light and she blinked.

'-Let's go.'

'What?' But her mom had thrown some paper on the table and she was pulling her to her feet.

'We need to get to the car.' She was pulling Brittany along and calling someone at the same time, on the phone she could keep in her pocket.

'-You need to leave now, Maria, -' She looked and saw that a couple of people were standing outside the building Santana was in. Most of them were holding what looked like cameras.

'Get in the car, Brittany.' She got in automatically before she realized what she was doing, and she heard a click as the doors locked behind her.

'What are we doing?'

'They're leaving now.' Nora replied tersely. 'I told Maria to meet us at the car.' Just as she finished speaking she saw Santana leave the building right behind her mom, and they instantly disappeared into the crowd of people. Brittany tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge.

'Don't, Brittany.'

'Let me out!' She hit the door with a palm and hissed at the pain. There still wasn't of Santana at all and she could the shouting from inside the car. 'We have to help them!' They were all trying to push into the middle of the circle, and Brittany's chest constricted when she imagined Santana being squashed in the middle of the crush. 'She hates people being so close, you have to let me go,' she pleaded.

'I'm not having you go out there too, Brittany. Look, they're coming.' They had pushed out of the middle of the circle and Santana's mom was tugging her along as fast as she could. The people with the cameras followed right behind them and Brittany was reminded of the nature show she had been watching. As they got closer she saw that Santana was crying and her throat seized up.

'Mom, _please_,' she said, and she watched Nora stare at her in shock.

'Stay here,' Nora said. Before she knew what was happening the front door was open and shut and Nora was hurrying towards Santana and her mom. She tried to open the door and follow her, but Nora pressed something o the keys she was holding, the car flashed and the doors stopped working again. She kicked the door and watched as Nora hurried up to them and wrapped an arm around Santana, shielding her and pulling them towards the car.

The back door was flung open, Santana was shoved unceremoniously into the seat next to her, the adults got into the front seat and Nora drove the car off as quickly as she could without hitting any of the reporters who were trying to take pictures through the window.

Santana was quiet. The whole car was quiet, and before she knew it they were pulling into her house and they were walking inside. Then they were inside their room and Santana was pushing her over to make her sit down. She could hear that she was talking, but it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying through the haze that had settled over her brain.

'Brittany? Are you listening?' She tried to snap out of it and pay attention to what Santana was saying. 'You need to calm down,' she said, and Brittany realized that the heavy fog that had settled over her brain was anger, hot and heavy and so strong it was sending chills down her neck every time she thought about what happened in town. 'I'm okay,' she continued.

'No you're not,' Brittany said, because she remembered Santana telling her that she found it hard to breathe when just her mother was hugging her, and she couldn't imagine what it was like to have so many people trying to get close.

'I'm okay now,' Santana said, and she shot her a small smile. There was a knock on the door and Santana's mother walked in with a glass of water. She set it on the table and handed Santana something small that was in the palm of her hand.

'Take it,' she encouraged,' and Brittany watched as Santana hesitated before she put whatever it was in her mouth and swallowed.

'What's that?'

'A sleeping pill,' Maria answered. 'We managed to fill the prescription before we had to leave.' She turned to address Santana. 'You can have a little nap now and be up in time for dinner, okay?' She nodded, and they kept silent and stared until Maria stood up and left.

Santana lay down and Brittany automatically lay down next to her. 'Stay with me until I sleep, okay?'

'Of course.' She scooted closer so she could rest her head on Santana's chest and let the steady beating of her heart calm her down a little. It wasn't long before Santana's breath evened out, and Brittany lifted her head to make sure she was really asleep. She was, and she looked more peaceful than she had in a while. Brittany kissed her on forehead gently, and got up and left the room, closing the door behind her.

She found her mother in the kitchen with all the other adults. They were whispering heatedly and when they saw her they broke apart and smiled uneasily.

'Brittany-' She cut across whatever her dad was about to say and faced her mother.

'Why did you do that?'

'What?'

'_You didn't let me out of the car_.' Her mother looked a little guilty, and Brittany was glad.

'I was protecting you, Brittany.'

'You had no right.'

'I'm your mother. I have every right to protect you.' The haze started to turn red.

'I don't need you to protect me! I've been doing it without you for years! I don't need you to tell me what's safe!'

'Brittany.'

'You made me _leave_ her alone.' She anger was slipping from her and the desire to cry was very quickly replacing it. Her father reached for her arm and she batted it away. Everyone in the room was staring at her in shock and she swallowed hard. She was out of words to say and the about to cry feeling was getting stronger and stronger, so she stalked out of the kitchen and threw herself onto one of the chairs in the living room.

The TV was on, and the people on the screen were loud, but not so loud that she couldn't hear that they were arguing in the kitchen. She slid down further in the seat and tried to block them out.

'I didn't mean to hurt her. I just wanted to keep her safe.' Even though she was trying to keep her voice quiet she recognized her mother's voice. She glanced at the TV and blinked when a picture of her and Santana at the park popped up. She felt a jolt in her stomach when the serious-looking man on the screen mentioned their names.

_More reports have come in that one of the 'Crusoe girls' as they have been dubbed, were spotted in the city earlier today. _

The screen flickered and she was looking at shaky footage of Santana in what she had been wearing today. Brittany could see that her hands were trembling and she bit her lip to stop her hands from curling into fists. The man on screen was back.

_We have an expert in child psychology and development on call to tell us a little more about what we're seeing here._

'They can't keep going out like this.' Her father's low rumble was distracting, and she wished that someone would be quiet so she could concentrate.

'I know, but they can't handle the house. It's too cramped for them. I can see it.'

'I'm sorry. I really didn't think we would be here this long.'

'That's not what I meant, Maria.'

'At least no one got hit this time.' She could hear a slight smile in Santana's mom's voice.

…_.we can assume that they have both been severely affected by their lack of other human contact._

Santana was punching and picking at someone onscreen. It looked a lot worse than she remembered.

_At least one of them does not have the ability to communicate clearly, which calls in question their language development._

_Do you think it is possible for them to regain the ability to interact with society again?'_

_Certainly. I am sure that with the right expert care and attention it will be possible to at least partially rehabilitate them. I think it is a wonder that they are being allowed to wander free._

_Could we roll the footage from the park?_

Santana was kissing her by the lake and she stared. She didn't know that was what it looked like.

'…suggested that they could both probably use some help. He gave me the number of a therapist we can use.'

'Can we get them to come here?'

'They can't sit around and be trapped for the rest of their lives, Frank.'

'Just for now. Until we figure out what we are doing. We just need to get control of the situation.'

'Do we want to start thinking about getting them some sort of teacher?'

Teacher. She didn't like the sound of that.

_Do you have any thought about the very intimate behaviour that has been continually observed?_

_It's difficult to say. It may just be a reaction to the loneliness they must have felt only having each other for companionship for over twelve years. It may be more than that._

_And could you give us insight into the on-going debate that their relationship has caused?_

_Can you elaborate on that?_

_Some people are claiming that their relationship is proof that being gay is, in fact not a choice, while conservative media maintains that their unusual upbringing means that it can't be used as evidence either way._

_I can't really comment on that. We have to remember that we are talking about a pair of possibly traumatised and developmentally challenged children who are bound to be struggling_

She couldn't shut it out. She tried, but she couldn't stop the stream of information from flooding her brain. There was so much.

'Hey.' She opened her eyes and Louise was standing over her. 'You look like you're about to explode.'

'I don't think I am,' she muttered.

'Well, good.' She stretched and perched on the armrest farthest from Brittany. 'What's going on? There's some seriously bad vibes coming from the kitchen.' She shrugged. 'Do you want to talk about it?' Brittany didn't answer and Louise sighed.

'Listen, I have to go meet a friend across town. Do you want to come?'

'I don't think I should leave,' she muttered.

'It'll only be for a little while; I just have to pick something up. And I think we could use a break from this pressure cooker. Come on.' Louise was smiling at her, and it probably would feel good to leave just for a bit. And Santana's mom said she would be asleep until dinner…

'You'll bring me right back?'

'Of course. I thought you would have wanted to go out. Aren't some kind of nature child now?' She bit her lip.

'I don't think they're going to let me leave.' Louise smiled a slightly predatory smile.

'Just leave that to me.' She stalked off into the kitchen and came out a little while later, looking frazzled but triumphant.

'Let's go, Thelma. Never mind,' she added, as Brittany shot her a puzzled look.

Louise drove like she was fighting with the car, and Brittany kept a tight hold on the armrest as they swerved around corners and accelerated to catch up to green lights.

'I didn't think she'd let you take me.' Louise shot her an amused glance.

'Is that why you agreed to come?' She kept talking before Brittany could answer. 'We're going right to the edge of town. The press definitely aren't going to be there.'

'The press?'

'The people with cameras. That's what I call them when I'm in polite company.' Brittany smiled back tentatively. She had no idea what her sister was saying half the time, but she was _interesting_, and relaxed, so she tried to look like she knew what was happening.

'Let me tell you, it's no fun being walked to school with people running after you and asking what you think of your mom's fashion choices. I was just glad she wasn't wearing her Victoria's Secret wings.'

'She wore wings?'

'Only a couple of times. She stopped all the international travelling when you went missing. I think she was afraid the rest of us would run on a plane and disappear too. I couldn't go to a sleepover until I was _thirteen_.'

'Oh,' was all she could think to say.

'We're here,' Louise said, and she swerved them into a parking space. 'You'd better come in with me. I promised mom I wouldn't let you out of my sight.'

They got out of the car and walked into a squat, ugly building.

'I just need to give this back,' she said, pulling a small white triangle from her pocket, and they walked through a narrow dark hallway until she pushed a door open. A tall man looked up and smiled when he saw who it was.

'Hey, Lou. Who's that?'

'Brittany. My sister.'

'But... that's not…'

'Don't,' she warned, and he stopped talking. The room he was I was dark and musty, like the hallway, and almost every available space was filled with racks of colourful clothes that Brittany was reasonably sure was the cause of the smell. She reached out and touched a shirt with feathers sewn on it as Louise began to talk to the man.

'Don't go too far, Brittany,' Louise called, and she nodded absently before running her fingers up and across a rack and walking around the corner to pick up some fake books and swords that had been stashed at the back.

There was a door set flush against the wall and she dropped what she was holding so she could reach the handle. She pulled, and she had to blink because light from the other room flooded into the dark place she was standing in. She waited for her eyes to adjust and when she could see clearly she dropped the other book she was holding to stare.

The whole room had mirrors instead of walls and the floors were bare wood, and right in the middle there was a boy spinning and twirling in time to the music that was pumping through the room. The boy began to do flips and turns, faster, while still moving with the music, somehow, and it was the most beautiful and confusing thing she had ever seen in her life.

The music stopped and she realized that she had been inching forward into the room. She flinched as he turned and saw her.

'Sorry,' she blurted out. 'I was just…' The boy smiled. He was tall, and he had black spiky hair and black eyes.

'It's okay. I was done anyway. Are you here to meet someone?'

'No, I'm just here. What were you doing?'

'Just some contemporary dance. Do you dance?'

'No. I don't know how.'

'It's easy. See?' He stepped away and glided across the room, making quick steps and throwing in the occasional turn.

'How did you do that?' He shrugged.

'Just do it. Really,' he said when she looked at him sceptically. 'I bet you can. Just copy me.' He took off across the floor again. She took a deep breath, and as she did he felt her body grow lighter and lighter until she felt like she was floating on the tips of her toes.

_Just copy me_

The first step felt like magic.

* * *

><p><strong>Ahhh, now I need a nap :S <strong>


	12. Marzipan 2007

**Hello! Thank you so much for the reviews. I really appreciate them. **

**I'm pretty scared about this chapter.**

* * *

><p>The water in the freshwater pool was cooler than usual and Santana shivered as she ducked under the water and the cold chased goose bumps up her spine. She dove down deeper and tipped her face up and watched the sunrays split and dance through the layer of water. These were the best days; when they weren't hungry or cold or tired and she could spend a whole day doing whatever she wanted. A dark shape loomed above her and she only had a second to prepare herself before something solid slammed into her and pushed her deeper towards the bottom of the pool.<p>

She waited until the arms around her waist had loosened before she wriggled herself free and kicked her way to the surface. The first gasp of air felt like liquid energy after being underwater for so long, and she ducked back under to grab Brittany's arm and pull her to the surface.

'Silly,' she said, as soon as Brittany had caught her breath. 'What were you doing?' Brittany blinked.

'Hugging you,' she said, like it was obvious. 'It's more fun underwater. I can cuddle you tighter.' Santana cleared her throat. She wanted to say something about how that was dangerous and she couldn't really hold her breath for that long, but Brittany was smiling and starting to flick water at her so she gave in and dove down so Brittany could hug her again.

* * *

><p>Brittany said that she could still remember what it had been like, before, but all Santana could remember was the island, and Will, sometimes, if she let herself. She didn't know if it was because she just didn't have as much good stuff to remember as Brittany, but she preferred to let all of that float in the back of her head and concentrate on what was right in front of her now.<p>

Which was Brittany. Like always.

She realized that Brittany was talking to her and she snapped back to attention.

'You're not listening to me, are you?'

'Of course I am.' She tried a cheesy smile. 'Say it again. I promise I'm listening now.' Brittany rolled her eyes and started talking again, and Santana settled down to listen, but the sunlight was filtering through the trees and sending rays of light dancing off Brittany's hair. She looked like she was wearing a crown and Santana wondered what it would be like to touch the ends of her hair where it glowed brightest.

Brittany was looking at her expectantly, and she nodded to show she was listening.

They stayed by the pool until their hair was dry and Santana picked up the shirt she had been wearing before she decided to go swimming. Brittany stood up too, and Santana was struck again by how weird it was that she almost had to crane her neck to look her in the eye. It had happened suddenly, like that storm; one day they were almost exactly the same height and the next she was watching Brittany bound away on legs that seemed as long as her whole body. It made her feel short and small, walking next to a tall Brittany that moved like she was half flying.

'What do you want to do now? Brittany asked. She shrugged.

'I don't mind.'

'Let's go home, then.' Brittany picked up both their packs and slung them over her shoulder. She felt a sudden unreasonable flash of irritation and pulled one of the packs off Brittany's shoulder.

'I can do it,' she said quickly. It was bad enough that she felt smaller; she didn't want to have stuff done for her too. Brittany looked confused, but she shrugged and reached a hand out. Santana grasped it tightly in her own. At least this still felt the same.

It was still light when they made it back to the beach and Santana ducked her head to shield her face from the fierce wind that was blowing off the sea. She scanned the sky for any sign for any sign of clouds darkness and she let herself relax a little. Next to her Brittany was doing the same thing.

'I don't see anything.'

'Me neither.' Since the storm that had destroyed the house Will had built for them and most of their stuff every dark wisp of cloud and especially strong breeze had the both of them scouring for any sign of another storm. There hadn't been another one yet, but Santana didn't think she would ever stop looking.

They stood where they were until the breeze died down a little and she was sure it wasn't going to turn into anything else, and Brittany turned to her with a brilliant, relieved smile.

'Let's go in.' She nodded gratefully and they ducked inside. She didn't get burned as badly now, anymore, but she could still feel the sun start to prickle at her skin of they stayed out too long.

They had tried to make this house bigger than the last one had been, but it turned out there was only so much weight tree vines and branches could hold before they broke and they had to settle for just enough room for to sleep in comfortably and store some things at the other end. She ducked her head slightly so she could get in and straightened up, smirking as she watched Brittany crouch slightly to fit.

She turned away from her so that she could rifle through the things at the foot of the bed.

'What are you doing?' Brittany had moved to the centre of the room so that she could stand, and she was running a hand absently down the curved wall as she spoke. Santana held up the object she had been looking for and Brittany smiled and ducked back out, into the light.

Brittany was leaning against a tree trunk, waiting for her, and as soon as she was close enough Brittany slid down the trunk until she was sitting down and she pulled Santana down so she was sitting in between her legs. 'Come closer,' Brittany said, and Santana inched back until her back was resting against Brittany's chest. Brittany rested her chin on her shoulder comfortably and Santana decided that the height thing wasn't so bad.

'Ready?' Brittany asked. Santana nodded and she felt Brittany's arm slide around her waist. She opened the book at a random page and squinted at the smudged and faded letters on the page.

'How much can you get?' Brittany murmured into her shoulder. Not much. She had forgotten almost all of her letters except the ones that she knew were in her name and a few of the most interesting looking ones, and trying to string the letters she did know into a sentence made her eyes hurt.

'I don't know... I think it's something about hunting.'

'You have to give me a little more than that,' Brittany said. She hugged Santana tighter to her. She scanned the page and let the words she could make sense of jump out at her.

'Oh, yeah, I remember that part. That's when the dog decides he wants to run away and he lives by himself.'

'Then what happens?'

'He does really well and he meets another dog just like him and they become best friends.'

'I don't remember that happening, Britt.'

'No, it totally did. And he had lots of little dog friends. And bird friends.'

White Fang had washed up on the beach a couple of days after the storm with half the pages gone and most of the rest stuck together, and it was all she could do to pry open a random page, try to figure out what was on it and let Brittany fill in the gaps. Of course Brittany was convinced that the man who wrote the story had told it wrong and Santana was never sure she was telling what actually happened.

'Why is he hunting then?'

'Easy. He was hunting plants. To eat.' She turned her head to look at Brittany and she saw that she was smiling. She smiled back.

'Your story's silly.'

'You know you like it better.' And she did, kind of, because even though Brittany's stories didn't always make much sense they were full and complete, unlike the mess of pages she was holding now.

'San, put it down. I'm bored.' Brittany leaned forward to pluck the book out of her hands and her hair brushed against her shoulder. It was distracting and she shifted forward a little. She put the book down and tried to force the stiff pages together.

'You were telling me your story.'

'Yeah, that part was fun, but watching you read is boring.' She opened her mouth to point out that she wasn't exactly reading, but she nodded instead and the next thing she knew she was laying down in the sand and she was letting Brittany bury her legs in the sand.

'I don't know why I keep on letting you do this,' she grumbled as she felt the sand start to itch between her toes. She would be all ready to argue against whatever it was that Brittany wanted to do but the argumentative part of her brain that her mother had hated never seemed to show up around Brittany. It was probably because she didn't want to make Brittany upset since she wouldn't have anyone else to talk to if she did. That was probably it.

'Stop wriggling,' Brittany said, and she jumped up a bit when Brittany started to unbutton her shirt.

'What are you doing?'

'The shirt will make everything all bumpy. Lay down.' She did as she was told and Brittany poured sand over her legs until they were completely buried. Brittany scooped more sand up and emptied it onto her chest and stomach until her torso was covered with a light layer of sand.

'Brittany…'

'Stay right here.' And Brittany sprinted down the beach until she got to the water's edge. She came back with some seawater in half a coconut shell and set it down carefully by the side.

'You can't just use me like a piece of paper, Britt.'

'Sure I can,' Brittany said cheerily. Brittany wet her fingers and drew careful patterns onto the layer of sand on her chest and stomach, stopping every now and then to erase something or grin approvingly.

Brittany patted her down gently to make sure the sand was level and she flinched when Brittany's hands landed on her chest.

'Ow,' she muttered. Brittany took her hands away quickly.

'Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'You didn't. I'm just sore, or something. Maybe I fell.' She relaxed and Brittany ran her hands down her sides.

'Sorry.'

'It's okay.' She closed her eyes and when she opened them Brittany had disappeared. She sat up a little to see what Brittany had been doing and she stared at herself, dumbfounded. She was covered with lots of tiny designs that Brittany had somehow scored in the sand. There were curls and lines and shapes and the detail made her dizzy.

Brittany reappeared with an armful of flowers and she dumped them by her head.

'I'm making a garden,' she replied in response to Santana's raised eyebrow. 'Hold still.' Santana tried to keep still as Brittany carefully shredded the petals on the flowers and began to lay them on her.

'I don't know why I have to be involved,' she grumbled. The sand was starting to chafe.

'I didn't want you to be left out,' Brittany replied. 'And my garden will be prettier if it's on you.' She felt her face flare red (probably from the sun) and she was glad Brittany had turned away. She closed her eyes as Brittany worked and she didn't move again until she felt something skimming around her legs. She opened her eyes and saw that Brittany was running her hands up her legs. As she moved her hands up the sensation on her legs went from calming to ticklish to something that was a mixture of the two and made her want to squirm out of her skin. Whatever the feeling was made her throat dry and close and she had to clear it before she could speak.

'What are you doing?' Her voice came out low and husky and Brittany looked up in surprise.

'Just finishing up.' Brittany's hands were still travelling up her legs and her breath hitched. Even through the sand she could feel every single of of Brittany's fingers and it wasn't hard to imagine what they would feel like right on her skin. Another flush spread through her and the tips of her fingers tingled.

'San?' Brittany was looking at her and her forehead was creased in worry.

'I think I should get up… now. Are you done?'

'Yup.' Brittany dusted her hands off on her thighs. Santana looked down at herself and her mouth dropped open.

Her torso had transformed into an explosion of colour that followed the patterns Brittany had been drawing on her earlier. As she kept on looking she realized that they weren't random. She looked at Brittany

'You made the island.' Brittany grinned proudly and now that she knew what to look for there was the freshwater pool and the little bushes with the red berries that they didn't eat from. She had even found a way to add in the stream and the cliff on the other side of the island that sloped off into the ocean.

'How long was I asleep for?' Brittany only shrugged and offered her a hand to help her up. She hesitated, suddenly reluctant to get up and ruin it.

'You can't lie there forever, San. Making them is more fun, anyway.' She carefully pulled her to her feet, and Santana watched as the beautiful island turned into a pile of sand and dirty petals at her feet.

* * *

><p>She could remember <em>some<em> things from before. She could remember electricity and the milky sweetness of ice cream on her tongue and the sensation of chocolate melting in her mouth, but even the strongest memories she had were bleached and faded, like the time she looked right at the sun and the world looked like the colour had bled out of it for a while after.

She was happy here. She liked knowing where everything was and she liked knowing what they were going to do every day. She liked the feeling that the island was the whole world, their world, and she was going to get to have it all to herself forever. Brittany too, of course, because Santana suspected that she was the reason everything that happened before they met felt colourless and bland compared to the brightness of Brittany.

She knew she was happy. But even having Brittany as her best everything wasn't enough to make Santana forget that they hadn't just come from nothing. They both had families who looked like them and had their names. They used to have neighbours and other friends (or at least Brittany did) and relatives they had to remember to be nice to and people who they spent time with and people who they never talked to but who were there anyway, more people than she could picture now. She couldn't help but feel left out when she tried to imagine all those people walking around and bumping into each other and living their lives all jumbled together.

The nagging feeling of aloneness that she had never really thought about before was the only reason that she was up this early, trying to read by the weak light. Maybe if she could figure out what the man who wrote this was trying to say then it would be like he was talking to her from the place where everyone else was, and maybe it wouldn't be just the two of them anymore.

There was movement back inside and she shoved the book under the packs before Brittany saw it. She smiled as Brittany poked her head out.

'Hey, sleepy.' Brittany's eyes focused on her and she crawled out and sat next to Santana. Her eyes were barely open and she leaned her head on Santana's shoulder as soon as she was settled. Her hair was wild, random strands working their way loose of the braid she had put them in and blowing across her face.

Brittany didn't speak and the only sound was the waves hitting the beach and a few birds that had been left out of the morning chorus. They sat where they were until the sun had risen higher into the sky and the light had started to creep across the sand to where they were sitting.

'Let's get moving,' Santana said when her stomach had started to rumble and she was starting to get stiff from sitting still for so long.

They found something to eat and headed back to the freshwater pool because she could tell it was going to be one of the hot, sticky days that leached the energy right out of her.

The water was as deliciously cool as it had been the day before and she floated in the water as she waited for Brittany to get in with her. When she heard a splash and shriek right next to her she swam over to where Brittany was and she tugged on her braid gently.

'Catch me,' she said, and she struck out for the other side of the pool.

After they were both exhausted and panting she swam behind her and began to undo her hair. Brittany leaned her head backwards and Santana ran her fingers through her hair, gently combing out the snags and tangles until Brittany's hair floated around her head and brushed against her hands. Brittany was still panting slightly and Santana watched as her shoulders moved up and down in the water.

'What are you doing?' She realized that she had been staring and she snapped back to attention.

'Nothing. Sorry.' She ran her fingers through Brittany's hair again. The gold of her hair clashed dramatically against her darker skin. She wondered why she hadn't ever noticed it before.

'Are you done? My neck is starting to hurt.' Brittany's eyes flicked open and looked straight at her and she quickly disentangled herself.

'Yeah.'

'Hey, San.' Brittany was treading water right in front of her, close enough that she could touch her cheek if she wanted.

'What?' Brittany was staring intently at her and she felt her face grow hot again. She wished there was a way to turn that off. She reached forward and touched her chest, and Santana flinched away.

'Ow.' She looked down and her chest looked swollen and bumpy. Brittany reached forwards again and brushed her hand across her chest. She was gentle, so it didn't hurt, but Santana sucked in a breath anyway. Brittany attention was fixed on her chest and Santana watched a little wrinkle appear in the centre of her forehead. She felt exposed, suddenly, and vulnerable, and she pulled away. Brittany looked up. She looked surprised, like she hadn't realized what she had been doing, and Santana swam away, just out of arm's reach.

'I probably just hit myself on something. Like a tree. Or maybe I fell,' she said, when the silence had dragged on for a bit.

'It doesn't feel like you hit yourself. Here, let me see.' Brittany swam forward a little and she moved back quickly.

'No. leave it,' she said quickly.

* * *

><p>Over the next few weeks she decided that she had probably accidentally eaten some kind of poison.<p>

The swelling didn't go down; it stayed exactly where it was and if anything it got worse. She took to wearing shirts all the time to hide her chest from Brittany and stop her from worrying. She tried not to think about the fact that the last time anything had swelled up for this long was when Brittany cut her foot on something under the water and the wound had stopped her from walking without crying for a few days after. She was sure that if she just left it alone it would fix itself like all of the other injuries they had gotten since they got to the island.

'Santana.' Brittany was watching her worriedly and when she reached a hand out to touch her face Santana pushed her hand away.

'What?' Her voice came out as close as it could to snapping at Brittany and Brittany pulled back like she had been burned.

'I just wanted to know what you wanted to do today?' She sighed. Brittany was looking at her with a weird mix of concern and hurt and she fixed her gaze on a pretty flower right over Brittany's shoulder so she didn't have to look at her. 'Because I know what I want to do.'

'What?'

'I want to go to the plane.' She weighed her options. She didn't really want to walk all that way, but Brittany was looking at her expectantly and she had in the end she just sighed and nodded. Brittany grinned and got up, and Santana got to her feet.

'Are you ready?' Brittany was bouncing on the balls on her feet and with excitement but Santana could hear the wariness right underneath her tone. It was her fault, she knew, because she had been snapping at Brittany for weeks now. She didn't have any idea where it came from and she didn't know how to make it stop.

Brittany reached for her hand automatically and she hesitated before she took it. Lately Brittany touching her made her feel on edge. She had no idea what had changed or where it came from and most of the time she wound up saying something mean to make Brittany back away. Hurting her made Santana feel incredibly guilty, but the guilt was almost better than feeling everything go fuzzy like she was suddenly underwater.

She hoped it would stop soon, because one more sad look from Brittany and she was going to end up breaking and telling her everything, even if she had no idea how she was going to explain it.

The plane was always farther away than she expected it to be and by the time they got there it was they had to stop to rest. The plane had become completely since it had crashed on the beach. It had changed from the giant gleaming thing that she remembered from when she was little into a shapeless, flaky mess that looked more like a giant had picked the plane up and crushed it. The storm that had destroyed their first house had also rolled the plane farther down the beach than it had been in the beginning. As they got nearer she had to suppress a shiver because she could hear a stern and bearded Will telling her not to go near the plane, _never go near the plane Santana you will get hurt._

Brittany was tall enough that she had to crouch to fit under the wings and crawl through the hole that led to the inside, and Santana followed her in. The inside was musty and thick smelling, and most of the things that had been inside had been washed out or taken apart by Will. It looked like a cave. She touched one of the few seats that Will hadn't ripped apart and traced a dark stain that spread all the way across the seat.

'Don't touch that,' Brittany called out, and she pulled away. All of a sudden she realized the thing that was missing from here. She couldn't believe she had forgotten.

'Where did they go?' It was a small space and her voice bounced around. It made her jump a little.

'He must have taken them out,' Brittany said. She was facing away from Santana, tracing another bloodstain on the opposite chair.

'Where do you think he put them?' Brittany shrugged. Santana wondered if they looked like Will. She wondered if their bones looked as cracked and broken as his did after they had left him for all that time.

'Do you think we should have put him somewhere too?' Her voice bounced around the cabin and whispered past her and she fought the urge to look over her shoulder.

'We couldn't have,' Brittany answered, and she crawled out. Santana followed her and just as she got to the edge she tripped and crashed into Brittany, sending them both face first into the sand.

'Sorry,' she panted as she sat up. Brittany was spitting sand out of her mouth and coughing, and just for a second she was the five year old with the horrible red-stained teeth and the blue-blue eyes on the sand next to her. Brittany stopped coughing and looked up.

'It's okay.' Brittany said. 'It was an accident.' She got to her feet, and even though she seemed taller than the trees and she didn't really look anything like when she was five she was Brittany, her Brittany who was more familiar than anything else and the sun that stopped her from being able to see anything else and why had she been treating her so badly?

'No, I'm sorry,' she said again. Brittany's eyes flashed as she understood what she was trying to say.

'It's okay,' Brittany said easily, and Santana stood up.

'Really? That's it?' Brittany looked at her quizzically.

'What else do I have to say?'

'I was mean.'

'Yeah.'

'For a really long time. You can be angry with me if you want.' Brittany laughed.

'I don't want to be angry with you. I love you.'

'I love you too.' Brittany must have seen how much she meant it because she pulled her into a hug. She stiffened at first because it felt like falling, but she eventually closed her eyes and hugged her back. The falling feeling wasn't so bad, she discovered. Not when she just let it happen. She moved her head so that her lips were right next to Brittany's neck and she placed a soft kiss where her neck met her shoulder.

* * *

><p>'Britt.'<p>

'Yeah?'

'What's that?' Brittany looked down and blushed.

'Hey, come here.' Brittany had ducked under the spray of water so she was behind the waterfall, but Santana could still see her outlined against the rock.

'I know you're there,' she said, but Brittany didn't move. She sighed and ducked under the spray. 'Let me see,' she said, and she waited patiently until Brittany moved her hands.

'Does it hurt?' Brittany shrugged.

'A little.' When they had got to the pool Brittany had ripped her clothes off as quickly as she could, impatient to get in the water and Santana had gotten a glimpse of her as she jumped in.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Now that she thought about it she realized that she hadn't seen Brittany without clothes in a while. Brittany shrugged again and Santana's eyes drifted to the little buds on her chest. They looked soft.

'San?' Brittany looked nervous and a little upset and she snapped her eyes up quickly.

'Sorry.' Can I? She meant to ask, but her hands moved forward and brushed past one of the peaks on her chest. They yielded under her fingertips and she did it again.

'San.' Brittany said again. She looked scared. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you.'

'Hey, it's okay,' she said, but Brittany still looked like she was about to cry, so she grasped the corners of her shirt and pulled it up and off her body.

'It's not just you,' she said, and she let out a shaky breath.

'I thought I was sick,' Brittany said, and her voice wobbled.

'Well if you are, I am too,' Santana said, and she smiled because it felt good not to be the only one.

* * *

><p>They weren't sick though, she decided, because it had been at least a few months and they both felt fine.<p>

'I don't think we're sick, San.' Santana didn't bother asking Brittany how she knew what she was thinking and she rolled over so they were face to face.

'I thought you were asleep.' It was dark, so Santana couldn't see Brittany's face, but a little moonlight filtered through the slats and made her eyes shine in the dark.

'My sister stopped taking a bath with me when she turned twelve and when I asked my mom she said she was just getting shy.'

'Shy about what?'

'My mom said she was getting boobs and I shouldn't tease her about it because she'd get really angry.'

'Britt, I don't think that's what this is.'

'Why not?' She thought about her mother, and Emma, and that one time her mother had hugged her when she had fallen off something.

'They're different, aren't they? They're like... I don't know, like pillows.'

'Maybe we'll get pillows later,' Brittany said, and she giggled. 'I think we would have been sick by now if we were going to be.'

'Maybe,' Santana allowed. 'But I don't understand why we'd get boobs. They don't do _anything_.'

'Mm. Go to sleep. I can't relax when I can feel your brain working. It's making my brain hurt too.' She buried her head into Santana's neck and Santana tried not to shiver when she felt Brittany's breath skating across her neck.

* * *

><p>She felt it before she saw it, and when she checked to make sure that she hadn't accidentally peed herself she nearly fell over in shock.<p>

'San?' She quickly wiped her red-stained fingers on the sand behind her and she straightened up. Brittany dropped out of the tree she had been scaling and wiped her hands on her thighs. 'I was waiting for you. Come on.' She forced a smile.

'I'm right behind you,' she said, and she rubbed her finger on the sand until the skin felt raw.

* * *

><p>It didn't come back and she tried to forget about it completely but her stomach lurched whenever she thought about the stain on her fingers and in her pants and maybe something was really wrong and she didn't want to tell Brittany and make her worry because it couldn't be something really wrong, could it?<p>

She could feel the worry gnawing at her at the back of her mind all day and she barely noticed the line in Brittany's forehead that grew deeper with every day she pulled herself away.

'Why won't you let me hug you?' Brittany asked. Santana was lying on her stomach in the sand and she looked up when Brittany spoke.

'What do you mean? You hug me all the time.'

'Yeah, but...' she didn't know how to say what was wrong, so she leaned down and put her arms around Santana and held her tight. Santana hugged back, but she felt stiff and uncomfortable and Brittany let go.

'You see, I'm fine,' Santana said, and Brittany watched the lie slip out of Santana's mouth and flash silver in the sun.

* * *

><p>Santana was woken up by Brittany shaking her shoulder and she rolled over and sat up.<p>

'Brittany, what?' But some of her irritation melted away when she saw Brittany's face. She stroked a hand on Santana's inner thigh.

'Why are you bleeding?' She asked. She was examining the drop of scarlet on the end of her finger with an almost detached curiosity but her other hand was digging into Santana's leg. Her vision went blurry and when she opened her mouth to say something –she didn't know what- a sob came out instead and the next thing she knew she was crying harder than she had in a while. She could feel Brittany wrapping her arms around her and pulling her closer but she couldn't stop the tears from clawing their way up and out of her throat. Brittany turned her around a little so she could see her face and she tried to catch her breath when she saw that Brittany was trying not to cry.

'I'm sorry,' she said, because she didn't know what else to say and she didn't think she would be able to stop crying if Brittany did too.

'What happened?' Brittany asked, and she had to hold back another sob when she looked down and she saw the streaks of red on her blanket she was sitting on. It was too much; she thought it was all done when it didn't come back that other time, and on top of that there was a low ache in her stomach that made her want to curl up and go back to sleep. She tried to squirm out of Brittany's grip but she held her tight.

'Why are you sorry? Santana, look at me.' Brittany's voice was so gentle Santana forced her eyes up. Brittany rubbed her finger along the tear tracks on Santana's face and she leaned her face into her hand automatically. 'Do you want to lie back down?' She nodded and Brittany gently pushed down on her shoulders and lay down next to her. She definitely didn't mind the height thing, she decided, as Brittany easily tucked her under her shoulder.

'It happened before... a really long time ago, and I think it went away...'

'Are you hurt? Let me see.' Santana clamped her arms around Brittany's waist and shook her head.

'No, no you don't have to.' She had looked before and there wasn't anything, but it wasn't that. For some reason the idea of having Brittany take her clothes off and look at her made her stomach lurch.

'But it's happened before? And you were okay?' She muttered a yes into Brittany's collarbone and she felt fingers run across her scalp.

'Then maybe you'll be okay this time.' She tried to say yes, but the sinking feeling that something wasn't right and something terrible would happen was weighing in her throat. 'Santana. You'll be okay, right?' For the first time she realized that Brittany was holding her so tight she was having trouble breathing.

'Yes, 'she croaked out, because her ribs were starting to hurt.

'Okay then,' Brittany said, and she kissed across Santana's cheekbones. 'You stay here and I'll just take care of you until you're better.'

* * *

><p>Brittany stuck close to her the next few days, fussing over her and not really letting her move around too much. It was nice at first, but after the third day the house started to feel cramped and stuffy.<p>

'I just want to go for a walk, Britt.' Brittany was fluttering next to her as she walked determinedly towards the forest.

'Maybe that's not such a good idea.' Brittany was wringing her hands and she held one to make her stop.

'Brittany. I feel fine. I'm not going to sit in there and do nothing for another day.' She strode off and Brittany had no choice but to follow her.

She chose one of the shallow coves and waded in until the water was waist deep. The water had kept the heat from the sun and she closed her eyes as the warmth relaxed her muscles. Brittany splashed in behind her and she smiled.

'Come on,' Brittany said, and she was being pulled backwards. Brittany settled her back against the smooth rocks that ringed the cove and she pulled Santana into her lap. This was getting ridiculous, Brittany shouldn't be able to lift her and cuddle her like a child but she could only sink deeper into her arms when she tried to get up. Her legs floated in the water in front of them and she could feel Brittany tracing circles in her back with her fingertips.

'I'm so glad you're okay,' Brittany said, and Santana twisted so she could see her face. Brittany's face was pinched and tight and she was biting her lip again.

'Of course I'm okay,' she said, but Brittany knew very well how scared Santana had been and she brushed the comment aside. 'I wouldn't leave you,' she added, because she knew that Brittany would believe that more. She felt gentle fingertips run up and down her neck and she shivered.

She ran a hand down Brittany's jaw and watched as her eyes fluttered and darkened. She looked so beautiful that she wrapped her fingers around her neck and kissed her gently on the cheek. It was so smooth and soft that she kissed the other one and when she straightened Brittany was looking at her, wide eyed and flushed.

'What was that for?'

'I was thanking you. For taking care of me.' She leaned forward and placed an even softer kiss on her forehead. Brittany didn't move and she let her lips skate down to her temple. She could feel a pulse beating against her lips and she was suddenly faintly aware of Brittany's mouth hot against her neck.

She lifted her other hand up to rest on her shoulder and she marvelled at how delicate Brittany seemed like this, quiet and still, watching her like she had never seen her before in her life.

'Are you okay?' She asked, because Brittany was being uncharacteristically quiet and she was starting to worry that something was wrong.

'Yes,' Brittany said, and her voice sounded like she had forgotten how to use it. 'Do that again.'

'What?'

'Kiss my face.'

She leaned forward and pressed another kiss just behind Brittany's ear. She could taste salt from the sea and a little bit of sand and under all of that there was a taste that made her dizzy.

'Like that?' Brittany looked like she had been hit on the head and Santana had to stifle a giggle. She wondered if this was what she like when Brittany touched her. Brittany's bottom lip was red from all the biting and she kissed it. Brittany's lips were warm and soft and dry, and she pressed in because her body had started to thrum when she had kissed her the first time and the sensation of Brittany's soft mouth yielding under hers was sending heady warmth from her mouth straight to the base of her spine.

Brittany's mouth started to slide against hers and she had to pull back because she was afraid she would fall off her lap if they kept on going.

Brittany was still looking at her like she had never met her before, but now it was more like _why didn't I know you already_, and it was so open and loving – she thought it was love but she had never seen it quite like this before- that she blushed and tried to slip off her lap.

'No, stay.' Brittany held her tight against her and pressed her face against her cheek.

'Did you like it?' She didn't know why she was whispering except she felt if she moved too quickly or spoke too loudly whatever this was would disappear. Brittany laughed softly and nuzzled into Santana's neck.

'So much. Can I kiss you back?'

'Yes,' she breathed out.


	13. Some Assembly Required 2011

**I'm sorry, I know this took forever, but RL keeps on making me give it attention. Thank you so much to everyone that left a review on the last chapter.**

* * *

><p>The temperature had dipped unexpectedly after the sun had set and she headed upstairs to find something warmer to wear. There was a dark yellow sweater crumpled at the foot of the bed and she grunted in annoyance when it got stuck around her head.<p>

'Do you need help?' She yanked the sweater down hard and pivoted in the direction of the voice. Her mother stood framed in the doorway, hands clasped.

'I'm fine,' she said. She waited for her mother to stand aside before she brushed by her and headed back downstairs.

She blinked. She couldn't have heard that right.

'We think it would be a good idea for you to keep busy.' The dining table was cool and smooth between her fingers and she let her hand slide across the surface.

'Santana, look at me.' She lifted her head to see her mother looking right at her, her lips pursed.

'So you got us some kind of teacher?'

'Tutor. Yes.' She tried not to scowl when she saw that Brittany's parents' face looked just like her mother's.

'So we just like, have to do it? Because you want us to?' Her mother shot her a sympathetic glance and she did scowl. She liked it better when her mom wasn't trying to be nice.

'If you don't like him, we can find you another one. But we talked it over-'

'Without us,' she muttered

'-and we think it's a good idea.' She looked over at Brittany for help, but she only gave her a tiny shrug. She sighed.

'So what kind of stuff do we have to do?' She tried to keep her voice steady and interested, but she couldn't help wondering what sort of stuff they thought was important.

'We'll how the first session goes,' Brittany's mom said after a little pause. Santana waited until only she and Brittany were left at the table before swivelling round to face her.

'Can you believe that?' Brittany only shrugged again and took her hand smoothing it on the table.

'Yes.' Santana frowned and Brittany smiled. 'I don't think it'll be that bad.'

'I don't think it'll be bad, exactly,' Santana said. 'It's just, I don't like people telling me what to do.'

'You don't mind it when I do it,' Brittany said.

'Yes, but you're... different.' She paused as Brittany's fingers skittered over her elbow.

'Why?'

'You just are.' Brittany kissed her cheek.

* * *

><p>The man they were supposed to call Greg was skinny and twitchy and the first thing he did was pull out a bunch of papers and books out of a battered leather bag he carried and spread them out on the table.<p>

'We'll start out slow.' He opened a thin, brightly coloured book and pointed to a picture of a cat. 'Can you tell me what that is?'

'I know what that is.'

'It's a cat,' Brittany volunteered, when Santana didn't say anything else. He nodded and turned to another page in the book.

'And this?'

She listened as Brittany and Greg made their way through the book, getting progressively more bored as they went through it. Most of the answers were pretty obvious anyway (Not all. What was an armadillo, anyway?)

'Look,' she said after Brittany had successfully identified a fish, 'we're not babies, okay? Don't treat us like we are.'

'Okay,' he said smoothly. 'What do you want to do instead?'

'I don't know. Just, if I have to be here I want to do something new.'

It turned out that the 'something new' turned out to be a large sheet of paper with the alphabet written out on it and by the time Greg packed up and said it was time for him to leave her eyes had gone fuzzy and she wanted a nap.

'So how was it?' Brittany's mom had been standing in the kitchen peeking in on them and pretending to be busy (Santana was pretty sure she had been cutting the same carrot the whole time).

'It was fine,' she said, because Brittany was quiet. There was a slightly awkward pause.

'Well, your dad's supposed to be making dinner. Why don't you go and get him?' she said to Brittany, who hopped up and headed up the stairs. Santana watched her rainbow coloured dress whip out of sight.

'So, did it go okay?'

'You should know. You were watching us the whole time.' Nora gave an almost guilty shrug.

'I was. I just wanted to know what you thought.'

_Shouldn't you be asking Brittany _was floating on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed it down.

'It was fine.'

'So you had a good time?'

'Not really. But I didn't like, hate it or anything.'

'Why don't celebrate you 'not hating it or anything' with a cup of hot chocolate?' She was up and away before Santana could figure out whether she was being made fun of or not. She got up and followed her into the kitchen.

* * *

><p>There was Brittany with a silly hat on, and Brittany with a tooth missing, and she was leaning over to inspect a picture that looked like Brittany was having her legs chewed off by a dog when the other person in the room coughed and she gritted her teeth. She peered out of the corner of her eye at her mother, who was sitting in a chair in the corner and playing with something in her hands.<p>

'She was a pretty cute kid,' she said, gesturing at the photos. Santana shrugged.

'You were cuter, though,' her mother continued, and she shrugged again. She wondered if their house had pictures of her all over the walls.

'When will Brittany be back?' She realized that she hadn't spoken yet and stopped herself from shrugging again.

'I don't know. She said soon.' Brittany had asked her over and over to come with her but she had said no, and she stood on the front step and watched her wave goodbye. 'Brittany seemed happy about the class,' her mother said, and she nodded gloomily.

'It's good, though,' she said out loud, because it was. It was good to not have to worry that Brittany wasn't happy. Because she was. Clearly.

'If you want, I can borrow the car off Frank and we can go for a drive. You must be feeling pretty cooped up.'

'Where?'

'It doesn't really matter. We could just look around a little. I haven't been in this area for a while.'

Her mother was the only other person in the house who wasn't really supposed to be here either. She knew she should probably make more of an effort to spend time with her.

'Did you have pictures of me, in our old house? I don't think you did,' she said, and she walked out of the room. It didn't feel nearly as satisfying as it had a couple of nights ago and she sped up to stop herself from turning and going back.

* * *

><p>'It was amazing, San.' Santana watched from the bed as Brittany hopped around trying to get her shoes off her feet. She had come back from the class with her mother hours ago but she had refused to change out of the clothes her mom had bought her until they had to go to bed.<p>

'Yeah, you said.' Brittany looked precious in her gold sparkly top and stretchy purple leggings.

'And everyone is so nice.'

'Everyone? How many people were there?'

'Well, not that many people. Mom said that it's probably not a good idea to have lots of people in the class so she asked Mike just to teach me. And he's so good.' Brittany sat down next to her on the bed. 'I wish you would come and see me.' She smiled noncommittally and played with the hem of Brittany's top.

'I can see you now.'

'That's not what I mean.'

'I know.' Her fingers moved up from Brittany's hem to the side of her neck. 'Can we talk about it later?' She placed a tiny kiss on Brittany's cheek.

'Later when?' She shrugged, and glanced out of the window.

'Britt, I have an idea.'

'What?'

'Just grab the blanket, will you?' Brittany quirked an eyebrow, but did as she was asked and lifted one of the covers off the bed. She reached out and intertwined their fingers, opened the doorway and crept into the hall.

Everyone was asleep, just like she hoped, and they crept down the stairs.

'What-' She raised a finger to her lips and led her to the back door that led to the yard.

The grass was cool and slightly wet, and she curled her toes in the soil as she took the blanket from Brittany and spread it out. She crawled to the centre of the blanket and lay down. Brittany lay down next to her.

'What are we doing here?' The air was cooler and clearer here, and she took a deep breath in. 'San?'

'Sorry. I was feeling a little squished,' she gestured at the house.

'This is nice,' Brittany agreed. The wind skimmed across her skin, chilling her, and she picked up one edge of the blanket and wrapped herself up in it. Brittany did the same thing with the other end of the blanket and snuggled close.

It was still cold and the blanket wasn't quite long enough to cover her toes but Santana felt her muscles relax, like she was melting into the ground. The stars twinkled above her and she craned her neck to get a better look.

'What are you doing?' Brittany asked.

'Looking at the stars.'

'Oh, yeah.' Brittany raised her hand and pointed. 'Look, there's the Dancing Dog.' She twisted around to what Brittany was pointing at and shook her head.

'I can't see it.' Brittany frowned.

'You can never see it. Look-' Santana let her pick her hand up and point it at all the fantastic shapes Brittany had always been able to see.

'And if you join those two together then there's the angry starfish, do you see?' She nodded lazily into Brittany's shoulder.

'I like looking at the stars,' Brittany said. She had pulled the hand she was holding across her body and tucked it under her waist.

'Hmm. Do you remember the time we had a sleepover in the trees?' Santana chuckled.

'Britt, I told you only birds can sleep in trees.'

'Yeah, well, it was fun.'

'Until I rolled off the branch and you had to carry me home.'

'That was horrible.'

'It was a good thing the ground was so soft.'

'You told me it was hard as rock. I had to do all the heavy lifting for days because you said you were too weak to move.' Brittany pulled her face into a fake pout. 'Were you lying to me, all this time?'

'I'm sorry,' she murmured, and she pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Brittany hummed in appreciation and pulled back.

'I'm not really mad, you know.'

'Yeah, I do,' she assured her, and she cuddled close and let the darkness settle over them. Brittany was quiet for so long that Santana was sure she had fallen asleep and just before she felt herself drop off Brittany spoke again.

'This was a good idea.' She pulled Brittany closer and buried her face in her hair. It _had_ been a good idea, not just because the house was stifling but being out in the open was just like before, like home, and there was the sweet familiarity of just her and Brittany alone, with space to themselves. Only that home was gone forever and this one wasn't really hers and she felt unstable, unbalanced, like she was leaping between two stones in a stream and she hadn't quite landed safely yet.

She woke up the next morning to a cramp in her neck and dew dotted against the edge of the blanket and she almost cried because she had slept through a whole night for the first time in weeks.

* * *

><p>She gave up on trying to hate the whole teacher thing after the fourth (or maybe fifth) time Greg came around. It was too hard to keep up along with all the other stuff she had to remember to do (and not do). She didn't over think it, like Brittany did; instead she kept it to not getting anyone upset (she wasn't going to go near Brittany's sister's closet again) and trying to not be awkward when everyone was gathered in one of the big rooms. The last part was harder than she thought it would be, because Brittany had a way of effortlessly blending in and getting everyone to be comfortable with her, whereas she felt tongue tied and shy if anyone so much as looked her way. It was tempting to blame it all on the fact that this wasn't really her family, but she knew that Brittany would probably be just as comfortable if their situations were reversed.<p>

Which meant it must be her. She was the one who couldn't figure out how to act like a normal person.

'Let me see your papers.' She looked up to see Greg staring at her expectantly. She flipped the paper she had been writing on and slid it over. 'Not bad,' he said, and she scowled. 'You missed a few lines here, see?' He pulled out a fresh piece of paper and pushed it back at her, staring unblinkingly until she picked up one of the weirdly large pencils her brought with him.

Greg didn't seem to care whether she agreed it was a good morning when she saw him or if she waved goodbye when he left, and it was only when she had spent a few days with him trying to reintroduce the alphabet and explaining how clocks worked that she realized how much more relaxed she was when she didn't feel like she was messing up some hidden rule.

'What are you doing, Brittany?' Santana peeked across the table to see that Brittany had filled her paper with spirals and what looked like some kind of hat. He sighed.

'What are you doing?'

'I thought it would make sense if I just drew, what I wanted, instead of writing it down.'

'That's an interesting idea, but do you think you can try to copy this out for me?' Brittany fixed him with a look that Santana hadn't seen in years, since Will had tried to teach them.

Santana waited until Greg had left and Brittany was heading back downstairs to talk to her.

'What were you doing?'

'What?'

'You can't just pretend you don't understand what he's saying.'

'How do you know I'm pretending?' The question brought her up short and she blinked.

'Britt...'

'I understand what he's _saying_, okay? I just...' she waved her hands around hopelessly. 'I don't get it like you do. I never _did_.'

She wanted to say that it didn't matter, like she used to all the time on the island, but it hadn't taken her long to notice that this world basically ran on text and she wasn't going to get far if she couldn't figure this kind of stuff out. Brittany had noticed too of course, because she wasn't dumb.

'It's just _hard_, San, okay?'

She nodded mutely and didn't follow Brittany when she walked into their room and closed the door.

* * *

><p>Santana sat in the corner of the studio with Brittany's mother and flinched as the stereo on the corner blasted out horrible music. Brittany had disappeared round a corner as soon as they had walked in and she had stood in the doorway until Brittany's mom led her over to a hard bench against the wall.<p>

'So, you just sit here, the whole time?'

'It gets more interesting than this.' A boy walked out of the door that Brittany had disappeared behind and smiled and walked over when he saw them.

'Hi.' Nora waved and he grinned. He looked nice. 'I'm Mike.' She nodded in acknowledgement and it was only when Nora nudged her gently in the ribs that she blushed and gave her own name.

'Santana. That's cool Hey, we're just about to start, if you want to join in.' She shook her head quickly and he backed off, walking over to the sound system and turning the music up higher. She winced as the sound slammed into her ears.

Brittany came out and waved cheerily at Mike. She felt the corners of her lips lift up instinctively because Brittany was wearing some kind of splotchy purple and white top that tied off right above her belly button, and the same sparkly leggings she had been wearing a few days ago. She looked beautiful, and she smiled wider when Brittany caught her eye.

The music was so loud that she could feel on the tip of her nose and she watched as Brittany and the boy started to move to the beat that she could feel thumping in her chest. Mike watched her for a second before he joined in, his body twisting in time with hers. Brittany's face was smooth and relaxed, and she copied Mike's movements with liquid ease. They danced until Brittany misstepped and bumped into Mike and he laughed and stopped dancing too.

He laughed and laid a hand on Brittany's shoulder, and Santana's chest tightened.

When the class ended she walked up to Brittany and grabbed her hand. Mike walked out of the door and Brittany gave him a shy wave.

'That was amazing,' Brittany ducked her head and smiled.

'Mike and I have been working on it for a really long time. I 'm not as good as him though.'

'You completely are. I couldn't take my eyes off you,' she said, and Brittany's eyes lit up.

* * *

><p>She tagged along to two more sessions in the next week and each time the tight feeling in her chest got worse. She started to try to talk to Brittany's mom to distract herself.<p>

'Why is he allowed to teach her?' Nora put down the thing she was always playing with.

'He teaches here after school for extra money, and Brittany asked for him.'

'School?'

'Yes, he goes to the local high school.'

'How old is he?' Nora stared at him thoughtfully for a second while he rearranged Brittany's arms into some dance position.

'He looks about seventeen, eighteen.' So he was their age, and he went to school and taught people how to dance. That was two more things than she could do.

'We're not in school.'

'No, honey. Do you want to be in school?'

'No,' she said quickly. She couldn't even start to imagine what that would be like; it was just interesting to think about what other seventeen year olds were doing. The idea of a Santana and Brittany that could drive themselves around and teach other people things was uncomfortable, and she changed the subject.

'Have you seen my mom?' Nora's mouth tightened the same way that Brittany's did when she was upset but before she could take it back Nora sighed.

'She just went to visit her sister for a little bit. She'll be back tomorrow.'

'Oh,' Santana said. It wasn't that she needed her to be there, she had just gotten used to the idea that she had someone of her own, even if she was just there to be ignored.

'It's hard,' Nora said, and Santana thought about how weird it was to see Brittany's eyes copied into this older stranger's face. Her mouth stayed tense and Santana wondered who she was angry with.

Mike was showing Brittany how to stretch her leg out behind her and she watched his large hands circle her calf and keep it steady in position.

* * *

><p>'I don't like Mike,' Santana said. She rubbed the soap into Brittany's back and tugged on her arm to turn her back around.<p>

'Why?' Brittany's face puckered in confusion and she rubbed her hand against her eyes to get the water out. Santana shrugged. 'I don't know.'

Brittany's mom had made her go take a shower after class and Santana had trailed after her because she wanted to talk.

'I like him,' Brittany said.

'I know,' she bit out, because Brittany had made it very clear that she liked Mike and every time she talked about him it got a little harder to breathe. Brittany tilted her head.

'Don't you want me to like him?' She shrugged helplessly. 'He's my friend.' Her throat closed up and she struggled keep her voice steady.

'I'm your friend,' she said, and the pain in her chest got worse. She tried to exhale and wound up letting out a tiny sob instead. Brittany's eyes widened.

'Tana, what-' She was cut off as Santana wrapped her arms around her and pressed her face into her hair. Brittany's arms wound around her and Santana felt her long fingers stroking her spine. 'Santana,' Brittany said, and the faint amusement in her voice was gone. She pressed closer into Brittany's body and relaxed a little at the sensation of her warm, slick body against hers. 'You're my best friend. You know that.' Santana didn't move and Brittany lifted one hand to the back of her neck, cradling her head against her chest. 'You're my _best friend_.'

I took Brittany a little more time to coax her away from her shoulder, and by the time they turned the water off to climb out of the shower Santana's tears had dried.

'How are you?' Brittany asked. She nodded instead of answering properly because it was easier to lie when she wasn't speaking. She wasn't sad, not anymore, but she was sick of feeling weak, of feeling like she needed Brittany to take care of her.

Brittany was still in her towel tying to choose a shirt when she crept up behind her and kissed her neck. She used one hand to pull the towel away and circled her arm around Brittany's ribs.

Come on,' she said, and she pulled Brittany onto the bed. She climbed on top of her and attacked her neck, kissing and sucking until Brittany gasped.

'What-'

Afterwards, when Brittany was laying under her exhausted and trying to catch her breath she rolled off her and stared at the ceiling.

'Santana.' She looked over to see Brittany, still flushed, looking at her intently. 'If you have something to say me you should do that.'

'I didn't-' the lie stuck in her throat and she swallowed.

'Just tell me instead.' When Santana swallowed and didn't say anything Brittany sighed, pulled them both off the bed and threw Santana a shirt.

* * *

><p>The car was cool and dark, and Santana shivered as the cool air brushed by her skin. She jumped as the door near the driver's seat opened and slammed shut. Her mother handed her a brown paper bag.<p>

'It looks like we're early.' She dug through the bag and pulled a sandwich out.

'This isn't the place we went to the last time.'

'No, I thought it would be a good idea to find someone who works in a quieter part of town.' They had parked near the back of the building and Maria still kept the tinted windows up, just in case.

'Since we have a little time I thought maybe we could spend some time together.' She picked at her sandwich.

'Okay.' It wasn't like she had a choice, because she wasn't going to leave the car alone anyway. She wondered how deliberate coming early had been.

'I don't really know what to do with you,' her mother confessed. 'You're so _stubborn_. I can't really blame you for that, since you get it from me.'

'I don't know what you want me to do.' She concentrated on peeling a thin strip of cheese from the sandwich.

'Tell me how you are.' She stopped he automatic _fine_ that was on her lips because she wasn't. She picked through the thousands of things she didn't understand and picked the one she had been thinking about the most.

'Where's my dad?' Her mother stopped short at the question.

'He'll be back soon. It's only that we don't want to put too much pressure on the Pierces. It's a lot of work, having us all there. He promised he would come and visit tomorrow. Would you like that?'

'I guess.' The continued absence of her father made her antsy, unstable, not because she missed him but because that was one less person she had to take care of her.

'If we moved closer home, we would be able to see him more. If we moved home.' She shook her head quickly and looked away from the hurt look on her mother's face.

'Thank you,' she said, and she felt as surprised as her mom looked. 'For driving me, and taking me to lunch, and stuff.' Her mom leaned closer and carefully put her arms around her and she fought down the automatic urge to lunge away.

When she didn't pull away he mom tightened her hold and she let herself relax into the embrace. She didn't want Brittany to have to take care of her all the time, but maybe it would be okay if she let someone else do it a little.

* * *

><p>'Feel free to sit wherever you feel comfortable.' She looked around the room and chose a soft-looking armchair near the window. The doctor settled down into an identical chair a few feet away.<p>

'So, Santana, we're here to talk about whatever you want to.' She pulled her feet off the floor and tucked them underneath her.

'What if I don't want to talk about anything?'

'That's okay too. But you can tell me whatever you want to and I won't tell anyone. Not even your mom.'

'Not even Brittany?' The doctor quirked an eyebrow but shook her head.

'No, not even her. Is there anything in particular you don't want to tell her?'

'No.'

'But she's important to you. You seem to rank her above you mother,' the doctor added when Santana stayed silent.

'Yeah, she's important to me. I love her.'

'And she loves you?'

'Yes.'

'Tell me about her.' The doctor put down the notepad she had been scribbling in and leaned back in the chair she was sitting in.

'I don't know what you want me to say.'

'I don't want you to say anything. You can just tell me what you want to talk about.' Santana stayed silent and the doctor tried a different tack.

'How do you feel about where you're staying now?'

'It's fine.'

'It must be pretty hard, having to adjust to such a big change. How are you settling in?'

'It's okay.'

'Is there anything you miss in particular?' She shrugged.

'I miss quiet. I miss not being told what to do.'

'Can you tell me about what living on the island was like?'

'What do you want to know?'

'You can pick.'

She told her about the time they had found a bird trapped on the rocks in the surf and they had spent a whole day arguing about what to do with it before Brittany won the argument and they set it loose. She told her about the storm, and the tiny jelly fish that sometimes washed up on the beach and sent a blaze of pain down your arm or leg if you touched them. She told her about the first time Brittany had named the stars.

'You had a good life.'

'With her. Yes.'

'Do you love her like she's your family?' Obviously. But the heart-deep ache she felt for her wasn't what she felt for her mother, and she didn't have the words for what it was. So she shrugged instead.

'I love her like she's Brittany.'

* * *

><p>'I think you need a hobby.' She jumped as her mother spoke suddenly behind her.<p>

'What's a hobby?'

'Something to do to keep yourself busy. Something you find interesting.'

'I _am_ busy.'

'You're staring at a flower.' She scowled and sat up from the grass, and her mother held her hands up. 'I'm just saying. Brittany has that class of hers and whatever she's doing to the walls in your room and I think it would be a good idea of you had something too.'

'You don't have a hobby.'

'Sure I do. Do you want to come and see?' She hesitated, because she did want to go, but she didn't want to concede that her mother might be right. She eventually got up and trailed into the house after her mom.

A large thick book was laid out on the dining table and as she moved closer she saw that it was filled with pictures, not words.

'What are these?'

'This is my hobby.' The book was filled with pictures of people. Some were smiling, some were just staring and many of them weren't even looking at the camera. There was pictures of places without anyone in them, and close ups of things like ants and butterflies.

'You collect pictures?'

'No, I take them.' The book was thick and she flipped to the end. There was only one picture of a little boy leaping into the air

'You do this instead of work?'

'I do both. It's just nice to have something to do that distracts me from everything else.' She nodded absently and traced the little boy's smile with the tip of her finger. 'I thought maybe you would like to try,' her mom said, and she pulled a small rectangle out of the pocket of her jeans.

She took it and held it awkwardly as her mom showed her how to turn it on. She almost dropped it when it whirred and beeped as it turned on and she peered at the little screen that showed a tiny picture of what she was pointing the camera at.

'Try not to drop it. It'll probably break.' She nodded and looked waved it around.

'If you want to take a picture press this.' Her mother moved her index finger over the big button at the top and pressed down, and the camera flashed and she saw a split second view of her mother's face before it went back to the first screen. She pressed the button again and the picture came out black.

'You have to keep your finger off this part.' Her mom showed her how to hold the camera so she didn't block the picture and let her take it again.

She took pictures of everything; her mother smiling, the ugly cat that kept on trying to get into the house, all the rooms and everything in each room that she found interesting, and when she got bored of that she followed her mother around and tried to take pictures of her when she wasn't looking.

'For heaven's sake, Santana.' Her mother flapped her arms in annoyance to hide the tiny smile on her face. 'Why can't you find something else to take a picture of?'

The front door opened and Brittany walked into the kitchen.

'Hi,' she said. It was stupid for her to feel nervous, because this was _Brittany_, but the last couple of days had been weird and she wasn't sure what to say to make it better. Playing with the camera had put her in a good mood, though.

When they got to the bedroom she shut the door behind her.

'I'm sorry,' she said, and Brittany dropped on the bed.

'You don't have to be sorry, San,' Brittany said, and she sat next to her.

'I think I do. I just...I shouldn't have been mean about Mike,' she said. That wasn't exactly what she felt guilty but it was close enough. She hoped Brittany would understand what she meant. 'I want you to be happy,' she added.

Brittany nodded and pulled her into a hug. 'I want you to be happy too,' she said, muffled into her hair, and Santana let her head drop onto Brittany's shoulder. Dancing made Brittany happy, and Santana wanted that for her, but it was more than that. The selfish part of her brain reminded her that Brittany had another friend now and she couldn't be the mean one that pushed her away. Brittany was sweaty and musky, more like how she had smelled on the island, and Santana buried her face in her neck.

'I'm so glad I got stuck with you,' she whispered, and Brittany's hands tightened in her hair.


	14. Innocence 2008

**I know, it's been years. I'm sorry.**

**This is the last of the island chapters, because I have covered almost everything that I wanted to.**

* * *

><p>The rain started suddenly, like someone had upturned a bucket of water over her head, and she ducked under the canopy of the nearest tree and pulled her bag of food close to her chest to keep it dry. It didn't do much good though, because the wind picked up and threw the rain straight into her face. She hunkered down as low as she could and tried to ignore the mud squishing in between her toes. The birds were cheeping unhappily in the tree she was under and she relaxed a little, because that meant the storm would blow over soon.<p>

When the storm died down she trudged the rest of the way back home and carefully tied the food up in a tree, away from the soaked ground. It was lucky that Santana had noticed the tall, dark clouds building in the distance when they had woken up that morning, otherwise they might have left most of their things outside. She hated the rain, because there was almost no way to escape it. It moistened and matted the sand under her feet so it stuck to _everything_, and no matter how much they tried to waterproof their house rain always managed to squeeze into the crack and drip down her back just before she fell asleep.

The floor was damp and dripping when she ducked in to change her clothes and she dropped down on her bed to wriggle out of the shirt and torn trousers she was wearing. There wasn't anything she could do to restart the fire until the sun came back out, and she concentrated on laying out the wettest things to dry and going through the food she had found before the sun set. It didn't look like the sun was going to come back any time soon and she needed to have everything set up before it got dark.

She was just settling down to get food ready when the tree behind her rustled and she spotted Santana weaving her way through the tree trunks. She put the things she was holding down.

Santana liked to say that Brittany was the explorer, and it was true that there weren't many things that Brittany loved more than walking through the forest and waiting for it to tell her stories; but watching Santana slink out of the forest, limbs loose and relaxed, her darker skin blending in with the trees around her and her hands brushing by each leaf like they were her best friends was different. She moved like she was part of the forest and Brittany watched as it seemed to exhale as she finally broke free of the tree line and jogged over to where Brittany was.

'Hi, Britt.' She leant over to kiss her cheek and Brittany felt the corners of her mouth turn up. To distract herself she ran her hands over the material covering Santana's stomach.

'You're not wet.'

'Nope, I ran to the caves when it started. Did you get caught in it?' She grinned when Brittany shrugged and sat down gingerly, trying to avoid the wettest patches of sand.

'I was going to finish this before the sun went down,' she said, and Santana settled down to help. It didn't take long for the two of them to finish and after a very quick dinner of mussels and carrots and assorted fruits that Santana had found (including a soft starchy plant and dark green leaves that Santana insisted were fine to eat) they wandered further down the beach to watch the sun set.

The wind blowing off the ocean sent chills down Brittany's spine and she snuggled closer to Santana to keep warm. The dark had settled over them so slowly that her eyes had adjusted enough that she could see comfortably.

'I think we should do another walk around the island,' Santana said, and Brittany watched her lips as she spoke. 'I mean the last time we did it we found the caves and those were really cool. So I think we should look again.'

They had found the caves one day when they were on the far side of the island, where they almost never went, and Brittany had discovered a tiny cleft between two rocks that led to a cave, which led to a bigger cave, and an even bigger one, and before they knew it they had spent most of the day wandering around inside a seemingly unending series of connected caves.

'Okay, she said, because she was supposed to say something, and before Santana could scold her for obviously not listening she kissed her and felt her words slip off her lips.

Santana's lips were the warmest part of her and Brittany automatically pulled her a little closer as her mouth drifted open slightly, and Santana took the opportunity to run her tongue over Brittany's lip. Her tongue snuck into her mouth and Brittany's hands began to stroke down Santana's back.

Her hands mapped the curve of Santana's waist as she let her tongue flit against her lips. She loved this new part of her body; the slight dip and curve that seemed to have been made just for her to fit her hands just here and hold Santana close. She felt Santana nibble on her bottom lip and she shuddered. Santana pulled back and her eyes snapped open.

'What is it?'

'Nothing,' Santana said quickly, and Brittany could see the uncertainty in her face. 'What are we doing?'

'I don't know.' She carefully wrapped a hand around Santana's waist. Santana's eyes were darker than she had ever seen them, as dark as the ocean that was lapping at their feet. 'I like it,' she added, and Santana's eyes shimmered like liquid.

Santana inched her face closer so that their lips were just brushing each other and Brittany felt rather than heard her whisper 'me too.'

Kissing Santana was the best thing she had ever done in her life. They had been doing it for months and Brittany had no idea why they hadn't been kissing for longer, but every time they did she needed it more, and it scared her a little, sometimes, how much she wanted this.

She didn't know which one of them moved first but the next thing she knew their knees were touching and their feet were tangled together and there was a pressure on the back of her neck that made her eyes close for a moment. Their faces were still so close that Brittany could have counted each of Santana's eyelashes if she had wanted to, even in the dark, and she sighed against her mouth as her skin hummed.

'Let's just stay here for a little,' Santana whispered against her lips. She nodded faintly before slipping a hand under Santana's shirt to touch the smooth skin of her back.

* * *

><p>Brittany tried not to spend too much time worrying about things. She didn't have the time, because just keeping herself healthy and alive on the island took up most of her time and attention.<p>

Living on the island was like constantly running a race one step behind. Rain would come and wash away everything they built, and they would have to start again. The fish would move to a different area or stop showing up at all or sometimes fight back (Brittany still had a scar on her finger from a particularly nasty one) and they would have to deal with it. Things wouldn't grow where they expected them to or come up shrivelled and bitter and make them sick. Insects bit and destroyed their carefully stored food and they would have to scramble to find more.

Sometimes it felt more like the island was trying to destroy them, and sometimes she wanted to let it. Only the intense fear she had for the hunger and weakness and nothingness that waited for her if she gave up kept her going when the heat from the sun was cracking the skin on her lips and her muscles trembled from exhaustion.

Like they were doing now.

She pulled herself onto the branch directly above her head and waited for the signal from Santana, who was perched several feet below her. Santana nodded and she flattened herself against the branch. As soon as she was out of sight Santana yelled and began to shake the branch she was on, drawing the brightly coloured birds that were nesting on Brittany's branch out. When they saw the source of the noise they swarmed out of her nests and headed towards Santana, swooping over her head and mock diving at her head to chase her away.

As soon as they moved Brittany was shimmying towards the nests as quickly as she could and as soon as she was within reach she jammed her hand into the nests and felt around for eggs. She searched as quickly as she could and pulled out all the ones she found, until she got a sharp peck on her hand from a bird that must have been left behind. She hissed and backed away from the nest as the bird began to let out a shrill warning cry.

She swung herself down he branches as quickly as she could without breaking the eggs she had tucked into a pocket of the shirt she was wearing, and almost landed on top of Santana when she jumped to the ground.

'Come on,' Santana panted, and they both sprinted away from the tree because you never knew if the birds would decide to give chase. They ran until the tree was well out of sight and sat down to rest.

Santana caught her breath first, and she looked at Brittany expectantly.

'Did you get them?' She reached into the pocket of the heavy jacket she was wearing (for exactly for that reason) and pulled out at least five eggs. Santana's face broke out into a smile.

'Awesome.' She took one out of Brittany's hands and expertly cracked the top of the shell. She carefully tipped the runny part of the egg into her mouth and wiped her face.

They split the eggs evenly between them and argued over the last one (Santana won and made Brittany have it). It was still light when they got back home and Santana went inside to find the glasses.

After the rainstorm the sun hadn't come back out and this was the first time they had a chance to try to get the fire back. Brittany settled back and watched as Santana rubbed a little water on the lens and angled it just right so that the tiny pile of leaves she had arranged underneath started to smoke.

Santana was different. She worried about everything. She worried about all the regular stuff and about where they came from and what the rest of the world was doing. When the bleeding had started and Santana had looked like she was about to explode from fear all Brittany had needed to know was that Santana wasn't going to die or be sick. It had been a little scarier the first time it happened to her, but she had Santana to hold her and rub her back, and she had been okay.

A little flame licked along the edges of one of the leaves and Santana shouted in triumph. Brittany gave her space to feed the flames and fan them bigger, and when the fire was going strong she pulled her into a hug from behind and traced shapes onto her stomach.

She didn't like to worry, but she worried about Santana. And she worried about whatever had changed between them that made Santana feel like a completely different person, sometimes. Only she wasn't, because Brittany knew every inch of her and she knew what she was going to say before she said it half the time.

'Hey,' Santana said, breaking the quiet. Brittany looked up from and saw that the sun had started to touch the sea and they were about to lose light. 'We should start food before it gets too dark.' She nodded and let go of Santana so they could stand up.

* * *

><p>The moon was full and bright and it sent slivers of light through the cracks in the roof. Brittany nudged Santana's cheek gently with her nose until she felt her stir.<p>

'What is it?' Santana mumbled. Her face was buried into the crook of Brittany's neck and her hands were trapped between their chests. Santana liked to curl up and tuck herself into Brittany when she was sleeping because she said it was the only good thing about being so much shorter.

'I can't sleep,' she said. 'Wake up.'

'That's not fair,' Santana said. She could barely keep her eyes open. 'I want to sleep.'

'Well, then keep me company for a little while.' Santana gave a shuddering yawn and cracked her eyes open.

'What do you want to do? I-' her words were muffled by a surprised squeak as Brittany craned her neck down and kissed her. It only took a second for Santana to gather her bearings and kiss back. She could feel her eyelashes flutter against her cheek.

They broke apart and Brittany breathed in deeply. Kissing Santana was the best thing she had ever done in her life. They had been doing it for months and Brittany had no idea why they hadn't been kissing for longer, but every time they did she could feel something shift, just a tiny bit, and it scared her.

'Britt, I'm really tired,' Santana said, and she tucked herself back against her neck. It wasn't long before she was snoring softly against her neck and Brittany closed her eyes tight. It was hard to convince herself that nothing had really changed when every soft exhale from Santana sent chills down her arms.

* * *

><p>Today was a good day, because they had food. It was a good day because they didn't have anything to be worried about. It was also a day when the air felt so thick Brittany felt like she should be swimming through it, and they were both happy to stay inside and wait for the cool breeze that blew off the ocean at sunset.<p>

The problem with good days was they were boring.

'I'm booored,' she whined. Santana was lying next to her motionless, eyes closed. There were delicate beads of sweat forming around Santana's hairline and Brittany watched, mesmerised. Santana's eyes opened suddenly and she fought the urge to look away.

'Britt, it's too hot to do anything. Come cuddle with me.' Santana raised her arm invitingly and Brittany hesitated. The thought of lying pressed flush against Santana when they were both so hot and sweaty made her stomach churn.

'Britt?' Santana had cracked her eyes open, confused. Brittany took her hand and tucked it in between them.

'I want to go for a walk,' her mouth said, while the rest of her was busy appreciating Santana's cheekbones. Santana blinked.

'What?'

'Um...' She didn't really know where that had come from, except she could feel herself heating up and it was getting a little hard to breathe. Santana's forehead furrowed in confusion.

'You want to get up... now? And go outside?'

'Yes,' she said quickly. The heat- it must be the heat- was making her heart thump uncomfortably against her ribs. Santana examined her face for a few more seconds before nodding and pushing herself upright.

'Let's go, then,' she said. She hesitated for a second before leaning over and kissing Brittany quickly, and she giggled self-consciously when it took Brittany a second to refocus her eyes.

The heat outside seeped under her skin and turned her muscles to rubber. Still, it was better than lying inside next to Santana and feeling like something was stealing the air out of her lungs, so she tightened her grip on Santana's hand when she felt her start to lag behind.

'Where are we going?' She realized she hadn't been paying attention to where they were going and let Santana tug her to a stop.

'Uh, here.' She spotted a soft looking patch of grass and pulled Santana down next to her. She raised an eyebrow.

'This is where you wanted to go?'

'Yes?' All she had wanted was some air to breathe, a chance to get away from the pounding in her chest, and here it was again. She resisted the urge to get up and try to run from it again when Santana threw her legs into her lap.

'I don't mind stopping here,' Santana murmured, and the next thing she knew Santana's lips were on hers, the almost overwhelming warmth of her body making her head spin. She let herself be pressed into the tree trunk and kissed back. She sucked gently on Santana's upper lip and felt the hand that was still wrapped in hers tremble. Her other hand wrapped around Santana's waist tightly and she leaned into her, skin flaring hotter at the points where it touched. Santana always seemed so delicate and small when Brittany held her like this, tucked into her side, and she felt a surge of protectiveness as well as the something that made her gasp for breath as Santana stamped kisses along her jawline. She pulled back.

'What?' Santana's voice was soft and husky and Brittany felt a twinge in her stomach as she removed her hand from around her waist. She waited for her breathing to settle down.

'Brittany?'

They had been kissing for what felt like years, or it might as well have been, because everything that happened before Santana pressed their lips together and kissed her dizzy the first time was fuzzy and indistinct, almost like it had all happened before the island. Everything that happened before the first time she trailed a hand up Santana's back and felt her muscles tighten in response was unimportant, meaningless, compared to the salt-sweet taste of Santana's neck-

Santana pinched her fingers gently and she snapped out of it.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine.' She tore her eyes away from Santana's cherry-pink lips and fixed her gaze on her eyes. She looked worried, and upset.

'It's just- if you don't want to, it's okay.' She looked so guilty, and upset, and Brittany wrapped her arm back around her to stop her from curling into herself.

'I'm sorry, I'm just tired,' she said, and she tucked Santana back against her side so she wouldn't see her face and know she was lying. Santana nodded and snuggled deeper into her arms. It was so much easier not to feel like she was going to explode when Santana was lying against her like this, quiet and calm.

When her arms started to burn from the effort of holding Santana up she pulled her to her feet.

'Let's go swimming,' she said, because the sweat was starting to trickle down her back. Santana nodded, and rose on her tiptoes to press a shy kiss to the corner of Brittany's mouth.

It was soft and friendly and only lasted for a second, and the wild pounding in Brittany's ears subsided at the simple warmth of it.

* * *

><p>The water was disappointingly warm, but she ducked under anyway and let the cooler water at the bottom brush against her skin. It helped, and when she surfaced for air some of the intolerable heat that had been burning up her arms and clinging between her legs had been washed away.<p>

Santana was sitting at the edge of the water, dipping her toes in, and Brittany swam up to her and pulled at her feet.

'Come in,' she said, and Santana shrugged.

'Maybe in a little while. I don't really feel like it.' She moved closer and wrapped her arms around Santana's knees.

'Please?' Santana blinked, and her eyes softened.

'Maybe later.'

'But I want you now,' Brittany said, and she moved forward and grasped Santana's thighs so she could pull her in. She let go almost immediately when Santana jumped and almost kneed her in the mouth.

'Sorry,' she said, when she had settled down a little. Brittany still had her hands flat against the tops of her thighs, near her hips. Santana's skin was blazing against her cool hands.

'Please?' Santana looked uncomfortable, like she was sitting on something sharp. Brittany could feel the muscles in her thighs twitching like she was getting ready to run, and all of a sudden they relaxed and drifted open slightly. She moved into the slight space between her legs.

Santana's skin looked so smooth. Had it always been that way? She let her eyes trip over the smooth strip of skin between her shorts and the tattered vest she was wearing.

She flicked her eyes up to Santana's face. Her eyes were wide and she watched Brittany like she was a wild animal and she didn't know what she would do next.

Brittany lifted one of her hands off Santana's thighs and pushed her vest up, slowly. Santana didn't move; she just kept her eyes locked with Brittany's until her fingertips brushed the bottom of her breast.

Santana inhaled sharply and Brittany let her hand rest just underneath, on her ribs.

She had seen Santana naked more times than she could count, of course, but Santana had gotten shy about letting her see and touch her naked, even when Brittany asked nicely. She stayed where she was until Santana's heart stopped hammering into her ribs and she brushed past her breast again, pressing a little harder this time.

Santana whimpered, and Brittany pulled her hand back. She didn't want to make her upset. She looked up again but Santana had tipped her head back so she could only see the long column of her neck.

She let her hand wander back down to Santana's stomach, and she traced the faint lines. Santana didn't say anything, but her thighs tightened around Brittany's sides and pulled her closer. She moved her arms around Santana's waist to keep them stable and pressed a kiss right above Santana's navel. Santana's breath began to quicken again, and Brittany could feel her stomach muscles jump beneath her lips as she kissed around her stomach gently. When Santana didn't ask her to stop she got braver and kissed for longer, letting her mouth trail across her skin. Santana still wasn't saying anything, just letting out tiny noises that made her want to press closer.

When she kissed just below her navel Santana shot upright, startling her.

'Sorry,' they said at the same time, and Brittany bit her lip to stop from smiling. Santana didn't move, though, she stayed as still as she was before and she felt worry coil in her throat.

'Did I hurt you?'

'No.' She reached forward and wrapped her arms around Brittany's upper arms. She tugged gently, and Brittany took the hint and heaved herself up and out of the water. When she was sitting next to her on the rock Santana let go of her arms and let her settle next to her.

Brittany couldn't help it; she lunged forward and kissed her again, and she felt Santana shiver as her wet clothes touched her skin.

She pulled back a little, and Santana wrapped a hand around the back of her neck to keep her close.

She was Santana, and she wasn't.

She trailed her mouth down to Santana's jaw and waited for her heart to slow.

It was so strange, feeling her body react like this to the same person she had spent her life with. It felt like falling.

Santana finally let go of her neck. She was still panting slightly.

She wanted to do it again. She wanted to do it again, and kiss Santana while she was touching her, but she also wanted to cuddle with her best friend.

It was only when Santana started to wriggle that she realized she was holding her too tight.

* * *

><p>Santana eventually fell asleep and Brittany slipped back into the water to cool down.<p>

It was amazing how heavily Santana could sleep sometimes. She trailed a wet hand down her calf to make sure she was really asleep and tried not to giggle when all she did was frown and move her foot a little.

She let her hand skip up to Santana's thigh and snatched it away when she frowned and started to wake up. She left her sleeping sprawled out on the rocks and swam away to the other side, where the water flowed out of the little pool. The current dragged her along until her toes started to brush along the bottom, and she dug them in to stop herself from floating too far away.

Santana was still sleeping. She wanted to swim over and kiss her face.

She felt the heat flare again low in her stomach when she remembered what it was like to press her hands against Santana's skin. Her hands drifted to her waist, where she had been holding her, and she shivered.

It wasn't the same as it did when she touched her, but it felt nice, and she wrapped her arms around her waist tighter.

She had been thinking about it all wrong.

Santana wasn't changing. She didn't have to scramble to keep up. There was just more of her than there had been before, like those caves they had found. There were parts of her that were hidden and secret and there wasn't anyone but Brittany who could find out what they were.

Her hands drifted down and she almost choked when she felt the heat in her stomach spread up into her chest. She checked quickly to make sure that Santana was still asleep before she moved her hand again. She let her legs float apart in the water and pressed down with a little more force. Her legs jerked involuntarily, and she couldn't control the loud squeak that escaped from her throat.

'Brittany?' She jerked upright and tried to get her breathing under control. It was weird how quickly Santana could wake up when she made a noise.

Santana was sitting up, rubbing her eyes, and Brittany waved so she could see where she was.

'Let's go home,' she said, because she was tired and she felt like she had done enough thinking for the day.

* * *

><p>'Is it green?'<p>

'No.'

'Is it on the ground?'

'Nope.' Santana pursed her lips.

'Okay. Is it alive?'

'You're really bad at this, San.'

They were too big, really, to be perched on the branch of the tree they used to play in when they were little, but they made it work. Kind of.

Brittany made a grab at Santana's arm when she started to slip off.

'Careful!' Santana straightened herself up with a huff.

'I wasn't falling. I was just stretching.'

'Okay,' Brittany sad agreeably. She didn't want to get into a silly argument and make Santana forget about the game.

'Am I looking at it now?' Brittany frowned. She hadn't anticipated this question.

'No?'

'Are you sure?' Brittany shrugged.

'Let's just say no for now.' Santana sighed.

'Have I touched it today? Have I touched it ever? Fine, I give up.' She bit back her triumphant grin –Santana could be a sore loser sometimes- and paused for effect.

'It's air.' Santana gave her a look somewhere between annoyed and happy and she pulled a face and watched as she stopped glaring.

'Brittany, you can't pick air.'

'Why not?'

'You have to pick something that I can see, or it isn't I spy.'

'But the wind moved a leaf. I saw it do that.' Santana opened her mouth to say something and seemed to change her mind halfway though.

'Okay Britt,' she said, and she flashed a smile that made her have to smile back.

She loved this, doing everything again. She loved that she could watch this new Santana play the games and say the things that she had heard all her life, and she loved that she could always see her best friend.

She wanted have every conversation they had ever had again, and do everything and go everywhere they had ever gone all over again. She wanted to see if watching Santana laugh at the baby birds trying to learn to fly like she did every year would still be as funny.

And they had all the time in the world to do it all again. They could play all the games Brittany wanted or tell each other all the things they had already talked about a million times before, and this time Brittany would be paying attention to all the new things she hadn't noticed before, like the way Santana's voice seemed to rasp and grind its way out of her throat when she was being really serious about something, or the crinkle in the corners of her eyes when Brittany made her laugh.

She loved making her laugh.

'San, what do I look like?'

'What? Why?' Even Brittany wasn't sure where that had come from.

'I was just thinking about what you looked like-' Santana's head snapped up.

'What were you thinking?'

'Just that I like your face. What's mine like?' Santana cocked her head to the side and studied her carefully. Brittany wished she hadn't asked.

'San?' It had been a while, and she was getting more nervous by the second.

'I don't know?'

'You don't know?' That was a little disappointing.

'I mean, I don't know how to say it.' That was weird. Santana usually had about a million ways to say anything that popped into her head.

'Well, try.' Santana was trying to avoid her eyes and it only made her more interested. She shrugged.

'I don't know. But your face makes me really happy. Like, I like looking at you and I want to look at you a lot.' Brittany's smile had been growing bigger and bigger while Santana was talking and she reached a hand out and tipped her chin up to stop her from staring at her hands.

'Me, too.'

'Yeah?'

'Your face, not mine,' she added, to be clear. 'I like it more than those funny coloured fish. Or those insects with the squished faces.'

'You really like those.'

'Exactly.'

They didn't kiss, but she moved as close as she could without tipping them both off and she settled for wrapping an arm awkwardly around Santana's waist.

'Hey,' Santana said a while later, breaking the silence, 'I have a surprise for you.'

'What kind of surprise?' Santana giggled.

'I can't tell you, or it wouldn't be a surprise, silly.'

She had to let go of Santana's waist do they could get back to the ground without falling, but she pulled her close again as soon as they were safely down.

There was a tree near home that was so large that its roots stuck out of the ground and formed little arches and hollows that they could just about fit their hands into. Brittany didn't like to, though, because she didn't like watching her hands disappear into the dark and she was always afraid that something would bite them, but she stood to the side as Santana knelt down and rooted around.

'Close your eyes,' she said, and Brittany did, immediately. She could hear Santana shuffling around, and when Santana told her to open her she saw her shifting from foot to foot in front of her. She looked very nervous.

'Here,' she said suddenly, and she handed Brittany a what looked like a faded piece of cloth. It took her a second figure out what it was and as soon she did her throat began to tickle and her eyes went all blurry.

'Where did you find this?' Santana was watching her carefully, hovering a right next to her elbow and peering into her face anxiously.

'I've been looking around.' Her casual tone hid how hard Brittany knew it must have been, especially after that hurricane. She traced the stitching on the tiny shirt she was holding. 'I was going to give it to you when you were sad but...' She shrugged again.

Brittany had managed to find and keep the shirt after they had crashed, and she had always been careful to take good care of it.

'I can't believe you found it.' One day her mother had come home with a pink shirt and told her that they were going to do a craft project together. Every time her fingernail ran over the stitches she remembered being perched on her mother's lap, the steady whirr of the sewing machine almost drowning out her voice as they stitched a sun and a big letter P into the front. Because you're my brightest thing, her mother had said, and she felt a sob choke out of her.

She didn't know why she was crying; all she knew was that she felt terribly sad and deliriously happy at the same time, and it hurt.

Santana wrapped her up in a hug and kissed the top of her head as Brittany bent down to nuzzle into her neck.

'I –love-you,' she rasped against her neck, and she only cried harder when Santana said it back.

* * *

><p>It happened so fast that when Brittany thought about it later all she could remember was the beginning and the end of it, and those weren't even the best parts.<p>

She woke up to Santana shivering next to her and after she shook her awake – she knew it wasn't because she was cold- Santana clamped her arms around her waist so hard she felt her breath leave her body in a huff. She opened her mouth to tell Santana to loosen up a little when Santana kissed her instead and the rest of her and whatever air that was still in her lungs disappeared.

Santana didn't kiss her like she usually did; she pushed harder and used her teeth to nip at Brittany's lip and the next thing she knew her tongue was in her mouth, stroking against her teeth and making her moan.

It was easier when she was still half-asleep; she couldn't really worry about what she was doing when she dug her fingers into Santana's waist, slid her hands up to her shoulder blades and pressed her down, forcing their bodies together.

After, they lay quietly, looking up at the sky.

Santana spoke as soon as she caught her breath.

'What was _that_?'

* * *

><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	15. To Paint the Portrait of a Bird 2011

**Hello everyone! I am aware that I am a couple of hundred years off of when I said I would publish again, and I'm sorry. You don't want to hear my excuses; they are boring. I should be able to get back to a normal posting schedule from now though.**

**Okay, that's enough from me.**

* * *

><p>Brittany still woke up every morning with no idea where she was. It didn't matter whether she woke up slowly, or the light was on, or Santana woke up before her and traced her fingers down her hairline to wake her up. She spent the first half second of every day afraid that someone had taken her away from home.<p>

Someone had, of course, but some days it was harder to remember that she had wanted it.

She felt someone tug at her hand.

'Are you awake?' She groaned and tried to roll over. 'Britt, wake up.' The pressure on her hand increased and she cracked an eye open. Santana was hovering over her, a cute little frown on her face.

'I don't want to get up,' she mumbled, and Santana moved closer, pressing her body against Brittany's side.

'Come on,' Santana said, in the voice that made Brittany's cheeks warm, and she brushed her lips over her cheekbone.

'Kiss me a little more and I'll try,' Brittany said, and she wound an arm around Santana's waist to hold her close.

There was a sound at the door and Santana leapt off her so fast she almost didn't see her move.

'Breakfast is ready,' the person on the other side of the door said. She said okay and heard the footsteps move away down the hall. Santana was still balanced on the edge of the bed, looking intently at the pattern of the comforter.

'What are you doing?' Brittany asked. Santana looked at her, obviously embarrassed, and crawled back towards her. She let her tuck herself against her like she always did when she was upset.

'Sorry,' Santana said. 'I'm sorry. I just...' she finally looked up and tugged Brittany's hand into her lap, threading their fingers together. 'Sometimes I don't like it when they see us.'

'They?' Santana gestured vaguely at the door.

'Everyone. Sometimes when they see us I feel like... I don't know. Can we just go now?'

'Okay,' she said, because Santana looked uncomfortable and upset and she was pretty hungry.

* * *

><p>She didn't think about it again until she tried to pull Santana into her lap after dinner and she felt her stiffen.<p>

She had been sitting next to Santana while she flicked through a book their tutor had given them, and she had looked so sweet with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth that she just had to pull her closer.

For the first time she looked around and noticed how much her family looked at them. It didn't feel mean, or angry, but the attention made her itch. She wondered how she hadn't noticed it before.

'Yeah,' Santana said, when she asked her about it. It was dark, and late, and they were supposed to be asleep. She had to keep reminding herself to whisper.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Santana shrugged.

'You didn't seem to notice, and I wanted you to be happy.'

'Well why can't we go back to doing that? I want to snuggle with you when we're downstairs.' Santana sighed.

'Britt, I want to, but I just feel like...'

'Like what?' She gave a little shrug again.

'I don't know. This house is all full of your things and none of mine, and my dad isn't here anymore. It's your home, for your family.'

'You're my family.' Santana smiled into her shoulder, which Brittany took as _I know._

'I don't want to do anything wrong. I feel like I might be, sometimes. I just don't want to make them angry with me.'

'Why would they be angry with you?'

'Just... this isn't my place, Britt.' Santana's words were starting to slow, a sure sign that the pill her mom gave her was kicking in.

'Go to sleep,' she said. She smoothed the hair off Santana's face and tucked it carefully behind her ears. She loved how it slipped through her fingers now, after her mom had made them use the weird smelling shampoo. She liked it though, because it left a smell on the pillows that reminded her of Santana.

Santana mumbled something into her shoulder and Brittany felt her breathing slow.

* * *

><p>The next morning she waited until she was sure that Santana was in the shower before slipping out of their room and down the hall to her dad's study.<p>

'Come in,' she heard through the door, and she stepped in and closed the door behind her.

'I wanted to ask you something,' she said. 'Is that okay?'

'Sure, go ahead.' He stopped fiddling with the pen in his hands, and she sat in the squashy comfortable chair near the window. She pulled her feet up so she could tuck them under her and leant back in the chair. From this angle she could see out the window into the yard. It looked really hot out.

'Brittany?' She turned to see her dad looking quizzically at her and she gave herself a little mental shake.

'Sorry. So, I came to ask you about me and Santana.'

'What about you?'

'Why don't you like it when I kiss her?' His eyebrows went up.

'I don't mind.'

'Yes you do. Last night you walked out of the room when I was kissing her.' He thought she hadn't seen him, but she had.

'Britt, I think you should talk to your mother about that.'

'Why?'

'Because… that's… I don't know. Is she in?'

'No. She went to get food. Santana ate all the cereal. You said I could ask you anything but if I can't ask you this it's okay.' She went to stand up but he shook his head quickly.

'No, no, it's okay. You just caught me off guard, that's all.' He took a deep breath and picked up the pen he had been playing with before, twisting it in his hands before putting it back down.

'I suppose it makes me feel uncomfortable because... Brittany, it's normal to have the kinds of feelings that you do for Santana. I know you feel strongly about her.'

'I love her,' she corrected. He gave her a painful looking smile.

'Yeah, you do. I suppose I don't like it because some parts of your relationship with Santana are supposed to be private.'

'Like what?'

'Okay. You know that things you do with her which you wouldn't do with anyone else?'

Brittany thought. She did a lot of things-everything, basically, with her, but her dad had gone such a bright red that she knew he was probably talking about more than just eating or talking.

'You mean like when I kiss her.'

Yes. I guess it makes me uncomfortable because it's for just you. Because it's not something you would do with everyone.'

'Like when I kiss her and touch her the way she likes.' He choked and she sat forward, concerned. 'Are you okay?' He seemed to be mumbling at the ceiling and she looked up to see what he was looking at.

'Yeah, Britt, I'm fine. When you have sex with someone-'

'Sex?'

'Yes.'

'That's a nice word. Se-e-ex,' she said, rolling the word around her mouth.

'Holy Jesus,' her dad said, and he took his glasses off to rub his eyes. 'Brittany, please.'

'Okay,' she said, even though she wasn't sure what she was agreeing to. 'So you'll be okay if I stop kissing her in front of people. Then you'll be okay.'

He looked like he had about a million things to say, but he just shut his mouth and nodded.

Well, San's going to be waiting for me,' she said, and a little flicker of something passed across his eyes before he smiled and led her to the door.

'Remember, you really can ask me anything, even if I wasn't very helpful this time.'

'You were kind of helpful,' she said, mostly to make him feel better. He must have realized because he just gave her a little laugh and patted her on the back.

* * *

><p>She headed out of the office straight back into her room, where Santana was busy going through the things they had brought with them from the island. When they had got back so much had been happening that they had both forgotten about the bags and just left them under the bed. Santana had dumped everything onto the bed and was sifting through it.<p>

'Look,' she said, when she saw Brittany in the room, and she pulled out a torn, tattered yellowed book. Brittany took it from her and opened it as carefully as she could. She didn't want any more pages falling out.

'I'm so glad we brought this with us,' she said, remembering how frantic she had been, throwing everything she thought would be important into any bag. She remembered Santana standing in a corner, watching her pack, terrified, and she felt a little flash of guilt.

'I'm sorry I made you leave,' she said, and Santana's face furrowed at the sudden change of topic.

'What do you mean?'

'I was so excited when they came and... If you wanted to stay we could have done that.' They could have snuck off into the forest and just waited for them to go. They could have stayed. They could have, even with half the forest destroyed by the fire she had started.

'I shouldn't have made you leave even if you didn't want to. I shouldn't have done that if you weren't ready.' She felt another wave of guilt, stronger this time, and she put the book down. 'You wanted to stay.' Her voice came out a lot smaller and sadder than she meant to and it made her feel even worse, because she knew that Santana would feel like she had to lie if she thought she was sad. So she stopped looking at her feet and glanced at Santana, who looked like she wished she had just left the stuff under the bed.

'I did,' she said eventually. 'I was so happy with you.'

'And you're not happy now,' she said. She felt horrible. She had hurt the person she loved the most in the world.

'I didn't say that.' She came to stand in front of Brittany and took her hands. 'I was so scared... because I didn't know what was going to happen to us. I just wanted us to be safe.'

'And now?'

'I don't know. It's weird. I don't like talking to people who aren't you. They keep on making me and I don't want to.'

'Like that lady you go see.'

'Yeah, like that. It's too loud. I don't know where anything is. But it's okay, Britt, because we couldn't have been alone forever. I was so scared that something would happen to me the way it did to Will and you would be alone. I'm glad we're not alone and I don't want you to feel guilty.' She punctuated her little speech with a squeeze to Brittany's hands, and she smiled and tucked them around her waist, at her back, when Brittany smiled back hesitantly.

'I'm still sorry,' she said.

'Don't be.' Santana said. She looked at Brittany carefully.

'Are _you_ happy here?'

Yes. A different kind of happy. A more painful and confusing kind of happy.

She said as much and watched Santana's beautiful smile spread across her face.

* * *

><p>When she thought about it later she realized that her dad hadn't really told her much, and she decided to try her mom. She waited until she was taking her to dance class.<p>

'Can I ask you a question? I mean apart from this one.'

'Of course.'

'I asked dad about what I do with Santana and he said that it was okay for me to have sex with her-'

'Oh, he did, did he?'

'Because it's normal but I forgot to ask him exactly what it was and I was hoping you could tell me.'

'Okay, well what do you think it is?'

'Well, um,' when... I don't really know,' she confessed. 'He wasn't very clear.' Her mom sighed.

'Well, I've done this two times already,' she said, and she pulled the car up onto a curb.

A little while later Brittany was pretty sure that she was going to be late for her dance class.

'Thanks,' she said. She was still a little dazed from the amount of information that she had just been given, and she sat back in the chair as the car started and her mom pulled back smoothly onto the road.

'No problem,' she said, and gave out a shaky laugh. 'I've probably broken some kind of world record for latest sex talk ever.' It wasn't really a happy laugh.

'Sex,' she said. She still liked how the word rolled around in her mouth; smooth and slithery. Her mom chuckled.

'Yeah.'

'For me and Santana,' she said.

'For people you are attracted to. And you have a steady relationship with. Actually scratch that. Forget I said anything. Just Santana. Please.'

'Yeah,' she said, looking at her like she was crazy, and they drove to dance class.

* * *

><p>Santana only came to watch her at her dance class the one time, but Brittany liked to pretend that she was there whenever she was practicing. It made it easier for her to bend and dip the way Mike wanted her to if she could picture Santana watching her, smiling when she managed to pull off a really hard move.<p>

Still, it wasn't so bad because Mike was there. And she liked Mike.

He didn't stare at her the way some people did and he didn't point his phone at her. He was really good about showing her how to do steps and sometimes after class she would help him pack up and he would tell her what his school was like, what his life was like.

He told her that she would have been an awesome cheerleader, but she was probably too nice to pull it off. He told her that he had a girlfriend named Tina.

'Am I supposed to love boys?' She asked her mom. They were driving back home, and the question had been biting at the back of her mind.

'What do you mean?'

'Mike has a girlfriend. And Louise has a boyfriend. And you and dad and Santana's mom and dad are together. I don't think we know anyone who's dating a girl when they're a girl too. Am I supposed to have a boyfriend?'

The car stopped on the side of the road again.

'Brittany, you don't have to have a boyfriend.'

'But- if I'm supposed to-'

'You don't have to do anything. Look, Brittany, none of us really have any idea what we're doing with you guys. How we're handling this- we're kind of making it up as we go along. So as far as I'm concerned you don't _have_ to do anything.'

'But,' she didn't know how to explain how she felt. She didn't know how to tell her that she felt like this was one more thing that made her feel like the_ other_. She was the one who didn't know what to say when someone made a joke and who needed help to make sure she didn't get locked in the bathroom. She didn't fit in anymore the way she used to.

'Sometimes, I think about what it would be like if that stupid plane had never crashed and I had come back.' Her voice cracked on the last word and she cleared her throat. 'I'm sorry I make everything so hard because you have to keep on taking me places and explaining things to me.' She really was sorry, because for the last twelve years she had taken care of herself, and Santana, and now she was a baby again, strapped into a seat and waiting for someone to help her.

She felt tears welling up and she swallowed them down.

'Don't you be sorry,' 'I'm so glad you came back to me, Brittany, and you don't have to be sorry because you did such a good job of taking care of yourself when we couldn't. I am still so sorry we couldn't save you, but Brittany you are _fine_ the way you are. So don't worry about fitting in.'

She wiped her face. 'Can we go home?'

* * *

><p>After dinner she and Santana went upstairs.<p>

'I missed you,' she said, and she peppered kisses up and down the bare strips of skin at Brittany's neck and shoulder.

'San,' she grumbles, and Santana chuckled before pulling back.

'I know,' she said, in the low voice that made Brittany's face tingle, before she put her hands on Brittany's back and started to knead the muscles underneath her shoulder blades. Brittany hissed and sighed as she felt her muscles twinge.

Being hurt or in pain wasn't anything new to her, but dancing made her muscles hurt in ways that they hadn't ever before, and Santana had taken to rubbing her back to get rid of the worst of the soreness.

'Okay, thanks,' she said, and Santana slipped off her back and lay next to her on her stomach. She reached up and tangled her hands in her hair. 'What did you do when I was gone?'

It's so weird that she has to ask that question at all. When had she not known where Santana is and what she's been doing?

'Not much. I read a little. And my mom took me out to a park.'

'That sounds nice.' Santana shrugged as well as she could while she was lying down.

'What did you do?' She shrugged. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell Santana what she had talked about with her mom; it was just that she knew it would hurt her feelings if she told her how much she sometimes wished they had never landed on the island.

'My mom said you're like my boyfriend.' Santana wrinkled her nose.

'I'm not a boy.'

'No, like you're my boy-girlfriend. Like my boyfriend, but you're a girl. I think.' Santana shrugged again.

'I don't know what that means.' Brittany giggled.

'I'm not really sure either. Hey, wait.' She had just remembered something. 'You had your meeting with your doctor today,' she said, and she felt the muscles in Santana's neck tighten.

'It was okay,' she mumbled. 'She tried to make me talk about my family again.'

'Did you?' A little smile snuck across Santana's face.

'No.'

'Did you say anything to her?'

'I said hello and goodbye.' Brittany laughed.

'Was she mad?'

'No, she just smiled and said she would see me again soon.' She shifted. 'I just don't understand why they won't just let me talk to you. I talk to you, and that's enough.' Brittany let her fingers trail down Santana's back, and stopped at the dip at the base of her spine.

'That's enough,' Santana repeated. 'We're fine. We were fine. I don't want to see her anymore, Britty, but I think they'll make me anyway. I hate that. I hate it.'

Brittany flashed back to being strapped in the car, waiting for her mom to be ready to take her home, and take care of her. It made her feel like the five year old who didn't know any better than to eat those stupid white berries and had to be watched all the time, but now she was seventeen and grown and she didn't need anyone hovering over her.

The hovering and instructions and gentle reprimands were an imposition, an insult and humiliation that she had to bear because she had been back for long enough to know that this world was filled with little white berries that were disguised as phones and kind people asking for autographs and reporters who chased them like they were hunting them, and she had no idea how to handle on her own.

Santana was crying, tears rolling down her face sideways and rolling into her hair, and she pulled her closer so she could hug her. Santana wound up on top of her, her hands fisted into the material of her shirt. She stopped crying pretty quickly after that and settled down, letting her head rest on Brittany's collarbone.

'Can I still be your best friend if I'm your girlfriend?' Santana's voice was thick with tears and Brittany hugged her tighter.

'Of course you can,' she said, and she ran her fingers through Santana's hair.

* * *

><p>Their tutor man, Gary, still came almost every day in the morning. It was her least favourite part of the day.<p>

When her left and they were finally allowed to go she went upstairs, opened the paint cans sitting in the corner and turned to the blank wall. She heard Santana come into the room and close the door

'Brittany.'

She needed to decide what she wanted to do with it. She decided to start simple, and see what she wanted to do after that.

'Brittany, please look at me.'

She decided to start with the sea, and she tipped the brush into blue. She liked this blue; light and airy and open, and she tested its colour with an experimental swipe of the brush on the wall near the floor.

She didn't like dark blue much. It was the sea in a storm, or a hurricane. It was fear and scared and hurt, and she set it aside to use at the very edges.

She felt hands grasping her shoulders and forcing her to turn around.

Santana's eyes were wide, and worried.

'Brittany, I told you, it doesn't matter,' and she felt a hot flash of irritation pulse in her chest.

It was easy for her to say, because she wasn't the one who spent the last two hours being humiliated because she couldn't remember what the tutor guy said about stringing letters together to form a word. She had always been bigger and stronger than Santana, and it wasn't hard to pry her hands off her shoulders and make her take a step back.

'Santana, I don't want to talk right now, okay?' Santana opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but she snapped it shut a minute later and nodded.

'Do you want me to leave?' She asked. She looked even more worried, and guilty, like it was somehow her fault.

'No, don't,' she said and Santana perched on the bed with the book that Greg had left them. She waited until Santana had settled against the headboard before she turned back to the wall, and her paint. She concentrated on the colours.

_Brittany, just try again. Why don't you sound out the letters again?_

Yellow was hard. It was sunshine, which was happy and bright and cheerful, but it was also the sun, which burned. She added some white to the pot to make it less bright.

_You just need some practice_

The paint was sharp and bright against the blankness of the wall, and he smeared it as carefully as she could, layering it, making it blend in and disappear

_-because you're not going to be able to read, you can't do it, can't you see that you should just stop trying now-_

Santana was sneaking peeks at her over the book she was pretending to be interested in, and she took a deep breath to calm herself down.

She finished with the sun and put the paintbrush down.

'Do you think we can go out?' Santana's head snapped up when she heard her voice, but she put her book down.

'If you want,' she said, and stood up. 'I can ask my mom if she'll take us out,' she added, and Brittany nodded.

The car Santana's mom used was bigger, with dark windows that made it seem like they were driving at night. She took them to a park that was ages away from the house and any buildings.

She liked it.

Santana's mom let them wander away from her, and they ducked under the cover of the trees around the edge of the meadow.

'This is pretty,' she said. Santana smiled.

'My mom brought me here after seeing the doctor. It's nice.'

Yeah. Not the same, but nice. Quiet. There was space to breathe, and she closed her eyes.

'Thanks,' she said, because Santana wasn't running away from her mom anymore but she still didn't go out of her way to talk to her, and she probably didn't enjoy asking her for favours.

'It's fine,' she said, and leaned against a nearby tree. 'What do you want to do?' Brittany shrugged.

'I don't mind. Is your mom around?' Santana peeked around to where they had left her and shook her head.

'I think she's gone back to the car.'

They almost never stood this close together without touching, and it made her uneasy. She reached out a hand and pulled Santana closer and she watched as her face melted into relief.

'Are you mad at me?' Santana asked.

'No.'

'You don't have to worry. I'll do the work for you, you don't have to-'

'_No_, Santana,' she said, and she looked at her, shocked. 'You can't just do everything for me.'

It hadn't mattered before, because Santana could fill in and do the stuff that Brittany couldn't, because they were always together. Brittany could tell that this wasn't going to work here, if only because everything was so big and far away. What if she needed Santana's help with something when she was at a dance class, or Santana was out with her mom?

She hadn't realized how much she depended on Santana, how much they relied on each other. The idea that she might not need her the same way now that they were here made her feel incredibly lonely.

Santana yanked her hands away and took a few steps back.

'Then what do you want?' Santana's hurt was quickly burning away and turning into anger. Brittany could see it snapping her spine straight and tightening in her jaw.

'San, don't do that. I didn't mean it like that.' She made a grab for her and nearly fell over when Santana took another step back.

The frustration she had been feeling all of the morning came back full force, raging through her and making it impossible to keep still, only now instead of a quiet room and a paintbrush she had a Santana that was staring at her with cold eyes and crossed arms.

'You don't get it. You don't _get it_,' she said. She could feel her shoulders tensing. 'I can't be here and let things keep on going on the way they are. They do everything for us- we can't anywhere alone. We can't even use the stove without someone there.'

'Britt-'

'I need to have something I can do myself. I need... San, I love you, but I need...' The tears came on without warning, and a blurry Santana walked forward and looped her arms around Brittany's shoulders.

She let herself slump into her body and buried her face in her collar, tasting her tears as they dripped down her face and stained Santana's shirt. When her voice started to get hoarse she pulled away and wiped her face on her sleeve.

'I'm not really angry at you,' she said.

'Yeah,' Santana said

'I'm not angry at them,' she added, gesturing in the general direction of the car.

'I know,' Santana said. She was blinking a lot, a sure sign that she was trying not to cry. She always cried when Brittany did.

'I want to be able to do this. I want to be okay here.' She sank down to the ground and Santana sat next to her.

'You can. We can. We're going to be fine,' Santana said, and she held on tight to Brittany's hand.

They stayed there until the sun began to set and the shadows started to stretch across the floor.

'We'd better go back,' Santana said. 'She's going to come and find us soon.'

She let Santana help her to her feet and tug her back towards the car, and she almost fell over when Santana stopped walking suddenly.

'I can help you, if you want. I mean, that teacher guy is really useless. If you want, I can help you.' Santana was looking up at her like she was afraid she would say no and get upset again, and she leaned forward and kissed her.

* * *

><p>So she tried her best to remember the rules and lessons that Greg tried to teach her and she and Santana came up with songs and tricks to help her. She kept on going to dance class because she could shut her brain off for the most part, and just focus on the stretch and burn and beat of the music as Mike taught her how to make her body do what she wanted it to.<p>

It was addictive, exhilarating. It was control, and she started to find reasons to stay longer.

Mike didn't seem to mind staying with her, and at the end they would listen to some of his favourite songs and he would make up a routine as they listened. Sometimes Brittany joined him, even though she couldn't move as fast as him, and they danced until she couldn't breathe anymore.

She didn't realize what had been sneaking up on her until Mike started to teach her the basics of ballet.

'You kind of need it for other types of dance. It's good background to have,' he explained, and they spent the next few minutes watching people fly across stages on the tiny screen of Mike's phone. It looked beautiful, and inhuman, and she was sure she would never be able to do it, but Mike said she could and he hadn't been wrong yet so she figured it wouldn't hurt to try.

'Like this,' he said, easily moving his feet into the third position. She bit her lip.

'I can't do that. It hurts,' she said, and he chuckled.

'Here, I'll help you.' He bent down and held her calf, and gently moved her right foot so it was in front of her left. 'Now, like this,' he said, straightening up and showing her again. She tried again and winced when her feet were in position.

'Like this?' He grinned.

'Yup. Now you just need to practice holding it.' He was still standing next to her. He smelled like sweat, sharp and pungent, but not like she did, or Santana. She leaned a little closer.

After that she couldn't figure out how she had never noticed how much touching there was in dancing. Mike seemed to need to help her position her legs, her thighs, show her how to hold her arms over her head, and by the end of the class she knew that her face was bright red.

'See you next week,' Mike said, and she mumbled something before following her mom outside as fast as she could.

Santana caught on to her mood as soon as she got into the house, and she followed her into the shower almost as soon as she turned the water on.

'Hi,' she said smiling the secret smile that she kept only for her, the one that made her toes curl, and Brittany watched as she pulled her clothes off. She looked delicious, her eyes sparkling and her hair curling over her shoulder.

'I missed you,' Santana said, and she gave her one of their secret smiles.

* * *

><p>The next time she went to dance class her mom dropped her just outside.<p>

'I really have to run a few errands, Brittany, but I promise I'll be back soon. Just wait inside for me, okay?' Brittany nodded and watched the car disappear around the corner.

She didn't want to go in, and be just her and Mike. She wanted to dance, but she didn't want it to be like how it was the last time.

It took her a second to notice that her feet had started to carry her away from the building. She stopped, and thought.

She didn't _have_ to go to every one, did she? Maybe she could take a break, just for today. Maybe she could just take a little walk around and be back in time to be picked up. She would be careful this time. She wouldn't go far, and she would stay away from people.

She would be right back.


	16. Let It Take You Away 2011

**Hello! I'm sorry this took so long; I've been fighting a horrific case of writer's block for a while. It's gone now though, so I will update a lot faster, I promise.**

**To acdc27: I can't reply to your review because you have private messaging disabled, but thank you! Also I will address the fight in a couple of chapters.**

* * *

><p>She would be careful this time and watch where she was going, and pay attention so she could get back, and not do anything that would make people notice her.<p>

The buildings where she was now were different from the ones where her house was; they were smaller and narrower, and the few houses she passed seemed smaller too. She kept a careful count of how many she passed so she could make her way back.

A car whizzed past her and she jumped. She had been walking too close to the road. She scrambled back onto the sidewalk.

Mike would have noticed she was gone by now. The thought made her stomach rumble and she scowled. She didn't want to think about Mike. Only she couldn't help it. She couldn't help thinking that if she had stayed to go to class they would be dancing together right now.

She walked faster.

It was all too much, it was all too squished. She was with Santana then Mike then her mom and her whole family was always _right there _and she needed some space to think. She didn't have space to think anymore and it was all getting too loud.

A couple of people were walking towards her and she ducked her head.

She had never had to worry about space for thinking before. The island had been a lot smaller than here was but she could move around in a way that she couldn't now, and that made it feel bigger. Besides she never really had anything to run away from. It was just her, and Santana, and everything else just seemed to follow without her having to think about it.

Santana would probably be out in the garden or maybe with her mom the way she went out these days. She would probably have one of the books that Greg gave them tucked under her arm, and her hair would probably be falling all loose around her shoulder. She didn't keep it in a braid much anymore and Brittany loved to run her hands through it.

She loved to touch her but she also liked it when her dad patted her shoulder and she liked it when her mom gave her a hug. She liked it when she got to fold her hands into Mike's large ones too.

She loved Santana more than anything else in the world, and she thought that was all she needed. Now she could feel herself loving all kinds of people in all sorts of ways. She never knew that her heart could expand like this, to care about so many people, and it was overwhelming.

The road narrowed and she found herself surrounded by houses. None of them were as big or shiny as hers, but it looked nice. There were a few children standing on the grass in front of their houses playing and she waved. They didn't wave back.

Santana made her feel all the feelings she had ever felt all at the same time sometimes. She made her feel dizzy and fuzzy but at the same time like she had never seen anything as clearly before. Before, she used to spend hours after Santana had gone to sleep looking for ways she could show her how much she loved her.

She still did that now, but there didn't seem to be enough time to do it the way she wanted to.

She should be going back.

The road she was on suddenly split into three different ones. If she wanted to keep going the way she was she would have to cross the road. She could go on either side, but that was boring. All she could see was more houses. The other side of the road had shops and people on it, and she really wanted to see what it was like. She silenced the little voice in her head prodding her to go back and stepped off the curb.

She was an explorer, after all.

There weren't many cars around and it wasn't hard for her to scurry across the road and get to the other side, and when she got safely to the other side she kept moving so she wouldn't lose her nerve and go back. Her heart hammering in her ears and the nervous energy thrumming through her made her giggle. This was fun.

She stepped into the nearest shop. She hadn't been in one alone before and she wanted a chance to look around. She ran her hand across the brightly coloured packets and rattled a couple around to see what was inside. She crossed over to the fridge at the back and pulled it open so she could feel the cold brush over her skin.

'Excuse me?' She turned to see the person who had been standing behind the counter was right behind her.

'Yes?'

'Are you alright?'

'Yes,' she said. Why wouldn't she be? 'Yes,' she said louder, and he narrowed his eyes and walked away.

She looked around a little longer until she got bored and she went up to the counter with the things she wanted. She dumped them on the counter and waited for the person to scan them through.

That's seven ninety four.' She dug through her bag and handed him some money her mom had put in her bag for her_. Just in case_, she had said. He raised an eyebrow.

'Do you have anything smaller?' She frowned at him and he sighed. 'Give me a minute.' She waited while he counted some money out and put her things in a bag for her, and gave her a bunch of notes and coins. His head suddenly snapped up and he looked at her.

'Hey, what's your name?' He looked shocked and too interested and she felt panic start to rear up.

'No,' she said, and she grabbed her bag.

'Your name is 'no?' Hey, wait-' but she was already out of the shop. It wasn't until she had ran for so long that her chest hurt that she realised that she had gone the wrong way.

She had gone so far there wasn't any point in going back until she had looked around a little bit more, she decided, and she dug through the bad and opened up a bottle of soda to drown out the part of her brain that was screaming out that that didn't make any sense. The part of her that liked having quiet time to think about Santana and Mike and doorknobs and toast and all the things that she had on her mind was kind of controlling her, and she didn't really mind.

It was getting a little darker, and chilly, and the roads were narrowing and more houses were showing up again.

She should be going back.

* * *

><p>'What are you doing?' She looked up to a pair of large brown eyes peering down at her. When she didn't say anything the little girl moved a tiny step closer. 'Why are you sitting outside? I don't think you're allowed to do that.'<p>

She shrugged. 'I don't know. I was tired.' The little girl took a quick look behind her and stepped forward.

'I'm tired too. My mommy won't stop looking at paint colours and I'm bored.'

'Where?' The girl pointed to a big boxy building right at the end of the street.

'She thinks I'm near the curtains,' the girl said with a little giggle.

'My mom thinks I'm at dance class,' she said, and the girl sat next to her.

She offered her the bag of crackers she was holding. 'Want one?' She looked at her sceptically.

'I'm not supposed to take food from strangers.' She shrugged and started to pull her hand back but a little hand wormed her way into the packet and grabbed a bunch of crackers before she could.

'Thanks,' she said with her mouth half full, and they sat and worked their way through the box for a little while.

'My name is Maya. I'm seven,' she said, after she was done eating.

'I'm Brittany,' she said, and she reached out to grasp the little hand that Maya held out to her.

'I was going to go to the park,' Maya said, 'because I want to go on the swings. But I'm not really supposed to go alone. I have to go with a grownup.'

'Why?' she asked. She carefully put the pack of crackers away for later. Maya looked at her weird.

'Because those are the rules. Will you come with me? It's not far away. Please,' she added when Brittany made no moves to get up, and after a worried look at the sky she pulled herself up.

'Okay, but then I have to get going. I'm going to be late pretty soon.' Maya squealed and grabbed her hand.

The park was large and empty, and Brittany slowed down as Maya sped up and skidded to the top near the swings. By the time she caught up she was already perched on top of one of them, kicking her legs back and forth.

Brittany watched as she swung higher and higher, and she tried to keep out of her way so she didn't get kicked. Maya came to a stop.

'Do you want to swing too?' She asked, and Brittany sat down on a swing. She lifted her feet up and clutched at the ropes on either side of her to keep her balance. Maya looked at her incredulously.

'You don't know how to swing?' She tried to push herself forward and nearly fell off.

'I never learned how.'

'What did you do when you were a child?'

'We played other games. Me and my best friend.' But we didn't swing.'

'That sounds a little weird,' Maya said.

'It was nice.' She smiled. 'It was fun.' Maya eyed her sceptically but moved to stand behind her.

'I'll push you,' she said, 'and you just kick your legs forward.'

Swinging was a lot harder than it looked, and it took a while before she could move without falling over. When she thought she had it Maya got back on her swing.

It was only when she realized that she couldn't see where she had left her bag of food that she noticed how dark it was, and her stomach clenched with fear. She got off the swing.

'We have to go now.' She couldn't believe she had been away so long. Santana would probably be really worried.

'I don't want to. I'm tired.' Maya kept on swinging, going higher and higher until her feet were dangerously close to kicking Brittany in the head.

'Isn't someone going to be worried about you?' At that the swing started to slow down, and she slid off it quickly.

'My mom is going to be so mad at me,' she said, as they walked back.

'Why? I thought you said it was okay if you went with a grownup.' Maya shot her a guilty look, and she sighed.

'It's okay, I'm late too. At least we can be in trouble together.' A little hand snuck into hers and she held on tight. It really was very dark.

The flashing lights outside the store where they had met made her pause for a second, and Maya shrank back.

'I'm in trouble,' she said, and before Brittany could ask why a frantic woman sprinted towards them and yanked Maya into her arms.

'Where have you been? Why weren't you where I left you?' The people- the police- who had been standing near the cars ran up to them and stood around them in a loose circle.

'Were you with the child?' One of the policemen said, and she nodded. She wished they would stand just a little further away.

'Why did you take her out of this area without her mother's permission?'

'She asked me to.' Maya's mom looked up and glared.

'That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You cannot just _walk away with a child_,' the lady hissed at her, and at her words the policemen tensed and moved just a tiny bit closer. She wanted to run- she wanted to run back to where she knew she should be, but the policemen looked like they were waiting for her to do just that, and she tried to stay still.

'Do you have any identification on you?' Someone asked, and she stared. What's your name, someone else tried.

'Brittany.'

'Okay, Brittany, you're going to have to come down to the station with us,' the policeman nearest her said gently, the tone of his voice exactly opposite to the sudden, almost painful grip he had on her upper arm.

'No- I can't, I have to go back.' She tried an experimental tug to see if she could loosen his grip. He didn't budge.

'Back where? Can you give us an address?' Her mouth opened and closed, and he led her to one of the police cars.

'No, I can't,' she said again, and he looked at her steadily.

'You get in the car now.' He wasn't unfriendly, or mean, he was just so steady, so _I'm getting you in this car no matter_ what that she let him open the door and let him guide her inside. He moved around to the driver's seat and she tested her door handle. It didn't do anything.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, so low she wasn't sure if he had heard her. He didn't turn around, in any case, and Brittany had no choice but to sit back and let herself be taken away somewhere else. The more they drove the more fear settled over her brain until she had to bite her lip to stop herself crying too loudly.

When they got to the police station she was led to a small room, given a glass of water and left alone to stare at her reflection on a large mirror that made up one whole wall.

She knew she was in trouble. She had done something wrong, and now she had to wait until she wasn't in trouble anymore, only she had no idea when that was going to happen.

She door opened and her dad walked through.

'Brittany.' He looked like he didn't know whether to be sad or mad or happy and he settled on a weird in between mixture that made her feel worse.

'I'm sorry,' she said. No one said anything and the policeman who had brought her to the station walked in too and closed the door behind him.

'It seems that a lot of people have been looking for you, Miss Pierce.' Was that her? It must be, because he was looking at her like she was supposed to say something.

'Brittany,' her dad cut in, 'where were you? We have everyone in the house looking for you. We had called the police to help us start looking for you.'

It didn't look like 'I'm sorry' was having much of an effect so she tried something else.

'I forgot.'

'You forgot what?'

'I was going to go to the dance class but I got distracted… by this car I saw. It was pink,' she added, because it doesn't look like they believe her at all. She kept her face as blank as she could and breathed a very quiet sigh of relief when her dad turned away from her.

'She's having some trouble readjusting,' her dad said, and the policeman snuck a quick peek at her before giving a tiny nod. It seems to be what her dad is waiting for because his shoulders relax a little.

'We still have to discuss her walking away with that child. They were gone for over two hours and we were just about to put out an amber alert. Do you understand? The policeman was suddenly talking to her and his face was a lot closer than it was before.

'Is she in trouble?' Her dad asked.

'Not technically,' the policeman said. 'The child says that she asked your daughter here to take her to the park. There was no force or fraud involved, but it is still illegal to remove a child from an area without permission from a parent.'

'Listen,' her dad said, 'this isn't exactly a normal situation. My daughter would never hurt anyone.'

'Still-'

'Listen, we could really use a break. Please,' her dad said. She sat quietly.

They walked out of the station twenty minutes later, and no one spoke until the car was moving.

'What were you thinking, Brittany?' her dad demanded. The worry and stress he had in the station has evaporated and it felt like he doubled in size. She shrank into the car door.

'I wasn't thinking,' she said meekly. She was, she was thinking too much if anything but she didn't think she can talk about why she left.

'Damn right you weren't,' he said, so deathly quiet that she had to strain to listen. 'You can't just… you can't disappear like that. No one knew where you were. You mother was almost in hysterics. She thought she had lost you.'

'Where's Santana,' she said instead, because if her mom was scared then chances are Santana was in a complete panic.

'That's not what we were talking about. We were worried about you. 'Your mom, and your sisters and me.'

'She's worried too,' she said, and half a second later she wished she hadn't because her dad's face just kind of slumped and he didn't look big enough to fill the car anymore.

'I'm just going to get you home,' he said, and the silence in the car choked her.

* * *

><p>Everyone was standing outside the house, waiting for her when the car pulled up. She could see their angry faces even from the car and she dragged her feet getting out.<p>

'I am so angry with you,' her mom said as she pulled her closer and threw her arms around her. 'What were you doing?'

Santana was standing near the back, nearest the door and furthest from her, and she tried to wriggle out of her mom's arms.

'I'm sorry,' she said, and Santana's face didn't move.

'I know you're sorry, but you can't do things like that.' She had made her mom cry. Santana was still watching her quietly from the back of the group.

'I wasn't trying to run away, I promise. I just needed… I was going to come back,' she said.

'How were you going to come back? You could have got lost, you've done it before!'

'I'll always find you,' she said, and Santana's face finally twitched into a smile at the exact same moment that her mom glanced behind her. Her face grew tight, taut, sad, as Brittany watched her realize that she hadn't been talking to her.

One of her sisters –Louise, she thought- opened the front door and walked back in, and she followed her back into the house quickly. She made sure to link arms with Santana as she passed, and she dragged her in through the door with her.

'No,' her mom said, when they were already partway up the steps. 'I want to talk to you.'

Santana was still being uncharacteristically silent, and she let Brittany lead her to the couch. They sat down opposite Santana's mom and her parents. She wondered where Santana's dad was.

'I think it's about time we came up with a list of rules.'

'Why?' Her dad gives her an incredulous look.

'You disappeared. You cannot do that. We need to put some rules down.'

Brittany found it difficult to pay attention to all of the rules but the general gist was that they couldn't go anywhere outside the house at any time without an adult present.

'Fine,' she said.

'And you can't go to dance class anymore.' Her stomach dropped.

'Why?'

'You're not being trustworthy, Brittany. We trusted you to behave the way you were supposed to and you let us down.'

'What do you mean I let you down? I never promised I would go to dance!'

'That was the agreement.'

'No it wasn't! Since when am I supposed to do what you say?'

'We are your parents! You do as we say!' All of a sudden the burst of anger that had pushed her to her feet just evaporated, and she sank down next to Santana, who had still not spoken.

'No, I don't. I don't. I take- we take care of ourselves.' She gripped Santana's hand tighter. 'I was going to come back, and you can't punish me because I don't know how to listen to you anymore.'

She didn't mean for her words to come out as sharp and final as they did, but they did, and she watched her mom's face crumble.

She wanted to feel guilty. She couldn't. They couldn't treat her like they did her sisters. She might look like them and remember them and even kind of love them a little but she hasn't been part of this family for a long time and she couldn't handle being made to feel guilty by them.

'Regardless, you are not going.' She opened her mouth to argue before realizing how pointless it would be. Who would drive her there, if they didn't? Who would pay for her classes?

The same maddening feeling of helplessness and rage came back a hundred, a million times stronger, because they were aware of how helpless she was, right now, and they were using it against her.

'You're not being fair,' Santana said. Her voice was remarkably steady considering how hard Brittany was squeezing her hand. 'You don't have the right.' Brittany could hear the edge in Santana's voice that usually came right before the yelling and she pulled her up. She didn't want to get angry at the same time Santana was. She didn't want to fight anymore.

'Fine,' she said. 'We're going to go now.'

As soon as they had the door closed behind her she walked over to the bed and sat down. She wanted to hit something. Santana stood over her.

'Calm down,' she said. She pressed her fingers into Brittany's shoulders and she shivered.

'I just... I'm so _angry_,' she said wonderingly.

'Yeah. Move down a little,' Santana said, nudging at her knees, and she scooted nearer the middle of the mattress. Santana climbed onto her lap, knees on either side of her hips, and she kept rubbing Brittany's shoulders.

The combination of Santana so close to her as well as her insistent fingers on her neck quickly leached away the worst of her anger, and as soon as she relaxed a little Santana looped her arms around her neck instead. Her long hair tickled Brittany's nose and she moved her head so she could bury her face in her chest instead.

'I thought you would be angry with me,' she said. Her voice came out muffled and weird against the material covering Santana's chest.

'I am,' Santana said. 'I wish you hadn't done that.'

'But...'

'Everyone was already so angry with you I didn't see how me being angry too would have helped.' At that Brittany's felt guilty. She _had_ made them worried and scared. Maybe she shouldn't have been so mean.

'I'm sorry,' she said. Santana laughed a little.

'No, you're not.' She shrugged a little in response. She knew she was supposed to be.

'I know you can take care of yourself. Even if they say you can't. And I knew you would come back. They don't know you like I do.' Santana's voice went slow and husky, the way Brittany liked it best, and she pressed a quick kiss onto the tiny bit of exposed skin she could see.

'No one knows me like you do.'

'That's right,' Santana agreed lazily, and she leant back a little and pushed gently on Brittany's chest until she was flat against the bed.

Santana hovered over her for a second, staring at her and smiling before lowering her head to kiss her, and Brittany let the very last bits of anger just float away, melt away because Santana was sucking on her top lip in the way that made her toes curl. Her hands automatically moved to keep her close- because what would she do without this person who knew her so well? - until Santana pulled away.

'What were you doing? Where did you go?'

'Oh. Uh.' She blinked. 'I met a little girl. That's what I got in trouble for, I think, because I took her to the park.'

'You got in trouble for that?' She shrugged.

'You're not supposed to.' And she thought about another life where a seven year old Brittany would have to ask before going anywhere, and laughed a little.

'Can you imagine?' Santana said. 'Everything would have been so much more boring.'

'You would have been in so much trouble all the time,' she said, and Santana flicked her shoulder playfully. She stopped smiling, suddenly, and slid off of Brittany.

'I have to ask you something,' she said in a rush.

'Okay,' she said warily. She rolled onto her side so they were face to face.

'I don't like Mike,' Santana said. 'I know I only met him once but I don't like him.' She kept silent, because it was clear that Santana had practised whatever it was that she was going to say.

'At first I thought I didn't like him because he took you away from me, but I realized that I don't like him because _you_ like him. And you won't talk about him like you do everyone else.' Santana let her words hang for a second before continuing. 'And I don't know why.'

Santana stopped talking and Brittany felt her heart beat louder and faster until she was sure that the people downstairs would hear it.

'Brittany.' Santana's eyes looked soft and gentle, but she could see the worry and fear flickering in her eyes. 'Please just tell me. I can't stand it, waiting and not knowing because I can tell something is wrong and it can only be him because you don't talk about him-'

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Santana's, hard, and kept her face close after she pulled away.

'I didn't mean to hurt you,' she said, and Santana sighed, but kept silent. 'I just didn't say anything because I didn't know what I _would_ say.'

'What can you say now?' When she didn't say anything Santana gripped her hand in both of hers and smiled. It was a hard, painful looking smile.

'Did you want to kiss him?' She stared at Santana in horror.

'No,' she blurted out.

'But, yesterday, in the shower, you were thinking about him.' Santana's voice dropped low, so low that if they hadn't been so close together she would have missed it. She didn't answer.

Santana liked to run when she was upset, and Brittany could feel a minute tremor in her hand as she tried to stop herself from bolting away, and she waited as Santana settled again.

'I could tell because you weren't like you usually are.'

I don't want to hurt you.'

'What do you want, Britt?'

'I don't know. Can I just not know?' She didn't know why she was so frustrated. Maybe it was left over from fighting with her parents.

'Not if you're going to hurt me, Brittany.' Santana didn't sound angry. She sounded sad. Brittany wished she had sounded angry instead.

'I wouldn't do that. I won't do that,' she promised. Santana sniffled.

'But how will you know if you do?'

'I just will,' she said.

They lay quietly, and Brittany thought about what she had just promised and how she was going to keep it and she wanted to talk more, but she could feel that she had already hurt Santana badly and she didn't want to make it worse.

I don't want to be here anymore,' Santana said. Her voice was low and hoarse and if Brittany hadn't been looking at her she would have sworn she'd been crying.

She sat up and slid off the bed, and Brittany shivered at the sudden loss of warmth.

'Are you tired?' Santana asked.

'No,' she said. She couldn't relax.

'I'm going downstairs.'

'Why?'

'I think they're talking about us. They were before. I'm going to see what they're saying.' She watched Santana stalk towards the door, and pause. She gripped the doorknob hard and turned around to face her.

'Come with me?' She looked like she didn't want to ask her, like it hurt her, but she did ask, and Brittany slid off the bed to stand next to her.

They tiptoed out of the room and down the hall to the top of the stairs. Santana held a finger to her lips and Brittany nodded. They crept down the stairs and slipped into the kitchen. If they were very quiet and stayed near the counter they would be able to hear what was being said in the living room.

She couldn't see Santana in the dark, and she held on tight to her hand.

'…You're being selfish.' Her mother's voice was louder than she thought it would be and she jumped a little.

'No I'm not. I deserve to know that my child is safe.' her dad's voice carried even further.

'She is. We just need to deal with them the way they are now, and not push them.'

'You heard what she said. How are we supposed to control them when they won't listen?' her dad demanded.

'They will. We just need to approach this differently.' She didn't know Santana's mom was in the room too. She snuck a peek at Santana but it was so dark all she could see was her outline.

'I think you should consider putting Brittany in therapy too,' she continued. 'I think it could help.'

'Help what?'

'She needs help, Frank.'

'Not the same way. She's different. She's not violent.' It suddenly got so quiet in there Brittany could feel it scraping at her ears. She shook her head to get rid of the weird feeling.

'Santana's not violent. Is that what you were saying?' Santana's mom sounded just like her when she was angry, and Brittany had to stifle a bizarre urge to giggle.

'No, of course not.' The air was getting thicker and the house felt like it was shrinking, like all of the sudden and uncomfortable tension in the other room was pulling the house in so they were all squished together. The house had never felt this small before.

'But we can't let this keep on happening.'

'I didn't _let_ anything happen. I dropped her right outside.'

'That's not what I was trying to say.' I don't know… do we let them get away with too much? I just feel we let them get away with too much because we still feel so damn guilty. '

'There was nothing we could have done, Frank.' About what? She fought the urge to just burst into the room and tell them that it wasn't right that they were just talking about her, but she knew they would stop talking if they knew she was listening.

'But they were there. Brittany were there and alive and I just feel like I abandoned her. They should have died. They manage to survive whatever the hell they went through while they were stuck there and now I'm just going to mess her up here.'

'She's fine.'

'She's not. She's _not_. This- it's not normal. How are we supposed to teach her twelve years' worth of knowledge before something really terrible happens?'

'You're being alarmist, Frank.'

'Don't. She got arrested for accidentally kidnapping a child. That is not normal. They might still bring charges against her!'

'Don't yell.'

'I'm not yelling. I'm saying-' She'd had enough. She had to almost drag Santana away from the kitchen, but she pulled her away, anyway. They went back upstairs quietly and carefully and her heart didn't stop hammering against her chest until the door was shut.

She locked the door behind them, for the first time.

**I know that was a little short but that's because it was originally just the second half of the previous chapter. I had cut it in half because it was taking too long to finish all at once and I wanted to publish something.**


	17. If You Love Me 2011

**A Santana POV chapter, finally!**

* * *

><p>Santana woke up to an empty bed and wet pooling in between her legs. She pulled the blankets back to streaks of red clinging to her thighs and smeared down the sheets.<p>

There was a knock on the door and her mother stuck her head in. She threw the blankets back over her.

'Breakfast will be ready soon,' she said, and Santana nodded and smiled until the door closed.

* * *

><p>She's couldn't not wear clothes. She couldn't do that here. But that was what she and Brittany had always done, and she didn't like the idea of staining her new pretty clothes. She'd already messed up the bed sheets. But she was hungry, and she couldn't wait any longer.<p>

* * *

><p>'Santana? Honey, turn around.' She spun slowly at the sound of her mother's voice and froze when she heard a gasp. 'Why don't you come upstairs with me,' her mom said, and the next thing she knew she was being led upstairs and into the bathroom.<p>

'Just wait right here,' her mom said, and she hurried out of the room. She had barely left when the door opened again and Brittany poked her head in.

'Hi,' she said, hugely relieved. 'Come in here.' Brittany closed the door behind her and sat next to her on the rim of the bathtub.

'Did I mess the chair up?'

'Yeah,' Brittany said, and her face burned. 'Don't worry, they don't look mad. My dad went all red and left the room, though.' She laughed a little at that, but she could still feel embarrassment rushing through her, making her heart thud hard against her ribcage.

'I forget stuff all the time,' Brittany continued. 'Like when I left the bathtub running and Louise slipped and almost fell down the stairs.' This time she laughed for real, even though it came out too sharp and loud.

The door opened and her mom came in carrying a new pair of shorts.

'Here you go,' she said and she grunted a thank you and balled them up in her hands.

'Brittany, will you give us a minute?' Brittany blinked up at her mom with the expression that she was quickly beginning to recognize as fake confusion.

'Why?'

'I want her to stay,' Santana said quickly.

'I thought I should have a talk about what's happening. It might be easier if it's private.'

'But it's going to be me in…' she looked at Santana.

'Two days,' she supplied quietly.

'Two days.' Santana had never seen her give her sad, give-me-what-I-want look to anyone else and she watched in fascination as her mom visibly softened.

Her mom finally left the bathroom to let her change, and Brittany watched as she stripped her shorts off and dropped them in a corner of the bathroom.

'What are you going to do with those?' She shrugged.

'How about you help me with this instead,' she said, brandishing the pad her mom had left on the counter.

* * *

><p>Silence didn't come naturally to her. It was part of what made being here so hard.<p>

'I'm concerned about why you don't feel comfortable talking to me anymore, Santana. Is it something I said in the first meeting?' They were sitting in the two chairs right next to the window and she had her knees pulled up close to her chest. She shook her head.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk.

'Are you sleeping better now?' When they were sitting here, like this, her doctor's long blonde hair reflected the sun, just like Brittany's, and the little lines she had around her eyes, the same ones her mom had, seemed to disappear.

What was the point of answering all these questions? She didn't see how talking about what she thought of Brittany's family would make her feel better.

'Yes. No,' she said, startling herself. 'I don't know.' Her voice sounded wrong in the room, too bright, too intrusive.

'Do you want to say more?'

She shook her head.

It wasn't that she didn't want to speak. All her words were wrong.

* * *

><p>Her mom was waiting for her just outside the office, like always, and they walked to the car in silence.<p>

'Do you want to stop for ice cream?'

'Sure.'

She loved ice cream. She loved the shocking sweetness and the piercing pain when she scooped too much in her mouth at once. Her mom reached across the console in the car and wiped something off her face. She flinched.

'Sorry,' her mom said. 'You just...' she held up her thumb to show a smear of white. 'You're a little messy,' her mom said apologetically.

She finished her ice cream and wiped her hands on her shorts.

'We could go back,' her mom said. 'Or we could go for a drive.' She shrugged.

'I don't mind.'

They parked on a hill where they could see most of the city.

'I don't want to see her anymore,' she said.

'Why?'

'I don't even talk to her. I don't want to talk to her.'

'I can't do that, Santana.' Her mom sounded sad, and sorry. Not sorry enough to make her stop going, though.

'I just don't understand what you want me to say to her.' Her voice came out low and sad and she wished she could make it stronger.

'I just don't know what else to do,' her mom said, after a long, uncomfortable silence. 'I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to be...'

'What?'

'Happy. I just want you to be happy.'

* * *

><p>The pills she still had to take didn't make the dreams go away; they just dampened them down so it was like she was seeing everything through fog, or like she was sleepy in the dream.<p>

The pills just made her wake up slowly and quietly instead of slowly and loudly like before, like she was pulling herself out of a mud pit, but as long as she wasn't hitting anyone or waking everyone else up she figured she could deal with them.

That's what she thought during the day, anyway.

She woke up that night with sweat pouring off her and a scream caught in her throat, and she threw the covers off her to try to cool off. Brittany didn't move, she didn't so much as stir, and she took a moment to squeeze her hand in both of hers before she swung herself out of bed and stood up.

The rest of the house was as quiet and dark as their room, and she made her way to the living room as carefully as she could.

The TV was flickering on and off like she knew it would be, and she eased herself down next to the other person on the couch.

'Hi,' Louise said as the kept flicking through the channels. 'I thought you were actually going to get a full night's sleep tonight.' She laughed tiredly at the idea and curled up to one of the big cushions. 'What do you want to watch tonight?'

'Um. That show with the guy.'

'What, the old guy?'

'Yeah.' The TV flickered again and a tall old guy introduced himself as TV's Craig Ferguson. She slid down further on the couch.

'Can I ask you something?' She didn't say anything, which Louise apparently took as a yes. 'I don't want this sound like some kind of suspicious thing, but does Brittany know you're here?'

'No.'

'Are you going to tell her?'

'I don't want her to worry,' she said quietly. Which was true, she didn't, but she also didn't want to explain why she was here, why she snuck out of their room to sit with Brittany's sister and watch too-happy people laugh together on the TV.

She fell asleep right around when the show was wrapping up and Louise had to shake her awake. She muttered a thanks and went back up, to bed.

Brittany was in the same position she had left her in, only she had curled up to the pillow that Santana had been using. When she sat down on the edge of the bed Brittany's arms swiftly released the pillow and clamped around her waist, pulling her closer.

She manoeuvred as well as she could so she could lie back down and as soon as she did Brittany's eyes opened. They were drowsy, bleary with sleep, and she could tell that she wasn't really awake.

'Whr were you,' Brittany mumbled, and she stroked wild strands of hair off her face. She watched as she calmed, and her eyes fluttered shut again.

'I wasn't anywhere,' she said, and she pulled her closer.

* * *

><p>Greg still came around most days, and it was hard to fight against him and hate him when he was telling them things she wanted to know so badly.<p>

Brittany had more or less stopped listening to him, and she depended on Santana to let her know if he said anything important. That meant she had to pay double attention; for her and so she could remember how she was going to tell Brittany.

She hadn't had to learn this much since Will, since he tried to keep them reading and writing and after he had died she had actually _felt _it all bleeding away from her. Doing some of the same stuff now was like having old parts of her, things she had let die because she didn't think she would ever need again be shaken awake.

It hurt her head, most times.

As soon as Greg left she and Brittany went straight back upstairs because Brittany had seen her mom coming and she didn't want to talk to her, which made sense, because normally Brittany would be heading up to her dance class about now.

Was it bad that Santana was secretly happy that Brittany couldn't go? Probably. It was probably selfish to want to keep her from the thing that made her so happy, but it was really hard to care sometimes, when she got to close the door behind them and have Brittany all to herself for a little while.

Brittany lifted the top off one of the paint containers and dipped her brush in. It would be a lot easier, she thought, to tell what Brittany was painting if she would just fill in the important things first instead of filling in random bits and pieces in what looked like random locations on the wall.

She knew it wasn't, though. She knew that Brittany could see the whole picture in her head and one day she would add the last brush stroke on and it would be perfect, and whole.

She watched Brittany swipe angry marks across the wall for a little longer before she couldn't stand it anymore.

'I'll dance with you,' she said. Brittany turned around.

'What?'

'I'll dance with you.' She looked so sad. She couldn't stand her looking so sad.

'Oh. Okay,' Brittany said, and a little smile appeared on her face. 'Come here.'

She got off the bed and walked to where Brittany was, and stood in front of her. She didn't know what to do with her arms and just held them stiffly in front of her. Brittany laughed a little.

'It's not that hard,' she said. 'Here.' She took one of Santana's hands, the one she liked to use most, and draped it on her shoulder, and clasped her other hand in hers gently.

'Just like this,' she said, and moved her feet to the side. She almost tripped over her feet trying to catch up, and Brittany held her a little tighter.

'It's okay. I'll lead you, and you just do what I do.' She concentrated on moving like Brittany did, and it didn't take long before she was more comfortable. She relaxed.

They moved around the room slowly, carefully, Brittany's arm strong on her lower back and keeping her stable. She shrieked a little when Brittany dipped her and brought her back up.

'Sorry,' she said, out of breath, and Brittany let go of her waist for a second so she could brush some hair off of her face.

'Sorry,' she said. 'I should have warned you.'

'It's okay. Show me something else.' Brittany looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before pulling away and twirling her round in a circle, keeping hold of her hand and pulling her close again. She laughed, a little breathlessly.

'That was fun,' she said, and Brittany smiled and hummed a little, her mouth right next to Santana's ear. It wasn't anything, barely a tune, but it seemed to go perfectly with how their feet were moving.

She couldn't help but picture Brittany like this, with someone else. Did she stand this close to him, so she could feel his heart thudding right against her chest? Did he get to touch her hair, hold her hand?

She knew she had to share her. She knew that. Her mom had to have some of her time, just like Santana's did. She couldn't keep Brittany all to herself now that there was someone else other than just her to love her.

But wasn't there a part of Brittany that was just for her?

She should ask her.

She should.

But what if she did and it turned out that there wasn't? That all of Brittany was for someone else and there wasn't any part just for her?

She didn't think she would be able to take it.

* * *

><p>'Do you want to play a game?' The therapist offered.<p>

She shook her head.

* * *

><p>This time she actually got downstairs before Louise, and she sat on the couch and waited for her to come down.<p>

'Jesus _Fuck_,' Louise hissed, when she turned on one of the small lamps and saw Santana sitting on the couch, waiting for her. 'Don't you turn on the lights? You scared the shit out of me.' She shrugged, and Louise let out a reluctant laugh. 'You're so fucking weird sometimes.' She turned the TV on and flicked it to a music channel. 'So do you want to tell me what's got you up this time?'

'Do you?'

'Fair enough.'

She flicked the TV channels, faster and faster, until the flickering started to make her feel sick. She closed her eyes.

'If you want to go to bed I won't be offended or anything,' Louise said.

'No, I'm okay,' she said, and she pried her eyes open as a dancing dog appeared on the screen.

* * *

><p>'I have an idea,' her therapist said. 'Why don't I tell you a little bit about me?'<p>

'What?'

'I was thinking, it's not really fair that I want to know all this stuff about you when you don't really know anything about me. Would that work?'

She nodded warily. She didn't really know anything about anyone here, except for her mom and Brittany and Louise.

'Well, my name is Quinn. I am forty four years old, and I have lived in California all my life. Let's see. I'm not married, and I have a son. He's seven. I like to bike and I go camping when I can. I like to read, mostly scary books.'

'I like to read. I can't... I loved to read.' That was too much information. Was that too much? She had said more than she had meant to. She snuck an apprehensive look at her therapist- Quinn- but her face hadn't moved from looking relaxed and kind of interested.

'My son likes to read,' Quinn said. 'He's only just starting to get the hang of it but I think he really likes it.'

'It makes my head hurt,' she said, 'but I think I could like it.'

* * *

><p>'You seem different today,' Brittany said when she came back<p>

'I feel different,' she said. 'What were you doing?'

* * *

><p>'I have another idea,' Quinn said. 'You can ask me questions about me, and if I don't want to answer I'll say 'I would prefer not to answer that', alright?'<p>

She shrugged.

'So, do you have any questions?'

'Um. What's your son's name?'

'Ryan.'

'And what about his dad?' Quinn smiled a little.

'I would prefer not to answer that.' She racked her brain, but it was harder thinking of things to find out about people.

'I think I'm out of questions.'

'Okay. Can I ask you some? If you don't want to answer you can just say so, like I did.' Santana pulled her feet up and tucked them under her.

'Why?'

'I would just like to know more about you, if you don't mind. Is it okay if I ask you some questions?' She wanted to say no, but she also wanted to see what Quinn wanted to know about her.

'I guess.'

'What do you think of my office?' She had been expecting a question about Brittany or her parents or how she was sleeping and it took her a second to get over the shock.

'It's nice. It's big. I like the space,' she added.

'You like the space?'

'Yeah. It's like, big. It's nice. I like it here,' she said without thinking.

'I'm glad.'

'No, not you. I don't like you. I like your office,' she said quickly, but the damage had already been done, and Quinn smiled at her from across the desk.

* * *

><p>Afterwards, her mom took her to the ice cream shop and drove up to the top again without her having to say anything, but this time they both got out of the car and sat on the hood. The view from up here made her dizzy. She wondered if she could find Brittany's house from here, if she tried really hard.<p>

'Can I ask you something?'

'Sure.' Her mom settled against the car and turned towards her expectantly.

'Where did my dad go?'

The silence that followed that was long enough for her to make her way though most of her ice cream.

'Your father loves you very much,' her mom said. She started on the cone. 'He's just busy.'

'I don't care or anything,' she said quickly. 'It's just, I was wondering, because Brittany's dad is around and so is her mom and I thought he would be too.'

'He just doesn't know how to cope, that's all. He calls you,' her mom said, half beseechingly.

He did call, now and then. But the toneless, faceless voice talking about business and a home she couldn't remember could have been from anyone in the world.

'I wish he would stop,' she said quietly.

'Santana-'

'I don't think he likes me.' This high up her voice rang out stronger and more confident than she had meant them to. It made it easier to believe what she was saying.

'Don't say that, Santana,' her mom said. 'He does. Not everyone is as good at showing it.'

'He didn't before, did he?' She didn't have much of anything when it came to memories of what life before the island had been like, but she remembered birthday parties where Emma was the only person there and being the only child not to have a parent come in on Career day and teachers having to drop her home because no one came to pick her up.

'He didn't, and I don't think you did. But I came back and now you love me and you want to take me places.'

Her mom was crying, silently, deeply, and she watched as thick tears rolled down her face.

'Because you love me now,' she said. 'Why now, and not then? What was I doing wrong then?'

Sometimes remembering what it had been like before was almost impossible, like trying to remember a conversation in an old dream, but other times like now, it hurt like it had all happened yesterday, or a few moments ago, and it was worse because her mother was sitting next to her crying and all she could do was keep on asking hurting questions.

'Nothing,' her mom said. Her voice was thick. Like she was talking through a blanket. 'Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. It was... you were hard. You didn't like hugs and you didn't like to listen and Emma was so much better with you. We thought you would be better off if she helped... and then you left.'

'I didn't leave,' she said.

'Sorry.' She wiped her eyes. 'You went away, and I missed you so much. So much, after I had spent so much time keeping away from you.' She winced involuntarily at the last part and her mom threw her an apologetic glance.

'And my dad?'

'He looked for you. We all looked so hard for you for so long, and after a while I think he just let go. Because you were gone and I think he thought it would be better.'

'Then we got rescued.'

'And you weren't five anymore. And you and Brittany...'

'What?'

'No, never mind.'

The wind whipped up suddenly, strong and harsh and unpleasantly cold. She let go of the shreds of napkin she still had in her hand and watched them bob away in the breeze.

'It's not you. You did amazing. You are amazing, you and Brittany, surviving the way you did. I can't imagine how hard it must have been and now you have to do it all over again. I just don't want to miss anything else.'

She didn't know what to say. What were you supposed to say when a person- a virtual stranger, still- laid themselves out like this?

She tried to speak, but the words choked and died in her throat and she settled for resting a tentative hand on her shoulders.

'I missed you too,' she said eventually. Her mom moved her hand off her shoulders and grasped it in her own, and she stared down at the small, soft hand wrapped around hers. The rings on her hands cut into her fingers.

They got back into the car when she started to shiver uncontrollably and drove back down the hill. Her mom seemed to be driving slower than usual.

'Can I ask you something else?' Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. Santana couldn't really blame her, not when she still had tear tracks on her face.

'You don't usually live with Brittany's family, right?' Her mom laughed a little.

'No, definitely not.'

'Where do you live?'

'Not too far away, actually. A few hours' drive.' She stopped talking, turned the car into the street that Brittany's house was on. 'You could come and see it if you want.' The car pulled to a stop.

'I don't know,' she said. 'Maybe.'

* * *

><p>Louise found her in the kitchen, running a scalded hand over running water in the sink.<p>

'What are you doing?' She scanned the mess she had made of the kitchen: the overturned saucepan, the milk slowly dripping onto the floor and the hot chocolate powder which was still settling over most of the counter.

'I was trying to make a drink,' she said, and winced as her hand throbbed. Louise looked at her for another second before bursting into little giggles.

'Don't _laugh_ at me,' she snapped, her eyes welling up from the pain and the stupid situation she was in.

'Sorry,' Louise said. 'Here, let me help.' She fiddled with the tap so the water ran cooler and adjusted her hand so more water ran over it.

'It looks like it's okay,' she said after a while. 'Here, sit over there and I'll clean up.'

She perched on a clean part of the counter and watched as Louise cleaned up the mess and started to make the hot chocolate again.

'Here you go,' she said a little while later, pushing a steaming cup towards her. 'Just drink it,' she added, when Santana poked suspiciously at the marshmallows floating at the top.

She did, and it was good. Really good.

'Thanks,' she muttered, because Louise was watching her with amused eyes and kind of expectantly, like she was waiting for something. When they had finished they stacked the cups in the sink.

'Stay here, I'm going to get you something for your burn,' Louise said. She came back with a small white tube and some bandages.

'Give me your hand.' She let Louise pull her hand towards her and turn it over to expose the red, angry-looking part. She popped the cap off the small tube and Santana winced as a cool, white cream smeared across her skin.

'So what would you do if you got hurt? Before, I mean.' It took her a second to realise what Louise was asking.

'Not much. We usually just cleaned up the blood and tried to get the dirt out.' Louise's nose wrinkled as she finished securing the bandage.

'That sounds horrible. You guys were so lucky you didn't die of a horrible infection. Sorry,' she added.

Santana shrugged.

'So how did you get this?' Louise said, running her hand up a long, thin scar on her forearm. She pulled her hand away.

'I can't remember. I think it was some kind of bird, but I'm not sure,' she said. Louise shook her head.

'They're gonna make a Lifetime movie about you by the end of the year, I would bet my car on it.'

* * *

><p>By the time she got upstairs she was so tired she was swaying on her feet. Brittany was sleeping just how she had left her, sprawled on her back, her limbs splayed out like a starfish. She cuddled up to her side and slung one leg over hers, pulling her close. Brittany woke up a little when she nuzzled into her neck.<p>

'Where were you?' she asked.

'Go back to sleep,' Santana said pulling the covers up higher. Brittany's eyes closed obediently, but her arms locked around Santana tight.

'Stop leaving me,' she said, and by the time Santana had processed what she said she had fallen asleep again, her warm breath tickling the hairs on the top of her head.

* * *

><p>She woke up the next morning to Brittany's face right next to hers, so close that when she moved her face their lips brushed together.<p>

'Hi,' Brittany said, and she grunted in response. She was still so tired she could barely keep her eyes open, and she let them close again.

'No, be awake,' Brittany pleaded softly. She felt lips brush hers once, twice, three times and she shivered as Brittany pressed a little harder.

'Britt, I can't. I'm really tired.' The combination of fighting the pills and saying up with Louise must have started to catch up with her, finally.

'But you've already missed breakfast,' Brittany said.

'I did?'

'Uh huh. Everyone's been up for ages.' Brittany moved her lips along her jaw, dragging her teeth gently along the skin and making it hard to lay still.

'Britt,' she whined. 'I'm tired.' She burrowed into her chest and Brittany giggled. One of her hands roamed over Santana's back, running over her spine again and again. In a swift move Brittany rolled her onto her back and hovered over her.

'Let me just look at you,' she said, and Santana let her eyes drift shut as Brittany kissed her again, only softer, and she sighed as her lips travelled up to her hairline then down to her neck, and soon she was pulling at the neck of her shirt to get at her collarbone. She felt a draft of cool air when Brittany pulled the covers back- probably so she could pull her shirt up.

Then nothing.

When she couldn't stand the suspense anymore she cracked an eye open to see Brittany staring at her hand.

'What's that?' she said, gesturing at the clean white bandage covering her burn.

She tucked her hand behind her back and tried her best to look confused. 'What's what?' Brittany gave her an exasperated look and dragged her hand out from behind her back.

'Did you get hurt?' Brittany ran a fingernail along the edge of the bandage carefully. She tried to pull her hand back but Brittany held on tight, squeezing her fingers and looking at her expectantly.

'Did something hurt you?'

'No, Britt.' She managed to pull her hand away and she cradled it against her chest. 'I just hurt it when I got up last night.'

'Let me see,' Brittany said, reaching for her again, and she jerked herself away from her.

'No,' she said, and Brittany rocked back on her heels.

'Who fixed it for you?'.

'Louise.'

'I thought you would have asked me to do it,' Brittany said. She looked like she was trying very hard not to look upset, which only made Santana more annoyed, for some reason.

'Well, she was already there,' she said. 'Look, it's not anything. I'm fine, see.' She flapped her hand around a couple of times to show her. Brittany didn't move though; she just looked like she was trying very hard not to say something else.

'What is it?'

'You saw Louise?'

'Downstairs. What is it?'

'I just wish you had woken me up instead,' Brittany said.

'I wish you wanted to dance with me instead of Mike,' she said, before she could stop herself. Her voice sounded rough, angry, less like her speaking voice and more like the bitter one that sometimes popped up in the back of her head.

She hadn't meant to say that; she hadn't meant to make Brittany's face crumple and her back stiffen. Brittany got off the bed.

'That's not fair,' she said, and the guilt she was feeling was very quickly being eclipsed by the anger and hurt she had been holding onto tight since Brittany had come home and looked at her like she was seeing someone's face instead of hers.

'Why isn't it fair? You make your own friends, and I can too,' she said, and the small, spiteful part of her that mentioned Mike thrilled in seeing Brittany set her jaw and take another step back.

'Santana, stop it,' Brittany said, holding her head high, and her roaring anger began to subside. She got off the bed.

'Brittany...'

'I don't want to talk to you anymore,' Brittany said, and now she felt terrible, a hundred times worse than when she had to watch Brittany's face light up when it was time to go to dance lessons.

She had never hurt Brittany like this. She had no idea how to fix it.

Brittany cracked the door open just as a loud, shrill voice cut through the air. They both jumped as another voice joined it, calming the first until they could barely hear what was happening.

They both crept out of the room and stood at the top of the stairs where they could just see into the kitchen. The yelling had stopped, but the air thrummed with an energy that made her want to move away. Like that time with a hurricane.

She tugged at Brittany's shirt to get her attention and pointed back to their room, and Brittany nodded and led the way back to the room.

It was still cramped and uncomfortable to be in here when after they had just fought, but she would rather be upset with Brittany in here than out there.

* * *

><p>'I can't believe you stayed in your room the whole day,' Louise said, and she shrugged. 'How's your hand?' She flexed it and wiggled the fingers.<p>

'Fine,' she said, and she showed her the much better looking burned part. 'Brittany helped me take it off,' she added.

They were in the living room again, too late, or maybe it was early now, with everything off except for the TV. Louise was flicking through the channels so fast everything turned into a huge blur.

'Did you hear what they were saying?' she asked, and she knew that Louise would get what she meant because she and Brittany had heard low tense voices on and off all day, with long, quiet stretches in between, and there was no way anyone in the house could have missed it.

'Not really,' Louise said. 'I left as soon as I could.'

They settled on a channel, a black and white show with some kind of dancing animal.

'It's not your fault,' Louise said. 'I mean, it kind of is, but not because of you. The house just seems a lot smaller than it did before.'

'How?'

'Me and Katie left for college, and Mom and Dad always had to fly out to promote stuff. We were almost never in the same place for more than a couple of weeks and now we've all been packed into this house for what- a month now? It's crazy,' she said, shaking her head like she was trying not to smile. 'I mean, there's enough space in this house that we wouldn't have to see each other ever if we didn't want to, but we still keep on bumping into each other. And then...' she gestured vaguely at the kitchen.

So she wasn't the only one who felt like the house was squeezing her. She wasn't the only one who tried to avoid other people as much as she could.

'So they're doing this all for us,' she said, slightly awed.

'For Brittany. Our parents anyway. She was always their favourite,' Louise said wistfully. 'Me and Katie didn't mind, though, because we loved her too. You can't help but love her.'

'I know,' Santana said, past the sudden lump in her throat, because she knew she understood better than anyone how much Brittany could be loved, how you couldn't help it.

'And then she comes back with no social skills to speak of and some kind of bonded soul partner,' Louise continues, 'and we're all back to being under the same roof so we can try to make this work. Because we love her. Because we lost her.'

She combed her brain for something to say that would bring things back to the normal of watching TV and drinking hot chocolate and not this, because if she really wanted to cry and talk about feelings she would be upstairs with Brittany talking about Mike and their parents and all the other things that gnawed at the back of her mind whenever she was awake.

In the end she didn't say anything, and Louise stopped looking like she was going to burst into tears any second.

'Anyway. I'm going to go and get a drink. Do you want anything?' She shook her head and watched as Louise turned the corner into the kitchen, her body blocking the light coming from the kitchen until the sitting room was nearly dark.

* * *

><p>'Can I just tell you something? Do I have to wait for you to ask me?' Quinn fiddled with her glasses and looked at her for a second before answering.<p>

'You can ask me.'

'When we were rescued, I told the sailor that my name was Pierce.'

'What do you mean?'

'He asked our names, and how old we were, and I said that my name was Santana Pierce.'

'Why do you think you said that?'

'Because I wanted to be. I thought I was. I mean, I thought her name sounded so much cooler than mine. It's really long,' she said. 'I thought if I said Pierce then I would be hers, more.'

She wiped her face.

'But I met all the other Pierces and I'm not one of them... I don't belong with them. I'm a _Lopez_,' she said. 'That doesn't sound the same at all.'

'Did Brittany know that you named yourself Pierce?' Quinn asked. No she hadn't, not until the day they were rescued, because she had decided by herself when she was nine and she had never gotten around to telling her.

'Did she mind when you told her?'

'No.' She had shot Santana a quizzical glance for half a second as they waded into the surf but that was about it. She hadn't even brought it up later.

'So she loved you before she knew, and she loves you now.'

'Yeah, but...'

'So, maybe, all you have to do is remember that, and try not to worry about what people call you.'

'Yeah...'

'What is it?'

'We had a fight about something really stupid. It was my fault.'

'Why don't you say you're sorry?'

'I know _that_,' she said.

'Well, have you?'

No, because what if Brittany didn't forgive her? She knew it was highly unlikely, but it had occurred to her only the night before that Brittany had options, other people that she could like better. Sorry probably wouldn't be enough.

'Telling her you're sorry and really meaning it is the only thing you can do. And maybe talk about what went wrong so it doesn't happen again,' Quinn said, waving her glasses around a little, and she cracked a small smile.

* * *

><p>She found Brittany at the end of the yard, near the fence, and when Brittany saw her she bounded up and swept her into a hug.<p>

'I'm really sorry,' Brittany said.

'No, wait, I was going to say that first.'

'No, I should be sorry.' She let go of Santana but held on to her hands. 'At first I was really mad at you because you were mean to me. But then I thought about it and I realized that you were only mean to me because you were sad. And that's because of me. Because I think I made you feel like I don't love you as much anymore.'

She tightened her grip on Brittany's hands.

'And if you ever made me feel like that I think I would probably die, so I feel like a huge idiot for doing that to you.'

'Don't say that,' she cut in. Brittany frowned down at her.

'Don't interrupt me, I've been practising this.'

'Oh. Sorry.'

'Anyway, I'm really sorry, and I wanted to say that even though I love lots of people now I love you best and I always will. Even if I meet everyone in the world.'

'I love you best too,' she said, and her cheeks started to hurt from smiling. 'I still shouldn't have been mean to you.' Brittany did something that looked halfway between a shrug and a nod and smiled.

'So what were you doing down here?' she asked.

'Waiting for that cat I saw that one time,' Brittany replied. 'But I don't think he's going to come back.'

'Can I wait with you?'

'Sure,' Brittany said, and she pulled Santana down to the soft grass.

* * *

><p><strong>Please leave a review!<strong>


	18. There's Nothing Like Me And You 2011

**Please accept internet cupcakes as an apology for the lateness of this chapter. **

**A quick thanks to ehekic on tumblr for pushing me to finish writing this chapter. It would probably have taken even longer (is that even possible?) without her gentle prodding.**

* * *

><p>Santana's mom turned the page and pointed to the picture in the middle.<p>

'That's your abuelo,' she said. 'My father.'

'Where does he live?' Santana asked. He wasn't smiling in the picture.

'He lived in San Jose. That's where your abuela lives too. Look, there she is,' her mom said, and she pointed to anther picture of a small woman standing in front of a house. Santana studied the picture closer, looked at the dark eyes and sharp cheekbones and her hand floated up to touch her own face.

'I remember her,' she said. 'She used to pick me up every day.'

'She calls all the time, asking about you,' her mom said. She paused, delicately, and she ran her fingers along her bedspread. 'She would love to see you,' she said.

'She can come visit,' Santana agreed, and her mom sighed.

'I was thinking maybe we could go there, for a little while,' her mom said delicately.

'Um, well, okay,' she said. 'But we can't go for too long because Brittany said she thinks her mom will let her start dance classes again soon.'

Her mom reached forward and held onto her hand, and it felt so surprising- warm and soft and anxious- that she had to stop herself from jerking her hand away.

'I think Brittany's family is going to want her to stay with them,' she said gently.

'Then I can't go,' she said, shrugging. She pulled her hand out of her mom's hold and slid off the bed.

'Santana...'

'No, I can't. I'm sorry,' she said. She made sure to close the door on the way out.

* * *

><p>Santana decided that one of the reasons she was having so much trouble sleeping was the light. It didn't seem to bother Brittany at all, but even the smallest sliver of light creeping in beneath the door or slipping in between the curtains would wake her up.<p>

She knew that if she got up now Louise would be waiting downstairs with a cup of hot chocolate, but her body was too tired to lift her out of bed. It had been too much. Barely sleeping and the high strung energy around the house had finally worn her out and she would just have to lay there until she fell back asleep or the sun rose.

She closed her eyes to try to help herself fall back asleep and jumped when something began to skim the outside of her arm.

'Sorry,' Brittany murmured. 'I didn't mean to scare you.' Santana cracked an eye open.

'How did you know I was awake?'

'You were moving around too much to be asleep,' Brittany said, and she laid her head on Santana's chest. 'I had a dream that we were back on the island, and you were making me a necklace but you wouldn't stop and it got so big it took up the whole beach.'

'Then what happened?'

'I woke up.' A hand snuck past the bottom of her shirt and palmed her stomach, and she caught her breath as Brittany's thumb rubbed small circles onto her skin.

'I didn't mean to wake you up,' she said, and arched her back a little to try to get Brittany to touch her a little more.

'I want to be awake when you are,' Brittany said, and she moved her head up so Santana could feel her breath on her neck, and then again so Brittany's head was laying on the pillow next to her. She turned her head so she could see her properly. Brittany's eyes shone at her through the dark.

'What were you dreaming about?' Brittany asked, and the hand on her stomach pressed down, just a little, as she instinctively tensed. 'Tell me,' she said.

She opened her mouth to say nothing but it got caught in her throat, and Brittany waited patiently as she struggled to not lie to her.

'I can't stop dreaming about Will,' she said, and his name stuttered out of her mouth. Brittany's hand stopped drawing aimless circles on her stomach and she looked at Santana with slight surprise. Santana never brought him up if she could help it, never ever, because even thinking about him made her think of raw flesh and the hot, sweet smell of blood and it made her stomach spin like she was going to be sick.

'Oh,' was all Brittany said, and her fingers dug into Santana's stomach, just a little.

They never talked about him, but every time they had made fire the way he had or scratched a mark into the tree or used the nets they had made she had felt him there, and he had felt as present as the birds or the wind or the sky. She had never dreamed about him before, though.

Why was it that he only came back after they had left? It didn't seem fair.

'Tell me,' Brittany said, and her hand slid upwards to tickle the bottom of her ribs.

'Nothing,' she said. 'He's just there. He's always just _there.' _

'I'm here, too,' Brittany said quietly. 'So you don't have to worry.'

'I know you are,' she sighed. Brittany scooted even closer to her so that she was pressed right up against Santana's side, and Santana felt warm lips skim up and down her neck. She shivered and tried to turn to face her but Brittany angled her body to keep her in place.

'Just relax,' Brittany murmured, and she shifted so she was lying partly on top of her. She moved forward so she could kiss her, and Santana felt her body sink into the bed as Brittany teased her mouth open and dipped her tongue between her lips. Brittany pulled back and moved down, peppering kisses over her neck, and she tried to hold back a whimper.

Brittany shifted so she could support all of her weight on one arm, and she used the other one to pull the bottom of the shirt that Santana was sleeping in up as high as she could. Her lips went back to Santana's neck, kissing and biting gently and it wasn't long before she was squirming, trying to pull Brittany more into her. Brittany resisted, kissing her softly and gently until the desperate burn subsided into a steady ache, gathering heat and curling low in her stomach.

This was just like before, on the island, when they would spend almost full days just kissing and touching because nothing else in the whole world had ever felt as important. She let her mind go blank and just concentrated on the warmth and weight of Brittany under her, and the feel of her skin. She could feel Brittany doing the same thing: skimming her fingers down Santana's neck, and resettling herself on top of her so they fit together perfectly. The measured, soft rhythm drew out the last of the tension from her muscles until she could barely keep her eyes open, and her hand slipped from Brittany's hair.

As soon as she did Brittany pressed one last lingering kiss before tucking her head under Santana's chin and wrapping her arms around her waist.

'If you can't sleep, just wake me up,' she murmured, and Santana barely managed to nod letting her eyes shut.

* * *

><p>She woke up alone the next morning, and when she walked downstairs to find people she was surprised when there wasn't anyone around.<p>

'They all left. Work and stuff,' Louise said from behind her, and she jumped.

'You could at least warn me,' she said snippily, and Louise raised an eyebrow.

'It's not my fault you're grumpy this morning. Are you hungry?' She nodded, but jumped forward when Louise started towards the cupboards.

'No, it's fine, I can do it,' she said, and hunted around until she found what she was looking for. She eventually sat down with a glass of juice and a bowl of dry cereal.

'Are you sure you don't want milk?' She shook her head. She knew she was supposed to have it over her cereal but the sickly, sticky taste made her stomach turn. She picked the colourful parts of the cereal out with her fingers and ate them first.

'Where's Brittany?' It was weird that she wasn't around.

'She's in the basement. She asked me to put on some music for her,' Louise said. 'Do you want to go down when you're finished?'

'Maybe later,' she said. 'What are you doing today?'

'Nothing,' Louise said. 'I don't have class today, so I got volunteered to keep you company while they go out.'

'Oh. You don't have to stay. We'll be fine.'

'Nah, don't worry about it.'

'We could go out,' she said suddenly. 'We could go… I don't know, you would have to pick, but I think we should go out for a while.'

'We can't do that, Santana,' Louise said.

'Why?' Her voice came out higher and sadder than she meant it to and she scowled to try to distract herself from the heat she could feel in her cheeks.

'It's just not a good idea, okay? Besides mom said you guys shouldn't leave until she gets back.'

'I can,' she said. 'I can leave any time I want,' she said, irritated for a reason she wasn't completely sure about.

'No you can't, Santana,' Louise said, and for the first time she hated that Louise was the only person in her house who didn't bother to lie to her.

'Your stupid house is so small,' she said. 'How is anyone supposed to do _anything?'_ She jumped off the stool and walked to the basement door without waiting for an answer. When she got down to the basement she stood at the foot of the stairs and watched Brittany spin around the large, dimly lit room to the slow music floating around the room.

When Brittany saw her she stopped dancing and bounded over.

'Hi, sleepy,' she said. She snaked her arms around Santana's waist and lifted her off the last step.

'Hi,' she said, and she buried her face in Brittany's neck. Brittany took a couple of steps back, still holding her tight against her, and Santana looped her arms around her shoulders.

'Are you gonna put me down?' she mumbled, and Brittany giggled and shook her head.

'I like doing this,' she said, and she spun them around in a careful circle. She ran her hands up and down Brittany's arms. The hard, corded muscles she was used to had softened and she pressed down, enjoying at the new feel.

'I think your sister likes you more than me,' Brittany said.

'Why?'

'I don't know. She talks about you a lot.'

'But you're her sister,' Santana said.

'I don't know if that means anything anymore,' Brittany said thoughtfully.

She didn't really know what to say to that, and she just let Brittany twirl her around the room in lazy circles.

'You remember when you got really sick that time,' she said suddenly, ' and when you got better you made us sleep outside for days because you said you couldn't be shut up anymore?'

'It felt like I had bugs under my skin,' Brittany said, nodding, and she lowered her to the floor.

'I feel like that now,' she said.

'Want to dance with me?' Brittany asked hopefully. 'Maybe you can shake all the bugs off.'

'Maybe later,' she said. She pulled herself out of Brittany's arms and sat in one of the beanbags that had been pushed against the wall.

* * *

><p>'You seem stressed,' Quinn said.<p>

'I'm fine,' she replied. She drew her knees up to her chest.

'Have the pills I gave you been helping you sleep?'

'Yes.'

'You've seemed very tired the last couple of times I saw you. Is there a reason you're having trouble sleeping?'

'I said I'm fine,' she snapped. Quinn blinked in shock before falling silent.

Quinn had done this before; she didn't say anything and waited for Santana to talk first. She had never minded before because she hadn't really had anything to say to her before but talking to Quinn before hadn't been so bad. It had even been kind of interesting.

'I don't know,' she said into her knees.

'Do you think there's something specific that's making you uncomfortable?' Quinn sounded calm and casual like she wasn't paying much attention to their conversation, but Santana could see interest prick up behind her pretty green eyes.

She tried to match Quinn's casual tone. 'Just dreaming.'

'What do you dream about?'

'I don't know. Everything.'

'What do you think you dream about that's making you so stressed?'

The name Will spilled out of her mouth before she could stop it and she stared at the air like she could snatch it back.

'That was the man who crashed with you,' Quinn says carefully.

'Yes,' she said faintly. She kept her eyes on a spot in the air just above Quinn's head.

'This is the first time you've mentioned him,' Quinn added. 'Could you tell me what happened to him?' She gave a tiny shrug.

'He fell.'

Quinn waited.

'And he died. Britt and I waited until he died, that's all. It doesn't matter. Why do you always make me talk about stuff that happened so long ago?'

'Because it all matters, Santana. The things that happened to you when you were younger, especially the big things, affect us. Even when we think they don't. And I think this affects you more than you think.'

'Maybe you're wrong,' she said.

'Maybe. But I'm very good at my job.' Quinn smiled. 'We don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to. Is there anything you do want to talk about?'

She did. She wanted to talk about Brittany. But Brittany was hers. Everything they did together was just for them and she couldn't shake the feeling that she was betraying her every time she talked about her to someone else.

Quinn caught her hesitation.

'You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. But I think that talking about the things that bother you can help a lot.'

'Who do you live with?' she asked suddenly.

'I live with my son and my husband.'

'So how do I decide who I want to live with?'

'Your parents decide for you,' Quinn said. 'You're not quite eighteen yet, so they have to make a lot of decisions for you. Is there something about your living arrangements that's bothering you?'

'What kind of decisions?'

'They're more or less completely responsible for you,' Quinn said, 'so anything that has to do with your wellbeing.'

'I don't need anyone to be responsible for me. I can be responsible for myself,' she said. Only she couldn't. Only she knew enough know to understand that she wouldn't last a day alone.

'I know you can,' Quinn said. 'I don't think anyone would dispute that. But there's no shame in accepting help from people if you need it.'

She gave a tiny shrug in response.

'You didn't answer my question. Is there anything that's bothering you in particular?'

Nothing, except she could feel the house unravelling every time she caught the tail end of a whispered conversation or someone was mysteriously absent from dinner. Watching the only people she trusted to take care of her pull away from each other felt like someone was eroding the ground beneath her.

It felt like falling, and it terrified her.

Quinn was watching her intently and Santana was sure she could see everything she was thinking.

'Can I go,' she said. She stood up without waiting for an answer and headed for the door.

* * *

><p>Brittany was waiting in the hallway for her and she stopped walking in surprise.<p>

'What are you doing here?' Her voice raked out harder and harsher than it meant to and Brittany's smile dropped a little.

'We have an appointment with the doctor, remember,' Brittany said.

'I forgot,' she said sheepishly. The last time they had gone to the doctor had been a few days after they had got to Brittany's house and she had barely thought about it afterwards because so much had been happening.

'Your mom is waiting outside in the car,' Brittany said.

The doctor's office was hidden down a quiet street in and they had to walk in through a small door on the side door to get in.

Her mom bustled by them as soon as they were in.

'Girls, please hurry. We're already late.'

The building was even more boring inside, and it had the same sharp unpleasant smell that she remembered from the last time they had come here. They stood where they were as her mom went up to a woman behind a desk, said something to her and came back towards them.

'The doctor will be a few more minutes,' she said. 'We might as well sit down.'

The waiting room was mostly empty except for three other people scattered around the chairs. She and Brittany sat down as far away from them as possible.

'Look, Santana,' Brittany said, pointing at the magazine she had picked up off the table. She opened it at a random page and scooted closer so Santana could see.

A woman with a little baby in her arms stood in front of a lake, staring out at an expanse of yellow, prickly looking grass. She had a soft, secret smile on her face that Santana found herself straining forward to see.

'She's pretty,' Brittany said.

'Yeah,' she agreed, running a finger down the woman's arm.

'I wonder where she lives,' Brittany said, staring at the picture like she thought she could fall right into it if she looked at it for long enough.

Every page of the magazine had a different picture; some lush green and so familiar looking that Santana ached with longing, and some so ragged and dangerous and alien that she couldn't imagine why anyone would want to live there.

'It's so pretty,' Brittany said. She traced her fingernail against a high mountain pass the plunged into a cold-looking lake.

'We can go see it if you want,' she said

'Really?'

'Anything you want, B,' she said, suddenly exhausted.

Brittany smiled and hummed and pressed a kiss to her cheek, and her hand reached up to tangle in Santana's hair. The touch only made her more tired and she was just about to close her eyes and rest until they had to go in when she caught sight of the other people in the room.

They were staring like they had never seen anything like her before and her scalp prickled, sending a chill down her arms.

She should have been used to this by now.

She should have been used to having something about her that said, _I am here, look at me, see how I don't fit, _but every time she noticed someone staring at her like she was a puzzle they couldn't quite figure out she wanted to curl up into herself until they left.

Brittany noticed her tense and rubbed her neck gently.

The woman's eyes widened at the sight of Brittany leaning into her and murmuring into her ear to calm her and her muscles tightened as her body tried to deal with the warm sweetness of Brittany and the icy embarrassment of being pinned by a stranger's stare.

'Brittany, don't,' she said, too sharply, when she felt like she was about to snap. Brittany pulled away and the woman behind called the desk before she could say anything else. She stood up quickly and walked into the doctor's office.

She heard Brittany walk in behind her the door shut.

'Hello Santana, Brittany,' the doctor said. 'How have you been?'

'Bored,' Brittany said from behind her, and the doctor chuckled.

'I'm sorry to hear that. Shall we start?'

Brittany hopped up onto the small bed in the corner and Santana followed by force of habit. She stood at the edge of the bed as Brittany let the doctor listen to her heart and look in her throat.

'Everything sounds good,' he said. 'Santana?'

She climbed up to the table next to Brittany and looked out of the window to distract herself from the cold metal on her chest.

'You need to relax,' he said gently. I can't get an accurate idea of your heartbeat if you're not calm.' She took a deep breath and closed her eyes until he was done.

'Can we go?' she asked.

'Not quite yet,' he said. 'The results from your blood tests have come back and I'd like to talk to you about them.'

He settled behind his big desk and they settled into the deep, soft chairs on the other side.

'You seem healthy,' he says. 'But you're both a little anaemic. That means you don't have as much iron in your blood as you need.'

'And you, Santana have borderline low albumin levels, which isn't very common in people your age. How have you been eating?'

'Fine,' she said automatically. She saw Brittany frown at her out of the corner of her eye. She opened her mouth to say fine, again, but Brittany's hand slipped into hers and she couldn't lie.

'It hurts my stomach,' she said instead. 'The food, I mean.' It was too heavy, too thick, and she couldn't understand how Brittany had managed to switch so easily.

'I can appreciate that it must be hard, but it's very important that you keep your energy up and keep yourselves healthy. It's not really a problem now, but it could be if we don't deal with it soon.'

'What do we have to do?' Brittany asked.

'Here,' the doctor said, scribbling something down on a piece of paper and passing it on Brittany. 'There's a list of foods that I want both of you to have more. Give that list to your parents and they should be able to help you.'

Brittany glanced at the piece of paper and folded it carefully, tucking it into the front pocket of her shirt.

'I'm going to make you an appointment for two week from today,' he said. 'We can start your vaccinations then.

'Thanks,' Brittany said, and she opened the door for them to leave.

* * *

><p>Brittany's dad and sister weren't in when they got home, and Brittany's mom was the only person who stuck around for dinner. She let Brittany and her mom carry the conversation and concentrated on picking at her food and taking big bites when Brittany glanced at her to check if she was eating.<p>

When dinner was done Brittany's mom headed into the living room and left them in the kitchen island. Santana watched Brittany spin herself around on the stool.

'Come up with me?' she asked, and Brittany looked up from the counter in surprise before standing up.

When they were upstairs she unsnapped the clips of her overalls and shrugged out of them.

'Come and have a shower with me,' she said, or maybe asked, but it didn't matter because Brittany reached up and tugged her shirt off.

They headed into the bathroom and turned the water on, and Brittany rushed past her to stand in the water before it got warm.

'You're so weird,' she said, smiling hard, and Brittany grinned back at her.

'Come on,' Brittany said, grasping her hand and pulling her in. Santana stifled a shriek as the still cool water landed on her skin.

The loud, almost deafening sound of the water pounding down around them and filled her ears, and she felt herself start to calm for the first time since she had walked out of Quinn's office.

'I'm sorry,' she said, and she stepped forward so she could lay her head on Brittany's chest. Brittany hesitated for a second before wrapping her arms around her tight.

'You pushed me away,' Brittany said quietly.

'I know,' she sighed.

She didn't know what else to say. She didn't even know how to feel about the tangle in her chest herself, so she reached up and looped her arms around Brittany's neck. When Brittany didn't do anything except watch her and wait she undid Brittany's braid with quick, practiced movements and combed her fingers through her hair a couple of times.

Brittany closed her eyes and sighed, and she let one hand drift around to rest on Brittany's shoulder while the other massaged the skin at the nape of her neck.

'Santana...' Brittany breathed, and Santana let go of her neck to trace the curves of her face. She leaned forward and kissed her cheek, brushing her lips along the skin until Brittany shivered, despite the heat of the water. She let her lips skate over her sharp cheekbones and soft eyelids and she rose on her tiptoes so she could kiss along her hairline.

She pulled back when Brittany's knees began to tremble, ever so slightly, and she manoeuvred them until Brittany was standing under the spray. Brittany made a slight noise of disappointment but she let Santana work her fingers into her hair and massage her new, fruity-smelling shampoo into her scalp. She kept quiet, her bright blue eyes still and watchful as Santana concentrated on keeping the shampoo out of her eyes and stroking the petal smooth skin on her temples and behind her ears and along her collarbone.

After, when she stepped into her arms, the hug was smooth and soft and warm that she thought she would sink into her if she stood any closer.

'Do you forgive me?' she said.

'Yes,' Brittany said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

* * *

><p><em>She is standing in a pile of bones and they are cutting her feet. She twists to try to find Brittany but she can't move because they are hurting her, they are cutting-<em>

And then she was awake.

Louise was waiting for her like she hoped she would and she sat on the sofa next to her.

'I didn't think you'd show up.' She shrugged.

'What else am I going to do?' Everyone's asleep.' Louise snorted into her hot chocolate.

'Thanks for that.'

She picked one of her marshmallows out of her cup and licked the foam off it.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

'What for?'

'It's not your fault we can't go anywhere,' she said.

'It's okay,' Louise said. 'I would probably be pissed too. I am pissed, and I have a car. You're used to practically having a country to yourselves.'

'Why don't you just leave?' Louise had a _car_. Why would she be here when she could use it to go anywhere?

'I dropped out of college. 'She stopped at Santana's confused look. 'You go to school 'til you're eighteen, then you can decide whether you want to study more or try to get a job. I thought I wanted to be at college but it made me miserable. Until I figure out what I actually want to do I'm kind of tied to mommy's apron strings.'

'What?'

'Nothing.'

The TV flickered on and she sipped her rapidly cooling hot chocolate.

'What am I going to do?' She asked suddenly.

'What?'

She had never really thought about what she was going to do now that she was back, but now that she thought about it she realized that everyone- Brittany's parents, her mom, Louise did more than just hang around the house or talk to Quinn.

She couldn't spend the rest of her life not doing anything and talking to Quinn, but she didn't know how to do _anything_ else.

She forced a gulp of hot chocolate past the sudden lump in her throat and set it on the table.

'I'm going to go to bed,' she said, and stood up. She returned Louise's wave and walked straight upstairs, her head spinning.

Brittany was still asleep in the exact position that she had left her in and Santana nudged her awake as soon as she got back into bed.

'I can't sleep,' she whispered. Brittany opened her eyes and smiled blearily.

'C'm here,' she said. She pulled Santana into her and wrapped her arms around her tight, pressing Santana's face tight against her chest. Brittany was still warm and sweet-smelling from sleep and felt her heart slow down a little.

'Your heart's beating like a little bird's' Brittany said. 'Did you have another bad dream?'

'I just can't sleep,' she said. Brittany hummed and slipped a hand under her shirt and up to the middle of her back. She pressed it flat and began to rub large circles on her back. She could feel Brittany yawning against her hair.

'I'm sorry I woke you,' she said and she sniffled to stop tears from falling. Brittany's hand stopped.

'Are you crying?'

'No,' she muttered. Brittany hesitated for a second before squirming away and lifting Santana's chin with the hand that had been on her back.

'You're lying,' she said tenderly. She leaned forward and kissed the corner of her mouth.

It was a lot easier to forget about the whole, wide dizzying world that had no place for her when Brittany was gazing at her and smiling sleepily. She felt around for Brittany's hand and held on tight.

* * *

><p>'I need you to help me get a job,' she announced, the next time she went to Quinn's office.<p>

'What?'

'A job. I need you to help me. That's what you're supposed to do, right?'

'Why do you want a job?'

'Isn't that what you're supposed to do?'

'Well, yes, but I don't think you have to worry about that right now.'

'So I'm supposed to let people take care of me forever?'

'Santana. It's not that simple.' Quinn's overly calm and reasonable tone was starting to grate on her.

'Then what? I don't want to just do nothing, anymore. I want something to do, for me.' And some money, or maybe a car, but she didn't think saying that to Quinn would help her case. 'So are you going to help me or not?'

'Okay,' Quinn said. 'I'll do some research and see what I can find for you.'

It wasn't quite what she had wanted, but she was willing to take what she could get and she

'I would like to talk about Will, though. If you don't mind.'

She did mind, but Quinn had that look that said she was probably going to keep bringing it up anyway.

'It must have been very hard for you to lose him.'

'Of course it was hard,' she snapped.

'Do you think you could tell about what happened?'

'I don't want to,' she said. Quinn did that thing where she just stopped talking and waited for Santana to do it for her.

So she did. She was surprised at how easy it was to condense two of the worst days of her life into a handful of sentences, but she did.

Quinn pushed her glasses to the top of her head and listened carefully as she spoke. The only time Santana saw her face flicker was when she described how Will had ordered them never to come back.

'Do you dream about him falling? Is that what keeps you awake?'

'Yes,' she said.

No.

* * *

><p>The next morning she woke to the sound of shouting.<p>

'Britt,' she said, shaking Brittany's shoulder.

'What? Wh-' the sound of raised voices came through the door and she slipped out of bed, dragging a still confused Brittany with her to the door. She peeked out to make sure there wasn't anyone in the hall and tiptoed to the landing, where she could see the living room.

Her mom was standing opposite Brittany's parents, her face red and her hands curled into fists.

'This is too far,' she hissed. 'There are more reporters out there than there were at the airport.'

'We can't control that, Maria,' Brittany's mom said. 'They'll get bored and leave after a while.'

'No, they won't,' her mom said. 'Not with this about to run.' Santana couldn't see what she showed them but it made Brittany's parents' faces go white.

'A documentary? How did they even find the island?'

'It doesn't matter,' her mom said. 'What matters is that my daughter is about to be dragged back into the spotlight because some idiot thinks they can make some money off of this.'

'What are you saying?' Brittany's dad asked.

'I'm saying that it's hard enough keeping a low profile in West Hollywood without this kind of attention! I'm saying I don't want Santana around this. I want to take her to San Jose with me.'

Santana's heart seized in her chest and Brittany's hand tightened around hers.

'Maria, you're being unreasonable,' Brittany's dad said.

'No, I am not. I have put up with the hiding and the sneaking and the fear for long enough. It's not healthy to hide them away like this, Frank. They need so much more space than we can give them here.'

'You can't do this,' Brittany's mom said. 'It will destroy Brittany.'

'Then let me take her too,' her mom said. 'Just until this blows over.'

Everyone fell silent until after her mom spoke.

'No,' Brittany's dad said eventually. 'I can't do that.'

The silence stretched.

'I'm sorry,' Brittany's mom said.

She had almost forgotten about Brittany next to her until there was a painful wrenching on her hand as Brittany jolted up and stood upright.

'You didn't ask _us_,' Brittany said strongly, and the adults heads snapped around to face them.

'I'm not your _baby_,' she said, even louder. 'I'm not going to do what you want because you want me to. You can't just decide to give me to someone.'

'Brittany,' her mom said weakly.

'No,' Brittany said. And even through the pounding of her heart and the roaring in her ears Santana could still appreciate how Brittany kept everyone quiet, made them listen to her.

'You can't take me away from her. I told you not to, and you promised me you wouldn't. Did you lie to me?'

'Brittany, it's not that simple,' her dad said.

'Yes, it is,' she said dangerously.

She could feel the house winding tighter and tighter, pressing down on her chest, and she grasped onto the banister to steady herself.

'We don't need you,' Brittany said. 'I love you, but I don't need you.'

Only they did. They did, especially if there were people waiting outside to rip them to pieces.

'Mama,' she said. 'Mom.' The name rolled off her tongue surprisingly easily, considering that it was the first time she had called anyone that in twelve years, and her mom fixed on her face with disbelief.

'Promise me,' she said. She kept her gaze away from Brittany's because she knew she would take it all back if she looked at her right then. 'Promise me you'll bring me back.'

Her mom looked up at her and nodded. 'I promise, Santana.'

Oh, Brittany was going to hate her.

'I'll come with you,' she said, and the pressure in her hand disappeared.

* * *

><p>She could feel Brittany's shock on her like a physical thing, and she held her breath as Brittany closed and locked the door to her room.<p>

'I can't believe you said that,' Brittany said. Her voice cracked on the last word and Santana took a reflexive step towards her. She stopped when Brittany took a step back. 'Why would you _do_ that?' Brittany swiped her hands across her face to wipe her tears away and stepped away again when Santana tried to move closer. 'Why did you do that,' she said again, only now her voice rasped out of her throat, thick and uneven and breaking with tears.

She watched helplessly as Brittany started to cry, deep, thick sobs that wrenched from her chest and shook her whole body. She was crying so hard she didn't fight when Santana wrapped her arms around her as tight as she could, and after a while she wound her hands in Santana's hair and buried her face in her neck.

'You said you wouldn't leave me,' Brittany cried into her hair, and she bit her lip to stop herself from crying..

'I'm not,' she said. She pressed harder into Brittany. 'I'll be back, I promise.'

Brittany lifted her face and Santana's heart seized at the sight of the tears streaking her face.

'You can't just _decide_ to leave.'

'I'm not deciding to leave, I'm-' she stopped, frustrated, because this wasn't what she wanted. Still, she was the one who was leaving. She couldn't be angry.

She took a quick step forward, pushing Brittany backwards until the backs of her knees hit the bed, and again until she sat down. Brittany followed her lead until they were both stretched out on the bed, on their sides. This close she could feel the nervous energy thrumming through Brittany's skin. She could feel her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest.

There wasn't time, she knew she didn't have much time until her mom would come looking for her, but she was leaving her heart behind and she couldn't leave it like this.

She leaned forward and kissed Brittany as softly as she could. She rubbed her lips gently over Brittany's until she sighed, and leaned in more when Brittany started to kiss back.

Brittany's eyes kept on fluttering shut and slamming open when Santana drew back to breathe, but she kissed her until Brittany's hands stopped trembling against her back. They kissed until her fingers tingled with heat and her breath started to come in fast gasps. She pulled back quickly when her hips started to rock against Brittany's. There wasn't time.

'I never told you what I dream about,' she said quietly. Brittany didn't say anything, she just watched her with dark, sad eyes. 'I see Will dying, again and again, and he always asks me why I didn't save him. I thought it was because I felt guilty because we should have done something more for him, but it's not.'

'He died, and we were so sad, but I kept thinking how glad I was that it wasn't you. I saw him, and I thought, if this had been Brittany I don't know what I would have done. Who thinks something like that?' She shook her head. Brittany pulled her hand free so she could pull Santana closer.

'You didn't kill him, Santana. It was an accident.'

'I know it was,' she said. 'But I think I was dreaming about him because I thought he was punishing me for feeling that way.' Brittany closed her eyes, and she leaned forward so she could kiss her cheek. 'I'll come back.'

Brittany didn't open her eyes. 'Okay.'

'No' she said. She squeezed Brittany's arm until she opened her eyes. '_I'll come back_,' she said, almost pleading, begging Brittany to believe her because she couldn't do this if she was going to leave Brittany like this.

Brittany cracked her eyes open and nodded, once.

* * *

><p>Brittany sat on the bed and watched her pack all the things she thought she would need. Just as she folded the last item of clothing- a light yellow dress that was one of her favourites- her arms started to shake as the enormity of what was going to happen started to hit her.<p>

She couldn't do this. She couldn't. How could she leave her?

Brittany's hands suddenly appeared from nowhere and zipped the bag shut for her.

How did she ever think this was a good idea?

Brittany placed her hands on her hips and turned her around.

Brittany watched her face, waiting to see what she was going to do. She forced a smile and reached back to pick the bag from the bed.

How was she supposed to sleep without her?

'I love you,' Brittany said. Her hands wandered up to Santana's back and pressed hard, pushing them together. She gasped for breath and turned her head into her shirt so she could breathe her in. So she could take in her new smell.

'I love you too,' she said. Saying that made it easier to straighten her shoulders and pull away.

'Ready?' Brittany asked, and she nodded. Brittany took her hand and led her downstairs, where everyone else was standing awkwardly in the living room. Her mom took one look at them and stepped forward.

The car was already parked right outside and she threw her bag in the back.

'We should go,' her mom said. 'We have a long drive ahead. But I got you guys something,' her mom said, and she reached into her purse and pulled out two phones. 'One is for you and one is for Brittany. I already programmed your numbers into each phone.'

'When did you even get these?'

'On the way back here, after I saw the magazine,' her mom said.

'How did you know I was going to come with you?'

'I hoped you would,' her mom admitted.

'So should I give one to Brittany?' Her mom nodded and she turned and ran back to where Brittany was still standing at the door, watching.

'This is for you,' she said, handing the phone over. Brittany took it and turned it around a couple of times. 'My mom said she's put our numbers in it and everything, so I can call you.'

'Okay,' Brittany said. She stuck it into the pocket of her shorts and twisted her hands in front of her

'Santana, let's go,' her mom said from the car. She ignored her and stepped forward so she was right in front of Brittany.

'Bye, sweetie,' she whispered. It was something she'd heard on the TV and it seemed like it fit. Brittany's eyes widened for a second, and she smiled.

'Bye pretty,' she said, and she enveloped Santana in a crushing hug. Santana clung to her hard.

She broke them apart after a while and took a step back. There wasn't any point dragging this out anymore. She placed a quick kiss on Brittany's soft cheek and ran back to the car, closing the car door behind her quickly.

Her mom pulled out of the driveway and manoeuvred carefully around the crowds of people standing outside, and Santana pressed her face to the window to watch Brittany's house for as long as she could before they turned the corner and it was completely out of sight.

* * *

><p><strong>Review please?<strong>


	19. A Change Is Gonna Come 2011

**I'm still here!**

**Also this chapter is half in the present and half in the 10 days or so before they are rescued. It's probably pretty obvious but I thought I'd just stick this up here.**

**Thanks to ehekic on tumblr for looking this over for me.**

September 2011

Brittany stood at the door and watched Santana's face through the window of her mom's car as the car drove away. When they were completely out of sight Brittany let herself slide down to the ground, onto the front step of the porch.

She sat there for a long time- she wasn't sure how long it was but it felt like a while- and she didn't move when she heard her dad say lunch was ready. She didn't move when the air grew hotter and hotter and her skin grew tighter and more uncomfortable. She didn't even turn her head when someone sat on the step next to her.

'Do you want to come in?' Brittany shook her head, just a little, and she breathed a sigh of relief when her mom nodded, stood up and left her alone.

It wasn't that she thought Santana was going to be back anytime soon. It had been pretty obvious that they were going to be going away for a while.

(Longer than she could bear, probably)

There was just something unbelievably comforting about staying in the last place where Santana was, and she just didn't want to leave.

Sometime later, when the sun had started to sink away and the hot ground beneath her feet had cooled down a little, her mom came back out and sat next to her again. She didn't say anything this time; instead she put something from a bottle onto her hands and spread it over Brittany's exposed back and shoulders. Brittany bit back a hiss as her skin flared hot for a second before a blissful cooling spread through her skin, and it was only then that she realized how red and sore her skin was.

'Here,' her mom said. She pressed the bottle into Brittany's hands. 'Do your face.'

Brittany mechanically spread the lotion on her face and sighed as she felt better.

'Do you want to come in?' Her mom asked.

She opened her mouth automatically to say no, but.

Why not.

There wasn't anything to hold onto by being here. Santana was gone

(had left her)

And she had been sitting outside for so long that she had started to hurt. Her skin hurt, her butt hurt, her heart hurt. She just wanted to be somewhere cool and safe and comfortable.

She stood up, and her mom blinked at her, surprised, like she hadn't actually thought Brittany would come in with her.

'Come and have something to eat,' she suggested, and Brittany followed her inside, into the kitchen. There wasn't anyone in there, but she could hear noises from the living room. She sat down by the table and watched as her mom pulled a few dishes down from the cupboards.

'Dinner's ready,' she said, eventually, when everything was ready. Brittany nodded, stood up, and they walked into the dining room together. Everyone was already sitting down and waiting for them, even her oldest sister, Katie, who she had barely seen since she had got back. Brittany gave her a timid smile and the knot in her chest loosened a tiny bit when Katie smiled at her across the table.

'Hi,' she said, too loudly.

'Hi, Brittany.' Her dad said. 'Hungry?' She wasn't, but she took her usual seat anyway. Her hand automatically reached out to the empty chair next to her and when it didn't touch anything she lowered it quickly before anyone could see.

Louise passed her a plate of bread rolls and Brittany took one and covered it in butter, mostly to give her hands something to do.

She didn't realize that she had completely zoned out of the conversation until something touched her arm. She jumped in her seat.

'Brittany? Are you okay?' Her dad still had a hand on her arm. She squirmed uneasily.

'I'm fine,' she said. She took a bigger bite of her roll to make it look like she was actually eating.

Her dad nodded and sat back, but she could still feel him watching her, worried. For her.

It was still so, so weird to feel someone who wasn't Santana worry for her and ask her things like how she was and if she was eating enough. It was fine, most of the time, because Brittany liked (loved) her family, and she knew them taking care of her was their way of saying they loved her too.

But their love wasn't what she needed, right now. What she needed had left her for a place she couldn't even picture, and pale imitations weren't going to do anything but make her sadder. She took a deep breath to force down the tears that were threatening to spill over and she reached for the bowl of pasta in the middle of the table.

She had only just picked up the serving spoon when something began to ring very loudly, very near her. She dropped the spoon in surprise. It only took her a second to realize that the ringing was coming from her shirt pocket, and she reached in and pulled out the phone Santana had given her.

This phone didn't look anything like her mom's phone which was the only one she had used before, and she didn't have any idea how to pick up the call. It started to ring louder and she was starting to panic because this was Santana calling, it had to be, and she was going to miss it.

Louise reached over the table, pulled the phone out of her hands and pressed a button.

'Here,' she said, handing the phone back. Brittany took it quickly and pressed it to her ear.

'Santana,' she said, half breathlessly, hopefully. It could only be her, right?

'Hi, Britt,' Santana said. She sounded tired.

Now that she knew she wasn't going to miss the call Brittany became more keenly aware of the fact that she wasn't alone.

'Hi,' she said. 'We're having dinner,' she added, just for something to say. Only that sounded really dumb, because her parents and sisters were clearly listening and they already knew they were having dinner.

'I-' she stopped. It was a million times harder to think of things to say when she felt like everyone was listening.

She stood up silently, tangling her feet on the legs of the chair and staggering to her feet.

'I'm going to-' her mom waved her away.

'It's okay,' she said. Brittany walked out and into the dark living room. She sighed in relief as soon as she was alone.

'Britt?' Santana said, and she realized she hadn't said anything in a while.

'Hi,' she said again, smiling, just a little because now it was just her and Santana... well, Santana's voice. She pressed the phone harder to her ear.

'I miss you,' she said, and she bit her lip immediately after. She hadn't wanted to say that. 'What's your abuela's house like,' she said quickly.

Santana didn't say anything right away, and Brittany listened to her breathing as she waited for her to decide whether she wanted to let Brittany change the subject.

'It's nice,' Santana said. Brittany let out a breath and settled down to listen to Santana haltingly describe her abuela's house, which was painted yellow. She had dogs, too, and one of them barked at Santana whenever she was near it.

Brittany closed her eyes so she could concentrate better, and she let herself imagine that Santana was sitting right next to her, smiling and waving her hands around like she did sometimes when she was excited.

'Britt? Are you there?'

'Yes,' she said automatically. She shook her head a little to clear it, and the Santana she had made up to keep her company in the dark room disappeared and left her alone.

'I got sunburned,' she said, because it was her turn to talk and she didn't want it to get quiet. Santana made a sympathetic noise.

'I'm sorry, baby,' Santana said. She started to say something else, but Brittany could hear talking and scuffling at the end of the line, and she could hear Santana talking to someone else. She waited, peering around the dark room and watching the shadows on the wall until Santana's voice came back.

'I have to go, Brittany,' Santana said. She sounded sorry and sad, which didn't make Brittany feel any better.

''kay,' she said.

'I can call you again tonight,' Santana offered.

Brittany wasn't sure if she wanted another phone call full of stammered sentences and wishing for things and trying _so hard_ not to let Santana see how sad she was. It was exhausting. She was exhausted. She wanted to sleep.

Santana must have read something she didn't like in Brittany's silence because she cleared her throat nervously.

'Or, I could call you tomorrow, if you're tired,' Santana said.

'Yeah,' Brittany said faintly.

'I'm going to... I have to go,' Santana said. 'I love you. So much. I'll be back soon.'

'I love you, too,' Brittany said.'

'I'll be back soon,' Santana repeated. 'I love you.'

The phone beeped and Brittany knew the she was gone.

She didn't stand up immediately. She sat in the dark and closed her eyes and waited until the lump in her throat dissolved before standing up and going back to take her place at the table.

Brittany put off going to bed for as long as possible, but when everyone else had gone upstairs and she was the only person left she dragged herself upstairs. She brushed her teeth and spent a little while staring at her bed before crawling in.

She had never thought about how big the bed was before, but she spent her time stretching all the way to the corners with her hands and feet, shivering a little at the coolness of the sheets on her skin. It was too hard to sleep this way, because she couldn't remember the last time she had slept alone, so she curled up into a ball and hugged herself tight.

She hadn't thought she would be able to sleep, but it didn't take long until she felt herself begin to drift off.

July 2011

It was the time of year where the sun burned so hot that it burned her lips before the sun was high in the sky, when the birds lay limp against their branches and the air in her lungs felt too heavy to move.

It was that time when everything that used to hang ripe and ready on the branches, waiting to be picked withered and cracked and burst, useless on the earth.

Brittany and Santana learned how to see this time coming long ago, and they had always been careful to make sure to keep enough aside to stop from starving until the rains came. Because they were always, always only a whisper ahead of the forever blackness that Brittany imagined that Will was stuck in, all the time.

But today was a special day, and Brittany didn't want to dwell on bad things. Today was a special day, and she stayed wrapped around a still-sleeping Santana instead of going out to check on the fishnets, like usual.

Only she had forgotten how long Santana could sleep, if she was left alone, and it didn't take long for Brittany to get impatient.

Brittany ran a hand up and down Santana's arm, again and again until she began to fidget.

'Santana, wake up,' she said softly. She moved away a little so she could watch Santana's face twitch and furrow as she tried to go back to sleep. 'Come on,' she said. Santana just made a noise and tried to burrow into the covers.

'Santana,' Brittany said, half whining. 'Get up.' She moved her hand around to the back of Santana's neck and rubbed her thumb at her hairline. Santana squirmed and huffed a little at the touch, and finally cracked her eyes open.

'You're mean,' Santana said. Her husky sleep-voice took the edge off her words and Brittany smiled.

''And you're really cute,' she replied. Santana really did look very sweet in the mornings; she was all confusion and bleary eyes and sleepy smiles. Santana's cheeks flushed, and Brittany leaned in and kissed her cheek, lightly.

They were going to go on their first ever full exploration of the island. Brittany was pretty sure that they had seen a lot of it already, but it was too big to see all in one day, and neither of them had felt comfortable straying far enough away from home to see the rest.

But a couple of nights ago Brittany managed to convince Santana that this was the time to go exploring. Santana hadn't wanted to- she had wanted to stay where she knew it was safe, where things were predictable, but Brittany had wanted to go _so badly_.

She wasn't even sure she could say why out loud, she just knew that the idea that there was a part of the world that they could explore, and they hadn't, drove her crazy.

She managed to communicate the gist of her feelings to Santana, after some roundabout sentences and frustrated stops, and in the end Santana had nodded, cuddled closer so she could kiss Brittany on the cheek and asked when Brittany wanted to leave.

They had spent the last couple of days packing and repacking and making sure that they could have everything they could possibly need- which wasn't much, mostly whatever food they thought would keep the longest and a few tools and warm stuff.

Brittany did a few last minute checks to make sure everything was still there while Santana went to find them something to eat, and it wasn't long before they were ready to go.

The first part of the route was simple: through the forest that Brittany could navigate with her eyes closed, until they got to the cliffs where Will had died. From there hopefully they could stick close to the shore and use it as a marker to make sure they went all the way around the edge of the island.

Soon the trees began to thin out completely and they were at the stream that was bordered by the bushes with the little white flowers. The stream had shrunk to barely a trickle, and Brittany eyed the dry rocks worriedly as they walked past it.

And after that was the rocky plain with the sheer drop to one side and the plane still wedged into the side of the cliff face, just barely visible from where she was standing. If she moved forward just a little she would be able to see the cliff where Will was. If she moved just a little that way she would be able to peer over the edge and see...

'Come on, honey,' Santana said softly, tugging on her arm. Brittany turned and blinked and looked at Santana in surprise. Santana never called her that, because she had told her long ago that that was what her mom had called her, sometimes. Santana gave her a weak smile.

'Good idea,' she said. She tightened her grip on Santana's hand and pulled her away. They walked on, parallel to the water until the cliffs disappeared and the beach-rockier and steeper than what they were used to- appeared again.

The day wore on and the sun sank behind the rocks and the temperature began to drop.

'Almost there,' Brittany said, and sure enough they were in sight of the caves before too long.

The system of caves that started almost at the waterline and extended a little way into the forest marked the furthest they had ever come in this direction. They had both agreed (Santana because she wanted to stay close to familiar things for as long as possible, and Brittany because she wanted to stretch their adventure out as long as she could) that they would spend the night at the caves and move on the next day.

Tomorrow when they set out it would be for a new place for the first time ever. Brittany couldn't stop herself from grinning at the idea.

'What is it?' Santana asked. She dumped her pack on the ground where she was standing flopped to the ground, and closed her eyes.

'Nothing,' Brittany said. 'Thank you for coming with me.' Santana cracked her eyes open and shot her a quizzical smile.

'Where else was I going to be?'

September 2011

Brittany had never really considered before how much of herself she had given to Santana, and she could never have predicted how weak and unfinished she would feel when Santana left.

It made the next four days some of the hardest of her life, because she couldn't figure out where she was supposed to put all the sad until it went away.

Santana tried her hardest to call, and make sure Brittany never thought that Santana had forgotten about her, but her hanging up only reminded Brittany just how tenuous the link between the two of them was, now.

(What would happen if she phone broke)

The one thing that made it bearable was the obvious strain and worry in Santana's voice when they talked on the phone. Brittany (selfishly) was comforted at the idea that Santana was hurting the same way Brittany was, that Brittany held the same part of Santana that she was missing now.

On the morning of the fifth day after Santana had left Brittany went downstairs to find everyone else seated around the kitchen table.

It was pretty unusual to have everyone still at home in the morning. Katie was always gone before Brittany was up and her mom had been gone more and more. She slid into an empty seat and looked around to see if she could figure out what was going on.

'I was thinking we should do something today,' her dad said. 'The five of us. As a family.'

'Like what?'

'We were thinking about a day out at a very nice beach that's not too far from here. What do you think?'

Brittany wasn't sure that she wanted to go to the beach, but it wasn't like she had any other ideas.

'Um,' she said, when she realized everyone was waiting for her answer. 'Okay.'

'Leave in an hour, then,' he said, smiling, and everyone left to go get ready. Brittany wasn't completely sure what kind of clothes she was supposed to wear to the beach, but everyone had already disappeared and she didn't want to run after them and ask.

She would just choose for herself, then. She liked choosing clothes.

In the end she settled for a yellow shirt with a red flower right in the middle and a pair of shorts. She added a old set of bracelets she had found in one of the desk drawers- she kind of vaguely remembered having them before she but she hadn't remembered them being so tight- and a pink butterfly clip Louise had given her.

Her phone rang just as her mom poked her head around the door to tell her that everyone was ready to go. She gave her mom a quick nod to let her know she heard her and picked up the phone.

'Brittany?'

'Hi, Santana.' She sat on the bed. Talking on the phone had gotten a lot easier, with practice. It still made Brittany feel on edge and uncomfortable, like she was missing out on half the conversation, but it wasn't as hard to talk anymore.

'Is your abuela taking you anywhere today?' Santana's abuela had apparently decided that the easiest way to get Santana used to being back was to take her to all the family and friends and places she used to take her when she was younger. It didn't seem to be having much effect except making Santana tired and overwhelmed whenever they talked.

A good tired, though. Tired like Brittany got

(used to get)

after a whole day of doing something hard and good.

'Nothing. We might see some other family, or something.' She sounded nervous. Brittany remembered the stories Santana used to tell her about big, loud gatherings that lasted the whole day and well into the night, and she felt a twinge of worry.

(For her. Always for her).

'But what are you doing, Britt?' She hesitated, because she wanted Santana to tell her about the family she was seeing and where they were and what she thought of them, but Santana clearly didn't want to talk about it

'We're going to the beach today,' she said.

'Oh,' Santana said happily, the _thank you_ clear in her voice. 'That sounds fun.'

'I think it will be,' she agreed, picking at a loose thread on her shirt.

She heard her mom calling her from downstairs.

'I have to go,' she said into the phone.

'Okay,' Santana said. 'Watch the water,' she added.

'I will. Bye,' Brittany said.

'Bye,' Santana said.

They both stayed on the line until Brittany's mom came down to tell her that everyone was ready and waiting in the car. When they finally hung up Brittany carefully tucked the phone into her pocket, rummaged through the pile of clothes that Santana had left behind and pulled one- a faded green sleeveless shirt- over the clothes she was already wearing before heading downstairs.

The car they took was big and imposing, with tinted windows that hid them from curious glances and the few bored reporters that still watched the street, but as soon as they left the city and onto the quiet roads that wound around the cliffs the windows went down all the way.

When her mom stopped the car they all got out and walked down the beach, to a quiet, secluded looking stretch. Brittany looked back. She couldn't even see the road from here.

As soon as they had dumped their stuff – mostly picnic blankets and food- down on the sand Katie and Louise ran off into the surf. Brittany stayed where she was, trying to process the feel of sand under her feet after such a long time.

'Why don't you go and join them?' her dad suggested. Brittan looked over to where her sisters were standing in the surf, dragging their fingers in the water and talking quietly. She shook her head. 'Oh, go on,' he said, nudging her shoulder. She dug her toes into the sand.

'_No_, dad,' she said, harsher than she had meant to. He pulled his hand away, and Brittany winced at the hurt look on his face.

'Sorry,' she murmured. 'I just don't to bug them.'

'You won't be bothering them,' he promised, but Brittany just shrugged and sat down on the sand. He looked at her for another couple of seconds before sighing and sitting down next to her.

'I just want to say here,' she said. She closed her eyes and breathed, in. The beach smelled so incredibly familiar, and all she had to do was close her eyes and she was back on their island.

Except everything about this beach was different; the sand, the smell of the wind, the distant sounds of the cars passing on the highway.

'I've changed my mind,' she said. 'I'm gonna go in the water.' She stood up without waiting for her dad's answer and waded into the surf. She shivered at the cold –how had she forgotten how cold the ocean would be?- but she didn't stop until she got to where Katie and Louise were standing. She stopped a little way away from them because it looked like they were talking about something kinda important and she didn't want to barge in.

She wondered if this was what her family felt like when they saw her and Santana together.

'Oh, hey Brittany,' Louise said. 'Finally come to cool off?'

'Sorry- I didn't mean to interrupt-'

'Oh, no, you didn't,' Louise said.

'What were you doing?' She asked.

'Nothing much,' Katie said, smiling mysteriously, and suddenly Brittany was the five year old who crept into her sisters' rooms to sit on the floor and listen to their talk about things she could only half understand.

A particularly big wave whipped up and smacked her in the chest, and she shivered at the sudden cold. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to keep warm.

'I thought you'd be used to that,' Louise said, and she winced Katie elbowed her in the side. 'Ow,' she muttered. 'What? Can't we talk about it?'

Brittany shrugged. 'It's not really the same.'

July 2011

Brittany woke up first the next morning, as usual, much more rested than she was usually.

The caves turned out to be a much more comfortable place to sleep than the beach, and Brittany wondered – not for the first time- why they didn't sleep here more. It was so much nicer to sleep in a place where she didn't have to worry about having sand thrown in her face or an extra strong wave soaking them while they were sleeping.

Still, there was something immeasurably comforting about the beach, a familiarity that she found herself missing badly, even here in the caves, where everything was cool and calm and they were not open to the elements.

The beach was where they built their home, where she and Santana (and Will, when he was around) took care of each other.

Santana stirred, interrupting her thinking, and Brittany sat up and started to root through their bags to find them something to eat. She shook Santana awake gently when she found some berries and a couple of mangoes.

Santana sat up and leant tiredly against Brittany, murmuring thanks as she took the food from Brittany.

'I think we should leave soon,' Brittany said. 'We don't know how far we have to go and I want to find somewhere nice to stay before it gets dark.'

'Okay,' Santana said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

It didn't take them long to pack up and leave, and they left while it was still cool.

They walked in silence for a while, staying near the tree line and keeping the ocean in sight to make sure they were heading the right way. But soon the coast became steeper and the rocks crumblier and less stable, and she and Santana were forced to walk in the trees, out of sight of the water.

Santana plodded along beside her quietly but Brittany could see her peering around, alert for any sign of danger- what she was looking for, Brittany wasn't sure, but she could feel the anxiety rolling off her in waves whenever they heard an unfamiliar noise.

Later- Brittany wasn't sure when it was but it wasn't long after they had stopped to eat and take a break when the sun was hottest- they walked into some kind of vine with little barbs that dug into their skin and hair and kept them trapped for a while.

When they finally fought their way free they collapsed to the ground, exhausted. Brittany concentrated on trying to pick the last of the barbs out of her skin while Santana lay back and threw her arm over her eyes.

When Brittany was done she leaned over to Santana and touched her arm to get her attention. Santana only grunted, and Brittany pulled her arm away from her face.

'Sorry,' Brittany said.

'What for?' Santana muttered. Her eyes were closed, and she had a little frown line right between her eyebrows.

'I'm sorry I made you come with me. I know you didn't want to.'

Santana was a worrier. She always had been. She worried about food, about injury, about things Brittany wouldn't even have considered. Brittany knew that Santana had been scared to come with her because it would be a whole new environment with a million new things that she couldn't control. But she had come with her anyway, because Brittany had asked. Because Brittany couldn't stop thinking about what else there was to see, if this island was all they had in their world.

'It's okay,' Santana murmured.

'If you want to go back-'

'No,' Santana said. 'No, there's no point. We've come all this way already.' Santana sat up.

'I'm sorry,' Brittany murmured, suddenly overwhelmed by guilt. She hadn't thought it would be this hard, or different.

(But what was she looking for, if not something different?)

'You don't have anything to be sorry for,' Santana said firmly. 'I said I would come with you.' Santana stood up and held an arm out to Brittany. 'We should get going.'

Brittany let Santana help her to the feet, but she hesitated, still unsure. Santana tightened her fingers around Brittany's and tugged her forward, gently. 'Come on, Britt,' Santana said gently, and Brittany let Santana lead her forward.

They stopped for the night as close to the crashing coastline as they dared. They both felt safer in the forest, spotty as it was, but the coast had stars, and light.

Brittany leaned against an outcropping rock, and she waited until Santana crawled into her arms before she wrapped a blanket around them.

Brittany felt her eyes start to droop almost as soon as she was comfortable, and it didn't take long before her exhaustion and the soothing sound of Santana's slow breathing sent her to sleep.

September 2011

Santana called again just as they got home from the beach. Brittany wasn't expecting it at all, because Santana usually called her when it was late and Brittany was about to go to bed. She scrambled to find her phone in the small bag she had taken with her she picked it up as soon as she could.

'Santana?' She snuck a look backwards to make sure that everyone else was still near the car and walked into the kitchen.

'Hi, sweetie,' Santana said. She sounded kind of stuffy.

There was the sound of footsteps at the door and Brittany heard someone go into the living room and turn the TV on. She covered the ear that didn't have the phone pressed to it with her hand.

'I miss you,' Santana said quietly. There was a new layer to her voice, a halting softness that hadn't been there even when she begged Brittany to forgive her for leaving.

'Santana, what's wrong?' Santana didn't say anything. Brittany imagined her curled in a quiet corner, eyes closed and lids trembling with the effort of keeping them shut.

'Brittany?' She jumped as someone called her name from the other room.

'Santana, talk to me.' There was a rough, ragged breath on the other end of the line, but no words. 'Don't do this,' she said. She wanted it to come out stern but she just sounded scared instead.

'_Brittany_!' She closed her eyes to block out whoever was trying to call her from the other room.

'Was it your family?' A small sob down the phone confirmed her guess. 'What happened?'

'We're not _wrong_, Brittany,' Santana said. Her voice was thick through her tears. Brittany frowned in confusion.

'Of course we're not,' she said. 'What do you mean? Who said that?'

'I can't remember their names,' Santana said. 'I think they were my abuela's friends.'

Louise barged into the kitchen.

'I've been calling your name for ages! Why aren't you answering?'

'Because I'm busy,' she hissed.

'Come with me, now, Louise said. She grabbed onto Brittany's hand and dragged her into the living room.

'... and they said we were unnatural but we just didn't know any better.' Santana didn't sound angry anymore; she just sounded mad. 'Brittany? Are you there?'

Brittany had stopped talking because right there in front of her, in glorious colour on the TV, was the unmistakable outline of the island.

'What's happening,' she said faintly. Louise unmuted the TV and the words of the shiny blonde man on the TV blared out.

'...Our investigative reporters have spent the last month or so tracking down the island where the Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, or the Lost Girls, as they have been dubbed, spent the last twelve years of their lives.'

'There is absolutely no indication of any kind of modern comfort, and it is absolutely incredible that these two girls managed to survive this long.' He stopped to give the camera a dazzling smile.

The scene changed and their house appeared in the shot. The same reporter was standing right next to it, poking at the wood and pulling at the vines Brittany had so carefully arranged to make it look pretty. He shot the camera another smile and disappeared into the house. Her throat closed up at the idea of a stranger inside their home, touching and taking things she had made for Santana, or with Santana.

She pushed down a knot of anger and tried to concentrate on Santana, who must have realized that something was happening a while ago.

'Don't listen to them, she said to her. 'Don't talk to them. If you see them coming near you just walk away.'

'I can't just-'

'Yes you can,' she said. 'You can.' The man on TV gathered one of their fishing nets in his hands and made a clumsy throw into the water. She looked away. 'Santana, you're not wrong. You're the most right and perfect thing in the world. So don't listen to them. Just walk away.'

'Okay.'

Santana fell silent, and Brittany did too, so she could concentrate on what the man on TV is saying.

She knew she should probably end the call, because everyone did after they were done talking, but even listening to Santana's breathing on the end of the line as enough to keep her calm as she watched the man walk around their home.

Santana had to end the call, eventually, but Brittany stayed where she as and listened as the man walked around a little more and eventually used a helicopter to go all the way around the island. She cringed when they discuss what could have caused the burnt section that cut through a significant section of the forest.

Then it was over.

It didn't even take that long- Brittany's shoes were still a little damp from when she was in the sea.

She had never really considered how small the island was. When she was there it had been her whole world. She could barely visualise anything else beyond it.

Now she realized it probably wasn't much bigger than the town where she took her dance classes.

July 2011

It had been four days since they left the caves.

Four days of trekking through woodland and walking the treacherous coastline.

Four days of searching for sources of food and water, because this part of the island was a lot less friendly than where they lived.

(Brittany wondered what would have happened to them if they had crashed on this side, instead)

The optimism that had pushed Brittany to plan the trip in the first place had burned out sometime between their food running out and the discovery that there wasn't nearly as much edible stuff here. It disappeared almost completely when they had to make a half day detour to go inland in hopes of finding a stream.

But Brittany could tell that they had gone most of the way round, and they would be back soon. That meant that they were going to run into _something_ soon.

Right?

She held onto this thought as the coastline slowly disappeared as they walked on, eaten up by the trees and the water moving further in, like it did just before the sun set.

'We should stop for tonight,' Santana said. She sounded exhausted.

'Let's just get to there,' Brittany said, pointing to a gentle hill further inland that looked bare of trees. 'Then we can see what's ahead of us before the sun goes down.' Santana shrugged and they turned right and headed back into the trees, up the incline until they got to the top of the hill.

It was a messy, prickly place, with little plants no higher than her calf dotted around. It was more or less free of trees, though, which Brittany was glad for because that would mean a lot more light after the sun set. She walked to the highest point and looked in the direction of where they would be going tomorrow.

She could see the beach from here, finally turning back to gently sloping sand instead of the painful rocks they had been dealing with. That was a relief. It would make tomorrow a lot easier and less tiring.

Except... that coastline looked incredibly familiar. It looked like...

Yes, there was the hollow the plane had left in the tree line.

She knew that just round the corner there were the pools she and Santana used to play in when they were smaller. And just beyond that was their home.

So that was it.

Their trip was over.

There wasn't anything else.

Brittany didn't know how long she stood there, staring into space before something tugged on her arm. She turned around to see an exhausted Santana standing next to her.

'Come and help me start a fire,' Santana said, shoving the broken glasses into Brittany's hands. This was the first time they had started a fire away from home. The only reason they were doing it now was because Santana had found some mussels and neither of them wanted to risk eating them raw.

Brittany followed Santana to the spot she had chosen, an area that had been hastily cleared of twigs and branches, and she settled down to try to get the little pile of twigs Santana had gathered to catch alight.

It didn't take long, and Santana ran around pulling dry branches down from nearby trees for fire wood while Brittany sat and watched her.

She looked so comfortable, so content, staring into the fire and waiting for it to become hot enough to cook with.

Brittany didn't feel content at all. She felt teary, angry, disappointed. She felt like she needed to throw something.

But she couldn't. Not when Santana was sitting next to her, humming a tuneless song and bumping their shoulders together gently.

A warm hand snaked into hers.

'Tell me,' Santana said.

She tried to talk, but a lump appeared in her throat and made it impossible to get any words out. Santana didn't say anything else; she just waited patiently until Brittany could speak.

'We're almost home,' she said eventually. 'I saw.' Santana smiled happily.

'That's great.'

'No, it's not,' she said, her voice barely higher than a whisper. 'I thought... I thought I would find something.'

'But we did, Britt,' Santana said. 'This was completely different from home. I had no idea it looked like this,' she added.

'No! I thought- I thought there would be more than this,' she whispered. Because there _was_ more than this. Somewhere. Somewhere that wasn't here. Somewhere that she would never be able to reach.

'What's wrong with this?' Santana sounded hurt.

'Nothing's wrong with this,' Brittany said. 'But, Santana, there's so much more than just this.' Santana shook her head, just a little bit.

'There isn't for me,' she said.

Brittany knew that Santana didn't remember as much from before as she did. Sometimes she thought it was because Santana just didn't want to.

'You can't just pretend that you don't about other stuff just because you don't want to,' she mumbled. Santana looked at her in disbelief, and the fire crackled. A few sparks leapt out and landed on the brush near their feet, making it glow red. Santana slammed her hand down on the plants quickly.

'It doesn't matter whether I want to or not,' Santana said. She wasn't looking at Brittany; instead she occupied herself by pulling the plants around the fire- to stop more sparks from starting a fire, Brittany assumed.

'It doesn't matter, 'Santana said, 'because we're not leaving. We can't leave. This is it.'

Santana spoke with a kind of finality that made Brittany's stomach prickle with irritation.

'You don't even care about everyone else,' Brittany accused. She knew they shouldn't be talking about this now. They were both hungry and exhausted and way too sensitive, but the little prickle of irritation was starting to grow and she couldn't help herself. 'You just want to hide here and-'

'I'm not hiding! I just don't see the point of being sad about something you're never going to have!' Brittany could a vein standing out in the side of her head, a sure sign that Santana was angry too. '_What_ it is you're looking for that's more important than me?'

'It's not about you!' Brittany half yelled. This turned out to be the exact wrong thing to say because Santana stood up, looked at her like she had never seen her before, and started to run away. Brittany shot up.

'Where are you going?'

'I don't see why I should stay here when you're not that interested in spending time with me.' Santana stalked off into the trees.

Brittany growled in frustration and kicked at the ground; the fire roared as she sprinted away from the fire, into the darkness to find Santana.

She found her almost immediately, because she hadn't gone far. She was sitting at the base of a tree, the heels of her hands pressed into her eyes. Brittany knelt in front of her and placed her hands on her knees.

'Don't touch me,' Santana said. Brittany pulled her hands back.

'I didn't mean it that way,' she said quietly. 'Please, come back.' Santana didn't move, but she didn't tell Brittany to go away either, and Brittany settled down next to her.

She waited until Santana looked a little calmer before gingerly touching her knee again. When Santana didn't tell her to get away she pulled her into a careful hug, and she closed her eyes and concentrated on Santana's shuddering breaths against her skin.

This was the calmest she had felt for a while, just her and Santana and the breeze on her sweaty neck. She was so warm and comfortable, and tired...

Wait, why was she so warm and sweaty? She'd been sitting down for a while now. She opened her eyes and blinked against the red glow filtering in between the trees.

It took a heartbeat to figure out what it was, and less than that to pull Santana to her feet and start to sprint back to their temporary camp.

Their little fire had spread and burned and eaten through half the clearing, and Brittany watched in horror as the flames licked their way up a small tree.

'What happened,' Santana said. The stark horror in her voice made Brittany wince in guilt.

'I think...' she swallowed. 'I think it was me.' She flashed back to watching Santana stalk away, and hearing the fire hiss as she kicked at the ground and ran after her.

'What did you do?' Santana's incredulous eyes pinned her to the spot, and she fought the urge to look away.

She opened her mouth to say something- she didn't know what, just something that would stop Santana looking at her like that, but something seared her ankle and she jumped back, shrieking in pain.

The fire had snuck up on them while they had been standing there talking, and even now Brittany could see it creeping around the edges of the clearing, leaping into the branches and burning the leaves on the top.

'We need to go,' she said. She repeated herself when Santana didn't do anything and wrapped her hand around her upper arm. She pulled, hard, and Santana let out a pained yelp but Brittany kept on hauling Santana away because she had noticed that the fire was spreading fastest in the direction that the wind was blowing, and right now the wind was blowing in her face.

Which meant they had to run, fast.

The fire roared behind them as they stumbled and staggered their way through unfamiliar territory. Santana had pulled away from her while they were running, but Brittany could still sense her near, and she concentrated all her efforts on getting far enough away that the smoke would stop choking her.

It was getting dark, but Brittany patched together what she could remember from her glimpse of the beach when she was on top of the hill and she did her best to steer them in that direction.

They ran, and ran, until Brittany's calves began to burn with exhaustion and every intake of breath began to stab at her chest. They ran until the heat of the fire at their backs subsided as the wind shifted just enough to make it change direction.

When they were far enough away that they had stopped hearing the snap as branches burned and the shrieking of birds that had found their homes on fire had faded away to background noise, Brittany stopped to catch her breath and Santana stopped next to her.

She bent over as her body was seized by wracking coughs, and she didn't stand up until she thought she could without feeling like she was going to throw up. The wet sounds of Santana retching onto the sand next to her filled her ears, and she closed her eyes until everything was quiet again (or as quiet as it was going to get, tonight).

'Santana,' her voice was raspy and hoarse, and she cleared her throat. Santana shook her head.

'Let's just go,' Santana said. Brittany nodded meekly and started to walk in the direction that would eventually take them home.

September 2011

After the stupid report was over Brittany had gone straight upstairs and closed the door behind her. She had laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling until her vision began to go blurry.

The island wasn't anything like what she had remembered. It was smaller, dirtier, sadder than the island she had in her head. But the one she had in her head didn't exist anymore. It had stopped being the minute Brittany had stepped onto the boat and left it for something else.

It was terrifying to lose that crutch, to not have the thought of the island to pull out when things were too hard here. There was just this, now.

(But this was what she had been looking for, wasn't it?)

But now wasn't so bad, at least compared to the alternative.

(and Brittany shivered as she remembered the heat of the fire on the back of her neck)

It was hard here, but the island had been hard too, and they had made it through that.

There was a knock on the door and her mom's voice came through the door.

'Dinner's ready,' she said. 'Are you going to come down?'

'Yeah,' Brittany said. 'Yes,' she said louder. Her voice came out strong and sure, and she sat up and swung her legs to the floor. 'I'll be right down,' she said.

* * *

><p><strong>Review please? I can also be found at mariathepenguin on tumblr.<strong>


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